Tonight DS wanted to read 'The BFG' at bed time...

(42 Posts)
tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 20:25:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreshGarbage Sun 30-Jun-13 20:30:15

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts, brought a lump to my throat. Do you think you'll talk to your parents about your memories? X

Ah that is sad but it's lovely of you to still think about and miss your big brother. You are right, life can be so horribly cruel oftentimes. Sending you a hug x

LegoAcupuncture Sun 30-Jun-13 20:32:24

Oh Tea. Your post has brought a tear to my eye.

Of course you have every right to be upset, he was your brother. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been growing up without him.

He sounds like a lovely boy, I'm sure he would have been an amazing man had he survived.

Salbertina Sun 30-Jun-13 20:34:14

Oh Tunnock hmm i am so sorry about your brother and what a hole he must leave... Bittersweet, i guess to read that inscription, years on?

Oh that's so sad. Won't it be lovely if your DS develops a keen interest in reading like his uncle had?

Stumbleine Sun 30-Jun-13 20:34:31

I am sorry for your family's loss x

Oh Tunnocks, hugs for you.

I can't even imagine what you and your family went through but just wanted to say that the things you know, whether you actually remember them or have been told, are still memories. Your parents must have spoke about your brother for you to know these things which would have been difficult for them but the right thing to keep your brother's memory.

I don't know if you believe in any of this but perhaps your brother led DS to pick the BFG just to let you know he is watching over you all. His way of saying hello.

sewingandcakes Sun 30-Jun-13 20:36:02

That's very sad, I think you have every right to be upset, it was an unexpected reminder of a huge and traumatic event for you.

You said that you'd asked your parents very little about his death for fear of upsetting them; maybe you need to know how you all got through it as a family.

Hope you have someone to talk to.

everlong Sun 30-Jun-13 20:38:03

Oh sweetheart your post made me cry. I'm so sorry that you lost your big brother, he sounds gorgeous. Big squish for you x

HunterWellies Sun 30-Jun-13 20:38:26

Of course you are upset. It's like a little window back to that time isn't it? He would have been about the same age as my older brother, he loved all those things too.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

GwenCooper81 Sun 30-Jun-13 20:45:55

Oh how very sad. I'm crying reading your post. I'm so sorry for your families lose. I also wonder if your brother is watching and pointed your DC in the direction of that book. Huge heartfelt hugs x x x

tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 20:46:19

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 30-Jun-13 20:46:32

Oh Tunnock that's such a moving thing to happen to you right at bedtime too. It must have been like a flash into the past and now you're a parent you'll see it differently I suppose. Have a brew and a hug.

GW297 Sun 30-Jun-13 20:48:00

You have every right to be upset. Thinking of you.

tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 20:48:05

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How sad, how moving, how lovey he is still part of your life.

I think your parents might be touched beyond measure to have you talk of him, so you can share him with your kids etc.


everlong Sun 30-Jun-13 20:52:55

tunnocks I always believe that those we love but aren't here physically are with us in some way or another flowers

TallulahBetty Sun 30-Jun-13 20:59:21

Wow, such a moving post. How lovely that your DS has your DB's book smile

Moche Sun 30-Jun-13 20:59:42

I second everlong. This is such a moving post. xx

Moche Sun 30-Jun-13 20:59:57


NotEnoughTime Sun 30-Jun-13 21:05:06

Tunnock, that is so sad my heart goes out to you.

I genuinely believe that your Big Brother is watching over you and your children, I bet he loves them very much.

Be kind to yourself tonight.

DownyEmerald Sun 30-Jun-13 21:07:24

Oh how sad, but how lovely that the inscription is there. Something to treasure.

And as a parent now, you must have a little glimpse of what your parents went though.

tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 21:07:29

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tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 21:17:05

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Bluemonkeyspots Sun 30-Jun-13 21:17:37

I don't believe in ghosts at all, at least not the transparent floating about at night ones! but I do believe our family never leave us. How could they when we are connected in so many ways. We share genes, DNA, blood, looks characteristics etc and that's just the physical stuff, we are also connected by so much more, love, memories, history etc

Sorry I'm crap at putting this sort of stuff into writing but i know what I meansmile

NigellaEllaElla Sun 30-Jun-13 21:30:34

I've had a little cry just reading your post so can't imagine the grief you all must bear and the gaping hole there must be. Hugs x

Mindyourownbusiness Sun 30-Jun-13 21:32:39

Ah, that is so sad, my older brother died in 2009, l wrote on his bouquet 'The original BFG, gentle, kind and brave , my big brother'

He was 6ft 4 and really was a 'gentle giant' , not a bad bone in him.

He too died of cancer and went from being this giant of a man to around eight stone when he died in less than a year.

My son had all the Roald Dahl books aswell and BFG was his favourite. The dedications in his are from his dad though, who we are all estranged from as he was violent to me and my son broke off all contact with him many years ago (not at my behest l hasten to add) as he is a very difficult character.

So when my DGDs are now reading their dads books l always feel a pang because of my sons lack of a father-son relationship and also obviously because the BFG reminds me of my brother.

God, life is so bloody sad sometimes isn't it ?

So, sorry for the hijack, at least my brother lived into his late fifties, so had a reasonable span of life in comparison to your poor brother, the death of a child is obviously a much greater tragedy for all affected

I agree with people who say you should maybe talk to your parents about your brother. IME people who have lost loved ones often like to talk about them but dont like to for fear of upsetting other people who also cared for them. Your parents may be only too happy to talk about him but maybe thought they would upset you.

Once again, so sorry for your loss and l do like the idea that maybe your big brother somehow had something to do with your little boy insisting on reading that particular book. smile

Tunnocks, that's so moving and sad. You and your family sound so lovely.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. It's in these little surprises that our loved ones live on, even if it upsets us.
It's their legacy, and a way to prompt memories we may not have otherwise had.

tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 21:52:32

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tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Jun-13 21:59:49

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ShoeWhore Sun 30-Jun-13 22:22:03

I was very moved by your post tunnock and I'm so sorry that you lost your brother.

I hope you find a way to talk to your parents about him. I suspect it would be helpful to all of you.

Big hugs x

UseHerName Sun 30-Jun-13 22:24:16

oh - i'm sorry for your loss

how lovely it is that you have the inscription and can explain it to your dc when they're old enough

tunnocksteacake Thu 25-Jul-13 18:27:18

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everlong Thu 25-Jul-13 18:30:52

3.5 weeks sad that is beyond heartbreaking.
If you report your thread mnhq will move it for you I'm sure.
Big hugs x

Callaird Thu 25-Jul-13 19:04:54

Your brother reminds me so much of my brother! Loved Lego, Star Wars and being a cub, he never made it to scouts. He died in 1983, when he was 13 and I was 15. I have difficulty remembering him some times and I was much older than you were.

I feel that most of my memories are from photos and cine film rather than real life. I'm so glad you spoke to your parents, I didn't ask mine about my brother for such a long time because I didn't want to upset them but now we talk about him most times we get together, mum's voice still catches sometimes when we talk about him but I'm the only one who asks about him (unless I gently nudge other family members) and I think it makes her happy that he is not forgotten. Do keep talking to them, tell them your memories of him. Don't forget him.

(My parents still have his Lego and Star Wars stuff in the loft!)

wigglesrock Thu 25-Jul-13 19:22:07

I opened your thread because through the strangest coincidence my dd2 (5) picked the BFG of a shelf today, she's a good reader but hasn't looked at any Roald Dahl. Anyway I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say, but your OP was so full of love that I was touched and I'm really glad you and your parents were able to talk about your much loved and missed brother.

sillymillyb Thu 25-Jul-13 19:55:11

Ahh you made me cry, I'm thinking of you and your family - I'm glad though that you found this message, it's a connection, and a show of love. I hope you are ok x

tunnocksteacake Thu 25-Jul-13 20:53:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 25-Jul-13 21:10:15


We've moved this to Bereavement now at the OP's request.

everlong Fri 26-Jul-13 01:06:22

I think your mum is right. flowers

notanyanymore Fri 26-Jul-13 01:12:52

You sound like such a lovely family, I'm so sorry for your loss. Its lovely he's still thought of and remembered so strongly by such a loving family.

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