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Daughter 14 wants to go to potential boyfriends house.

(10 Posts)
verityb33 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:04:41

My daughter was 14 in December and is potentially interested in entering a relationship with a boy who is currently 14 but will be 15 in July so in the year above her at school.

She has had a couple of "boyfriends" before but they were the usual only lasted a few days and they never even kissed or saw each other outside school.

She's been invited to go to his house for dinner. I know of his mum but don't know her personally, but have spoken to the lad in question and he seems to be ok. I would drop her off and collect her from his house. I have quite a close relationship with my daughter and don't think that they're are any ulterior motives behind her wanting to go, but her Dad is not so keen on her going.

Want to know what other peoples opinions are on whether to let her go?

littlewhitebag Wed 26-Feb-14 11:10:10

I can't see a problem with this at all. She is going for dinner so his parents will be present. If it was a female friend I don't think you would have any issues would you? I really can't see the difference. What is it that worries your DH?

verityb33 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:18:22

He's worried about his mum not having the same rules we set in our house and her being pressured by the lad.

Notify Wed 26-Feb-14 11:26:29

She's been invited to have dinner with his mother before they're even an item? (or whatever the correct terminology is these days!) Sounds like a dream prospective boyfriend from a father's POV to me.

Provided you know that this is the correct version of events and mum is definitely going to be there I really can't see a problem. Maybe Dh could talk to her about what she would do it she did feel pressured by this (or any other) boy.

I do think at 14 it's time DH relaxed a bit, provided you've both done what you can to arm her with the knowledge she needs to keep herself safe. How would he be if they were going to the pictures, or for a walk in the park?

Doe she never leave the house? How long does DH think it will be before you have no real idea exactly who she is with, especially if it's difficult for her to tell you for fear of not being allowed to go?

littlewhitebag Wed 26-Feb-14 11:26:29

Not every teenage boy wants to indulge in sexually activity with their girl friends. There are many lovely boys out there. Imagine if someone thought that of your son?

I would make sure you have a frank and open discussion with your DD about relationships and how to keep herself safe then trust her to make the right decision if need be.

I am sure her female friends she visits have different rules in place. That is part of growing up. Working out how things differ from daily to family. If you refuse to let her go for dinner she may try to meet this lad behind your back.

I think your DH is over worrying.

verityb33 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:44:20

DH has already posted on here this is what he put:

"Wow, my daughter's at that age where I feel the need to seek advice...

It's her first boyfriend, she's only just turned 14 and a 15 year old boy has invited her to 'dinner' at his house after school.

I'm not totally against the idea, but do feel I'd prefer that to happen under my own roof where I can monitor the situation. She's very immature for her age and I have no clue about the boyfriend or his parents.

My gut instinct is screaming "no", but my wife is almost pushing for this to happen. I know teenage boys - inside out, I was one.

Any help or advice gratefully received."

He thinks our daughter is too immature but I don't think he gives her enough credit. In my opinion she's a very strong minded young lady and is not easily led. Like I said I have a really close relationship with my daughter, but my DH thinks i'm trying to hard to be friends with her and not hard enough at being mum. All I want is for my daughter to know that she doesn't have to be afraid to talk to me about anything.

My feeling is that by giving her a little trust we will get that back tenfold in return.

I want to present a united front with my DH but we don't seem to be agreeing at the moment which is why we are looking for other peoples opinions.

verityb33 Wed 26-Feb-14 12:55:56

Any more advice or opinions will be gratefully received.

mimilovell Sun 16-Mar-14 18:34:35

ok, whatever you do, make sure your kid knows your always there for them and they can speak to you. My kid brother even though his at uni now. I always make him know, even if he knows I will disaprove or be unhappy with his decision, that is only because I love him and will give the truth, no sugar coating. I tell him stories of my relationship and how they never lasted, even though at that pupply love age, you would think it would. And use examples of other people too. So he learns from experience of others. Ive been telling for a 5/6 years now about relationships at this age, very rarely last. And the focus should be on studies and to protec their future. The great thing is with constant reminding he does know the focus is on his studies in the future, and his gf should do the same. My brothers gf family is really greatful of this, as this priortising has rubbed off on his daughter. They both are going out after 2 years and both of them focus on studies to build for their future. And know if it would work out best for them if they are still together in the future.

usualsuspectt Sun 16-Mar-14 18:39:22

Why on earth wouldn't you let her go?

Do you want her to meet him in secret? because that's what will happen if you say no.

usualsuspectt Sun 16-Mar-14 18:41:40

Is there a reason this is in 'Bloggers Chat'

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