i am morbidly obese and slowly killing myself. Please help

(74 Posts)
mads1 Wed 05-May-10 23:00:27

I weigh 19 stone+ and i am desperate to loose weight. the problem is, i can't seem to find my motivaation like i use to do. I tell myself that my 2 DDs and very wonderful DH should be incentive enough but it's not enough.
I am now at a point where my back, knees and basically all my joints ache and i'm finding it more and more difficult to do every day chores.
i am slowly killing myself but i don't want to.
another problem i might have to face is that i drink too much. i will drink between 1/2 to 1 whole bottle of wine a night.
i don't have anyone to talk to about this because all my friends are thin.

thinker Wed 05-May-10 23:03:08

Get a gastric band fitted, or have a bypass, I was 18 stone 10 lb, had a band fitted and lost 6 stone. i can really recommend it xx

ZZZenAgain Wed 05-May-10 23:03:39

Have you been this weight for a long time mads?

kormachameleon Wed 05-May-10 23:04:54

ok, i have a huge amount of weight to lose and am very unmotivated

want to do it together ?

small steps will get us there

GypsyMoth Wed 05-May-10 23:05:22

how tall are you?
how about a slimming club?

the alcohol is deceptive....hidden calories

mads1 Wed 05-May-10 23:08:46

thinker,,,, funny you should say that! i've just been on google to check this out!!! don't think my dh will agree to it!

i have been over weight all my life.
i would say this is the largest i've been for the last last year.
I am 5'5'. yes been to WW and about 5-6 years ago slimming world. can't stand points system.

mads1 Wed 05-May-10 23:10:35

Do you mind if i ask how much the op was. how long was recovery and what criteria did you have to meet to get this. BTW Well done girl!!!!!!

grapeandlemon Wed 05-May-10 23:11:39

What kinds of things do you eat and what kinds of foods do you like that are healthy?

GypsyMoth Wed 05-May-10 23:13:12

break it down....too daunting looking at all that weight that needs to go....do it in stages.

i have 3-4 stone to lose....i have lost a stone of that through low carbing.

thinker Wed 05-May-10 23:21:20

I had it done 5 years ago, it cost £3200, I went to Belgium, my BMI was 42, the NHS wouldnt help cos I wasn`t big enough, even though I could hardly wipe my own a**e I was that big . The recovery time was about a week I spose, was sore where I had the incisions ( it was laparoscopic) I got to the stage where it was more dangerous to continue getting slowly fatter than to have surgery. The op only lasted 17 minutes apparantly. So worth it, it has transformed my whole life dramatically.

phoenixflower Thu 06-May-10 08:29:59

mads1 - I am in a similar position regarding my weight. I am not planning on having surgery, I was thinking of maybe getting a "hypo band" - apparently they do the same job as normal gastric band! I am also going to do through healthy eating and exercise but if you want someone to loose weight with, for encouragement etc, we could support eachother!

sarah293 Thu 06-May-10 08:33:20

surely the gastric band has life threatenign risks?
OP, start by cutting out the booze (don't want to sound preachy). It contains a huge amount of calories. Swap white rice/pasta/bread for wholemeal. More filling.
Have you read Paul McKennas book. Has lots of visualisation exercises to find out why you overeat.

ohmeohmy Thu 06-May-10 08:43:53

what about the gastric mind band? apparently same effect but done with hypnosis... you think you've had the op and behave accordingly but without op risks

Magaly Thu 06-May-10 08:48:43

maybe you can be hypnotised in to hating that feeling of being full.

Simply Thu 06-May-10 09:19:51

Losing the amount of weight that you need to lose can be done through following a healthy diet plan and exercising. I know someone who did it very successfully and has kept the weight off since.

I am currently trying to lose weight and get fitter. I used to have 1 small glass of wine a night but have cut this down to about 3 glasses a week. I've cut out the mid morning toast and butter. I'm only having coffee (no sugar) twice a day instead of whenever I feel like it. I'm drinking herbal tea instead. I'm exercising a bit more. I've only been doing it about 2 weeks but my jeans are already more comfortable for me to wear. You can do it, too.

Surely it would be better to try and lose the weight through diet and exercise rather than the first option being extremely risky surgery???

I imagine it's taken quite a long period of over-eating/drinking to get to this weight?? Logically it should take the same amount of time to come off rather than hoping for a quick fix?

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 06-May-10 09:24:15

The gastric band on the NHS requires you to loose some weight first to show you are committed to the process. Speak to your GP about the surgery and ask for a referral. You will get help with a healthy eating plan and support with your weight and any other health issues. Then the decision will be made about the gastric band. Several relatives have gone through the process but only one had the gastric band in the end. The others started to loose the weight with the support they received and simply continued on that plan.

You can attend WW for free if you choose not to be weighed or follow the plan. They are considered 'free meetings' so you can go in and sit down for moral support once in a while.

There are also several weight loss support groups on here. Join which ever is most appropriate for you. Everyone is very friendly.

ShinyAndNew Thu 06-May-10 09:27:48

The most important thing to do is what Korma said. Small steps, take it slowly. 1 change per week.

If you suddenly deny yourself everything you want/crave/love you will lose motivation.

Start with the wine, as another poster said it's full of empty calories, iirc 1 bottle has almost a full days worth of calories in. If you really feel you need a drink to relax on a night switch to 1 small measure of Vodka with diet coke.

After week 1 change something else, maybe a healthier breakfast? Or start swimming three times a week. Swimming is great for burning calories and toning up but won't out any pressure on your joins.

sarah293 Thu 06-May-10 09:37:51

walking if you cant cope with the though of swimming. Start with 5 minutes, building up to 30 mins a day.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 06-May-10 09:40:43

If your joints are sore, going 'swimming' but really walking around the shallow end of the pool can be a good way to start. Take the kids and just keep moving in the water. It will take the pressure off your joints but it will help.

One of the best secrets to weight loss is to do it with a buddy. Why don;t you CAT Korma?

theQuibbler Thu 06-May-10 11:36:05

Mads - it can be done. I know how miserable and defeated the weight makes you feel. And creaky and sore, as well.

You just have to get your head in the right place to lose it. That's the hard bit! smile But you can, I've lost nearly 50lbs since mid Jan and I feel so much better even though I've still got more to go.

Tackle the drinking, first. Alcohol makes you hungry, makes you overeat and saps your willpower. Is it habit? Relaxation? Do you want to cut down?

What do you like to eat? I couldn't do weightwatchers because it makes me hungry and food obsessed. But I get on really well with low carb diets (e.g)the Idiot Proof Diet (IDP) or New Atkins.

I think it can be overwhelming to think of all the weight that needs to go. Break it down into small steps. Set a target of 7lbs and try to achieve that. That's not so hard to do. IDP is really good about getting you to understand why your overeating and strategies to stop it.

Exercise helps as well. I got a Davina video - I looked a right idiot, huffing and puffing around my living room and I couldn't get a quarter of the way through when I started, but it was in the privacy of my own home, so noone (apart from small child) would see. And it gets better and easier. Just go for a walk 10 mins.

Most importantly, just do it. Don't think I'll start on Monday or after the weekend. Just pitch in there. Even if you cheat don't eat all the right things, you're getting your head round the idea that you are going to do it.

Sorry for the essay! Hope something in it helps. [smiles}

BessieBoots Thu 06-May-10 11:41:33

shock at 50lbs since mid-Jan! Well done!

I am trying to lose weight too, but am finding it hard to motivate myself. Am increasingly thinking that I need to find out why I'm overeating to tackle the problem...

amigababy Thu 06-May-10 11:42:43

please read my recent post under this topic heading
"the best personal trainer in the world" or follow the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/big_slim_whatever_weight_loss_club/958138-The-best-personal-trainer-in-the-worl d-IMHO

I can honestly say that Sian is a wonder-worker. She has rescued me from eating madness and I now feel normal and healthy. She never "tells" me what to do, she just guides - everything, from the food I eat to the exercise I do has been my own choice. She has changed my thoughts about food more than the actual food I eat. She is not expensive, hardly more than a slimming club and you only commit to a month at a time.
I get emotional thinking what she has done for me, and also for people who feel overwhelmed by trouble with food. I hope that some of this will help.

Kewcumber Thu 06-May-10 11:42:51

Mads - please go and see your GP. If they are sympathetic then there is a lot GP's can help you with. There are NHS weight management centres if you are lucky enough to live near one and can get your GP to refer you. They cover a range of options fom diet and lifestyle changes through drugs and surgery. You should get prper information about the pros and cons of each and quite a bit of support.

Very few weigh loss centres will approve you for surgery until you have made a conceerted effort with the otehr options first.

I'm sorry you're in the situation you are, but I think posting here is a great first step.

There is a US magazine called SELF and they have lots of free online stuff. You register for free and I would sign up for the Self Challenge. Unfortunately you're only eligible for the prizes if you live in the US!

There are lots of resources on the site, the best one I think is the food diary. When I used it after the birth of my daughter, I tracked what I was eating and it automatically calculated the number of calories, fat, salt, carbs etc. which is really useful. Be really honest, you don't have to show it to any one.

In the meantime I would definitely go and see your GP, not for surgery options (risky and relatively unproven) but because you might have high blood pressure or be at risk for diabetes.

Let us know how you get on and good luck.

Niecie Thu 06-May-10 13:12:46

I agree with Kew - first stop would be seeing your GP. If nothing else, they might frighten you enough to motivate you to do something about your weight. Even the kindest doctor in the world couldn't dress up the facts if you are morbidly obese.

I would have written your post a few months ago - I had 6 probably 7 stone to lose and no motivation although I don't drink so I don't have that added complication. I have joined threads about how you get that motivation but you have to wait for something to click. For me it was being faced with a reflection of a fat woman in the front door of the holiday cottage we rented in February and realising it was me. Seeing that several times a day didn't allow me to ignore the fact that I was fat even though I did know.

I started an eating plan called the alternate day diet where you restrict your calories to 20 to 25% of your normal calorie intake one day and eat as you normally would the next day - effectively you are dieting every other day. I have lost about 16lbs in 10 weeks and feel chuffed as I have never managed to lose anything before. The odd thing is, although you can eat anything you like on your unrestricted day you don't want to. You work towards having more even calorie intakes on all days.

It sounds a bit faddy (although no more so than Atkins or whatever imo) but I am just doing an essay for my MSc on ageing and caloie restriction is one of the ways that scientist have discovered that increases lifespan. The book that goes with this plan acknowledges that living on 1,000 calories indefinitely is beyond the capabilities of most people but claims that you get similar effects if you do it alternate days.

However, I appreciate that me telling you all about it is not going to make you suddenly find motivation, but I think that part of the motivation comes from having a plan that you believe might work. I saw this diet in the Sunday Times mag a few month ago and it appealed to me and when faced with the evidence of my obesity I knew what I was going to do. So, I think you have to read around to see what appeals to you and what you might stick to.

Good luck (and apologies for the length of this!!).smile

PinkFuschia Thu 06-May-10 13:13:09

My friend and I have lost 10st between us in the last eighteen months. She goes to Slimmers World and I follow the principles of SW (can't stand weight-loss clubs!) You can eat loads, particularly if you do the green (non-meat) days, where so many foods are 'free' and you don't have to points-score.

But what has really worked for me is gradually reducing my portion sizes. And I try not to eat carbs after 7pm.

I echo what others have said above about small steps. This is the millionth diet that I've been on, but the only one that has worked (I've kept the weight off for over six months now.)

As for motivation - the one thing that motivated me was that I wanted to lose weight for MYSELF, not for anyone else. Do it for yourself, sweetie. You are SO worth it.

Both my mate and I were over 18st and we will never be a size 10 (or even a 14!) But we both look and feel great.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

mads1 Thu 06-May-10 20:38:24

Wow!!! Thank you so much every one. Your support and kindness mean so much to me during these very low times.
Everyone has given some fantastic advice. The two main ones that stick out are 1)go to the GP and 2)cut down the drink (this might be another issue in itself!).

Starting to feel just a little bit more positive already.
Many thanks xxx

uggmum Thu 06-May-10 20:42:07

Hi, why don't you join us on my Dukan Diet thread. Its a bit cold turkey but a good quick start to weight loss.

GypsyMoth Thu 06-May-10 20:42:58

and a little exercise too mads....start slow

Simply Fri 07-May-10 11:47:44

Just popping back for a mo. I'm pleased to see that you've found this thread you started helpful in just one day mads1. smile

notnickgriffinschick Fri 07-May-10 11:53:50

Im not sure a gastric band is right for you ....yet.

Try and control how much you eat,every mealtime the 2 less potatoes you eat or the chocolate you dont quite finish are all markers of success.

If you drink all that wine try to drink less- make a bottle last 3 days instead of 2,and cut back slowly.

Times when youd drive or catch a bus walk a bit first park a bit further away from your destination.

This is a great time to start a healthy eating plan that wont limit you for life like a gastric band will,if you want to do it you can.

How do you feel today Mads?

How much did you drink last night? wink

mads1 Mon 10-May-10 19:41:19

Sorry not been on to reply.
Still having bottle a night. Have made an appt to see docs on thurs.
Hopefully will get somewhere. Thank you all so much for taking the time to write your advice xx

DavidHameron Mon 10-May-10 19:52:42

I didn't have as much weight to lose but I have lost 2 stone since Jan using the Idiot Proof Diet. It is genius. It works because it STOPS cravings and you can still eat nice things and not feel hungry. I can't recommend the book enough.

And I found out a LOT about carbs and the misinformation about 'healthy' eating advice from the book The Diet Delusion by Gary Taubes. Very enlightening on the causes and treatment of obesity...

Hope you can get some help.

Hi - well done for posting and being so honest. Great first step. I had 6 stone to lose and joined a thread on here - the nothing tastes better than slim feels one - it's a tough love type one. If you eat something youshouldnt you get shouted at - I need that. So far am 10lbs down.

I was drinking far too much as well up to last Jan 09. And I could not imagine not drinking like that. But I was getting worried about the effects it was having so I decided not to give up but change how I drank. For me it was the social aspect of having a drink with DH that I didn't want to give up. So I switched fromwhite wine to White wine with soda. A bottle of wine now lasts me 4 or 5 nights but I still enjoy my drinks. I used to have 2 or 3 glasses of white wine and then share a bottle of red with DH. Now I have 3 or 4 White wine sodas as long drinks with lots of ice but I am only having about a glass and a half of wine a nght. It has worked for me.

Food wise I obsess if I feel I am on a diet so I have just decided to change what I eat. I have cut out bad carbs - rice, pasta, potatoes and anythng made with flour or sugar. Am still eating lots but much healthier food. And I have so much more energy.

For exercise we got a dog so I have to walk her. Walks have got longer and harder and I am enjoying them.

I feel so much better in myself - have more energy, no heartburn whch I was getting every day and I am so much more motivated to do things.

Well done for making the appointment! And keep posting here. There are lots of us here to help you.

menopausemad Mon 10-May-10 20:47:30


I am a failed dieter (and drink too much wine grin. I have a health background and know how bad this is.


Take a look at this website (she has written lots of books). She is is great advocate for walking and eating well with very few rules (the hardest is no carbs in the evening) and a belief that you only need to be 'good' 80% of the time. Meaning, if you fall off the wagon it does not matter at all as long as you get back on.

My mum is 22 stone and virtually bed bound taking opiate painkillers for her knees, back etc. I suspect she is a fair bit older than you but your post made me feel very sad. Very happy to join you on a thread - to be honest I could do with a kick up the arse to lose some weight too!

mads1 Mon 10-May-10 22:23:54

ok. Day 1. I was all full of the talk last night that today was day 1. BUT after my lunch i started raiding the cupboards for something sweet. Ended up having my girls rich tea bics - i never eat those !!!

then. got the girls into bed and DH suggested chinese for dinner!! only had a chow mein however.

Wine? just over 3/4 of bottle and ready to pour the last bit.

Why is it that my brain is spilt in two? part of it is telling me what i NEED to do. The other is saying oh sod it!

With regards to the drink, do i have a problem? it worries me now if i think i can't have one in the evening. I don't want to go down any route of admitting to alcohol dependence. My dad was an alcoholic and i watche dhim kill himself with it. I was 15 years old when he died. oh god what if that happens to my girls.

msboogie Mon 10-May-10 23:23:24

mads I have been where you are with the drinking too much wine and eating too much and being 5 stone over weight.

The reason you cannot get started is because you have a huge daunting task ahead of you, change is scary and you know that once you get on that diet treadmill you won't be "allowed" to get off it. So you say tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

I don't know whether you have a drink problem but I used to drink a bottle of wine every night. I thought it made my evening meal so much more enjoyable. Then I used to drink a bottle of wine at the weekend. Now I have a couple of glasses a week and am horrified and disgusted at the amount I used to drink. The sad truth is that it was the wine that made me fat, not the food. I have got out of the habit now, you can fall out of the habit just like you can fall into it. You can control your desire for alcohol if you really want to.

Anyway there is a switch that you need to flick in your head before you can begin. If you can flick this switch it will make your task much easier. What you have to do is

a) not think in terms of diets, hunger or deprivation,
b) realise that the wine is a habit, you do not deserve or need it every night - you will enjoy it far far more if you treat yourself less frequently
c) find a new healthy eating plan that you can stick to and that fits in with your life, whatever your plan it has to be one where you re-educate yourself about food and which does not EVER involve you going hungry, feeling miserable (apart from the first few days) or feeling deprived.

I am currently doing my own version of Atkins which allows me to eat plenty of nice food and never go hungry while burning off my body fat all day long. My DP said it was the first diet he has seen me on that has not left me with a face like a slapped arse. grin

If you want me to tell you more I am happy to do that.

Why don't you tell yourself you will save the money spent on wine in the week and buy a really nice bottle to savour at the weekend? That makes it a positive scenario for you rather than one of depriving yourself of something you want. You will enjoy it more than the stuff you glugged tonight!

STIDW Tue 11-May-10 00:10:46

I've always battled with my weight and mobility problems and at this time last year was facing the prospect of being confined to a wheelchair. No one can help, it's really down to you. Last June I just decided enough was enough and I was going to loose weight. I weighted 20st 12 lb, BMI was 49 and I could hardly manage to walk from the house to the car.

It's not for everyone, but I joined Weight Watchers online and found setting small goals was the key. I set a target of loosing an average of 2lb a week for a year and exercise gradually increasing exercise every day. The plan awards stars when you reach milestones - 7 lbs, 5% or 10% of start weight, 25 lbs, 50 lbs etc. There are also graphs so you can see your weight drop. I've lost 102 lbs (7st 4lbs) so just 2 lb to go before I reach my goal for the year and still a few weeks to go. Although I'm still overweight that brings me out of the "clinically obese" and "obese" range.

I found planning, eating lots of veg and filling foods such as eggs helped as did substituting foods high in points/calories/saturated fats with something else. Generally I avoid cakes, biscuits, crisps and alcohol although I don't deprive myself entirely. After almost a year healthy eating has just become a way of life and I fully intend to keep going until I've lost another 50 lbs and my BMI is lower than 25.

Instead of biscuits I eat a Scotch pancake with a teaspoon of maple syrup or a banana which are more filling. Also you can keep a M&S Count On Us Chinese meal in the freezer to eat when the rest of the family have a carry out. Not only is it healthier, it's cheaper and if your children are anything like mine you may find that you end up having to buy COU meals for them too. Rather than deprive or binging can you cut your consumption of wine to one glass?

As others have said 10 min swim is a good starting point for exercise. I used to have great difficulty even getting from the car to the changing rooms and getting changed but by persisting and going most days I've gradually increased to 45 min swim, 25 min gym and 30-45 min cycling. Often I exercise late in the evenings so I don't sit watching TV and munch. Although walking isn't that great and never will be, it is 100% better than this time last year.

Personally I find going to meetings, reading and talking about slimming doesn't help because the focus is constantly on food. Apart from the first two or three weeks when I was learning to plan I concentrate on controlling and recording the points I use and I try not to think about food. Instead I keep motivated by looking at clothes I can wear when I'm a size or two smaller.

Although only you can decide that you really want to loose weight and the best way to do it which fits into your lifestyle there are lots of people you can draw on for support - your GP, practice nurse, gym staff and other slimmers.

msboogie Tue 11-May-10 00:15:11

wow STIDW well done - that is amazing!

I agree STIDW - bloody well done!

mads1 - I SO recognise the 'oh sod it' way of thinking. That was me. I felt I had such a huge amount to lose that it was an insurmountable hill. But even having only lost 10 lbs I feel so much better.

How about focusing on one thing for this week? The wine. Do you drink red or white? Can you switch to white wine with soda? I use a long glass and put about an inch of wine in the bottom and fill up with soda water and a few ice cubes. Try that for a few nights. I love it now and find it very refreshing.

I think the issue with high fat and sugary foods is that they are addictive. And I find they fog the brain up too. Cutting them out will make a huge difference. It takes 3 days for the cravings to stop. But in that time don't let yourself get too hungry. Eat. But not bread or cake or any thing sugary or carby. Someone on the other thread I am on had oatcakes with Philadephia light on with a strawberry on top. She said it was a bit like a strawberry cheesecake.

nighbynight Tue 11-May-10 08:18:10

There are so many good ideas on this thread. I am stuck in the no motivation zone as well, though I only have ca 3 stone to lose.

I am going to read some of the eating plans suggested here, and try and motivate myself to start one of them.

nighbynight Tue 11-May-10 08:21:50

mads - hope today goes well.

mads1 Tue 11-May-10 22:22:32

Wow!! Well done to you all for your achievements!! Some fantastic stories.

I feel really bad that you are all taking the time to write your stories and advice and yet I still haven't done anything yet.

I'm just waiting for thurs to see the gp.
Ran out of wine tonight so have got out the whiskey.

msboogie Tue 11-May-10 22:36:05

you need to stop keeping booze in the house - if it ain't here you can't drink it!

Mads, keep coming back to talk to us, before and after you see the GP.

I find keeping my hands busy helps - you can't eat/drink with knitting/embroidery/paintbrush in your hand.

menopausemad Tue 11-May-10 23:28:18

Dont be daft. Success is not measured by a day or even a week. Read. Think. Keep posting. Your day will come.

Don't worry too much yet. It is a lot of big changes to make and mentally you have to adjust your thinking.

The drinking may well be the first thing to tackle and if so i think that you might be better to concentrate on that for a little while.

Do you drink on your own or with DH/DP?

If with DH/DP will he support you in stopping?

mads1 Wed 12-May-10 14:27:12

I drink alone. Dh doesn't drink. He always says that he thinks I drink too much but I turn it into joke and avoid the topic.
Doesn't know I sneak drink in the kitchen when he's in the lounge. Plus I usually have boxes of wine so you can't see how much is drunk.

msboogie Wed 12-May-10 15:22:04

you need to decide whether you are self medicating with alcohol like you are with food and thus whether or not you are able to get a grip of your consumption on your own

whether you have an actual problem with dependency that means you need to give it up totally (or, if not, carry on and get worse)

you are hinting that you think you have a drink problem - are you telling yourself this so that you have an excuse to carry on as you are? You have to be honest with yourself - no-one else can answer the question for you.

The thing that really shook me up about my alcohol consumption was whaen all this stuff started getting published about how drinking causes cancer.I always thought you could batter your liver for a few years and then stop before too much harm was done. But it's not that easy.

Would the potential impact on your health (pr the risk of not being around for your children) motivate you to take better care of yourself? It did me.

What do you think would happen if there was no drink in the house? How would you feel for instance if there was no drink tonight?

jetcat Wed 12-May-10 17:51:15

<<well done STIDW>>

mads - i was a similar weight to you last year, and i think what motivated me in the first instance was having a potential dvt in my leg - which my GP said was as a direct result of my weight. I remember sitting in the hospital ward being so scared that my kids were going to lose me.

Once that got sorted (wasnt a dvt) i went back to my gp, and i agree visiting yours should be your first step. After a long talk, he agreed to try me with orlistat (like alli but stronger). I always thought that when i got too big, i would ask for a gastric band which would solve everything, but then found out that i wouldnt get funding. SO, i had to do it the hard way.

It has took nearly a year, i started last july at 19st 1, and am now 14st 8, so have still got some way to go. But, i also agree that motivation is the key. I found the lovely ladies on shiney's thread (general health) and they have kept me going when i was wavering, as well as cheering me on when i lost weight. It doesnt have to be our thread, but i would think that some kind of motivation would be really helpful. I have major self esteem issues, and at times it has been really hard, but i think back to sitting in the hospital last year, and am determined not to get back there.

<<apologies for essay>>

exercise is also the key - but when i started, there was no way i was going to the gym, so i basically started with a 30 min walk each day, gradually increasing the speed. I can now go swimming, with only a few little anxieties.

I wont say anything about the alcohol, as i see others have that coveredgrin

Good luck hun, and keep posting, as it helps to write things down to see things clearlysmile

I hope all that made sense, as i am trying to finish an essay - which unfortunately isnt making much sensehmm

Mads, is today your GP appointment?

Best of luck, have and open and frank discussion, and I hope they are supportive.


Wishing you well from here too.

You can do this you know. You just have to convince yourself. Every little change is a step in the right direction.

msboogie Thu 13-May-10 10:17:41

let us know how you went on mads

mads1 Thu 13-May-10 14:25:47

Jetcat- wow what an inspirational story! Well done!!

Yes today was my appointment! Not a complete waste of time but no help offered!

I was honest and said I need help to loose weight and possibly with the drink. The dr basically said there is no clinics or support groups for weight loss. Dieticians won't help cos I already know what to do and how I'm supposed to eat (cos I've done weight watchers and slimming world) so therefore it's just down to me and will power!
I hinted at the fact that I really don't know why I can't get motivated or why I sabotage diets but again nothing was offered.

He said it doesn't matter which programme you do, as long as you follow it it'll work (I know that!!!!). Also should join a group cos that's where you can get the support.

Re alcohol consumption. -he said I should cut down slowly and not altogether.

jetcat Thu 13-May-10 14:40:40

mads - thats great you went to your GP, but crap at the adviceshock Is there a nurse or someone you could visit for maybe a bit more constructive advice?

I have depression, which can get quite bad at times, resulting in very low motivation, which is why my GP suggested the tablets - as they dont give you any choice but to eat low fat.

What do you feel is your next move?

Hmm. I can kind of see his point. You know what you need to do and really nobody can motivate you except you. But some more help would have been nice!

Do you think my suggestion of white wine and soda would help you cut down on the alcohol?

When did you do WW and SW? Were they successful for you at the time? For me I found they allowed me too many carbs which led to cravings for more carbs and led me to constantly obsess about food.

What types of food are your particular weakness?

LisaD1 Thu 13-May-10 16:23:58

Hi Mads,

I need to lose at least 7-8stone and could do with some help to do it, fancy supporting each other via email/MSN?

My friend started her diet last Summer, weighing over 21stone, she is about to enjoy this summer at 10 stone, she looks amazing. She has done it all through WW and the gym, she's had bad days but always got straight back to it. If you had met her a year ago you would never have thought she could get the motivation to be where she is now.

So, if she can do it, so can we!

Also, the booze, it HAS to go! I used to drink every night (would open a bottle of wine with dinner) but now we have none in the house and my DH picks up a bottle on his way home on a Friday night, that is the only alcohol we consume between us all week. My father was an alcoholic (not had a drink for 15yrs) and it is not a good way for anyone to live.

mads1 Thu 13-May-10 20:21:54

Jetcat - hi. Yes I had pnd and so am on anti deps still.
He did mention the tabs but he said I'd have to sort the diet out first obviously because otherwise it could get messy!!( if you know what I mean!)
my next move? Not sure. Would love to try SW again but the only reasonable time is 6pm and my dh isn't around at that time, to look after the girls. Will check if they do online actually.
Re the tabs need to think about it. Bit scared.

Buda- hi. Yes wine and soda good idea thanks.
I did SW about 5-6 years ago and WW 2 years ago which was when they did the core plan too. That was the first time it really worked for me cos I switched between the points and core whenever I needed a change. I lost 50ibs on that. Then got pregnant with dd2 and since then have half heartedly tried ww again. Tried meetings for a while but really don't do well with points. My weakness is anything unhealthy! Pastries, chocolate, take aways, etc.

Lisad- well done on cutting down on the drink!! That's where I'd like to be!!
Your friend's story sounds amazing!! She must be over the moon! When I hear stories like that I just can't imagine that could be me.
Your idea of supporting each other is great. I need to get on a plan and do it!!

Thank you again dear fellow mumnetters for your advice, support and especially for caring and taking the time to write.

Shall keep you posted. Going to have a long chat with dh tonight ( btw he's also very over weight and desperate to loose. You'd think we'd support eachother but in fact we're as bad as eachother!) xxx

msboogie Thu 13-May-10 20:50:36

well if there's two of you to do it will be easier mads!

Simply Thu 13-May-10 21:46:37

mads1 I think LisaD1's way of not having drink in the house other than a bottle bought on a Friday night is a good plan.

I hope your chat with your dh has gone well. It is a big thing making a lifestyle change.

Dh and I both need to lose about a stone. I've lost some recently but I've got time to do it as I don't work atm and dh, on the other hand, works long hours and is often away from home so it'll be more difficult for him. We'll do it, though, as we both want to be healthier and fitter than we are.

mads1 Thu 13-May-10 22:59:46

Good luck simply!!
Didn't get a chance to talk to dh as he is mad busy with his work and seems a bit stressed at the mo.
Thanks msboogie!!

bunjies Thu 03-Jun-10 18:41:13

Hi mads1

I've been perusing the threads in this topic and came across yours. I was wondering how you were getting on and if you had managed to have the talk with your dh.

I can wholeheartedly endorse the Idiot Proof Diet mentioned on here earlier. Yes, you do have to give up cakes, biscuits, drink etc but you never feel hungry which has always been my issue with calorie controlled diets. It also deals with the headstuff as to why we eat and the forum is a fantastic source of support.

Anyway, hope you're ok.

spaceforthree Sat 05-Jun-10 19:20:36

Haven't managed to read the whole thread but have you considered asking for a referral to a nutritionist? They could look at your current diet and then advise you how to reorganise your eating/drinking to start losing weight and give you a plan.

Just so you know it can be done - I was 15.8 in March and I have been since forever. I weigh 12.3 at the mo and I'm still steadily losing and entirely motivated.

I know they work for loads of people but groups like SW and WW don't work for me and I'm not on any diet per se. I just cut out the root of my evil - bread, cheese and chocolate. I also stop as soon as I feel full - better eat little and often rather than just everything laid in front of you.

I don't feel hungry at all. Sure I'm tempted by the yum yums when I see them but not that much. I love being thinner (and I know I can be a lot thinner than this!). My motivation - my little boy said one night 'X and Y say you are fat (their mums are whippet thin) but I told them I liked you like this as there is more of you to cuddle'. Diet started the next day. Sometimes you need to be told how bad you look.

So think about what would motivate you when you weaken.

1) ugliest fattest picture you have on fridge/cupboard door or by phone so you can't order a takeaway
2) bullet point list of health difficulties associated with obesity on mirror!
3) buy an expensive item of clothing you want to get into that is a size 12/14 and hang it on your wardrobe
4) get a mentor - i.e. ask your GP if you can come back every week/fortnight to be weighed (by nurse, nutritionist whoever) and stick to it. The shame of not losing is a good stick I think.

must be loads more.

Most of all don't do what I did which is wallow for years thinking - it'll take forever to lose weight so why bother. Plus I'm not that bad (yes you are!) As you know, once you get going it is really a buzz to see it come off.


darkandstormy Thu 10-Jun-10 16:07:57

Mads Have just read your thread, and hope you are okay.I like you am beginning to think I have an issue with alcohol,I drink about the same amount as you.My thought patterns with regard to giving things up sound similar.I think the best option for us is to adopt the 20/80 rule, ie not depriving oneself but allowing yourself to drink ether half a bottle 2 nights a week, or what I have found helpful is just to drink a small 25cl carton a night Tesco have one for 99p it contains 2.5 units so one of them a day is okay.I also think if you can concoct an eating plan that includes the wine calories and th calories of your food to be no more than 1,700 and aim to do 30 mins walking a day.This would be a sensible approach, the weight would fall off slowly, but this is the most successful way to achieve permanent weight loss.I think do not be hard on yourself either, because if you are like me that is when you tend to comfort eat/drink.Have reasonable goals, put the emphasis at the moment on feeling better and healthier rather than it being stones and pounds.Good luck with it all.

darkandstormy Thu 10-Jun-10 16:13:38

spacefor three congrats on your achievement.

liberty30 Thu 10-Jun-10 16:28:13

I'm going to be blunt here . I've just watched a close friend die from being obese and it was heartbreaking for all concerned . As she lay there in her final moments she could of passed for a 90 yr old woman ... she was 50. So sad that if she'd taken on board doctors advice (in her 30's ) - she may very well have lead a long life. She's left behind her kids, her heartbroken husband and 2 twin granchildren. And a ton of friends and family.
We all tried to get her to do something about it and we always feared this would happen (infact she was lucky to get as far she did). But in the end it had to come from her - and by the time she she came to terms with reality it was too late - she was too big to have the energy to exercise and she's damaged her heart badly by he weight and had developed diabetes.
Please dont this happen to you. Start off small - a tiny walk a day , cut down on a few things ... take it bit by bit - but dont give up. Do it for yourself, and for your kids . There's no need to aim for impossible thiness . You CAN speak to your friends about this - its worrying you ! And they can support you.
It takes time but if you start right this minute - this time next year your challenge will be to maintain your weight ! The best way is through exercise - I walk as much as i can. Diet alone doesnt do it.
You've taken the 1st step already - posting on here . Go for it .
Good luck !

mads1 Tue 27-Jul-10 22:39:30

Hello all!
Liberty 30 sorry I never read your post until today. So sorry to hear about your friend.

Well I finally got my head sorted and in 6 weeks Ive lost 17lbs. I joined fitnesspal.com which counts calories for you and exercise.

However, since Sunday I'm going down the whole sabotage stage!??!?!

I can actually hear myself say "sod it!". I feel like I have a hole to fill. Today, for the first time in 6 weeks I've had a day of bhinging. The only "bad" think I could find was the choc chips that we use in biscuits etc. Then after having a healthy lunch, I whipped out some bread and houmous and had the equivalent of another lunch!?!?!? AND takeaways every night since Saturday. Saturday is usually a relaxed day/no counting calories and Saturday night is "pig out night".
But I just can't get out of that. Oh and of course the wine has gone up again too. Up until now I've been counting the calories but at the mo back to bad habits.

We're going on holiday next Monday and maybe I'm thinking "well it's all goi g to go to pot then so might as well start now"

I feel so bad about doing this and this time I want to get out of it before I ruin it all.

MostlyLurking Wed 28-Jul-10 11:25:07

mads, didn't want you to go unanswered and I'm sure loads of people will come along and encourage you. You have done so well over the last 6 weeks and hopefully you feel better for it. So you've fallen off the wangon since the weekend, get straight back on the wagon. Your holiday doesn't have to mean you are going to have a huge blow out, start thinking about your motivation for losing weight, re-read this thread - your head was in the right place a few weeks ago, get back to that place.

Keep posting mads.

Joby1970 Wed 28-Jul-10 12:40:20

Mads: there's another (if you include today) 5 days til next Monday & your hols. You could eat healthily til then & be a couple of pound lighter for your holiday.. don't forget 1lb weight loss a week is 4 stone in a year.

Whilst on hols look for the heathier versions to eat & enjoy the sunshine poss with walking - swimming etc?

Have you been writing a food diary? If so write down next to eat why you eat & what you were feeling at the time?

Hope it all goes well x

Plus Congrats on the 16lbs

MostlyLurking Fri 30-Jul-10 13:39:37

Mads, how are you today?

sarah293 Mon 02-Aug-10 10:16:57

what everyone has said. You fell off. Chalk it up to experience and get back on. You have done amazingly well since your very first post.
Maybe read some of Paul McKennas stuff on emotional eating to help get back on the wagon?

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