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Am I unreasonable?

(6 Posts)
AliceAnn Thu 26-Jun-14 12:46:01

My partner of fiteen years chose not to live together, he lives with him Mum and is ten years older than me. He has been married twice already.

He comes and goes as he likes to my house dependent on if he wants to be out with his friends or at home with him Mum. He drinks in the city but I am not allowed to ever go in these bars with him he goes in. If we go out very, very rarely, we go else where in the city.

I never know when he is coming until the day and we live day to day not knowing what he is doing, I drift along working and keeping my son, my income is not great because I have to care for my son and have no family network. He has a huge income only recently, not always, and spends it like water but rarely on me. He has no responsibilities or bills to pay. I have always worked and been independant.

When he goes out he turns his phone off, not that I call him, but on ocassions I call because and have been told...oh I'm going home call me later, so I do. I call if I have not spoken to him all day and he does not pick up ever if he is with him friends, but how would I know if he is with them to not call? This is his rule. I then never know when to call again until the following evening when he may call in out of the blue for dinner or not, or more of the same of the day before...he doesn't ask if he can drop round, which I don't mind but I feel like a convenience. I can't make plans days ahead for us together or he gets annoyed. He is in control of when we interact but won't discuss the issues without going mad.

I had an accident last year and ended up in hospital and I wasn't even able to contact him, he did not read his text sent and didn't even enquire until next day when he responded to my text from 7pm the previous day. He totally thinks he is in the right and makes me doubt myself. As we do not live together I accept it is none of my business where he goes and when, but at least politely answer the phone and say, oh hi I'm out with my friends speak later or tomorrow is reasonable but not the switch her off, when I am with my friends you dont exist...I have been told. he has used my PC to join dating agencies before as well.

MerryInthechelseahotel Thu 26-Jun-14 15:43:54

Why are you with him Alice ? What is in it for you? I might be speaking out of turn but he sounds really horrible and not really good for you!

AliceAnn Thu 26-Jun-14 15:59:52

He insists I am in the wrong and I dont want to 'get it wrong' if you like, obviously my comment is biased because I wrote it but I have tried to be specific. He wont go to counselling or ask his family/friends if this is fair so I can't get him to see reason and just wondered if I could be to blame and I am been jealous or controlling but I dont think I am, I respect he is a single person and we only go out together, we dont live together. I think you are right. Thanks for your opinion!

MerryInthechelseahotel Thu 26-Jun-14 19:10:13

I wouldn't waste another minute wondering about him. He sounds awful and from what you have written he doesn't care about you at all. Get rid of him and spend some time building your self esteem which sounds very low at the moment. Next time you will know what you want from a relationship before you go into one and hopefully you won't accept the dregs from some loser anymore.

Xcountry Thu 26-Jun-14 19:17:34

He sounds like he is married, are you sure he lives with his mum and not his wife? I don't mean that to sound blunt or uncaring but it don't really know how else to put it across.

MerryInthechelseahotel Thu 26-Jun-14 19:28:12

I did wonder that too xcounty but mum, girlfriend or wife his behaviour stinks!

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