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Selfish sister

(7 Posts)
Jellybean14 Sun 25-May-14 17:40:29

Hi
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant after suffering two mc's. The current pregnancy is high risk in that I have a high nt and just waiting for further results. Anywya I just wanted to ask anyone out there for some advice on my selfish sister. She has recently had a baby and while she was pregnant was extra careful with what she are , did etc. last weekend I went to her place with my inlaws for dinner and she had made good that is on the no no list for pregnancy. She cooked meat with wine, made a pie with feta cheese and salad with feta. Now I knew there may be a small chance of getting listeria from feta but still I want to play it safe seeing I'm high risk.when I asked my sister if the beef had wine in it she said only a small amout so I didn't eat it. As for the feta pie when I asked her if it had feta she said no, it had cheddar. I trusted her and are it but then noticed the cheese was white and tasted like feta. I asked her again and she denied it but in very sure it did have feta as I looked up the recipe later. What I m really angry and disappointed about it that she lied and had a very "don't really care about you" approach. When she was pregnant she made sure I didn't serve anything with wine in or anything in the forbidden list but obviously when it's me she doesn't care. I really don't need this worry at the moment but more importantly can't comprehend why she'd do such a thing! Does she want me to miscarry Again? I can't help feel really angry and feel we are going to have a big fallout. I'm i right to feel like this?

SuperFlyHigh Sun 25-May-14 17:43:30

The wine will not hurt you as it's been "cooked". I'd be annoyed personally re the feta and point it out.

However she may feel you're being precious, hence the food. You could (and I would) bring my own option next time, then all she need do is cook/heat up.

SuperFlyHigh Sun 25-May-14 17:44:59

Also re the pie you could say I don't want it and ask for an alternative but you could take or ask her to take feta out of salad.

Jellybean14 Mon 26-May-14 09:15:38

Thanks superflyhigh. The thing that I'm upset with is lying about the pie not having feta so that I would eat it . My sister was very careful when she was pregnant ... She checked every single thing before eating it so it's not like she was more laid back. She was the same as me if not worse. When I Cooked for her she would always make sure I didn't add cook with anything you can't eat during prrgnancy( not that I would anyway) so it just feels really disrespectful that someone would actually do the opposite for me
Maybe I'm
Just overreacting but I'm still so hurt and angry by it all

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Mon 26-May-14 09:24:32

If the pie was cooked then that would have killed any listeria anyway, the minuscule amount of wine with the beef would have had no effect at all. You could have avoided the salad.

When you're pregnant you can be very precious about food, certainly the first time round. It's not unusual to instantly forget that. You are overreacting <said very gently because overreacting at the moment is normal>

Don't fall out with your sister over this. Either bring your own food next time if you're going to be overly strict, or make sure dsis knows what you'll eat beforehand.

morethanacondiment Mon 26-May-14 09:39:41

Most feta bought in supermarkets (and possibly elsewhere) is made with pasteurised milk, so is safe in pregnancy. I've checked this on the NHS webpage just this weekend.
You haven't put your pregnancy at risk, so don't worry smile your sister is being mean though, that's a separate issue.

FishWithABicycle Mon 26-May-14 10:25:40

Feta is fine if cooked. Ditto wine. FYCATH is correct to gently and kindly let you know you are over-reacting - this is indeed quite normal. She's not being selfish. Given that she's recently had a baby she is being amazing to have got her brain together enough to cook and serve a meal that isn't cheese on toast. Please be generous and forgive her, and just make sure next time that she knows you want to be stricter than normal guidelines and want to forbid things even cooked despite official advice saying that they are fine if cooked.

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