I feel like I'm drowning in sheer uncontrollable greed

(69 Posts)
Spiralling0ut0fControl Tue 04-Dec-12 22:05:43

I actually can't stop eating.
The past couple of months I've spiralled out of control and I don't know how to get back to normal.

I run a lot (about 28-30km per week, sometimes more) and have a decent pace of about 4'45" per km so I'm burning a fair amount of calories.
However, there's no way on earth I can blame my over-eating on the running as I'm consuming way over the amount I'm burning. I've also been running the distance/pace for quite a few months now but it's only been the last couple of months I've been over-eating.
I'm so cross with myself.
I've had to name-change as I'm so completely ashamed of the amount of food I get through. It's all refined sugars/carbohydrates and I'm utterly addicted sad

I'm not big. I'm about 5ft4 and weigh about 9.3 stone (probably more now, terrified to weigh myself) but the amount of crap I can get down my neck is disgusting and seemingly impossible for someone of my size.
For instance, tonight I had (after a very healthy day):
120g bar of Fruit and Nut Dairy Milk
Half a large bag of pretzels
a very full side plate sized spaghetti bolognese
Large bag of Dairy Milk Caramel chocolate button things
The other half of the large bag of pretzels
Two heaped teaspoons of Nutella
Four Weight Watchers biscuits
Low calorie hot chocolate with light squirty cream on top

It's disgusting. I used to allow myself one binge day every weekend as a treat and I had it under control. Now it's almost daily and I cannot control it. If it;s not chocolate then it's bags and bags of sweets.

I'm on MyFitnessPal.com and love it. I've been on it since June this year and finally got down to my (personally) ideal weight of 8st 12. I was ecstatic! I felt amazing. I've no idea what changed.
These days I can do really well during the day but by supper time it's like I've been possessed sad

My thighs and tummy are getting very wobbly, the extra pounds are affecting my running and I'm worried I'll do some serious damage to my organs and arteries if I carry on.

My friends are near enough useless as they say "There's nothing of you", "You do so much running, you'll burn it all off in no time", "It's the colder weather, you need more calories"

They just don't seem to understand the severity of it. It's like bulimia without the purging sad In fact I nearly posted this in Mental Health...

I need to get out of this desperately as, with the Christmas season, it's only going to get worse.

Thanks Spiralling. I have been reading a book which says that one of the main things is to get out of the mindset that there is 'good' and 'bad' food - the theory being that if you stop making things bad then you want them less - I can see the theory but putting it into practice is harder smile

Still, yesterday was sensible eating, though with a work dinner out - smoked salmon and steak - but it's more about getting over the secret bingeing for me than controlling actual 'normal' meals too much. And today sat at my desk with porridge with pomegranate bits mixed in whilst my colleagues tuck into the ever-accumulating pile of biscuits and chocolate we're being sent at the mo - we'll see how well it goes!

Spiralling0ut0fControl Tue 11-Dec-12 19:01:20

That sounds positive littlemissstan. Tests will be useful, you never know...
It does feel good to talk it through too. I feel better from starting this thread. It's been very helpful and has helped me to get back on the right track.
I've not been calorie counting today and have eaten very sensibly and healthily despite the fast yesterday. Although I do have half a box of After Eights in the fridge calling me....
Actually, I'm lying. I've just remembered I had a mince pie and a lovely glass of mulled wine at the DS's school Christmas fair this afternoon. But I can't live a life of no treats, it's unrealistic and, well, it's Christmas smile

Well, GP not terribly helpful so far... He is going to see if I can be referred for anything and let me know. He also said I might need blood tests to check I don't have any deficiencies in anything.

I do feel better having spoken about it though - biggest fear was that he would laugh it off as greed sad

Spiralling0ut0fControl Tue 11-Dec-12 12:27:30

Don't worry about Sunday, it was a great start!
When's your next fast day? I'm thinking Friday.... I feel good after yesterday although didn't manage a run this morning as it was PAINFULLY cold and I'm a wuss. Sitting in a nice warm coffee shop with friends appealed to me far more brew
I think I need to give myself a break from running whilst it's so cold. I did three half marathons with only two weeks between each in Sept/Oct so I feel like a bit of a breather. Still feel bad for not running though.

I'm off to Sainsburys in a bit with DS to find some lovely healthy ingredients to make decent grub for all of us. No more sugar or refined carbs (especially for yours truly)
I plan to push their supper time an hour later everyday so we can eat at least one nice meal together (DS2 will probably go on hunger strike as he's the fussiest child I've ever known but, meh.... That's up to him isn't it). I hope I can stick to it. I just hate cooking in my tiny tiny kitchen. It frustrates me hugely!

ErikNorseman Tue 11-Dec-12 05:53:31

Well done! I'm feeling positive too. I are about 750 cals on Sunday in the end, slight miscalculation! I'm feeling up for it though!

Spiralling0ut0fControl Mon 10-Dec-12 17:30:06

Day one of 5:2 going well so far!
Weighed myself this morning and have put on a good half a stone in about three weeks! That's with all the running too so the over-eating was clearly major over-eating!

Perhaps a bit of "starvation" here and there should re-program me to slow down.... Had a Miso soup at lunchtime and been guzzling fruit/Green teas and water all day and plan to have my 500 cal meal in an hour or so, then go to bed early so I don't get a snack attack later.

Nice big run in the morning planned then a good healthy bowl of homemade muesli to look forward to.
I mean business this time! smile

ErikNorseman Mon 10-Dec-12 07:40:35

And it's not the diet that makes you lose weight, it's you!

ErikNorseman Mon 10-Dec-12 07:22:51

That is a worry with the 5:2 and it needs bearing in mind. But IMO no weightloss plan will be successful if we aren't mindful of our food issues and pay attention to what is going on in our heads as well as on the scales.

SrirachaGirl Sun 09-Dec-12 23:25:33

Just wanted to add OP that when I was in my twenties and running that much, I had to binge eat (healthy foods) just to maintain my weight. I think it's your body's way of getting what it needs to repair, recover, maintain fertility or whatever. You didn't say how old you are but I know that my appetite is quite different now that I'm in my late-ish grin thirties. But then I also don't run as many clicks because my crumbly, old bones don't like it. I'm a big believer in listening to your body and as you're far from sedentary it doesn't sound like you have over-eating issues (you'd have to stop all activity to get a true baseline for that, I suppose). Try just keeping healthy stuff in the house for a while and see what happens? That doesn't mean low-cal, low-fat...full-fat yog is OK as are lots of nuts and good-quality dark choc and thinks like avocado and hummus. I ate embarrassingly large quantities of those when I was really hard-core running and still maintained my weight. Just ditch things like biscuits, cake and other empty calories as those do nothing for you, as you know.

domesticgodless Sun 09-Dec-12 23:02:02

I wonder about 5:2 too. People swear by it but I can't see how it can be so great to allow yourself free rein a few days a week if you have binging tendencies.

domesticgodless Sun 09-Dec-12 23:00:43

hi, at risk of seeming really simplistic and patronising can I suggest something which on the surface is easy:

DO NOT BUY THE SWEET STUFF!! AND DO NOT BUY IT FOR THE DCS (I know that bit is the hardest)

the thing for me was to break the binging cycle. I was doing it too for years and at 18-35 or so weighed about a stone more than I do now (and was a couple of dress sizes bigger in most shops) despite being quite a bit more active.

The divorce stress diet (!) got the stone off but I kept it off (with some fluctuations) by realising that eating wasn't helping me emotionally; that it was not the worst thing to feel hungry; that if I didn't feel like eating at a set mealtime I did not have to; and by avoiding processed food and white flour completely for long periods. Including sugar.

I can promise you that when you do that, it's like cold turkey for a while and god you feel awful. But you just chow on 'rabbit food' and hot drinks which get rid of the worst pangs. For instance tonight I had just liver with salad (I am weird and like liver smile) and wanted to eat some carbs afterward but there was nothing at all to eat cos I didn't buy anything. So I had some decaff with a bit of milk and in 30 minutes I'd forgotten the urge to snack.

When I cut out sugar too, I lost the taste for it. For instance there is an unopened packet of chocolate biscuits in the cupboard I didn't open even though I wanted to snack, as they are just too sweet and cloying for me now.

I do have my weaknesses though: anything spicy and fresh/sour tastes like greek yogurt. I can devour entire containers of it easily.

Of course. I am not as active as you so that probably doesn't help!

Spiralling0ut0fControl Sun 09-Dec-12 22:27:40

Oh no! Really? All I can find are positive 5:2 experiences.
I'll carry on doing MFP on the non fast days. If I don't calorie count I'll see it as free reign to eat way too much, like you said.

I'm tempted to go to my GP as well, but I'm not sure she'll take me seriously as she knows I run a lot and I'm not over weight at all. Yet, I hasten to add!

Can you let me know what your GP suggests?

I could be you. I have put on nearly a stone in the past couple of months through totally unstoppable eating. I hate it, I hate myself for doing it. I am getting married next year and all I can picture is a huge blob person waddling up the aisle.

I have an appointment this week to talk to my GP - I can't go on like this. I also wanted to caution you against the 5:2 thing - I put on weight doing it as it just gave me license to binge even more on the eating days.

I will be watching this thread with interest as I have tried every diet going - all work for a while but I always end up going back to the binge.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 09-Dec-12 22:01:56

You can buy electric scales that measure body fat as well as weight, or one of your friends might have some scales like this?

Spiralling0ut0fControl Sun 09-Dec-12 21:48:26

*two not "too"!

Spiralling0ut0fControl Sun 09-Dec-12 21:47:41

How do you work out body fat?

I'm not convinced BMI is entirely accurate. It doesn't take into account muscle and frame/build.

Re calories, I like to save calories up so I can snack or have more choice for supper. Actually, now you've made me think about it, perhaps I should be having more of my daily calories for breakfast/lunch.... I will definitely think about trying that on my non fast days. I've now decided to calorie count after all on non fast days, but I will make sure I have at the very least 1400 per day. I might even go up to 1600 seeing as I'm fasting too days per week. I think that might be more realistic

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 09-Dec-12 21:39:34

By the way, why don't you believe in BMI?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 09-Dec-12 21:38:46

No it's not BMI, it's the percentage of your body weight that is fat (as opposed to muscle, organs etc). An average woman has 25-31%, a fit one 21-24%, I would think you'd be at the lower end.

If you have 1200-1400 cals a day to use, why are you using less than half for breakfast and lunch combined? Would your body feel less starved inthe evening if you spread them out more between lunch and dinner?

Bubblegum78 Sun 09-Dec-12 21:00:19

Hi!

I just wanted to say that I have been doing exactly the same thing!

I went from 73KG to 58KG with diet and exercise but like you I'm stuffing my face, I'm unstoppable, it's awful. :-(

I'm trying to put it down to time of year and I know in the new year I will have to be proactive.

The problem is, this stuff is so bloody addictive and you have to break the cycle, the more you eat the more you crave.

You are still running regularly so you really don't need to worry too much, get Xmas over with then, be strict with yourself...that's what I'm going to do. x

Spiralling0ut0fControl Sun 09-Dec-12 20:55:26

I've no idea what my body fat percentage is. That's not BMI is it? I don't believe in that

Spiralling0ut0fControl Sun 09-Dec-12 20:54:49

Yes all exercise being entered into MFP.
I want to lose a good half a stone. I was managing fine on 1200 calories per day throughout the summer and I almost got down to the weight I wanted to be which is the first time I've ever done that. I felt full everyday and I was still running loads plus I was doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD almost daily! I've just become very lazy since the DS have been back at school and the colder weather made me hungry and it's just escalated from there.

Like I said above, I'm going to give the 5:2 a go and see what happens smile

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 09-Dec-12 20:31:54

Spiralling, I agree you don't seem to be eating enough for your exercise levels. Do you actually like the food you eat during the day? If not, maybe your body feels "punished" by it. Are you putting all your exercise into MFP? What weight loss per week are you targeting with MFP?

Do you know your body fat percentage?

Caladria Sun 09-Dec-12 20:26:03

1400 cal a day and 25k a week seems scarily little.

Spiralling0ut0fControl Sun 09-Dec-12 20:21:23

Well done for today by the way! And thank you for the tips.

What hot drinks did you have apart from coffee? I hate tea but I do have some fruit teas in the cupboard, although not a big lover of them....

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