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Vocal tics in young mums

(15 Posts)
summer456 Tue 08-Jul-14 23:19:08

Ok so I've NEVER opened up to anyone before but I feel so low sad here's my story..
My parents divorced when I was 6, my mum was already with her new husband, me and him have never got on, we've had fights where I've ended up in hospital with concussion when I was 12, since the age of 7 I've suffered with tics, I was diagnosed with ADHD at 14 too, i never had vocal tics when I was young it was always eye rolling and jaw stretching.
I got kicked out of school at 14 and got put in a pupil referal unit, and mind you yes I was a rude gobby brat sometimes but I would ALWAYS cry at night because I've never felt like I fit in or like I could help myself, in school I would always want to be with the 'popular groups' but never fit it with them, people would always ask 'why do you do that' about my tics and it made me feel so low sad
Me and my mum have never had a real mother daughter relationship, I've always been a daddy's girl, and this has really affected my tics because I've always wanted to be with her how my brothers and sisters are (I have 5 siblings)
At 15 I started talking to a friend of the family, he understood how I felt and eventually we got together, the problem was he's 21. After a year of being together I fell pregnant. I know everybody reading this will think 'oh my god' but all I've ever wanted was to be loved.
I was shocked at first but I knew what I was going to do, I wanted to achieve something other than being kicked out of school and being kicked out of the groups between my friends, and what's more rewarding than being a mum right? I got a Job in a local hairdressers a few months before I fell pregnant and I bought absolutely everything myself, I had help from my dad with the cot and my baby's dad bought the buggy but all the bottles bouncers sterilisers etc you name it I bought it, I would spend hours at night making checklists of what I had to buy my baby, I would go into town and buy things on the way home from school.
When I turned 16 I had my beautiful baby boy, he is now 4 months old and I couldn't be any happier. I finished all my exams In May this year and am planning on going to college next September, I dream of being a midwife!
Me and my boyfriend have argued a lot since our baby was born, he's cheated on me a lot In the past ( with my cousin) and has lied to me a lot about smoking weed :/ before I was pregnant I used to smoke a lot and drink and leave home and be any parents nightmare! But the day I saw that positive test I never smoked a single cigarette since.

I mainly lived at my mums when I had my baby, but after 3 months she kicked me out because of an Arguement with me and my step dad because he didn't like baby stuff everywhere!
I havnt spoke to my mum in 4 weeks and I'm dying to have that relationship sad she text me and asked me to meet her for a coffee but not in the house and there's already my stepdads friend living in my old room :/
Lately my tics have got so bad everyone notices, I don't go anywhere I haven't been out with my friends in 13 months sad I'm desperate for a cure for my tics (it's a constant throat clearing sound) I've heard magnesium works???

I have saved a thousand pounds since my baby was born to save for a flat deposit, I'm desperate to be a family and have my own space, I want the best for my son because nothing makes me happier, my boyfriend always lies and says silly things in our arguements and just sets us back so much, he always promises he won't lie to me again and it never happens sad
I love my baby's dad more than he will ever know and I know he loves me too, I just wish it was simpler sad

I'm sorry for the long post girls I just needed to open up a bit, I'm desperate for help sad x x x

MsInterpret Tue 08-Jul-14 23:59:29

This is definitely a good place to open up! There's always someone here to listen.

I don't have a similar experience to you, tho I can remember what it's like to be sixteen and finding it hard to get on with my mum!) I don't know anything about vocal tics either but I wanted to say that your love for your son, and determination to do the best for him shines through your post.

I have to say that your boyfriend sounds like he's treating you with no respect. You deserve much better.

Definitely reach out to your mum. Just try to be honest with her and bite your tongue where necessary! Do you feel your relationship with her could be more positive now you have your son?

MsInterpret Wed 09-Jul-14 00:05:39

There's always someone around but you'll get the benefit of that if you ask this to be moved to either Chat or
Being A Parent or even General Health if you want more specific advice on the vocal tics.

To get the thread moved, report your original post (there's a button beside your username on that first post) and send MNHQ a message asking for it to be moved. smile

Passmethecrisps Wed 09-Jul-14 00:10:07

Bless you. You have been through a huge amount.

I think your post should be moved as there are lots if really helpful sections which will introduce you to people who have been where you are it are still there.

Good luck with everything - I hope someone here can give you the support you need

summer456 Wed 09-Jul-14 00:10:48

Thank you, I want to reach out but step dad will be in the way :/ I cant talk to my mum with out him being there, I love my son more that life itself and mine and my mums relationship was so good compared to previous years since my son's been born it's just all gone completely wrong a month ago :/ x

Passmethecrisps Wed 09-Jul-14 00:14:09

summer I have asked for your post to be moved so you get more responses hopefully.

focus on the life you want for your wee boy - that will keep you going when things seem really hard

MsInterpret Wed 09-Jul-14 00:15:09

So meet up with your mum out of her house. Is that possible?

Marzipanface Wed 09-Jul-14 00:17:24

Hi there. You sound like a great mum to your little boy. Where are you living? Regarding the tics. Have you even to the GP regarding treatment?

OorWullie Wed 09-Jul-14 00:18:17

Just wanted to say hello, and that I really admire you. I am 25 now and don't act half as responsibly as you have for your baby, well done for saving up and getting your little one what they need.

I don't have any experience with ticks so can't help you there, but if you miss your friends is there a chance you could meet up with a couple of them for some coffee, i'm sure you'd feel better having some company away from your boyfriend and some people your own age to relax with and talk to.

Are there any mum/baby groups near you? You might be able to make a few friends there.

Best of luck with everything, your little one is lucky to have such a level headed and strong mummy

summer456 Wed 09-Jul-14 11:01:57

I'm meeting my little brother on Friday and my mums bringing him so hopefully we can talk :/ just wish I could go back to when there wasn't a care in the world! don't we all, thank you for your comments x x

Iquitelikeapples Wed 09-Jul-14 11:13:19

Summer, you should be so proud of yourself. I'm sorry you're having a hard time but look how far you've come!
Is it hairdressing you're going to be doing at college? My Mum used to organise support for young parents at her college - stuff like making sure timetable was sensible, they were getting any money they were eligible for, help with housing & a place in the nursery. Have you spoken to them? They should have procedures to help you as much as they can.

AwesomeSuperTasty Wed 09-Jul-14 11:16:15

I just want to say that it's amazing how you organised everything for your baby and managed to save money! You sound really devoted and capable and I'm sure it will all work out for you. College sounds great!

I don't really have any advice (I am a clueless first time mum to be honest...) but - do you have a Sure Start children's centre near you? I have two near me and they are absolutely amazing in terms of the support and activities they offer. I go there as all the other baby groups and activities are too far for me to travel to. Anyway, ours have baby groups, music classes for babies, play groups, picnics, trips to farms (pretty much everything is for free), and some incredible support workers. Just bringing this up because these centres really helped me when I just had to get out of the house, take my son somewhere to play, and just talk to other adults! Ours also has a free crèche for parents who do certain courses (employment skills, etc). Check them out if you have one near you.

And best of luck. I think your boy is very lucky to have you as a mum and you two will be a great family (but as the poster above said, your boyfriend doesn't sound very respectful - are you thinking of leaving him?)

upyourninja Wed 09-Jul-14 11:25:43

I just wanted to say that as a 30 year old mother of a two year old, I'm so impressed with your dedication and planning for your son. I don't think I would have had that level-headedness at 16 so kudos to you.

I'm not very informed about tics but it certainly sounds to me like you are suffering more because of your stress (and distress). From what you say my instinctive reaction is that the father of your child isn't being a good parent. Cheating and taking drugs is not good parenting or being a good partner. You can do better, for you and your son.

I don't know what I would say to a mother who let her daughter be attacked by her partner . No wonder your relationship is strained; she should have protected you while you were growing up.

Can your GP give any advice? It may be that medication can help you with your disorder, or counselling. All I can think of is to limit stress as much as you can - be ruthless - so if your mum is causing you stress, meet with her on your own terms. You're both mothers now so maybe you'll have common ground there. Maybe.

Your son doesn't need fancy clothes or toys or equipment - he needs a loving, strong mother first and foremost (which I think he has!) and a stable home with a reliable father second. Whatever you do to improve your own life will help your son too - don't lose sight of that.

Good luck smile

You sound brilliant smile

I don't know a huge amount, but tics are often made worse by stress, so you need to work out what is causing you stress in your life. I'm sorry to say it, but your boyfriend is horrible. He has cheated on you with your own cousin, and lies to you sad this is not how a relationship should be.

I do think your stress would reduce if you said to him that you need to both be brilliant parents, but you don't make a brilliant couple. You can do so much better. Don't for one second think that there aren't wonderful men out there who would feel honoured to be a part of your family (trust me! My dh took me on with 3 dcs in tow, and he says he's the lucky one smile ) although being alone is great too (no one to think about except what is best for you and your baby!).

You've done so well supporting yourself. Your stepdad and dmum let you down kicking you out with a tiny baby. Even if they wanted you gone they could have waited. But you've still coped! You have money in the bank and are doing amazingly.

So, de stress your life as much as you can. I know you love your boyfriend, but love isn't real where there isn't any trust. He doesn't deserve your trust, or you! You're too good for him. Don't fight to stay unless he is fighting to be better.

Can you speak to your gp about the tics?

soddinghormones Sun 13-Jul-14 08:58:38

Two of my children have or have had tics - dd does the throat clearing one - sometimes she does it so much she sounds like a plane preparing to take off!

There is no specific treatment for tics - they wax and wane sometimes without any obvious reason. Ds's tics never seemed to be stress-related but dd's get worse when she's anxious about something. Try to hold onto the thought that this particular tic will go away one day - it might be replaced with something else but equally it might not. Ds (17) used to have a hideous tic which was a loud, sharp intake of breath every few seconds, even in the middle of words - it lasted for about 6 months and then suddenly it wasn't there any more

Do try to relieve your stress as much as possible though - it sounds like leaving your boyfriend would help a lot! Good luck

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