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My wife wants to start a family now but i think we should wait

(3 Posts)
tutsyflower Thu 03-Apr-14 22:00:50

My wife and I have been together for 8 years and married for 1 year. I am 29 and she is 26.

Before we got married we discussed our plans for the future (at great length!) and both agreed that we will have children at some stage. But, I am at currently at university and we are not in a good financial situation at present (and will not be for the next few years)

My wife is desperate to start our family now and feels that a child would not have any negative influence on our lives. I strongly disagree - but it is difficult to see her so obviously wanting something that I could give her but don't want to.

One of my wife's main concerns is that we possibly cannot have children together and are wasting valuable time not being aware of any problems (although we have never tried in the past and I struggle to understand where this comes from)

I want to graduate university first and live life for a year or so before having children. I would like to see us trying for children in 2 or 3 years, rather than rushing in now.

Does anyone have any useful advise/ been in a similar situation etc.

PS - We live on a very limited budget as things are and I honestly don't think money will be a major issue if we have children - but we would be surviving rather than living.

Dh and I came to an agreement that we would have children by the time we were 30 (we were together from the age of 19 and married at 26- we are both the same age). I managed to give birth to dd two weeks before my 30th birthday!!

I would have more discussions and see if you can come to the same sort of agreement

andersonsophie89 Tue 29-Apr-14 21:58:27

I think you should speak to your wife to put a plan together. It seems like you want children too but finance is what your worried about. My hubby and I only planned to get married once we have saved enough to have a baby. So we spoke about this before, and planned financially to pay of the mortgage, have some savings and get where we need to get careerwise, before having a child. If it wasnt for our parents really wanting us to get married, we would have used that money into our savings too.

I think you should tell her that there is nothing more you want for you to have a child with her. But you want to be able to provide for her and your baby. You understand that you both have been together for a long time and other couples who have been together this long is expected to have kids. But you have to remember that both of you have found your sole mate at such a young age. And your very greatful to God, that you need to waste your time and money on other people before finding her. And to think of it, your only in your mid 20s and most people in the country your age has not found their sole mate, let a lone plan for kids. Tell her what financial position you want to be at. Paint the picture of having savings, having paid of the most of the mortgage, having some savings, so you both dont need to worry about money during the baby's 1st year. And that you really want the ideal dream where she can decide to be home mother, or work part time, just because you both finaically can. Kids bring brought up mother is very important. Then ask her to help you get there quickly. Tell her she is really good finance, and that you will do what you can to follow her procedure to get there.

I hope this works

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