Mumsnet Talk

My beautiful DD age 7 has just come back from a sleepover. Her "friend" has told her she is fat and she is inconsolable. She also commented on her larger boobs. I've told her that everyone is a different shape and that she is beautiful and and wonderful kind person. I am distraught for her. We eat at good 80/20 diet. Lots of fruit/salad and treats at weekends. She does netball and is not idle. Any thoughts/words of wisdom? xx

Tell her that her friend must be jealous because she is so beautiful.
Spiteful little madame...kids can be so cruel.

I would keep re-assuring her that she is fine, if you are 100% sure she is not overweight. But, if you know in your heart of hearts that she is then it;s up to you to do something about it. Simples!

Thanks all. She is definitely on the "solid" side. I try to give a balanced diet. It is hard to restrict without feeling like you are obviously changing habits. We have a fruit only pudding policy in the week. I would love to hear any ideas to portray healthy yet not slimming diet based comments. I still know my mother wouldn't allow treats and I have spent years fighting a binge based outlook. I now have it all under control and our kids see a healthy life.... but we are all a different shape. I have shed tears..... kids can indeed be cruel.

This is quite a good site:-

www.nhs.uk/Change4Life/pages/kids-portion-size-ideas.aspx

If she is a bit solid, look at portion size, because you can have a 100% healthy diet but too big portions and end up overweight. IMO any sort of "boobs" at 7 would indicate to me overweight. Normal weight 7 year olds do not have boobs.

My DD (8) would eat whatever I gave her, and always finish the plate. I now give her smaller helpings, but she can have more (within reason) if she asks. Also I don't encourage "pudding" fruit or otherwise unless she says still hungry. If she says she wants to eat something (esp at weekend) I ask if she is hungry. I don't generally agree to after school snacks but instead give them supper etc at 5pm if complaining hungry. Sometimes need snack at bedtime, sometimes not.

She does netball at school and swimming on sunday. We have a wii and I encourage her to play the justdance game which she loves, when the weather is better will do more outside, like bicycle, playing in garden.

I tell her we all need healthy food to keep us healthy and for energy, and that sweet treats give us energy too but our bodies don't need. And that if we eat too much sweet treats then we can get overweight.

re: the bullying, I'd say something like its extremely rude to comment on someone's shape, (and hope that you can help her slim out over the next year or so.)

Hi. Thanks Foreveronadiet for your comments and for the link Sanesometimes. We have decided to walk to school to "keep healthy and save the planet"! Anyway, it's a good start at fitting in some extra exercise and a step in the right direction.

Thanks again.

I don't think it's "extremely rude" for a seven year old to say that her friend is fat, if she is. Kids at that age are pretty matter of fact. Sure, teach your own child not to make comments but I don't see that the other girl was "extremely rude".

Wishing you and your dd well Op x

amaretti - I don't agree, by 7 the friend should know it would hurt her feelings. It wouldn't be appropriate to go up to an overweight adult and comment, same with a child. By 7 she should know that. Still think extremely rude. I would be aghast if my almost 6 year old said similar.

At 3 years perhaps you might get a "mummy why is that lady/girl so fat" within earshot. So for a 3 or 4 year old, fair enough they don't know social etiquette yet.

I agree with what you have said, but that isn't what she did. She was talking to a good friend who she was spending hours with.

I think my DD (8yo) would be fascinated to discover a girl her own age with boobs. I think it would be something she would want to discuss and explore, because she has been asking questions about how bodies change recently.

I can see how that might come across as hurtful, and not just nosy.

Tell your DD she is beautiful and quietly (and 100% honestly) review portion sizes and activity levels for the whole family).