Well that was epic. Are you sitting comfortably? So (finally, and despite 2nd degree tear) am I, yippee!!!! Here goes:

Went into hospital for induction due to awful SPD on the afternoon of the 1st (EDD was 22nd Spet ), had pessary and monitoring, then chilled out for 24 hours, basically - some tightenings, nothing at all dramatic. When Propess was removed the following evening, MW said my cervix was nice and soft and forward, and they would take me down to labour ward for my waters breaking when a bed was free, but they were super busy. So I went to sleep around nine; something told me to get an early night, and a good thing too, cos I awoke at 1.30 with actual painful contractions - omg at last!

I called a MW who gave me cocodamol and recommended a bath - I had to have one kneeling down cos of my SPD. Pouring warm water on my bump and back helped the ctx, and some time passed, I got out, had a bit of a stagger about, got on the bed, yada yada, more time passed. Eventually I was in a whole bunch of pain, so called MW again and was amazed to discover a) it was nearly 4am and b) I was 8cm dilated. I never thought I'd see the day! Called dh, I was paranoid after all our false starts and waiting he'd think he'd dreamt it and go back to sleep, so called him twice just to be sure lol.

Down on the labour ward, I was hitting the gas and air like a beatnik with a bong, and most welcome it was. Asked for morphine (I was dreading the pushing stage you see), got told it was too late. An hour later, the MW examined me and I was 7cm dilated by her reckoning (wtf) so thankfully she relented, and I was glad she did cos they would have been scraping me off the ceiling at the end otherwise. I can't believe how much non epidural'd labour hurts!!!!!!!!!! fuck me. all this time, the only way I could deal with it was kneeling up on the bed, changing position for exams etc was a slow laborious process because being in labour was doing nothing to distract me from my dear SPD.

anyhoo, the moment of truth eventually arrived after some extreme agony, and at half eight I started pushing him out, and proceeded to turn the air blue with my ladylike language. Owwwww. I do believe I shouted 'this hurts like a motherfucker!' at one point. I couldn't stand dh touching me, and the constant foetal monitoring was doing my head in, but everyone was sooo fab, and we had a lovely MW. Finally finally finally after what seemed like forever, his head was out at five to nine - and then the shit hit the fan (not literally). I was relieved, but I knew something was wrong when the MW started pressing buzzers and flipped me unceremoniously on my back after being so so gentle all the way through labour - he had shoulder dystocia and wasn't breathing. They yanked him out and I feel so guilty about this part, but I couldn't help still feeling relieved it was all over even though he needed oxygen and everyone was in a flap. They revived him, hurrah, and passed him to me, and I made some 'oh he's gorgeous' noises' but I wasn't really taking anything in and was just still in total shock I think.

I have a 2nd degree tear - it's all good though considering. he was 9lb 13, omg!! no one believed me when i kept saying i was having a giant baby. all things considered, we were both sooo lucky. and a bit later, when I was stitched up and cleaned up and had calmed down and proessed things a bit, I finally had THE moment, the one where you fall in love.

Lin.us Mont.gomery Rex has tons and tons of black hair, dark grey eyes and the most delicious fat cheeky chops. He regained his birthweight plus 10g in 8 days. My fine big boy! How lucky I feel. Especially cos dd (2.8) thinks he is fab and is always kissing and stroking him. She calls him Baby Monty cos this was what we called him when he was in utero, and we were toying with it as his first name, but had a last minute change of heart. But he's Baby Monty as far as dd is concerned, and I'm not arguing with her

And even though I have stitches up to my bumhole and am up and down in the night and dealing with a baby and a toddler and a mountain of washing during the day - I feel fantastic compared to how I felt when pg. My crutches are back at the hospital. I can sleep (when I can sleep, iyswim) without waking up in agony. I can put my knickers on unaided, have a bath, carry stuff. I did not think I would ever feel like this again, i feel free!