I feel like I'm drowning in sheer uncontrollable greed

(69 Posts)
Spiralling0ut0fControl Tue 04-Dec-12 22:05:43

I actually can't stop eating.
The past couple of months I've spiralled out of control and I don't know how to get back to normal.

I run a lot (about 28-30km per week, sometimes more) and have a decent pace of about 4'45" per km so I'm burning a fair amount of calories.
However, there's no way on earth I can blame my over-eating on the running as I'm consuming way over the amount I'm burning. I've also been running the distance/pace for quite a few months now but it's only been the last couple of months I've been over-eating.
I'm so cross with myself.
I've had to name-change as I'm so completely ashamed of the amount of food I get through. It's all refined sugars/carbohydrates and I'm utterly addicted sad

I'm not big. I'm about 5ft4 and weigh about 9.3 stone (probably more now, terrified to weigh myself) but the amount of crap I can get down my neck is disgusting and seemingly impossible for someone of my size.
For instance, tonight I had (after a very healthy day):
120g bar of Fruit and Nut Dairy Milk
Half a large bag of pretzels
a very full side plate sized spaghetti bolognese
Large bag of Dairy Milk Caramel chocolate button things
The other half of the large bag of pretzels
Two heaped teaspoons of Nutella
Four Weight Watchers biscuits
Low calorie hot chocolate with light squirty cream on top

It's disgusting. I used to allow myself one binge day every weekend as a treat and I had it under control. Now it's almost daily and I cannot control it. If it;s not chocolate then it's bags and bags of sweets.

I'm on MyFitnessPal.com and love it. I've been on it since June this year and finally got down to my (personally) ideal weight of 8st 12. I was ecstatic! I felt amazing. I've no idea what changed.
These days I can do really well during the day but by supper time it's like I've been possessed sad

My thighs and tummy are getting very wobbly, the extra pounds are affecting my running and I'm worried I'll do some serious damage to my organs and arteries if I carry on.

My friends are near enough useless as they say "There's nothing of you", "You do so much running, you'll burn it all off in no time", "It's the colder weather, you need more calories"

They just don't seem to understand the severity of it. It's like bulimia without the purging sad In fact I nearly posted this in Mental Health...

I need to get out of this desperately as, with the Christmas season, it's only going to get worse.

Biltongmuncher Tue 04-Dec-12 22:15:51

Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself, you are not disgusting! There could be a few simple reasons for over eating, and i have to say i am exactly the same! I am at gym and running five times a week and last few months i have been eating crap.

I put it down to colder months, less day light hours etc. Also, have you tried a few smaller meals across the day rather than three big ones? I found this stopped me from snacking as much.

Try not have the bad food in the house. Easier said than done as i have been known to raid the kids treat box!

Also, maybe try a variation on your exercise, gym or a class instead of a run to keep you motivated and interested.

But give yourself a break, it is just a slump and won't last forever.

Spiralling0ut0fControl Tue 04-Dec-12 22:32:09

Thanks Biltong, I've tried not having it in the house but I end up going out of my way to buy it. I'm that desperate to have it. I just go "ah fuck it I want it" and know full well I'll be miserable afterwards but it always seems worth it at the time.
It really is like I'm possessed.

All the adverts, billboards, Christmas food programs and supermarkets smothered in chocolate and mince pies is not helping. I need self control.
I read somewhere that sugar addiction is a lot like heroin addiction.
I think I need to go cold turkey and keep saying I'm going to do it.

I absolutely love running. It's the only form of exercise I really enjoy doing so not sure about changing it. I could try smaller, more frequent meals though...

LeftMeInSuspenders Tue 04-Dec-12 23:53:34

Yes, don't be so hard on yourself- I know where you're coming from though. I have become a terrible binge-eater over the past couple of years and it's like I'm possessed. I don't stop thinking about when I will get my next 'fix'. I am definitely addicted to sugar and it's bloody awful.
Is this a new thing?

Snowkey Tue 04-Dec-12 23:55:29

Try drinking more water - a lot more. Not sure what helps other than cold turkey - I am a sugar addict and I have fallen again, will cut it out in January.

FlourFace Tue 04-Dec-12 23:57:48

You had a 'very full side plate' of spag bol. Was that your dinner or an extra?

LeftMeInSuspenders Tue 04-Dec-12 23:58:57

That's what I'm doing Snowkey . New Year excess sugar ban! Mainly in the form of chocolate for me.
Maybe we could start a thread in the New Year. smile

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 05-Dec-12 00:14:37

If you find out how to stop it could you let me know please?

I started a diet this year. In seven months I've managed to lose nearly a stone and a half and that's it. I run on a treadmill three times a week and bloody hate it. I absolutely crave carbs to the point of not being able to think about anything else. I really want to find some motivation and stop eating crap and run more but I find it bloody hard.

I've got an app called My Net Diary. It records diet and exercise etc but I've never tried MFP, it's supposed to be good.

I just don't want to resign myself to being fat for the rest of my life. I want to be a slim mummy, not the out of breath mummy. And I really don't want to start putting weight back on.

Christmas is not going to help either.

gotthearse Wed 05-Dec-12 01:40:31

You have my sympathy, its not just you. I start every day wuth great intentions and have many a grand plan for success. But then when I see something I want its like my brain turns off and I have scoffed it before I've had time to think 'I'm not doing that today/this week/month'. Then I feel feeble and stupid.

I think that my behaviour us a deep seated comfort/reward thing. Since the dc's fags/friends/booze/comfort shopping/spa's etc are gone or much reduced. Its one of the only treats I have to enjoy left. But I hate being like this. I used to be 8 12 before the dc's. Now 11 12. I dont recognise myself. I am thinking of seeing a hypnotherapist to try and break the cycle I feel locked into.

Take heart, you sound a healthy weight for your height and are very fit. You have done amazingly well to get to target and everyones weight will fluctuate.

If you feel that its really out of control then talk it through with someone. Do you think there is an emotional reason for how you eat, or do you simply burn a lot of calories? If you are eating loads and not gaining weight then you need to see your gp to get checked over.

Sorry for ramble I dont feel like I have helped much, but I get how you feel.

HansieMom Wed 05-Dec-12 02:12:53

Get a good book on low carb eating. Carbs send your blood sugar way up and then it crashes down leaving you wanting more. I try to lower my carbs all day. For breakfast most days, I have oat BRAN, it lasts you for hours. I too use My Fitness Pal, done it daily Since Oct 10. I have lost seven pounds and am intensely proud of that. I eat almost no fast foods, down from four or five per week. I feel so much better on low carb eating, more "even", which I think is all blood sugar levels.
I think your weight sounds absolutely fine. I would love to weigh that!

Snowkey Wed 05-Dec-12 07:16:54

While I sample festive foods during december i still am fasting twice a week - it's damage limitation and on my fast days I am never tempted to eat sugar, I know it's just off the menu.

I find that I can't have just one piece of sweetness and the easier way to resist is not putting the first bite in your mouth because once you get that sweet taste mouth feel resistance is incredibly difficult.

halfnhalf Wed 05-Dec-12 07:39:21

please try myfitnesspal. I was reluctant to do it, as it just sounded so weird to be recording everything you ate, but was totally out of control with my eating and felt so helpless that I gave it a go. I've lost a stone so far and it has stopped me from binging.

Biltongmuncher Wed 05-Dec-12 07:41:33

Yes yes to being addicted to sugar! I think i am too...and it always leaves me feeling horrible! The problem is we all know what
To do but just doing it is hard! I am going to go cold turkey from sugar...maybe after Christmas...

Biltongmuncher Wed 05-Dec-12 07:41:57

Yes yes to being addicted to sugar! I think i am too...and it always leaves me feeling horrible! The problem is we all know what
To do but just doing it is hard! I am going to go cold turkey from sugar...maybe after Christmas...

you poor thing. you say 'a very healthy day' - what would you describe this as typically?

i was in a horrible binge/starve cycle for years, and the only thing that has stopped the disordered eating behaviour is low carbing (the mental side is another issue). as hansiemom says it stops the blood sugar highs and lows so the physical cravings are under control, which makes mentally overcoming the urge to overeat a bit easier. i completely went cold turkey on sugar, starch, grains and some root veg (replacing them with tons of leafy greens), and for nearly ten months i have had 'normal' eating behaviour. i appreciate this wouldn't be for everyone, but it has really helped me - it was tough at first but within a couple of weeks i felt great.

if you were to take this route, you would probably find that your running suffers initially as your body gets used to your new way of eating, but i have found that after a few weeks you can train as normal

ppeatfruit Wed 05-Dec-12 09:22:28

No you are not disgusting.I'll say this three times;PAUL MCKENNA PAUL MCKENNA, PAUL MACKENNA grin I follow his WOE and it is amazing; he totally deals with the mental problems in a really good and easy way.See our thread!!

Spiralling0ut0fControl Wed 05-Dec-12 13:30:55

Thanks all for your replies!

Low carb used to work for me to a certain extent but I found the low calorie Myfitnesspal way of eating really works for me.
I managed to stick to it for a good four months with the odd bingey day at the weekends and lost about a stone. I think the colder weather certainly didn't help as it was around the turn of the season that I started binge eating more regularly. I was actually physically hungry, even after drinking loads of water and waiting 20 mins. It's just got progressively worse and worse.

I always begin the day with great intentions and "Right, that's IT!" mentality.
Breakfast and Lunch is always very healthy and low calorie.
Typically I'll have Bench Pressed Oats in the morning (no added sugar porridge with added whey protein) with unsweetened almond milk which usually amounts to about 230 cals or a Starbucks soya porridge which is 205 cals (although I think it has sugar in so will have to knock that on the head).
Then for lunch I'll usually have half a pot of hearty fresh supermarket soup with a slice of wheat free grainy bread which amounts to about 230 cals.
Supper is usually a low cal/fat ready meal (M&S or Waitrose as these seem to be the tastiest and healthiest out of the main supermarkets). I know they're not the best thing to eat but I'm a single mum and really can't be bothered to cook every night for just me. Plus I find it a real pain with all the weighing and measuring for MyFitnessPal so it's just easier all round. Plus I'll have a low fat yogurt or two after.
When I'm being good I always make sure I'm eating my full daily calories.

During the day I snack on raw carrots, sugar snap peas, a banana (if I've done a run, otherwise try to steer clear of those) or an apple.

As soon as I'm dishing supper up for the DS's (around 4:30/5pm) I become absolutely starving. So I upped my daily calorie goal so I could have my supper with them then have a bowl of porridge or cereal later on when I get hungry again.
I'm going to try and do this again and give myself a treat day at the weekend. Just one day where I can eat what I like and stick to that one day so I know I've got something to look forward to, just like I used to.

I just need to re-program myself I think. It's just having the willpower to say NO!

ppeatfruit Wed 05-Dec-12 13:41:53

If you look at the rules of Paul Mckenna he doesn't mention saying no to food when you are hungry. You actually MUST eat when you are hungry otherwise yr. body just hangs onto the cals, when you DO eat.

I 've lost nearly 3 stone with him and am maintaining (which is the real battle IMO) I NEVER count calories BUT I do eat healthily, No wheat which IS addictive IMO and E! Even more than sugar.

Spiralling0ut0fControl Wed 05-Dec-12 14:30:18

Flourface The full side plate of spag bol was my dinner. I didn't want to have a normal dinner sized plate as I knew I'd have all that extra junk anyway. I've never had the ability to recognise when I'm full.
Weirdly, the only time I feel full is after a huge double helping of food with a very stodgy pudding, like a Sunday Roast with loads of apple crumble and custard.
gotthearse In answer to your question about emotional issues, I don't know why but as a teenager I was fairly large. Probably weighed around 13 stone as I couldn't stop eating. I hid food regularly and learnt how to open bags and bags of crisps in bed under my duvet so my Mum wouldn't hear.
I used to have breakfast at home then have a bacon/sausage roll on the way to school as well as a huge bag of Minstrels or something. Lunch would have been equally as bad. Then on the way home from school I used to buy chips and eat them before I got home then have supper!
Then I finally learnt why I was getting so podgy and began a non stop cycle of diets and tricks. Strangely my sister was anorexic as a teenager so I always wondered if there was something not quite right for us growing up. No idea what it was though!

I've been through so many diets, low carb, quick fix three dayers, Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Atkins, GI... None of which I'd be happy with long term. The only one which has actually worked, reduced my weight the most and I'm happy with long term is low calorie (as long as I don't get greedy and eat healthy calories). It just makes sense to me. I enjoy eating carbohydrates. I couldn't imagine a lifetime of eating barely any, plus (I find) it's really hard to eat out or grab snacks whilst out.

I'd recommend MyFitnessPal to anyone. I just need to to get my self control back. I've decided on Sunday as my treat day. By then, my cravings should be reduced massively. Usually takes about three days I find.

We shall see.....

Spiralling0ut0fControl Wed 05-Dec-12 14:32:27

"I don't know why but as a teenager I was fairly large" I phrased that completely wrong!
What I meant was:
"I don't know what my emotional issues were, but as a teenager I was fairly large"

Spiralling0ut0fControl Wed 05-Dec-12 20:52:23

I've done it! Day one almost finished and I've stuck to just under my daily calorie goal and feel satisfied!

Mind Over Matter

I can do this

smile

Jossysgiants Wed 05-Dec-12 21:05:34

Hi Spiralling glad you had a good day. Would you consider talking through these issues with a counsellor maybe to support you through? Willpower is fine and dandy but it sounds like a bit of support would help, particularly when you mention your teenage experience. The trouble with willpower is it puts you in a failure/ success type of dynamic which is a bit like riding a roller coaster - this from my own experiences with unhealthy habits such as giving up smoking. At any rate the running sounds like a good motivator for you. Running is my favourite exercise too - always hope if I can get a bit slimmer I could run a bit quicker. You are speedy!

Spiralling0ut0fControl Wed 05-Dec-12 21:40:44

Yes I should probably talk it through with a councellor. Not sure I can afford it though... Do they provide that sort of thing on the NHS?
It would be interesting to find out why I behaved the way I did as a teenager and why my sister also had food issues.

You're right about running. I run much faster when I'm a few pounds lighter. I always try and lose weight for half marathons and other races so I can beat my PB. I've got nothing until February now which is probably why I've fallen back into bad eating habits. Using the Christmas excuse far too much!
Seems everywhere I look at the moment there's temptation. Bastard time of year!

FlourFace Wed 05-Dec-12 21:50:12

If a Sunday roast keeps you full then eat things like that more often. You can have lean meat and potatoes roasted with spray oil and lots of vegetables. Better to have a big dinner with nutritional value than binge on chocolate. You could make stewed apples for pud with low fat custard too, with maybe a sprinkling of crumble.

Just a suggestion smile

Jossysgiants Wed 05-Dec-12 21:53:37

Hi, I think it depends on the area you are in - do you have a nice Gp? It would be worth asking at least. I once got some cbt on the nhs so there is provision but it does depend. Also I believe some counsellors have a sliding scale of rates based on what you can afford. Also some offer a free initial consultation.. I do think Christmas is a weird time - so much excess and lots of emotional issues. Also it's hard to refuse food without comments from people .

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