My sister has gone.

(31 Posts)
shallweshop Sat 17-Aug-13 15:20:36

I can't believe I am writing this about my clever, funny, beautiful big sister but she died on Thursday night. She had been ill with liver and kidney problems since march and was in hospital for 4 months. She came out in June and was making slow but steady progress. Then on Sunday she became ill again and was admitted to critical care where they found out she had an infection. She deteriorated rapidly and we lost her on thursday.

I am so scared about the journey I have to face. We lost our dad 16 months ago and our mum 7 years ago but we faced the losses together and she was always the strong one. She was my only sister. I can't begin to think how I am going to cope when the reality of not having her in my life any more really hits.

I have my DH and 2 DC but have now lost all of my original family. The weight of grief is suffocating.

Cravingdairy Sat 17-Aug-13 15:27:36

I'm so sorry.

I don't know you but I bet you are stronger than you think.

The grief is the first stage of your journey back to a normal life, where you can enjoy your happy memories of your sister. Take it second by second, minute by minute. Let people help you.

Again, I'm so so sorry.

Back2Two Sat 17-Aug-13 15:33:37

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and suffering.
Your sister sounds very special to you, as I'm sure you were to her x

ExcuseTypos Sat 17-Aug-13 15:38:09

I'm sorry too. You must feel totally overwhelmed. Losing your lovely sister, but also your mum and dad.

It is very early days so as Craving says, just take things minute by minute. You will be able to get through this, you are stronger than you think. smile

Hellonewworld Sat 17-Aug-13 15:39:15

I'm so sorry to hear this, Sending love to you and your family my thoughts are with you x

mummylin Sat 17-Aug-13 15:39:54

I understand how you feel as I too lost a sister. But in my case she was the youngest sibling. I am very sorry for your loss

shallweshop Sat 17-Aug-13 16:22:22

Thanks everyone. It helps to write it down. I think I may be back on here a bit over the next few weeks/months.

Secretswitch Sat 17-Aug-13 16:30:06

My heart goes out to you. Losing someone you love is gut wrenching. Please know we will be here to listen and hold your hand in the coming days. Love and hugs xx

buzzgirly Sat 17-Aug-13 20:30:02

I'm so sorry x

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. So sorry for your loss, look after yourself x

shellyf Sat 17-Aug-13 20:41:46

Thinking of you

wokeupwithasmile Sat 17-Aug-13 20:54:59

Unfortunately the pain is never going to go away, but you can concentrate on the good memories, on having been so lucky to have her in your life, on living your life to the full for her, too.
My condolences.

Lilyloo Sat 17-Aug-13 21:01:22

I am so sorry for your losses x

MrsFrederickWentworth Sat 17-Aug-13 21:03:52

I'm so sorry. Sisters are very important, no matter how well you get on with them and yours sounds lovely.

The grief will be awful, but slowly you will be able to remember her as she was before she was ill.

When you are working with her family, if she has any, can you put together books if remembrance?

Imsosorryalan Sat 17-Aug-13 21:09:39

I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't want to read and run. Do you have any RL friends you can talk to?

shallweshop Sat 17-Aug-13 21:44:52

Thank you for your posts.

Mrsfred - she has a DH and 2 sons and a book of remembrance is a lovely idea.

Imsosorry - yes,I am lucky to have some very good real life friends around me.

StickEmUp Sat 17-Aug-13 21:45:57


I'm so sorry for your loss shallweshop

You will get some great advice here, but above all, be kind to yourself. flowers

BIWI Sat 17-Aug-13 21:51:56

I am so sorry for your loss, shallweshop.

I can't begin to imagine you must feel, so I'm not even going to try sad

But as others have said, please, please, please, be kind to yourself.


JustBecauseICan Sat 17-Aug-13 21:53:14

So sorry. xx

dontmixthecolours Sun 18-Aug-13 08:03:10

I'm so sorry

HenWithAttitude Sun 18-Aug-13 08:11:58

I am so sorry for your losses. Look after yourself.

Writing things down is a great way to sort your thoughts out. Even if you move on from writing on this thread, consider blogging or another outlet. A very wise counsellor told me to write with no audience...(I emailed myself). Give no consideration to grammar or spelling just furiously get words on a page as you feel those thoughts. Once I'd vented my emotion I felt calmer and re-reading my words was very helpful for me to identify the crux of my grief and deal with it

GRW Sun 18-Aug-13 08:15:16

I am so sorry for your devastating loss, and it's hard that you have no one from your immediate family to share your grief with. My sister died 15 years ago on 15th August too, and so I have some appreciation of how painful it is for you in these early days.

t875 Sun 18-Aug-13 10:18:09

Oh my word you poor thing! What he'll you have been through and now the loss of your sister.

I lost my mum last year and I still struggle on and off.
I did have councilling for 4 sessions with CRUSE bereavement and I also called their generic number and spoke to them a few times when I felt that bad. I know what you mean about the suffocated feeling I think it was the shock for me as my mum literally died in her sleep with a massive stroke. Here one day gone the next. I felt physically sick and had panic attacks. I definitely think the councilling and a couple of good friends and also this forum on the losing a parent forum helped me. It was good to talk to them!

Please come and find us there if you need to rant or chat.
Hugs to you for what you are going to go through xx

t875 Sun 18-Aug-13 10:20:04

To add will be thinking of you I'm so very sorry to hear this. On a practical note don't know if this will help it did help me Bach flower rescue remedy is really good. 2 sprays on the tongue will calm you when your really bad. Take care xx

shallweshop Sun 18-Aug-13 22:27:19

Thank you. I have emailed CRUSE as I really think that I will need some help with this one. Today has been strangely ok as I haven't cried very much. I think I am in denial and am kidding myself on some level that she is still here. I live an hour away from her house so it is easy for me to pretend.

t875 Tue 20-Aug-13 09:37:19

I hope CRUSE will be able to help you. I feel for you so much. Hope you are going along the best you can it is an immensely hard horrendous time.

My thoughts are with you xx

NothingsLeft Tue 20-Aug-13 21:06:00

So very sorry for you losses. How utterly heartbreaking for you thanks

shallweshop Wed 21-Aug-13 19:16:02

I had a panic attack this morning - first time in my life! My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't get it to calm down. I dumped the kids on my lovely neighbour and went straight to the dr. They did an ECG which, thankfully, was normal. I have felt awful since and my chest still hurts.

stillbusy84 Thu 22-Aug-13 01:35:04

Sending you my sympathy. Sorry for what you are going through. My situation is similar but i am further down the line. I lost my dad over 20 years ago and than my sister followed by my mum within a year of each other.
She was my eldest sister too.
Sending you hugs.

shallweshop Thu 22-Aug-13 09:26:03

Thank you for all your supportive comments.

Stillbusy - my heart goes out to you also. It is so difficult and I know I am going to be incredibly jealous of most of my friends who still have their entire families around them.

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