How to help my DD

[marie143]

My little girl is 7 and can be quite meek. She has a 'friend' who she claims is her best friend who calls on her to walk to school with her mum and plays outside with in the nicer weather. The trouble is I think this little girl is quite rude and standoffish with my DD. She often doesn't talk to her at all on the walk to school, she doesn't play with her at school and can often say mean things to her. Alternatively, other days she's full of sweetness and light with my DD. She runs so hot and cold only being a friend when it suits her. The trouble is my DD just accepts it. I don't know whether I'm projecting my own feelings (I have really low self esteem) but I don't want her to feel she has to put up with this. I want her to understand that this girl is not a true friend and what being a good friend is but she's only 7. She seems a happy child so I don't want to spout negativity at her but I also want her to find a voice and to understand she is not going to be 'used' as and when this girl wants to. I've grown up with massive self-worth issues and often don't express my true feelings and I don't want her to be the same. I don't know whether I am being too protective and overly sensitive and projecting my own regret at never speaking up or whether its justified in wanting her to be more vocal.

By the way, although I haven't spoken to the mum about this, she has noticed her DD not speaking etc and has chastised her a couple of times. I don't want to force this girl to be friends with mine - that's not what this is about. Its more about my DD finding her voice.

Any advice would be great.

[woodrunner]

Hi,

Maybe it would help for your daughter to have a wider circle of friends. that helped both my DC when they went through dodgy friendship issues. Just invite a different girl from her school/rainbows pack etc home for tea each Friday and see how it goes.

A friend with a shy child signed her up to a drama group and that really helped. If there's an affordable one locally - would you consider doing that?

I think it's more important to dilute the impact of this hot and cold friend rather than specifically teach her how to handle that one girl. just show her there are lots and lots of people in the big wide world and you only need to meet a handful who you get on with to feel really secure and happy!

Personally, I'd find reasons to not always be available to walk to school with this child. Sign DD up to a breakfast or pre-school club one day a week, or leave early to go via a café or the park on the way to school. Or arrange to walk with another family sometimes. Might help to break the monotony for both of them.

[Shrinkgrowskids]

Wow woodrunner, I couldn't have said it any better myself, and I'm a child psychiatrist! You can't protect your children from the world but you can help build resilience and problem solving ability. Your love and support bring the resilience, woodrunner's suggestions are excellent practical problem solving ideas.