Walking together on a journey - sharing experiences, tears, anger and sometimes even laughter. United we stand, divided we fall.

(973 Posts)

This special thread was started in 2008. Its a special place - one which nobody would ever willingly come to. I hope we pay tribute to our lost children by helping each other. xxxx

chipmonkey Wed 24-Jul-13 12:12:30

Thanks for starting the new thread, shabs
Sylvie-Rose, my beautiful daughter, given to us 16/8/11, taken from us 4/10/11
Always, always, always in my thoughts.

This thread honours our children, and all those who love them.

Mia. My red-headed, noisy, amazing girl. 21 months ago. I miss you so much, my darling. xx

This thread has been a lifesaver over the last year.

James, my funny, talented, amazing son. Died 3/7/2013 at 22 years old. I love you so very much and miss you even more xx

remembering my lovely ds

atm feels like im the only one that doessad

miss you every single day, every single day wish you were here
somehow I go on, but I don'tknow how
I worry about the future but I try not to

im just a messed up muddle without you xx

snorris Wed 24-Jul-13 16:27:08

Sadly all too new to this sad

For Seren, another red-head, another star in the sky. 16/03/06-01/06/13.

Helyantha Wed 24-Jul-13 17:39:43

Remembering our glorious DS3. My lovely sunflower boy.

lavandes Thu 25-Jul-13 07:31:59

Morning ladies x

Thanks for the new thread and all your support Shabs x

Remembering our beloved Richard loved and missed more than words can say xx

Dear friends, I have a question for you. On Monday, I have a job interview. It came up unexpectedly, as I hadn't really been thinking about work just yet, but it is a good role, and I had decided that my own consultancy isn't what I want to do for the next little while. But the thing is, I haven't actually properly worked since before Mia was born - I have done bits and pieces in my consultancy, but I enjoyed the pregnancy, and then my time with her, and then last year, while I was seriously grieving and trying to figure out my 'new' life, I became pregnant again and did my Olympic Gamesmaker role, and then we had Mia's inquest. My question is - how much do you think I should explain / reveal if asked about the last few years? I can talk about Mia without breaking down, but I don't want to look flaky or have a 'sympathy vote' either.

Oh that's a tough question, I think I.could only.see what came out of.my mouth at the time
I think I.would say though because I wouldn't want to feel like ds is a.secret or worry about how.I'm going to bring the subject up.
So I would be happier getting it out there sooner rather than later if that makes sense
Best of luck with it

chipmonkey Fri 26-Jul-13 10:04:21

Mias, I think I would tell them about Mia. I think it's better to get your whole story out there in the interview, it means that later you're not worrying about bringing it up.

hey chipsmile
how are you doing?

yes that's kinda what I was trying to say, I would try to do too

I feel better once it's out there, so to speak

I went for the glucose tolerance test today, and got chatting to a nice lady
of course one of the first questions is, is this your first.....
I handled it quite well today
I think I maybe starting ot find that question slightly easier, or im just having a mentally better day!

chipmonkey Fri 26-Jul-13 16:31:14

well done white! I think time does make it easier. I think if you say a thing enough times, eventually the worst bit of the horror goes out of it and it's less difficult. Never easy but less difficult.

white and chip thank you, your own thoughts echo mine. Mia, and her death, has been a huge part of the last few years, and I can't see how I can not say something.

white well done you for your response to that lady. Finding the right words is hard, but having them is a good shield, I find.

oh thanks.
I think the advice to sort a script to say helps

helps it roll of the tongue

well, this is my third, I have one dd who is six, and sadly our son ds name, died shorthly after he was born due to massive heart problems

that's what ive been saying and it helps it have it ready up my sleeve
perhaps i'm just getting more used to saying it too

mias, i'm glad mine and chips thoughts echo your own
if you are asked about your life, and what you have been upto over the last few years
your just simply telling them what you've been upto
and It will hopefully make things easier and you wont be worry about how when etc to tell them about mia
xxxxx

expatinscotland Fri 26-Jul-13 23:58:32

Aillidh, my beautiful daughter. 19/6/3 - 7/7/12. Taken by acute myeloid leukaemia. I miss you so much.

chipmonkey Sat 27-Jul-13 00:03:30

<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>> white. It is awful, isn't it when you have to learn the lines of your life? To rehearse saying something so shocking so that you will deliver the lines without breaking down.

"I had five but my youngest died" I have stopped saying "I have four boys and I had a little girl but she died" because some idiots say heartily "Four boys! That keeps you busy!" and ignore my girl. Dh says it's because they don't know what to say but I really think anyone should be able to do better than that. Even "I'm sorry" would be better.

Mias, how is Mia's Wood now? Is the gate fixed yet? I keep thinking of it and how violated you must have felt.

My5boysandme Sat 27-Jul-13 18:47:43

Remembering Dexter my darling boy 21/06/12-24/09/12 missing you everyday xx

I wish more people could read this article, how to talk to a parent who has lost their child, every point I found myself agreeing with.

article here

chipmonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 22:46:14

I read that too, myfive. I do wish everyone would.

expatinscotland Sun 28-Jul-13 23:19:56

I say, 'I had three but now I have two.' That usually works.

Myfive just read that article.

Found myself agreeing with every single point

Esp dreading meeting new people, grieving for your old self as well as your child, peoples patience and concern running out, peoples idiotic unwanted advise, the fact the sadness never reduces you just get more used to it, the fact noone ever asks how dd is coping, being told to be grateful for what you Do have and feeling angry about things people have done or not done.

The other day, a friend asked me how I was coping with the pg, I said I'm finding it tough, but I'm taking it a day at a time, but its hard after losing ds

She replied yeah well I suppose it gets easier with time doesn't it

It was like we where having two totally diff conversations.



I do wish more people could read that

Just thinking maybe one of us could post that article in chat, so more people see it,likethe author says, if it helps on parent be treated better, due to someone reading this article it will be well worth it ?

What do you think ?

chipmonkey Mon 29-Jul-13 13:40:10

I will post it if you like, white?

My5boysandme Mon 29-Jul-13 14:41:00

I've just done it white and chip xx

chipmonkey Mon 29-Jul-13 16:29:40

This is a quote taken from one of the comments below.

"Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.” ~Author Unknown

Very apt

deemented Mon 29-Jul-13 16:33:53

Not been here in the longest time. Sending mych love to you all, and remembering my baby boy, my Ciaran. 09/09/04.

Hi everyone, thanks for starting that thread.myfive xx bit dissapointing not many people have read it or replied
Hopefully.more people.have read it but just not.commented
If.it helps.someone innour situation.it will.be well.worth it x

I'm on holiday atm. I'm 27 weeks now , just got a call yesterday to.say I'm diabetic failed the glucise tolerence test
So.now I'm.In a bit of a panic tbh
Don't get home till.fri.

chipmonkey Wed 31-Jul-13 10:24:18

sad to diabetes white! But it is very common in pregnancy and much better that it's been diagnosed. I know a few people who have had it and the babies are all fine.

sad to GDD as well for you, white. But it seems quite common, and I know that quite a few other rainbow pregnant ladies have it as well, and it just will mean some diet adjustments and more monitoring - and that part isn't a bad thing... x

chipmonkey Wed 31-Jul-13 12:50:47

Yes, lots of scans!

Hi just wanted to update you with what was appending with me, this is what I posted on the pg board

I know two people that had gd, they oth had lost their children to stillbirth caused by gd
Which probably, we'll does add to my worried a lot

"we'll I spoke to the midwife and diabetic nurse today

Been booked in to collect a blood glucose monitor on mon

Then we'd I'm having a scan

Then thur I have to attend a 3 hour appointment with the diabetic team will see a dietician and an obstetrician

So I feel a bit more like I know what's happening
It's stressing me a bit that I won't see anyone till mon and I won't really be taught anything as such until thu next week

Guess I will use the mean time to try and educate myself a bit
About it all
Thanks for your help and support when I'm stuck here and panicking
Typical finding out when I'm on holiday.!

But I suppose only positive thing I can tell myself is that it's really good that it's been picked up
It must be better to be picked up and monitored than just my blood sugar being really high and me not knowing

Today I had
Water at breakfast and one small tea
One slice of whole meal toast and a haddock, was supposed to have a poached egg with it but I asked for it to be well done
But it came runny so I didn't eat the egg
So instead I had one sausage one mushroom half a tomato

Lunch I had a chicken sandwich on brown bread
And a few crisps

Dinner
Chicken bacon and avocado salad

Was going to have lasagne ,with no garlic bread and salad but was a bit worried,so had a salad instead

Had two cans of sugar free 7 up and just water

Does this sound ok? Or could I improve ? And if so where?

Trying to plan tomorrows day out
Will be having breakfast athe hotel again

Would oats be a sensible choice?

Do you think once i start testing and I'm more aware of what I can and I
Can't tolerate
I will feel less stressed about it all

?

Anyway just wanted to say thanks for the help and to update you really "

The weather is Ment to be nice tomorrow

O I'm going to try my hardest to relax

Must admit didn't sleep well last night

chipmonkey Wed 31-Jul-13 23:48:58

white, my mother has diabetes. What she has been told is to eat foods with a low glycaemic index.
She is not supposed to eat too much white bread, potatoes, obviously sugars.

She should be eating lots of protein and veg and a little fat is OK.

Just bear in mind, you won't be able to mess up too much in a few days, so just do your best. You really need to see a dietician.

Actually, if you post about GD in the Pregnancy board, I'm sure you won't be the only one. It is scary when you know people who have lost babies due to GD, but I'm sure with the correct management mini-white and you will do just fine.

chipmonkey Wed 31-Jul-13 23:52:29

Found this on an Irish medical site

"A diet that includes carbohydrates from fruit, vegetables, whole grain, legumes and low fat milk"
is encouraged for good health (B)24

So you need carbs but the right sort of carbs.

Thanks chip, I will be seeing a dietitian, but not till next Thu
I know what I'm.like though, I obsess over things and this will certainly give me something to fret over !
I will try not too
Thanks for your help

white it will be totally manageable, don't worry. As chip says, there is plenty of sensible advice on NHS sites to get you through the next week.

I did have the job interview last week, and at the end, I was asked if there was anything I wanted to share that I hadn't had the opportunity to do so. So I told them about Mia, and that this was the reason why this the first interview I had done in a long time. I was glad I told them, as you said, it was the right thing to be open about her. I came home thinking that while I didn't think I had the job, the actual responsibilities were different than stated, so it was a relief. But weirdly, as I drove home, I suddenly felt incredibly sick and headachy, to the point that I ended up sleeping it off most of the afternoon.

chip the new gate is all installed at Mia's Wood now. It has big padlicks! We have to find someone who can make us a beautiful sign now. But no, no-one has been caught.

Today we are hosting a picnic for our local bereaved parents' group. MrMia and I have both spent all day yesterday tidying up the garden in preparation. I have some lovely memories of Mia playing in the sunshine in the garden, eating daisies, wearing a big hat, playing under the table, and listening to her blackbird so intently - so in a way, it will be nice to share it with others who know how we feel.

Padlocks!! Oops.

frasersmummy Sun 04-Aug-13 20:12:37

hey everyone .. I haven't been around for a while .. a lot of stuff going on in my life which have no place on this thread so being staying away dealing with all the other rubbish

Through it all Fraser is never far from my head .. I cant believe its 9 years since he was stillborn..

5 years since little Eris brought us all together .. god bless all our little ones

Hello there fm. Hello anybody else out there, or are people on holiday?

Just back from Greece....sad fed up, tired out and want to get on a plane and go right back xxx

Morning girls xx

lavandes Thu 08-Aug-13 10:22:09

Morning ladies xx

Welcome back Shabs hope you all had a great holiday xx

Happy Birthday to our beloved Richard today, missing you so much xx

Birthday wishes to your Richard, lavandes. Hope he is somewhere up there cooking up something delicious for all the boys. Xx

Happy Birthday Richard - thinking of you and all your family today Lavandes. I thought about your boy when we were on holiday....the family who own the hotel cooked for us every night....kleftako, stifado....all delicious meals made from scratch - not the way I cook smile xxx

lavandes Thu 08-Aug-13 20:48:31

Thanks for your kind thoughts its been a sad day, but had a long chat with eldest son in OZ, we go in a few weeks so looking forward to family time. Taking grandsons to Longleat next week, they love it so that will be good xx

Morning girls xx

Morning - hope everybody is OK xx

frasersmummy Sat 10-Aug-13 10:02:05

morning doing ok today I think

Hiya love - good to see you xxx

Hi all. Just spent the day at Mia's Wood, clearing grass and removing weeds around the little trees. The hot weather has killed off quite a few. Exhausted. But a good day's work.

My lovely niece lost her 8 year old daughter while we were on holiday. sad Beth was born with Wolf Hirshorns syndrome...she was severly disabled. My niece is obviously in bits - she has cared for Beth since she was born and has nursed her daily like only a Mummy could.

Beths funeral is on Monday. Talked to my niece yesterday and she is so upset at the involvement of the police - she said she feels sure, after being interviewed by them for hours, that she must have killed her sad I told her about our experience after we lost Gareth and it seemed to help her.

She said 'its so weird Auntie Shabbs.....just so weird....no other word describes it.' xx

Shabba, how desperately sad about Beth. Weird is a good word to describe this new, nightmarish world your niece is in. I hope it wasn't too difficult for you to share your experience with Gareth - but even it was, I suspect you would have done it anyway, with your pinned-on brave face. X

To be honest I am dreading tomorrow when its Beths funeral. Everybody is going to wear at least one piece of clothing that is pink (Beths favourite colour) and afterwards they are going to a local social club and having a karaoke and disco (Beths favourite 'thing')

I was, for once, pleased that I could give her advice based on my own experiences. She said she feels lost without all the medical care she gave her little girl and keeps thinking she has to give her medication etc etc. Poor, poor girl. Have already said that I will go to the inquest with her if she wants me to...its set for December 9th this year which will be my 57th birthday sad

I have that horrible uneasy feeling in my body and dont know about anything anymore - if that makes any sense. Last night I felt like I couldnt breath through my nose and had to put the edge of my finger in my mouth to fall asleep because I kept thinking I couldnt breathe through my mouth either.

Its truly a 'weird' World!!!

.......and I only 'realised' today that my lovely, lovely SIL is Beths Grandma....I know that sounds crazy but I just had a panic type moment when I thought 'Oh my God, how is SIL feeling, losing her precious Granddaughter. I truly think I am losing my marbles, but will pin on my smile tomorrow and do the best I can to support my family xx

lavandes Mon 12-Aug-13 07:51:50

Morning ladies x

I am so sorry Shabs I will be thinking of you and your family today, I am so sure that you will be able to give your niece your special support, keep breathing as you tell us. Life is so cruel xxx

Morning girls xx

Overslept this morning and woke up to Lew ringing me from outside! Its 13 degrees here - last Monday when I woke up it was 43 degrees in Greece..........I am freezing!!

Thank you Lavandes - life is indeed cruel. xx

Precious child

Oh my word....just got back from Beths funeral - I was holding it together until this song was played. An amazing pink Princess coffin - her brothers and sisters wrote their thoughts about her. My Niece (her Mummy) stood rocking as the hearse came down the road...clinging to me and stifling her crying. My SIL who couldnt look at me for a long time and then said 'How the hell did you do THIS twice?' A touching, heartbreaking, funny, sad day - and now their walk down this crappy road of bereavement begins. xxx

frasersmummy Mon 12-Aug-13 20:03:24

aww shabs today must have been soo soo hard for you today

Sounds like you are coping really well even though your heart must be breaking

have a glass of something alcoholic and here's a hug

Morning girls xx

Shabba I'm so sorry to hear about Beth. I can empathise with her mum, losing your role as carer as well as mum was so hard for me, and other parents at the hospice group we attend. It feels like you have all these skills that you never chose to acquire, but would never resent having, then all of a sudden they are obsolete. I sat around for a long time missing the hum of the oxygen concentrator, and the Sats alarm, and the beep of the feeding pump, and the regular medicines that needed to be administered, the therapy sessions, nurse visits, hospital appointments, feeding tubes, monitor wires. But above all, the cuddles. Beatrice couldn't move, so she couldn't get away from me even if she wanted to wink so she was smothered in kisses in cuddles all the day long, I hated putting her down.

I miss every little thing about her and I'm going through a low patch. I think of her ALL THE TIME. And I'm crying at night again. I sleep with one of her dresses under my pillow and I often wake with it under my cheek, so I've soaked it in tears too many times.

We went on holiday and I felt so low, wishing we were the family of 5 we should be. I'm nervous about her birthday coming up next month as I know my family won't acknowledge it. All in all, if you met me in the street you might think I was a normal mum of two coping nicely with life, but underneath it all I am crumbling without my darling, darling girl. It hurts so much.

Morning girls xx

Cupof - that was the first thing I said to my Niece....'I can imagine that you feel you have no routine left.' She agreed that she keeps waking up and the house is too quiet - no monitors, no medical equipment.

The worst thing of all is that they live in an adapted (for Beth) council house. Its a lovely house....but within the next month they will have to leave it because thats our local councils policy! I am sure they will be given help to find a new house but that will be so unnerving for all of them. Their (mini bus) adapted car will have to be given back to the DLA people etc etc etc. Too many changes all at once. My God I wish I could help them but I dont have the money to do it. Yes I know they are material things but they must be obviously greiving and all these changes will make 'stuff' so much more difficult sad

Everybody OK??

lavandes Fri 16-Aug-13 07:39:05

Morning ladies x

Husband has not been sleeping so he woke me up at 3.00am to ask me where the Nytol are!! bit angry not been to sleep since.

Morning Lavandes - that sounds like something that would happen in our house hmm xx

Thinking of chip today. Sylvie-Rose's birthday. Xx

shabba that loss of routine, that purpose of each day gone, the weight of loving responsibility taken away... Your poor niece. Please her know that there are others out here thinking of her and little Beth. Xx

snorris Fri 16-Aug-13 08:41:13

I'm still lurking around. Having a bit of a wobble atm. Dd1 got her results yesterday and is off to uni in just 4 weeks. I am going to miss her - I haven't told her yet I will probably embarrass her by crying when I drop her off wink .

Sorry to hear of your great niece, Shabs and thinking of chip today.

Oh Snorris 'wobbles' are totally allowed - I still have wobbles on a daily basis. I can only imagine how much you will miss your daughter as she starts the next phase of her life at Uni.

Thinking about you today Chips - later today (when Lew goes home) I will light my candle in honour of your DD xx

I will certainly pass on your thoughts to my Niece Mias - and thank you. She and the family have gone on a few days holiday together. She messaged me last night and said did I think it was her fault. sad We talked long into the night and she seemed a little more settled when we said goodnight. xx

Morning girls xx

WeAreSeven Sat 17-Aug-13 16:49:21

Thanks for the kind thoughts, all xx ( It#s chip, by the way!)

Yesterday was so tough.
A colleague who has become a good friend buried her lovely Dad yesterday. I went to the funeral.
Came home, did Sylvie-Rose's cake and balloons and then got a call from my Mum to say that her friend's first anniversary Mass was yesterday evening as well! Her friend was also the mother of my good friends and I lived there for a year so did want to go but the timing!
I went anyhow.

God won't know what hit him with me going to Mass twice in one day! He must be in shock!

But I feel that it wasn't just Sylvie-Rose's day with all else that went on!

That sounds like a very tough day love.

Lit my candle early in the afternoon for your DD - Lewis was still here and sang 'Happy Birthday' to her smile He said 'Its weird Andma that you have never met these ladies really but you all talk about your children....its weird but I think its very nice!!' The truth out of a 5 year olds mouth. xx

WeAreSeven Sat 17-Aug-13 18:57:13

Aw, bless Lewis!

I am glad I went to C's anniversary Mass. Her daughter told me something which I found comforting.
When C died, the clock in her house stopped at the hour she died. It never worked again and her daughter who lives in the house now got a new clock.
When they were getting the house ready, C's daughter felt C in the house.. and then the new clock stopped at the same time the old clock had.
I hope C is helping to look after Sylvie-Rose. She was a lovely Mum and granny.

Morning girls xx

WeAreSeven Mon 19-Aug-13 22:27:23

Evening, folks!

Morning girlsxx

Looks like its going to be another grey day here in Lancashire....really homesick for the hot sunshine of Greece.

snorris Tue 20-Aug-13 07:19:21

Morning. Just to make you jealous we have sunshine down here in the South! grin
My Grandma's from Lancashire - I vaguely remember going to visit my Granny in Rochdale when I was little. A random bit of trivia there! wink

Rochdale is not very far from us at all. The sun keeps trying to break through the clouds but its not happening at the moment!!

Morning girls xx

shabba I always knew you were a Greek goddess in disguise. wink Sun here this morning, and our little Mamma Mia rose is in bloom. Gorgeous orange-red flowers.

LOL More like a wrinkly old Greek Mamma grin

Morning girls xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 22-Aug-13 09:07:14

Remembering you always by darling Cole x

I haven't been here in a long time, but as always it's like I've never been away and it's as familiar as a pair of comfy slippers. It's a welcome sight to see so many familiar names here.

I'm so sorry to hear about Beth Shabba. I remember you talking about her many times over the years. Such a waste. Another member of our club .......

My world is in a strange place at the moment. Ds2 starts school in a couple of weeks - another huge milestone for our family, but it's one we should have already experienced with Cole. I'm so excited and anxious for M to start this new chapter, but behind it is an extreme sadness because it is yet another thing that C never got to experience. I know no one in RL has a clue that this is how I'm feeling, yet for me it's huge. I want to scream 'how can you not tell how I'm feeling?'

Then add into the mix ds3 starting pre school as well. Everything is changing, evolving, moving forward. Except my darling ds1, he stays 18mo forever.

So good to see you here Ilike - time marches on dosen't it? Tom left school this time and gets his GCSE results today??? Dont know where 16 years have gone.

Keep posting....I have missed you xxxx

Helyantha Thu 22-Aug-13 19:29:35

Hello Ilike smile DS4 starts school in a couple of weeks too & is fast approaching the age F was. I'll be thinking of you.

Shabba I am sure Tom has done brilliantly & a whole new chapter awaits. Time certainly flies (& stands still - how does that work?)

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 22-Aug-13 21:38:21

How did Tom do Shabba? Is he still a maths genius? What is he doing next? A levels?

I'll be thinking of you too Helyantha. I have no idea how times flies yet stands still, but I know exactly what you mean.

He got 'very bogged down' in school life in year 10....really struggled a lot. Has managed to get back into everything in year 11. He got 5 B grade GCSE's (one of which was Maths), 3 C grades and two Btecs (think they are equivalent to 3 GCSE's but not totally sure) in French & Music.

He has enrolled today at Bolton Sixth form college. Doing a 2 year B tec extended diploma titled I.T. Practitioner. They teach everything from computer programming right through to computer engineering. If he passes the course it gives him the equivalent to 3 A levels.

Both my parents are ill Ilike....Dad especially is very ill and it has played on Toms mind since March so I am chuffed to bits that he has done well.

So we begin a whole new chapter of our family life. xx

Morning girls xx

lavandes Fri 23-Aug-13 07:31:48

Morning ladies x

Well done to Tom Shabs for his brilliant results he is a credit to you. xx

Hi Ilike I remember you as one of the lovely ladies who gave me so much support at the beginning. I have no idea where the time goes but I feel my life racing by. xx

Thank you Lavandes.

He was enrolled to go to our local college - he could walk there and I felt safer him being close to home - BUT, Oh no!!! Tom came home and said 'I have decided to go to the town centre college....think it will be good for my confidence to not go to the local one!!'

I know he is right but I am a wuss!!!

Growing up so quickly - he is a good lad - wouldn't even have a shandy on holiday, says he is not interested in drinking - he doesnt like the taste of alcohol. He is, for most of the time, much more sensible than I am now!!! xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Fri 23-Aug-13 08:30:14

Hi Lavandes smile

Wow Shabs, he's done brilliantly. You must all be so proud.

Sorry to hear about your parents. I knew your mum was ill, but didn't realise your dad was. It must be incredibly tough for everyone, especially you. I imagine you are trying to be the glue keeping everyone and everything together xx

morning everyone xx

Yes sadly Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the beginning of March. He has it in his jaw and it has spread behind his ear and I suspect it is now making its evil way to his brain. They said they could operate but when he knew what the operation involved he said no. My Mum is so anxious about it all that her Alzheimers is raging out of control. Breaks my heart to see them both struggling. I spend as much time as possible with them but am dreading the day they pass.

Its not all doom and gloom though - we have loads of laughs together. My Mum is hysterical. She wanted to come on holiday with us a few weeks ago and said 'Oh Harry I would love to go to Crackerfacky (Faliraki) with our Shabbs, wouldn't you?' My Dad just gives her 'the look' that speaks a thousand words smile

Morning girls xx

lavandes Sat 24-Aug-13 23:51:52

Hi ladies x

I'm sorrry Shabs I have no answers although my fil had dementia I think everyone is different, such another cruel illness. xx

I keep thinking IF there is a God he is a cruel God. My Mam & Dad sobbed for months and months after our boys died. They were amazingly wonderful - they helped every minute of every day. They just held me....and Danny....and my DH.

My Dad used to take his lunch (when Gareth was in hospital) and sit outside the hospital underneath the window where Gareths cot was. He said he prayed for him to survive.

They have never hurt a single soul. They are fantastic people but both Cancer and Alzheimers have no respect for good people. I am back to having horrendous nightmares that seem to go on all through the night. I am always very, very busy working and horrible things are happening all around me that I have no control over.

xxxxxxxx

Morning girls - everybody OK? xx

Helyantha Sun 25-Aug-13 10:08:57

Morning shabba Nightmares are horrible, especially when they have little bits of truth in. I wake myself up, but that means very little sleep sometimes sad I hate not having control, but know that I have to accept that there's not much that we are in control of. Sometimes it's too hard x

It certainly is too hard at times. Talked to my Niece last night....she kept asking me if how she is feeling is 'normal.' Everything she said made total sense to me because I am still walking this horrible road that she is at the beginning of.

I know she will 'make it.' She is a vivacious, loud smile, kind, loving young woman but I know the enormity of it all. xx

Morning girls xx

Helyantha Mon 26-Aug-13 12:25:44

Yes, she will 'make it,' but will emerge changed in ways she can't predict & you/we/anyone else can't do anything other than offer a hand to hold & an ear to listen. It helps, but it's not enough.

I've given up on normal, I think. Every time I think I've reached some level of normality, it gets tipped upside down again, so I think I have to accept our weird life! You are so right about the enormity of what your niece is facing: I still can't get my head round the sheer terror that is life without DS, even 7 years on. I'm sure her vivacious, loud personality will help her through these dark days & I know that she will be surrounded by love & kindness.

With love to you all x

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx Very, very quiet on here - hope you are all OK xxx

Hi shabs, I'm here. Congratulations to Tom on his GCSEs, you must feel proud.

Went to a wedding over the bank holiday, a very happy time. But it was also a little weird, because one of the last times we saw this group of friends was at the funeral of the now-groom's wife. It was also the first and last time many of these people saw Mia. Hard not to compare the smiles for Finn with those they had for Mia. At the same time, it was good to all be together for a happy reason, rather than the litany of sad ones of the past couple of years.

Helyantha - I don't even attempt normal! That being said, "normal" is so different for everyone, isn't it?

Morning girls xx

Thank you Mias xx

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx Very, very quiet on here.

Its back to school/college day tomorrow here.....Toms had almost 3 months off!!

Shabba - so your house will be very quiet tomorrow - apart from the early morning chaos of getting ready? Or is gorgeous Lew there to ensure you don't have any moments to relax?!

I have my parents here with me again, and they are adoring the time with Finn.

I was at a party last night, and the mother of my birthday friend also lost a little daughter nearly 40 years ago. She has written to me several times, with so much kindness. Her little girl is still very much part of their lives, remembered, loved and celebrated. I thanked her for all her support with Mia, and she just answered "What can you can do? You just keep on going." I guess we all do, even if 'going' is sometimes more of a thought than reality...

Hiya love.

No Lew tomorrow either shock he doesn't start back in year 1 until Tuesday but his Mummy has tomorrow off. I am going to clean my house from top to bottom. Have a mad 'throwing stuff out' day!!!

The lady you spoke about seems really lovely....and she is right - you do just have to keep on going. Its good to talk to people who have experienced every Mums nightmare. There is always something that is said that makes you think 'Ahhh thats a good idea' or 'those words are so comforting.' We can all learn things from each other cant we? xx

Morning girls xx

Well thats Tom off to college with my last £20!!!! He has been given a bursary to pay for his weekly bus travel but it hasn't come through yet hmm Think a telephone call is in order to sort it out!!

And I bet you gave it to him without a second thought! Hope he enjoyed his first day. How was your cleaning day?

You are right though, thinking of my friend's mother - we can learn from others, even if it's only to say that it is possible to keep on going, despite thinking that you can't.

WeAreSeven Mon 02-Sep-13 22:38:49

I'm not sure I would keep on going if I had a choice. You know when you're walking along with a toddler and they just sit -plop!- down in the middle of the path and refuse to budge! I feel like that a lot. Like I'd just like to stop and strop and sulk!
But you have to keep going because the other people keep right on walking and you have to walk with them.

Morning girls - Tom loves college!!

Bad day today! - Dont often feel like this anymore - have no idea why. Suspect it may have been last nights episodes of Coronation Street...yes I know its a soap but when they talked to Roy and Hayley about her cancer being untreatable I was back to our hospital and watching my Dads face when they gave him the same diagnosis. Keep having a cry and then getting mad with myself for doing it!!

Oh yes I can identify with the stroppy toddler who plonks herself down and wont move....

morning everyone

Hi there all.

shabs I bet you don't allow yourself to cry very much, but tears are liquid love. It's ok. And even the description of your Dad's face is heartbreaking, so reliving that moment itself must be even harder.

white how are you? Are you all sorted with your GDD now?

weareseven perfect description! I do have visions of you and Shabba sitting on the pavement, petulant looks on your faces, kicking your against the concrete, having a good old yell... Think I shall join you!

<<shuffles up the pavement and makes room for others to join in>>

No I dont cry a lot....I pin on a stupid cheery smile and try to convince others that I am fine. Trouble is my Dad (and Mum) have always been the strong ones in our family - the ones I run to whenever I am in shit trouble, the ones that have bailed us all out at some point or another. I have become their Mum now sad Dad keeps insisting on making appts. with the GP. He will not get a taxi but insists on me taking them on the bus. The round trip, plus the appt takes about 2 hours minimum and is exhausting for my parents. Then I come home and have a good cry.

He feels he has been left to get on with it. The amazing consultant gave him the verdict at the beginning of March...nothing could be done, it is untreatable cancer and he had no idea how long Dad has. Thats it...bye see you later kind of thing. He has carers twice a day but even they dont do anything verbally for him IYKWIM. I listen to him and then hug him and say I wish I could make him better.

Oh life is a crock of crap at times my friends xxxx

Morning girls xx

Snorris if you are reading this thread but not posting I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. xxxxx

Morning girls xx

WeAreSeven Thu 05-Sep-13 14:24:33

Afternoon, shabba!

Morning.....rain pouring down, dark grey skies and cold.....I hate autumn/Winter with a passion!!

WeAreSeven Fri 06-Sep-13 19:02:15

Yes there was talk of the T word today in work.
I put my hands over my ears.

Mia's mummy, I'm not too sure how I am to be honest
I'm learning more about the diabetes, my blood glucose it 8.7 at but an hour and a half ago I tried a banana.
Don't think y body can tolerate bananas

But i can eat strawberries

How's it going in Mia's wood after that incident?

Morning girls xx

Morningshabs
How are your mum n dad doing ?

Have you always been so close to them are did you become closer after losing your boys ?
I know I became closer to mine after losing ds
Before that I was very much,I don't need any help.with anything

We have always been close. Losing the boys didn't really change our relationship. Now that they are both ill (particularly my Dad) we have become even closer. I went this morning and talked to them for a while and then said to Mum 'Do you mind if I clean round for you Mum?' She looked relieved - so I have cleaned the house from top to bottom. Beds changed - lovely 'smell stuff' sprayed around, polished every surface etc etc etc. My Dad gave me some 'admin stuff' to do LOL.....'Can you ring this lady and ask her this.....can you contact these and sort this out?' To be honest its a pleasure to help them.

xxx

i think they are really lucky to have a dd like you, and you themsmile

xxx

blush oh thank you - we are lucky to have each other - we have lost two of our boys - their grandsons - and we know the value of each other and that none of us ever know when our last day will be. Told my Mum so often that we are not going to cry about all of this we are going to laugh and cherish every moment xx

i do think what we have been through makes you realise what you have and the value of people and life

yeah, i was thinking today, sometimes i feeel so unlucky to lose our son

yet i feel so lucky also to have a lovely dd who i sthe joy of my life and a happy marraige with dh, and a nice home and good friends and family
and another baby on the way

i know i will never feel 100% happy ever again in my life, but i am going to at least aim to feel happy and sad at the same time

There will come a time (I promise you) that you will be genuinly happy without having to stop and feel guilty for laughing and smiling. Time makes it all much more gentle...but the longing to see them again never goes away xxx

thanks shabbs xx

how is, is it your niece that recently lost a child

She is doing OK thank you for asking. Obviously heartbroken but my niece is an amazing person. Loves everybody, laughs out loud etc etc. xxx We were very close to begin with but the bond between us now is just wonderful xxx We all live in a very strange world where we all try to do our best xx

Morning girls xx

Glad to hear she's doing ok,I have thought about her

Sometimes when I read threads on here, where someone's gone through something similar I think,I should be able to help that person
Yet I struggle to find the words

I know what you mean love......I think that just showing someone you care and listening when they need to talk are more important than anything else.

Morning girls xx

snorris Mon 09-Sep-13 11:58:02

Morning, sorry I haven't posted more but I have been lurking blush.

I've been preparing myself for this week really, dd5 started school today and dd1 goes off to uni on Friday. I didn't know how I was going to be this morning as the last time I was in that classroom on a first day at school was to take Seren. That was an emotional time as it was a milestone I thought we wouldn't make and I didn't know whether those memories of that day would have an effect (I never cried when any of the others started blush). Luckily dd5 is with lots of children she knows and apart from being a bit hesitant about where to put her things she was absolutely fine - as was I smile. I couldn't look at some of the other mums sending their first-borns off to school though wink.
Just got to get through Friday now - one of my friends suggested throwing myself at dd1's feet, grabbing her ankles and crying,"Don't go!!". I think thst might be slightly more embarrassing than an few tears!

You dont have to say sorry love. You have been on my mind for a few days and I wondered how you were.

Oh Gawd - the school 'thing' - its so hard isin't it? I remember dragging Dan back into school after Matt was killed. The whole playground fell into silence and many of the children were crying. Then a few of Matts friends came and asked what exactly happened and said how much they missed him. sad Then the school photo's just with Dan on them.....my word it is such a difficult, difficult time.

Good luck for Friday sweetheart......I second the throwing yourself at her feet. An exciting new beginning for her but I understand how you must be feeling xxxxx

Morning girls xx

frasersmummy Tue 10-Sep-13 21:00:58

hey .. where is everybody.. ????

I know I have been missing for ages too... but have you all bogged off to facebook in my absence

I hope not

how you are all doing these days

I joined the group on FB but I dont think there is enough privacy and security on there and it worries me. I left after a couple of weeks.

Dont worry FM this thread will be on MN as long as my heart is beating - even when I am an 'old biddy' I will be putting 'Morning girls' every day smile

Good to see you love xxxxx

I'm here too. Just busy - family staying, have just started work, and we are in the throes of preparing for MiaFest, our first baby steps for a child-oriented festival to mark Mia's 3rd birthday on Sunday. We will camp out at Mia's Wood and planning all kinds of activities for the children, although the weather is not looking promising.

On top of this, Finn is going through another change at the moment, which means his sleep patterns are bonkers and he continues in his big sister's ability to make noise, with an eye-wateringly blistering scream.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 11-Sep-13 00:12:56

Hello everyone, I was on the last thread, hope I'm alright to join this one too, I have changed names since then but I like to come on and talk about Scott and Emma-Louise from time to time. It's been a long time for me now, 15 and 6 years but it still cuts like a knife every day sad how is everyone?

Have you namechanged Angel? Im a nosey person thats all grin

Any mums (or family members) walking this horrible path of the loss of a child (of any age) are welcome here.

When a child dies the sadness goes like ripples in water....further and further outward....affecting everybody xx

hmm I obviously didnt read the start of your message <<slaps own face>>

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 11-Sep-13 00:29:35

Yes I namechange all the time atm I keep on oversharing and regretting it, I need to learn that not every thought I have needs to be shared smile (I'll have to namechange again next week I bet)

I'm going through a bit of a no sleeping phase just now, lots going on and my mind racing all the time. My youngest is starting nursey, my oldest is starting secondary school and it just makes me realise how much I have missed out on if that makes sense, I miss my kids every day, but sometimes it hits harder than others.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 11-Sep-13 00:30:33

grin shabba, people usually fall asleep by the end of my posts, not at the start.

My youngest DS4 just started 6th form college....I have no idea where time goes....feels like I am living on 'microwave time!!' x

Morning girls xx

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 11-Sep-13 07:35:34

Morning Shabs, morning everyone xx

I like the sound of Miafest - wonderful idea. xx

Ladies there's a thread come up this afternoon here with someone new to the path you're walking. Don't know if anybody's seen it yet but I know that if anybody can help you can.
Love to you all smile

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 11-Sep-13 19:41:48

Thanks northern I just went on to offer some words of support and see its a troll thread sad how can anyone get their kicks from doing that.

I am SO SORRY. I had no reason to think it was dodgy. It rang perfectly true to me and I wanted to offer some help. I am mortified if that upset anybody. My troll radar is usually pretty good but there were only two posts and nothing seemed 'off'. Sickening that somebody could do that. Once again so sorry to have linked it here and thank you Angels for your willingness to reach out.

We walk amongst some very strange people sad

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 11-Sep-13 19:54:04

Northern you have absolutely nothing to apologise for at all. It looked really genuine, and it was really lovely of you to come and point us in the direction of that thread so we could help. Please don't feel bad xx

There must be something very wrong with the way they're wired to do this. So sorry once again. I really am mortified. I know you've had one or two troll troubles before and the last thing you need is me involving you in more. I'm really sorry. Have left my thoughts for the troll on the thread. Hopefully the twat will see it before it's deleted, not that they'll care angry

Northern for many months now I dont trust any of those threads - I let it run for a little while before I make up my mind. We have been 'badly trolled' on here many times. xxx

Dont worry Northern - you did what you thought was right. Its not your fault that there are some sick, twisted people on here xxxx

Helyantha Wed 11-Sep-13 20:55:04

I hope everyone's return to school is going as well as it can. I have the strangest sense of deja vu as I take DS4 to school - he is uncannily like DS1, who is now in his second year at uni! I feel very old in the playground though at the end of the day blush It's the first time I've ever taken my boys to school without teaching there (different school) & it's been quite an adjustment.
Miafest sounds wonderful! We have a party at Christmas & a day in June (around the time of his accident) to celebrate DS3 & to try & thank all the people who have been kind to us. We now have lots of people who didn't meet F, but still hold him in their hearts, which is lovely.

Morning girls xx

tinypumpkin Thu 12-Sep-13 20:52:52

I hope that you don't mind me joining you. I am rather old in the tooth I feel as we lost DD1 almost four years ago but I still struggle. DD1 and DD2 are twins so I am dreading their coming birthday. so hard and I can feel myself starting to fall apart already. DD3's birthday on Sunday and Ifind that hard too bizarrely (not as much at all). I think it is because there is always someone missing from our family occasions.

Helyantha Thu 12-Sep-13 22:34:08

Welcome tinypumpkin. So sorry to hear about your DD. 4 years is no time at all & yet so much changes. I find family occasions ok now, but still struggle with other social things. Even the school drop off/pick up is a challenge!
I hope this coming weekend isn't too difficult. Be gentle on yourself x

31 years and 21 years since I lost my precious sons - sometimes it feels like it happened two minutes ago and other times it feels like a 100 years.

Tell us more about your DD tiny if you want to xx

SaintVera Fri 13-Sep-13 00:02:05

Hi ladies, I've been AWOL, posting a lot on the Compassionate Friends forum which has been a lifesaver. This was my first 'home' when I lost Sean though, I'm forever grateful for that.

Remembering my beautiful Sean 16.4.96 - 9.7.12. Hilarious, challenging, extraordinary, severely disabled. So very loved and missed.

Sad to see new parents joining us. Welcome tinypumpkin. Hugs and strength for a tough weekend xx

Morning girls xx

snorris Fri 13-Sep-13 07:16:51

Morning. Today's the day my pfb wink goes to uni. We had a panic yesterday that her stuff wouldn't fit in our little Ford Ka but my dad came to the rescue and kindly arranged a hire car for us. Just have to go via the nearest Lidl to the uni to get a few groceries to see her through for a bit. Lots of wine for me tonight is in order!

Think I will join you with the 'having a slurp tonight' idea!!! I would imagine that when a child goes off to Uni it is exciting and terrifying all in the same breath. I remember when Dan & Em bought their house and he moved out....must admit to shedding a few tears even though he only lives about 15 minutes walk from us!

Sounds like you will be having a busy day Snorris. Will be thinking about you xxxx

James' girlfriend, Bex, went off to uni on thursday. I saw her on wednesday evening to say goodbye and good luck. We both cried as she left. I am so very proud of everything that she has achieved since James died and she deserves happiness and laughter in her life. It was so painful to let her go and she isn't 'my' daughter.

Snorris, I will be thinking of you today, make sure you have tissues.

Watching them grow and become independent is the hardest bit of parenting I think.

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx

Cant believe how cold it is here this morning. Yesterday the sun was shinning and it was lovely and warm....now we have grey skies and the heating is going on sad

Well, MiaFest is over. It was everything we hoped for, despite the weather. Our little girl has been celebrated and loved and remembered. For that, I am so grateful.

shabs we have a fire tonight. This time last year, we were wearing suncream!

snorris hope you made it through Friday ok. xx

Mumof Bex is lucky to have a second 'mum' in you.

tinypumpkin welcome. There isn't a timeframe on grief, so hope this thread and the friends here can help you. Your DD3 has the same birthday as Mia, who would be three today. A very special day.

saintvera hello again. Glad to hear from you again, and that you have found a good place to write about Sean. xx

helyantha your celebrations for F sound lovely. We'd like MiaFest to evolve into a wider community 'thank you' for children in the area, helping them discover the wonders of nature.

Mias sounds like you did indeed celebrate the life of your precious girl xxx

Morning girls xx

Helyantha Mon 16-Sep-13 09:31:01

Mias the weekend sounds lovely. I think the word 'celebration' is exactly right smile Happy Birthday Mia xx

WeAreSeven Mon 16-Sep-13 23:36:16

Remembering Beatrice xxx cupoftea A beautiful two year old angel xx

Morning girls xx

tinypumpkin Tue 17-Sep-13 10:36:56

Thanks for the welcome and sorry to have been slow in posting. Not quite sure what to say about DD1. That sounds silly I know. For many, she was just a baby who did not stay long on this earth but she is my daughter. Even though she lived for only 14 hours, I carried her for seven months and got to know her in that time. She is much missed and would be four in Oct along with her surviving twin sister.

I truly find this time of year so hard and it just does not get easier. I am really struggling again this year already. The tears are just there all the time and I feel like I am a blink away. Just the sadness too, it is overwhelming.

Morning girls xx

Thinking about Hazey and all her family on her precious GSons 7th birthday. Hope you are doing OK love - we miss you posting on here. Have been thinking about you all day xxxxxxx Wish he was still here with you - you must miss him terribly xxx

Morning girls xx

WeAreSeven Thu 19-Sep-13 14:43:51

Afternoon, ladies xx

Morning girls.....thank God its Friday!!! xx

Morning girls - everybody OK? xx

Hi there Shabs. Had an experience recently which only you all here could understand... I was at a tourist site, and there were some steps there- if you went up and down, with eyes closed, without stumbling, your wish would be granted by the local witch. My first thought would be for a little brother or sister for Finn...as I knew the only real wish I wanted, to have Mia back, can never be granted.hmm Then I rejected it all, knowing that no-one has the power to give us all what we really want, our children. It's all just delusion, despite wanting to believe so badly.

I totally understand what you mean Mias. I search for 'signs' for 'things' that will bring my boys home. Remember seeing a shooting star and wishing and then turning round and going back into my house thinking what a fool I was. Just five more minutes face to face with them. Even if they couldnt speak....just five minutes to say 'Im sorry but I couldn't prevent you both dying.....I love you dearly and will love you for all time and eternity.'

WeAreSeven Sun 22-Sep-13 00:10:40

I still believe we will get our children back. Not here and not soon but we will.
When my lovely almost-mother, C was dying, I told her I'd see her again. It was kind of a "See you again" that really was very tactless if I'd stopped to think about what I was saying. But she gave me the most beautiful smile and said "We will see each other, Seven, and we'll all be brighter!" It was the last time I saw her in this world. I know that C didn't cease to exist when her body failed her. We are more than skin, bones and brain. And she came back a year after she died to play a little mischief in her house and let her daughter know she was there!

WeAreSeven Sun 22-Sep-13 00:14:31

I have this fantasy that someone comes to me and gives her back and repairs our life. That I get back a two-year-old and that magically, there is evidence that she has always been around, there are records of vaccinations, there are photos of her at three, six, 12 months. But that in doing this, someone whispers to me, "You must never tell anyone, or we'll take her away again"
So I have to keep it a secret. And that this does happen sometimes and people keep it a secret, so that's why no-one knows about it.
I know it's not true but I dream it might be.

Morning girls xx

tinypumpkin Sun 22-Sep-13 10:08:09

Me too Seven. I also have a similar dream. I do also believe that I will see my daughter again, I have to hold onto that.

WeAreSeven Sun 22-Sep-13 23:00:34

<<HUGS>>> pumpkin. When I feel like it's going to be too long, I look at 17 year old ds1 and think, my goodness, it just seems like yesterday that he a was a baby at my breast.
So the acres of time before me will probably go by like a flash, he'll be an adult, ds4 will be an adult, maybe I'll be a granny. And all that time will go by more quickly than we know.

I met the lovely Mias today! We talked for ages. She is as lovely in real life as she is on MN!

gringrinIt was wonderful meeting weareseven today. A great lunch with an awesome lady. We toasted our daughters and talked non-stop. Definitely the highlight of my trip away!! Thank you Mia and Sylvie-Rose, for providing us with such friends when we cannot have you - these friendships bring you closer to us.

Morning girls xx

WeAreSeven Mon 23-Sep-13 13:42:13

Good afternoon all xx

Hello all. Took Finn to nursery today fur a settling-in session. So many memories of doing it with Mia.

WeAreSeven Mon 23-Sep-13 23:30:28

That is tough, Mias. Hard that Mia's not here to be a bossy big sister to him but yet lovely to see Finn reaching his milestones.
How did he get on?

He loved it, seven! He was into everything. The carers were lovely, they all know about Mia, and so I wasn't asked any questions when I added her name to the section on brothers / sisters in Finn's "All about Me" sheet.

WeAreSeven Mon 23-Sep-13 23:53:46

The carers will love Finn, of course. He is edible!

Just found out today that one of ds4's nursery carers is very ill with breast cancer. She is such a lovely, motherly woman. She lost her first son to stillbirth and was so kind and understanding to us when Sylvie-Rose died.

Why do bad things always seem to happen to the loveliest people?

Oh, that is so sad, seven. Why? Because, sadly, there is no such thing as karma. Life is all completely random. None of us deserve to lose our children.

Morning girls xx

You are right Mias - life is very random. x

WeAreSeven Tue 24-Sep-13 08:26:23

morning, shabba xx

Charleymouse Tue 24-Sep-13 14:42:50

Afternoon ladies.

Hope you are all well, Snorris no way Uni how nervewracking exciting for you all. Shabba just seen Toms off to college, well done on those GCSEs. Mias and Weare how lovely to meet up and have a natter. Iliketomoveit I am a bit of a random poster as well, I feeel like I should habnd in a not to Shabba to excuse my absence and say the dog ate my homework.

Welcome tinypumpkin I and a few other mums are parents of lone twins.
I find it really hard as the day you are celebrating a birthday you are also mourning a lost child. It is such a roller coaster and so hard having competing emotions trying to pull you apart.

People seem afraid to mention your twin baby who is no longer here and that upsets you as much as them saying something and you being upset on the day. Sometimes you feel as though they just want to sweep things under the carpet.

What happened to your DD1? What is she called? I am so grateful that DT2 made it but devastated that DT1 did not.

Four years is no time at all and people who think that you should have moved on or got over it all now are so fortunate that they do not have to walk a mile in our shoes. You do not get over it, you learn to cope, to live with it, to laugh again and smile, even enjoy life occasionally but you do not just get over losing a child.

Much love
CM

My5boysandme Tue 24-Sep-13 16:17:43

Remembering Dexter 21/07/12-24/09/12 xxx

My5boysandme Tue 24-Sep-13 16:18:25

Aargh fat fingers

Remembering Dexter 21/06/12-24/09/12 xxx

Hiya Charley - so good to see you....dont need a note grin its just always good to see you xxxx

WeAreSeven Wed 25-Sep-13 01:06:40

Hi Charley!

Hi Myfive, remembering Dexter xx
How is his new brother doing?

Morning girls xx

Everybody OK? <<whispers>> We have very warm sunshine!!

WeAreSeven Thu 26-Sep-13 23:51:46

Well, we had horrible weather here, shabs!

Morning girls xx

Thinking of Sylvie-Rose today, a adored little sister to 4 big brothers, and daughter of loving parents *weareseven" and MrWeAreSeven. A beautiful little rose. Xx

WeAreSeven Fri 27-Sep-13 10:44:51

Mias blush Her anniversary isn't today, I think I said it was on another thread because I knew for ages it was a Friday but it's next Friday. I had got in into my head that it was the week after I was meeting you so think I told you wrongly!
But you are lovely to remember even if Sylvie-Rose's mother is a numpty!

Ah well, Sylvie-Rose is still loved and adored by her family, regardless of what day it is...

WeAreSeven Fri 27-Sep-13 16:43:50

She is! She is loved and missed every single day of every single year.

Morning girls xx

Morning shabs. How's things with you? How are your parents and the lovely Lew?

lovely Lew is fantastic!! He has had a haircut this week - he says he doesn't want curls anymore grin It is still curly though - Danny has managed, somehow, to spike it up for him!! Dan, Em & Lew are going to a friends house tonight for a get together. All the lads who were in the 'gang' at High school plus their wives and children grin Cant even imagine how noisy that will be LOL.

My parents, especially Dad, are really not well. Dad is now on Morphine syrup and has a Morphine patch on - he says that he is still in pain even with his dosage being doubled up sad xx

WeAreSeven Sat 28-Sep-13 16:44:29

Aw, why do they always decide they don't want curls any more? Ds4 insisted that he get a "boy's" haircut after some little brat friend in school told him he had a girl's one.

Your poor Dad. It must be so hard being in pain all the time.sad

I dont know how Danny has managed to spike it into a small Mohecan (wrong spelling) I think there has probably been a lot of hair gel involved LOL. By the time he has run about at the party the curls will all be back LOL.

Im going down to my parents house tomorrow - at the beginning the world and his wife visited but now we are down to myself, DH, Dan & his family and Tom. I have to buy DH a birthday card for my Mum - take it down while she writes it out and then bring it back LOL LOL. They live on a main road and its a bus ride to shops for them.

Dad is my hero - such a strong bloke who hates admitting how ill he feels - he is my first love xxx

thinking of dexter and sylvie rose xxxx

hope everyones doing ok xxxx

Morning girls xx

WeAreSeven Sun 29-Sep-13 13:49:40

Afternoon, all!

Evening all.

Shabba - lovely Lew with a curly Mohican?!? wink Love it!! But sad to hear your parents are dealing with so much pain, despite the drugs. Yet they still think about others like your DH. No wonder your dad is your first love...

Just spent the afternoon with lovely friends who are due to soon have the inquest for their adult daughter who died after a riding accident. They wanted to understand what to expect... We shared our experience for Mia, and said that there is no 'good' outcome, because it won't bring the daughter back, but it is the opportunity to seek answers if they do have any questions. But so rubbish that this an area of 'expertise' we now have. I feel for them so.

Morning girls xx

snorris Mon 30-Sep-13 10:13:30

Morning everyone.

I'm feeling massively guilty at the moment. I took little L to a party at the weekend and one of the other mums there mentioned she'd taken her elder daughter up to Seren's grave and had I seen the picture someone had left? I felt awful confessing that I hadn't been for weeks, it is complicated though as I don't always have the car and now that's failed its MOT sad.
We're also changing the bedrooms around now dd1 has gone to uni - that was agreed even before she applied but of course it means moving Seren's bed and her clothes. It all feels so disloyal but of course she isn't forgotten.

Oh Snorris - I rarely go to my lads grave. Last time I went was at least 6 months ago. I am OK when I am there but the thought of going terrifies me....I dont know why.

Dont beat yourself up about anything love. You are doing the best you can. xxxxx

WeAreSeven Mon 30-Sep-13 19:31:45

snorris, graves and bedrooms, they're "stuff". We associate stuff with people and sometimes when someone dies, we and others attach a lot of importance to it. But none of it is truly important, the essence of a person does not live on in the things they owned or the place we bury them, the essence of a person is what we carry around with us in our hearts and minds, the memories of them, the love we have for them.
I go to Sylvie-Rose's grave a lot, it doesn't help particularly and I don't feel any closer to her than I do if I sit at home and think of her. I often walk away feeling worse because my daughter shouldn't have a grave at all. And because she doesn't have a headstone and because the little garden I have made for her is not as lovely as it should be, I often feel guilty.

Morning girls xx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Wed 02-Oct-13 00:24:52

Good evening folks. chipmonkey/WeAreSeven here, this is my halloween name.

Morning girls xx

Great name Chips xx

Morning girls xx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Fri 04-Oct-13 00:38:07

Two years. Two years served in the half-life. Was I very bad in a previous life, that I got this sentence?

31 years since my twin baby boy died and 21 years since Matt was killed. I am a totally different person. I am kind, compassionate, caring and very, very SARCASTIC and a nasty 'piece of work' as my Nan would say.

Dont know what it is all about x

Morning girls xx

Is anyone around to helpme someone just really upset me and I dont know what to say

A friend just text me to say just think v soon you will be a mum of two sad its just really really upset me as this baby is my third nit my second sad I dont know what to reply tbh

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 04-Oct-13 12:08:16

Oh white that is really insensitive of her.

I would just send a text back telling her you will be a Mum of 3, not 2. It might make her think twice before saying anything again. Some people are so thoughtless the only thing they will respond to is you being blunt with them.

(((((HUGS)))))

SalmonellaDeGhoul Fri 04-Oct-13 12:19:02

white text her back and tell her that you will be a Mum of three. Which you are and always will be. If you don't do it now, she will continue to say things like that and just cause you more aggro. Did this friend do something like this before?

Thing is she was sending me a really nice message and I know she didnt mean to hurt me

but boy does that sting sad

when I was pg before I had a mc but after I lost my ds
I had alot if comments about what its gonna be like when ive got two......

sad sad sad

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 04-Oct-13 12:37:47

She didn't mean to hurt you, but she will more than likely say it again if you don't correct her, which will hurt you all over again. You don't have to be unkind, but a gentle reminder that you will be a Mum of 3 wouldn't go amiss.

i replied back, well i'ii be a mum of three really as ds will always be my second.
sad
feel really guilty as i don't want to her or upset her
and i don't think ment to hurt me

it just really really did sad

SalmonellaDeGhoul Fri 04-Oct-13 17:22:14

white, you did the right thing. And you said it nicely.

white good on you for saying that to your friend, it will make things so much easier for you to say it again in the future, although hopefully you won't need to.

salmonella Sylvie-Rose! How are you faring today, lovely? I have been with a friend this afternoon, and I kept on calling her DD Sylvie-Rose, as her name is very similar...

We are organising a charity ball for Mia's Wood next month, and yesterday I decided to promote it in a class that Finn does. It was a little 'gully" but I did it - some of the other mothers knew about Mia, but I could see the shock, horror and sympathy on the faces of the others who didn't. Still, I am glad they all know about Mia now.

SalmonellaDeGhoul Fri 04-Oct-13 18:54:25

Tough day. I find it hard because unlike her birthday, there's nothing specific to do, nothing that you "should" do so it makes the day very long. Lots of lovely people saying lovely things and the flowers we got this year were from a local florist who do posies and bouquets that are just a little "different" but it was a nice display than last year. Dh was not very impressed with my attempt to put a little hedge around Sylvie-Rose's grave so he and the boys are re-doing it this weekend. He is right, I planted very crookedly and the shrubs were very poor quality but I was a little upset as I had worked quite hard on it.

Yes, there is nothing positive about a remember day, is there? On a birthday, you can remember meeting your child.

Realise that autocorrect didn't like what I had written... it was "gulpy" rather than "gully"... serves me right for making up words!

Thanks guys sorry for bargining in like that

I tried to say it as nicely as I possibily could
as I really didnt want to hurt or upset anyone

but I couldnt just suck it up
and im fed up with people hurting me sad sad sad

SalmonellaDeGhoul Sat 05-Oct-13 01:06:17

Yes, Mias, I noticed the "gully" but thought maybe it was some Aussie/UK thing that I hadn't heard!grin

white, you are the one who lost your child so other people need to be careful not to upset you, not the other way round. And if we don't correct them, they will blithely go on saying those things possiblly to other bereaved parents and never think for a moment that they are causing any hurt.

Yeah salmon, I know you are right

feel a bit less guilty now and am actually glsd ive stuck up for myselc for once
being assertive doesnt always come easy to me xx

thanks for ttalking to me about it xxxx

Morning girls xx

You did the right thing White. xxx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Sat 05-Oct-13 10:48:26

Morning, shabs!

Did she reply white?

She didn't reply

snorris Sat 05-Oct-13 20:11:20

Pah! Facebook. Rargh! hmm That is all.
Don't want to say too much in I upset someone.

Morning girls xx

You OK Snorris? x

snorris Sun 06-Oct-13 08:15:02

Yeah. It's just I came across something on there. I don't have a problem with people talking about their loss but there are some things that I feel are best kept private and not shared with the whole world sad .

snorris that's hard. Want to talk about it more? This space is for support, so you would be safe in saying what you feel here.

Finding the Mia/ Finn coincidences more marked and challenging at the moment. I know it is because it's October, a beautiful but terrible time of year for us. Just harder than normal to be rational about my fears.

You know what really makes me mad? Those blubbing X-factor wannabes. I find their tears so insulting. Just because you may or may not get selected for the 'opportunity for a lifetime' isn't a reason to cry. Have a real reason. <sits down again, grumpy old bag face on.>

Oh yes Mias - the young kids who cry and say 'If I dont get through to the live finals it will feel like my life is ended!!!!' I always scream at the telly 'NO IT BLOODY WONT!!' Why does this society tell our kids that they have to be famous???

tinypumpkin Sun 06-Oct-13 13:24:04

Totally understand about the x factor crying, it makes so much sense.

Does anyone feel so totally consumed with sadness sometimes? A difficult month as our daughters' birthday is approaching (two weeks) and I know things are hard already. Found out last night that a friend's son has leukaemia. Just don't understand how bad things can keep happening to lovely people. It makes me feel sad on so many levels, some of which feel rather selfish and that makes me feel worse.

Things are never the same are they once you have lost a child. Everything changes but few people see that.

SalmonellaDeGhoul Sun 06-Oct-13 14:23:14

Oh yes, X factor. An awful lot of blubberers on there this year. How they will cope with the fame if they do make it is beyond me.

snorris Sun 06-Oct-13 14:56:51

I get fed up with people and their pets. Don't get me wrong, I love my animals and miss them when they're gone but they don't take precedence over my family. There's a lady at my yard who has a shrine in her garden to her departed horse FGS. She spent over £500 having him individually cremated shock. Yet she's watching the pennies because her husband is out of work confused. No doubt I've offended someone with my views!

That isn't what I was on about earlier btw, it's to do with another bereaved parent so I am trying to be sympathetic. Without going into too much detail they have put a photo on a FB that I think really should be kept for themselves only. Maybe it serves me right for clicking on a link but I did have a kind of connection. Anyhow, I've had a clean up and removed a few people and things I don't need in my life any more.

tinypumpkin Sun 06-Oct-13 15:18:34

I understand Norris. I used to be animal mad before losing DD. I love my pets (not that we have any right now) but losing them now means less. That sounds bad but I just can't feel as devastated as I did before, that is reserved for DD only.

Sorry to hear about the FB post. As a community of bereaved parents we do things differently and it can be hard sometimes. United yet sometimes poles apart.

snorris, do you not think its upto the parents what they choose to do with the photos?
sorry i dont mean to be touchy but someone told me that headstones are not the place for putting on photos as they are about moving on.....
and its always stcuk with me what right does anyone else have to think they can tell others what to do
i'm guessing perhaps its a photo of a stillborn baby or a photo of the child after he or she died

but i totally agree with you about x factor prats and pets

snorris Sun 06-Oct-13 16:47:44

I guess you're right. I think it may also partly be down to the fact that I find some people put a lot of stuff out in the public domain then get upset when they don't like what others have said, which is not always negative either. I suppose having been in the world of life-limited children I have sadly seen it several times this year. Like it's been said above we are different and I don't intend to offend anybody.

snorris Sun 06-Oct-13 16:51:15

I find that odd that someone said that to you about photos on headstones as that seems a logical ( not sure if that's the right word) thing to do.

yeah the headstone thing didnt make sense to me, and i don't even have a photo of ds on his headstone anyway

it was just the way someone said to me, oh i hope your not going to get one of those headstones with a photo on it, that i found upsetting as i think if thats what i or anyone else wanted, it should be fine

i know alot of people who i have met through sands etc that only have photos of their child where the child has already died because they are stillborn, and i just feel a bit defencevise over them

our ds died shortly after being born, but i know friends [sands etc] friends that would have loved to see there child alive if only for a very short time
and we have photos of ds when he was alive and after he died

anyway i certainly would never want to upset you xxxx
never xxx

frasersmummy Sun 06-Oct-13 20:48:46

hi all

I was at my inlaws tonight and they had pictures out that we took while our house was being built

I was looking at me outside the wooden structure and thought no-one knew I was pregnant
That's when it hit me .. 10 years ago just now I was expecting Fraser.. 10 bloody years ..how can the years go by so fast ... we were sooo excited... new house new baby ..

sometimes old grief catches up wit you

tinypumpkin Sun 06-Oct-13 20:57:20

Hope you have a gentle evening Fraser's Mummy. It's so hard when grief catches up with you as you say. Days move into months and into years but nothing really changes does it.

FrasersMammy - I have missed you on here. I feel slightly doolally (crazy) if that makes any sense at all. Got a head full of useless worries and sadness. Its been 31 years since my Gareth died and 21 years since Matt was killed BUT I think about both of them many times every day. You are normal, my friend, you are normal and thinking about the 'what ifs' and the 'could have beens' - sending my love and thoughts to you tonight xx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Mon 07-Oct-13 00:31:12

Oh, fm sad

I have just come back from a "girly" weekend in a hotel with spa and my SIL was talking about another hotel we had stayed in for a family wedding. I was saying that I hadn't hugely enjoyed that wedding and SIL said "But of course you were pregnant which didn't help!"
And then I remembered that I had been pregnant and that as far as I was aware, I was going to be raising my fifth child.

Dh and ds2 and I went up to Sylvie-Rose's grave today and prepared the soil properly for a little hedge around it. I planted some of the little box hedge plants. It's not finished but it looks so much better now than it did. I just mentioned that I had forgotten the watering-can and really the plants should be watered. When all of a sudden it started to rain. She's clever, my girl. And it was nice that we were doing it together. Dh finds the graveyard tough, I think, so usually I go alone.

snorris please don't think too badly of the couple in question. I think a lot of people find it very hard not to have their baby acknowledged and looked at when they were born sleeping and maybe share things that other people find hard to look at. I honestly don't know what I would have done, had Sylvie-Rose been born sleeping. We are lucky to have pictures of her when she was living and breathing and share those happily. I feel fortunate that at least we have those and don't have to make the decision to share photos of her after she died.

snorris Mon 07-Oct-13 07:54:10

I just want to apologise if I've upset anyone, I've been worrying about it. I think I made the mistake of seeing it from my point of view and knowing how upset my dad would be if I had posted a similar picture of Seren. I normally try hard not to judge people, something MN has taught me! Of course people will want to share their precious photos.

Morning girls xx

Snorris you dont have to apologise. I get irate at FB - OFTEN!!!!

SalmonellaDeGhoul Mon 07-Oct-13 12:07:25

snorris, don't feel bad. I know that people share things sometimes that I wouldn't, or don't think I would. Facebook can be awful too. One of my aunts means well but some of the comments she makes on photos etc can be dreadful. It's like she doesn't stop to think before she posts.

snorris no need to apologise. You were upset by something, and explained why in a very rational manner. And others here then put forward some other views in a nice polite way too - so we all learnt something. Just imagine if we all thought exactly the same way - no-one would ever say anything, and no-one would ever learn anything either! And personally, I would get very bored talking to myself every day...wink

SalmonellaDeGhoul Mon 07-Oct-13 15:41:51

I talk to myself all the time.......

fm those memories can sneak up on you, can't they? And time does not diminish that pain. xx

shabba dolally? What's going on, my friend? Trying to keep it all together for your Mum and Dad, your sons, and the rest of the family without any time for you, or to remember Matt and Gareth?

Salmonella so glad to hear that tidying up Sylvie-Rose's plot was a family affair. I am not at all surprised she made it rain, she has always demonstrated a remarkable capacity to respond to you.

Two touching moments today. People can be amazing sometimes. I talked about the Mia's Wood ball again today with another set of parents, and then I was surprised when one of the teachers then announced that she was giving Mia's Wood a sizeable donation on behalf of a local women's group, who had heard about Mia's Wood, but until today, she hadn't realised that I was Mia's mother. Tears all around at that point... and then tonight, we have received an email from a local father whose daughter died last year, and while he can't come along to the ball, he wants to donate goods for the charity auction in memory of his girl. Hidden pain lurks everywhere, doesn't it?

smile something like that Mias.....am being plagued with Arthritus as well - its a miserable thing. I know it is not being helped by the fact that I am very overweight. Everything whirls round and round in my head. I fall asleep instantly and within about an hour I am having anxiety dreams....dreams where I cant escape from a room, dreams that I cant find my way home, where I am in an area that I only vaguely recognise and cant get home. I think I am finally, and totally, losing the plot!!

SalmonellaDeGhoul Tue 08-Oct-13 00:10:52

Oh, shabs, arthritis can be so crippling and you don't need it on top of everything else. Have you tried glucosamine? A couple of people I know swear by it.

Mias, you really don't know who's suffering until you talk to them, do you? On our weekend away, a very drunk man was chatting to us. He told us that he had lost two children. I told him about our girl. And there we were, two drunk people painting on smiles for everyone else.

Morning girls xx

I first got Arthritus after I had Tom. Had it in my wrists really badly. Used to have to struggle to pick him up. Usually paracetamol help a lot - I am going to have to go to the GP's but dont want to!!

'Two drunk people painting on smiles for everyone else.' Those words speak volumes and I know exactly what you mean xx

Hi all.Not been on here for a while,but I think of you.Sorry to any newly bereaved who have joined this thread, but I hope you find some comfort from it.
My darling Jacob would have been 2 today.We had 5 difficult but very precious days together before we had to say goodbye.Love you always baby.

A message of hope is that we now have ds2,who is 8 months old and an utter delight.He is a beautiful addition to our family and today we are celebrating Jacob's birthday with a trip to a nature reserve and a picnic.
Hugs to those who need them.We will never forget our children.

Happy Birthday Jacob - thinking of you all and will light a candle to honour your little lad xx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Tue 08-Oct-13 13:30:25

Hi Tallulah!
I was chipmonkey on the November 11 thread. Wonderful that Jacob has a little brother but so sorry he isn't here on his second birthday to meet him.

Thank you both.We have had a good day,lots of cuddles from ds2.

tallulah sending you birthday wishes to Jacob, and what lovely news about DS2.

salmonella oh lovely, shabba is right, that phrase is very apt...

shabba <stern face> Now, Mrs, are you seeing someone about getting something strong enough for the pain? Acute pain is exhausting, and dealing with that on top of caring for your family, will make you really ill. There is no need to make your burden heavier than it is.

blush not seeing anyone - I know what it is - usually paracetamol dulls it. I think the main problem is that I am totally pissed off fed up, to be honest. Everything seems massive at the moment and nothing runs smoothly. Fretting and worrying about every last little thing. No matter how small - which is not like the usual 'me'

Worrying mainly about bloody Xmas Day!!!! FFS!! For about the last 8 years my parents have come to us and we spoil them rotten and have a laugh and eat too much. This year my Dad cant chew anything at all....in fact even if he is eating soup he has to be very careful that the spoon does not touch his gums. Last week he was eating some home made soup that I had blitzed so it was smooth....he touched his gums with the spoon and put the bowl down and cried sad just big blobby tears ran down his cheeks and I felt like I had hurt him.

Dont anyone tell me there is a God - there is no such thing.

sad at that image of your gorgeous brave Dad crying. Straws? But please, see a doctor yourself too...

I found some plastic spoons - more like rubber really. They are quite big and I am sure Lew used to eat his dinner with them when he was at mine. They change colour if the food is too hot. I am going to get Dad some and give them to Lew to give to him. He will say 'Pops (all the great grandchildren call him that) I have bought you some spoons that are great and they wont hurt your mouth.

SalmonellaDeGhoul Wed 09-Oct-13 01:17:46

Aw, shabs! That is such a sad, sad image I have of your poor Dad. sad

And seriously, paracetemol will not cut that pain! I have to ask patients at work about what medication they are on and people with arthritis are usually on a combination of difene and anti-inflammatories. Not necessarily full time but at least part of the time.

Make a little time to see your GP. Do you know, shabba, if you lived over here you would have to pay Fifty Euro every time you see your GP. And you ladies in the UK get that free and there you are taking paracetemol!

Im not at all happy that somethings been done to me thats considered poor ptactice

Hi guys sorry about that post it was ment for chat board not in here xxxx
sorry so tired xxx

Morning girls xx

Oh my word I didn't know you had to pay to see your GP - thats awful - and something I am sure will be the same here very soon. I have to go for my annual medication review in a few days so I promise I will ask about this pain.

BeaverAbroad Wed 09-Oct-13 22:07:25

Hi. Didn't see this thread before blush

Remembering my beautiful Josh. We last hugged him two years ago. He died as a result of meningitis aged four. Loved and missed forever. Xx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Thu 10-Oct-13 09:03:07

Welcome Beaver. So sorry to hear about your little Josh xx

Morning girls xx

Welcome Beaver. So sorry to hear about your DS. You will find support and friendship on this thread x

BeaverAbroad Thu 10-Oct-13 16:35:08

Thanks and hello x

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx Everyone OK?

BeaverAbroad Sat 12-Oct-13 13:05:50

Afternoon xx

Little broken hearted right now. Visited a man today who wanted to donate goods for our Mia's Wood charity auction. His daughter died last year, and his stepson died in a car crash five years ago. He said very matter-of-factly "I don't have any children now." hmm

Poor man - just a few words that say everything sad

How lovely of him to contribute. xxxx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Sat 12-Oct-13 16:47:19

Poor man. sad

BeaverAbroad Sat 12-Oct-13 16:55:20

Poor man sad

BeaverAbroad Sat 12-Oct-13 16:55:40

Xpost.

Morning girls xx

lavandes Sun 13-Oct-13 22:00:32

Hi ladies

I feel that I must stay away for a while. I will never forget the love and support I have had from you all but I feel I must take a break . xxx

tinypumpkin Sun 13-Oct-13 22:37:22

Sorry to hear that you need to take a break Lavandes, wishing you gentle days and weeks.

I am not sure if I am allowed to do this so apologies if not. I will understand if the link is removed. I nominated our hospital chaplain as she has been truly amazing since Ava died for an award. She has been shortlisted and the event is the day before Ava's 4th birthday next week. If anyone would be kind enough to vote that would be amazing. It's free and no need to register. Link is here

SalmonellaDeGhoul Sun 13-Oct-13 23:20:15

We will miss you, lavandes but do what you need to do for yourself xx

Morning girls xx

Will miss you Lavandes - very much - but I do understand totally. Take care love and shout up if you need to talk at all xxxxxx

Lavandes, do what you need to do. We aren't going anywhere if you want to pop back. Take care of yourself. X

Morning girls xx

have lit my candle in honour of all our children - no matter what their age when they left us xxxxx

'No death so sad as that of a child.' xxxxx

Morning girls xx

orangeflutie Wed 16-Oct-13 08:00:32

Remembering my son James today although it's not as if I forget. Happy 15th Birthday. Love you always xx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Wed 16-Oct-13 09:51:17

Happy birthday, James xx

orangeflutie Wed 16-Oct-13 15:08:19

Thank you SalmonelladaGhoulsmile it's good to hear. As each year passes his name doesn't pop up in conversation much and I feel more sad. He was here and did exist so thanks again.

I don't usually post on this thread so hope this is ok with everyone.

SalmonellaDeGhoul Wed 16-Oct-13 15:18:01

Of course, orange. You don't need to purchase a license or anything to post here . grin

BeaverAbroad Wed 16-Oct-13 16:25:30

Happy 15th birthday James.

I real,t hate it when people act like my child has disappeared. People acting like he never existed.

My niece was doing some poetry yesterday and was studying a poem from the pov of a mother on the loss of her son. It was so sad. She needed help on a presentation and all I could do was cry. hmm

Sorry this is belated but Happy Birthday James xxxx

Morning girls xx

Hi just wanted to let you know i finally had my baby
He was born last thu by c section he came out pink and screaming
I was longing so much to hear him cry me and dh both were

I'm very sore still

Of course it's been a bit strange with emotions flying all over the place
With ds1 on our minds all the time

Had to fight off a lot of upsetting comments about how when it's your second this and that etc

When this baby is my third

Ds1 will always be my second

And comments like now your a mother of two....

Ouch how they sting me to the core

But I I think I'm doing quite well stick up for myself and ds1

Sometimes I feel a bit guilty towards ds2 that I think of ds1 so much but i wil get used to it

I keep going to call ds2 ds1 name and in fact hd actually did last night
I've not actually said it out loud yet
I just kinda think it in my mind

Anyway don't want to go on, just wanted to let you know what was goin go n with me xxxx

I hope you all are well and I think of you all very much xxxx

Many congratulations White - thats wonderful xx

Welcome to the world little boy xx

I struggled with the name thing as well. I can imagine how your emotions are all over the place.

Sending love to you and your family xxx

SalmonellaDeGhoul Thu 17-Oct-13 13:52:52

white, how wonderful! I'm really happy for you. The name thing is normal and I mean that as in I call ds1 by ds2's name and ds2 by ds3's name etc. I know all my boys are living but I don't think it would be any different if I had lost one, if you know what I mean.
And it's natural that you would think of ds1. Of course you do xxxx

Helyantha Thu 17-Oct-13 21:02:30

Congratulations White! Welcome to the world, little one xx

White, that is wonderful news. Yes, you will be all over the place with your emotions, but enjoy those lovely snuggles. Xx

Morning girls xx

Very quiet on here - everybody OK?

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx

My "season of sadness" is beginning. My grandmother died today two years ago. Mia's inquest finished a year ago last week. She died two years ago next Thursday. And tomorrow, there is the funeral of a very dear friend in Belgium, but I can't attend. We are off to Westonbirt Arboretum today to see the beautiful autumn colours and think of then all, and remember how innocent we were all that time ago...

Its emotionally very hard work when birthdays, anniversaries and other significant dates all fall together. It makes you wonder just how much emotion and stress a human being can cope with doesn't it? We must be made of very tough stuff even if it doesn't feel like that at times xxxx

do any of you ever look at photos of yourself years ago, years before your heartache and think oh if only you knew what life had in store for you....

there is a photo of me and dh in my living room and we look so young and full of health wellbeing and future promise
oblivious to what we were about to go through

it just reminded me when you said how innocent you were all that time ago

i find the christmas season is tough and ds1 birthaday/anniversary is in feb so that feels like my toughest time
i can clearly remmeber seeing hearts everywhere i looked in feb too
due to valntines day
and valentines stuff makes me feel sad

Yes to looking at pictures - most definitly.

I have a pic of myself and DH at a party (probably I think his Mums birthday) in September 1981. I was 6 months pregnant with my twin boys (didnt find out I was having twins till 10 days before I delivered them at 38 weeks!!)

I look 9 months pregnant and I have a massive grin on my face - proudly showing off my enormous bump.

sad so naieve - not got a clue as to what would unfold over the coming years.

Have been to see my parents today. They are 'muddling' along - no better in their health. I felt like the grown up and also realised I am clueless and afraid of their future. xx

frasersmummy Sun 20-Oct-13 23:27:34

I cant seem to find the strength to post these days but do lurk

There never seems to be many people around these days ..where has everyone gone..I miss the banter

Hiya FM - I miss seeing you around but I do know what you mean xxx

A group started on FB for this thread. I was a bit wary because there is little protection on MN but, in my opinion, NONE on FB. I joined the group for a while and then it didn't feel right. As long as I can I will try to keep this thread going. We have 'weathered storms' on here and always tried to help each other. We all share the same sad story - we all walk this crappy path of the bereavment of a child/children.

I think we should try to get it back to how it used to be.....support, sadness, grief, laughter, smiles and tears. If we all support each other we will walk the path together.

We should try to make it how it used to be. xxxxx

Morning girls xx

I miss the banter as well. I wonder if people become worried about offending others if they had a good day when others didn't, or feel able to smile when others can't. For me, when I am down, it's good to read that someone else is having a better time while I'm not, or to have a silly giggle about something innocuous.

Finn has been a disaster zone today. He bit another little boy (on the forehead, of all places) and then this afternoon, he was chewing on a rattle and fell forward, causing his mouth to bleed and he has a big blood blister on his lip. He is so rough and tumble!

Yesterday was beautiful at the arboretum. Of course, it rained heavily as we were only halfway around, but I managed to collect a wonderful variety of red, orange and golden leaves, which are now sitting in a bowl in the kitchen. A little bit of Mia. x

Banter is good Mias....to be able to laugh out loud at something is very good. So much sadness and heavy hearts and then when something makes me laugh I cant stop.

I love the Autumn colours - come to think of it thats all I like about Autumn and Winter.....give me a hot sunny day any time xx

Ah, I know you are a Greek goddess,*shabba*! grin

Morning girls xx

grin @ Greek goddess!!

Go with it, shabba wink

Just feeling sad. It's all nearly here. It matters, but it doesn't. Just another day without my beautiful little redhead.

Got my strawberry scented candle burning tonight - in my lovely jewelled candleholder that I stole got from our hotel in Rhodes!!! It smells beautiful and just thinking about all our children who are no longer physically here with us.

Dont know if anybody watched DIY SOS tonight? I always cry when I am watching it but tonights episode almost pushed me 'over the edge.' So much sadness and struggle.

You are right Mias - it doesn't matter....and it does, it will come and it will go - we have to keep plodding through - 'one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe.' xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning. Very grey and miserable here. Appropriate. hmm just another day.

Didn't watch DIY SOS, shabba, but I have friends who do, and like you, they find some of the stories so sad.

Any exciting Lew adventures recently? I do love that boy!! Does he still have his Mohawk hairstyle?

The hair do requires a LOT of gel LOL. He got 15 out of 15 in his first proper spelling test at school. Took it down to show his Pop and Gee Gee (my parents - his great grandparents) - crafty little sod knew he would get money as a reward grin

He then proceeded to tell my Dad that he knew loads of words for 'his bits!!!' I thought my Dad may choke laughing when he rhymed them off.......Conkerdors, Crown jewels, Codswallops, Dangleberrys etc etc etc shock - he is only 5 LOL LOL - certainly cheered my Dad up!!!

Lew is such a character! Smart, cheeky - and words for his bits!! That really made me laugh.

Morning girls xx

Hello. It's been an unsettled 24 hours, but think we have found some calm now. MrMia and I had words over something silly last night, because we were both sad and stressed. This morning, we woke to both the car alarm and the shed alarm (a distance away) going off. Then Finn woke and vomited everywhere. It's like the world was saying "things aren't right today". It knew about Mia and Beatrice.

Eventually though, the sun came out and it was a glorious Mia-bright autumn day. We are just back home from spending several hours at Mia's Wood, planting a gorgeous red acre and two little eucalypts, and doing some tree maintenance and checks on the others there.

While I have a deep sadness, there is now a sense of relief too, that these difficult days are nearly over.

We planted an acer, not an acre!!

smile Either way works for me Mias!!! Acre or Acer is no problem. Feel so low tonight - the whole world feels like it is closing in on me. I know I will be OK - know everything will be fine BUT its so hard xx

Morning girls xx

What's going on Shabba? New stuff, or just tired of being strong for your whole family?

Just pulled in every direction with family. Very tired - not sleeping very well. Feeling very taken for granted to be honest....I will be OK - just sometimes gets a bit too much xx

Helyantha Fri 25-Oct-13 20:56:21

You will be ok, Shabba, but sometimes it's ok to shout: 'Stop the world - I want to get off!' Sleep is a bugger - let me know if you solve that one smile x

Will do smile x

Morning girls xx

ChipMonkeyFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 19:16:55

They don't usually let you stop the world and get off, I find. They get very arsey about it.

ChipMonkeyFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 19:17:58

this is my Supporting Anyfucker name, by the way.blush

LOL!!

Morning girls xx

Morning - hope the wind and storms aren't preventing people from posting here. We are away at the moment, so the weather chaos feels very distant.

Made it though last week, and Finn is now enjoying time with his big cousins, just as Mia did two years ago. Lovely moments in the present but full of memories too.

Shabba - poor sleep and feeling overwhelmed... Hmm. Did you ever make that medical appointment?

Chip and Helyantha - how's things?

White - how is your gorgeous baby?

Thinking of Tamisara today, as I think it is two years since her little Tamsin Rainbow died.

hi everyone

well had a big bust up with dh last night

twice now he has referred to ds2 as our second sad

he did it the other day with my mum saying when its your secondblah blah blah

then mum started joining and saying to me well when its your second your more relaxed etc etc
i replied hes our third

next ay she called me and said dont worry we wont forget ds1

i told dh how much that upsets me
and i asked him not to refer to ds2 as our second

then he did it again yesterday

and i got really really upset
spent most of the evening in tears
frst of all nhe was trying to be nice to me saying he would try harder not to do it

then he started getting mean to me saying noone wants to hear about ds1
and that i shoehorn it into conversations all the time
because the other day the hv said oh you already have two other children dont you
and i replied well we did have two but one died
i mean what else am i supposed to say to the hv who says so you already have two children

then he started saying noone can say anything right and i think everyones in the wrong
which is simply untrue theres loads of people thankgoodness that have been kind and v supportive

i said that when he refers to ds2 as our second other people will follow our lead and that hes making things harder for me
as that makes me so sad

then i said how can you pretend as if ds1 didnt exist
and thats what hes doing by refering to ds2 as our second
and dh said i was evil saying that to him

i am really really upset and pissed off with him
i am dreading him coming home from work i do not want to see him

he didnt evn say goodbye this am

im tired as im bf im sore my cs is ozzing so i have a drs appointment

but im sooo pissed off with him

i want to lock him out tbh

oh sorry that turned into a rant didnt it

mias mummy where are you away at?

i wish i was somewhere hot and sunny

with just dd and ds2

Morning girls xx

Hi guys just wanted to say I'm taking a break from this thread

Thinking of you and wishing you well

OK love - hope you soon come back - you will be missed xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all. Back again, and thankfully no weather damage here. Brrr, it's nippy today.

White - sorry to hear you had that argument with your DH. Hope things are better now, and that taking a break from here isn't a consequence of that - but yes, we will always be here for you.

Morning girls xx

Mias - glad there was no damage when you got home. Its so cold here this morning!!

Hi all. Think I am about to have a little rant about Halloween... Nothing against this celebration in general, I think it's fun. But I have been listening to the radio about how some people like being scared, and so they love watching horror movies / go to haunted house theme parks, etc - and the scientists or pyschologists are saying that people like the adrenalin high afterwards because they "survive" the experience. Other commentators were blithely saying "People seek out these experiences because life today is too safe." Huh? thlconfused Scary things do happen in our 'too-safe' lives today. Try being scared as you watch your child die. No adrenalin high there, dudes. You don't survive. You emerge, battered and bruised and broken, a different person.

Now I know I am not seeing the fun in it all, and I am being a real party-pooper thlblush, but those comments just made me cross!

I'm not suprised they made you cross..........strange world we live in??

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx

Kale Mera girls - thought it would be a change to say Good Morning in Greek smile