My daughter died on Saturday

(156 Posts)
accidia Mon 03-Jun-13 03:33:26

I can't sleep. There's so much I have to do. Just waiting for daylight so I can go outside and see to my animals. The insomnia has been going on for months but it's harder to deal with now.
She had a life-limiting illness so we knew this day would come but didn't think it was going to be then.

So sorry for the loss of your daughter, my prayers are with you.

I'm so sorry. I don't really know what to say but if you want to talk I'm listening x

ThatLightbulbMoment Mon 03-Jun-13 03:49:45

I am very sorry for your loss. Would you like to talk about her? I would be honoured to listen xxxxxxx

accidia Mon 03-Jun-13 05:54:15

Sorry, I didn't intend to ignore your replies - I dozed off blush . It's very strange, I haven't dreamt for the last two nights. I usually have very vivid dreams, I wonder if it's because my mind is so active at the moment while I am awake.
She was seven and born with a congenital heart condition. Bloody stubborn little wotsit at times but I think that's what kept her going. More than once we had the doctors telling us she wasn't going to make it. Bizarrely that hadn't happened this time. Loved school and going to the children's hospice for respite.

So sorry for your loss flowers

CountryMama Mon 03-Jun-13 06:07:36

I'm so sorry too. What a little fighter she was!

Just take each hour as it comes. It so hard to know what to say. I keep writing and deleting. I'm here listening too if you need an ear. I would love to hear more about what she was like if you want to tell smile

Gbnewbie Mon 03-Jun-13 06:12:13

Just wanted to add my wishes, those of strength and peace. So very sorry for your loss. Xx

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Mon 03-Jun-13 06:13:18

So very sorry.

Talk to us about her if it helps. smile

BiscuitMillionaire Mon 03-Jun-13 06:16:35

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be to bear. Sending you love.

Jemma1111 Mon 03-Jun-13 06:19:44

So very sorry x

MumofWombat Mon 03-Jun-13 06:30:44

From one HeartKid Mum to another - I'm thinking of you and your daughter. And I'm so sorry about your loss.

JakeBullet Mon 03-Jun-13 06:36:39

So sorry for your loss, I know she had a life limiting illness but that doesn't make the grief or bereavement any less. Another one here who will listen if and when you need to talk xxxxx

mrssprout Mon 03-Jun-13 06:36:42

I am so very sorry for your loss, my thoughts & prayers are with you

Yika Mon 03-Jun-13 06:38:09

So sorry to hear about your daughter. Hugs.

BranchingOut Mon 03-Jun-13 06:38:49

I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Dilidali Mon 03-Jun-13 06:42:34

So sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you find the strenght you need. Hugs.

BoiledEggandToastSoldiers Mon 03-Jun-13 06:48:18

Very sorry to hear about your daughter.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Mon 03-Jun-13 06:51:35

So sorry for your loss Accidia. I know it can't compare, but my husband died unexpectedly 5 weeks ago aged 39, so I understand the rawness, the fog and the bewilderment. Be kind to yourself and accept any offers of help. The lovely folk on here will help to see you through your darker hours. Take each minute and each hour a tiny step at a time and know that there will be people all around the world urging you on.

invicta Mon 03-Jun-13 06:52:30

Cyber hugs!

toffeelolly Mon 03-Jun-13 06:53:46

So very very sorry. We are all here if you need us. ( hugs ) xx

pinkmagic1 Mon 03-Jun-13 06:57:52

So sorry for your loss.

chosenone Mon 03-Jun-13 07:00:10

Thoughts are with you and your familyat this sad time. Please take any help and support offered xxx

accidia Mon 03-Jun-13 07:00:45

I've thought about it many times in the past but you really can't properly prepare yourself for the situation. I keep thinking of people I need to tell. Not just her school but she has older and younger siblings too. We only took her to the hospital early Saturday morning - in the past she's had much longer stays so everyone would have been prepared. (I don't think I've explained that very well.)

lucidlady Mon 03-Jun-13 07:04:11

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you x

Thumbwitch Mon 03-Jun-13 07:04:57

Very sad to hear of your loss - even if you always knew it was going to happen, it's still awful when it eventually does, especially if it really wasn't expected this hospital visit.

Much love xxx

marapat Mon 03-Jun-13 07:06:47

I can only send you a big hug but I hope it helps a little

Trazzletoes Mon 03-Jun-13 07:17:13

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you a massive hug, though I appreciate that is little comfort.

I would also welcome hearing about your beautiful girl. Please tell us more, if it helps. This is the hardest, most surreal time ever, and my heart hurts for you. It is not right to lose your child.

CabbageLeaves Mon 03-Jun-13 07:21:55

So sorry acciddia. You sound understandably in shock and still processing. I want to wish you peace and some help in the days to come but fear it sounds trite since that is such an enormous ask

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Mon 03-Jun-13 07:22:47

Thinking of you and your family.

maristella Mon 03-Jun-13 07:24:34

I am so so sorry x

Bluebell99 Mon 03-Jun-13 07:24:52

So sorry to hear your news. ((hugs)) thinking of you.

curiousparent Mon 03-Jun-13 07:26:12

So very sorry for your loss. I too lost a child (cancer), he too was stubborn as we were told many times that 'the time' had come only for him to carry on. But we had a better idea that it was really going to happen as he was end stage for a couple of months at home and so it wasn't so much of a shock.

Knowing that it will happen at some point doesn't make it any easier to deal with the hurt, the loss and the practicalities. You miss them just as much, want to be with them just as much and continue to enjoy all the pleasures that they give you.

I hope you have plenty of help and support and that you can all get through this difficult time. xxx

accidia Mon 03-Jun-13 08:40:16

I've just come back from speaking to her headteacher - she is one of the most fabulous people I have ever met. We've sat and talked about dd, laughed and cried - I am feeling a bit calmer now as this was one of the things I was dreading. She is going to tell the other schools for me and inform parents etc.

Jagsy Mon 03-Jun-13 08:43:16

So sorry for your loss.

mummymccar Mon 03-Jun-13 08:43:29

So sorry for your loss, sending you love and prayers at this time xxx

mumofthemonsters808 Mon 03-Jun-13 08:44:13

So very sorry to hear this terrible news, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 03-Jun-13 08:44:39

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know that's a trite and pointless thing to say but I just don't have the words.

Losing a child is simply wrong.

Umlauf Mon 03-Jun-13 08:50:38

I'm so sorry for your loss. The headteacher sounds wonderful, and your dd sounds like a real character. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers xxx

extracrunchy Mon 03-Jun-13 08:52:34

I'm sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and your family. X

magso Mon 03-Jun-13 08:55:32

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Four4me Mon 03-Jun-13 08:56:37

So sorry that you and your family are going through such a dreadful time. Heartbreaking for you sad will be thinking of you x

duchesse Mon 03-Jun-13 08:58:09

I am so sorry accidia.

BIWI Mon 03-Jun-13 08:58:32

Sorry sad

Weegiemum Mon 03-Jun-13 08:59:10

I'm so sorry to hear your news. From your conversation with the head teacher, it sounds like she was loved by many and will be greatly missed. Your family are in our thoughts and prayers here xxx.

So very, very sorry for your loss.

There is no death so sad as that of a child. Sending my families love to your family and thinking about you at this awful time xxxxx

FlatsInDagenham Mon 03-Jun-13 23:10:03

Accidia, your path is unspeakably hard. But you have the might of mumsnet walking that path with you - not saying much perhaps, just a few words to show that we are here and we are listening. If you stumble, we will be here to catch you and gently help you back on your feet.

Sending love to you and your family.

toomuch2young Mon 03-Jun-13 23:13:38

I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter sounds amazing. I hope you and your other DC are getting plenty of RL support by just now but in all the coming days weeks months and years xx

How heart-wrenching, I'm so sorry. She sounds like a superstar. It must be so hard to believe. Look after yourself.

Pancakeflipper Mon 03-Jun-13 23:18:48

Accidia, I am so sorry. Nothing of help to say but it's just heartbreaking.

Try to take some time out for you whilst you tend everything and everyone else.

deleted203 Mon 03-Jun-13 23:19:05

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

aftermay Mon 03-Jun-13 23:21:20

So sorry for your loss.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Mon 03-Jun-13 23:24:01

So sorry. Glad you have found some comfort in talking to her headteacher. Please talk about her if it helps or post whatever you need to.

rockybalboa Mon 03-Jun-13 23:27:20

So sorry for your loss sadthanks

BriansBrain Mon 03-Jun-13 23:34:32

I'm so sorry, I have a DD with a heart disease and still can't honestly comprehend what you are going through right now.

I just wanted to let you know you also have my hand to hold x

NomDeClavier Mon 03-Jun-13 23:52:12

I'm so very sorry for your loss sad Thinking of you and your family.

There is always someone around here to listen, even if we can't understand what you're going through we can hold your hand and walk a little of the way beside you.

lucjam Mon 03-Jun-13 23:54:49

So sorry, may she rest in peace, take care of yourself xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss.

accidia Tue 04-Jun-13 07:36:22

Thank you all. Mumsnet can be a wonderful place. I have been a member for a long time although not a regular poster. At the time of starting this thread I didn't want to risk being recognised although many people probably don't know who I am anyway. It's just doing the practical stuff at the moment - I went to see dd at the hospice where she went for respite sessions. They have a special room for occasions (is that the right word?) such as this. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to but I'm glad I did. My other girls are going to school today, dd1 has an exam and the others want to. Not sure if I will take the littlest one to preschool tho as it's on the same site as the first school.

Be gentle with yourself. No need for the little one to go back to preschool just yet.

weebarra Tue 04-Jun-13 08:17:30

So sorry for your loss. Another mum of a DC with heart disease thinking of you and your DD.

Madamimadam Tue 04-Jun-13 08:37:00

I am so sorry for your loss, accidia. You and your family are in my prayers xxx

WouldBeHarrietVane Tue 04-Jun-13 08:39:38

I am so very sorry sad

Thinking of you today.


I am so sorry for your loss sad

She sounds like a wonderful and brave little girl. xx

5madthings Tue 04-Jun-13 11:30:09

So sorry for your loss sad

No wise words but here to listen xxx

GraduallyGoingInsane Tue 04-Jun-13 11:32:50

I'm so sorry for your loss, she sounds like a truly amazing little girl. I can't begin to comprehend what you're going through but I hope you are ok. Be kind to yourself and don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling.

motherinferior Tue 04-Jun-13 11:34:14

I'm so sorry.

RachelHRD Tue 04-Jun-13 11:38:40

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you all xx

Another here thinking of you, so so sorry. Wish I could change this for you.

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. flowers

LaTrucha Tue 04-Jun-13 11:43:05

I am very sorry for your loss. That it was expected at some point makes it no easier. Your daughter sounds just lovely.

Geordieminx Tue 04-Jun-13 11:49:44

So sorry for your loss x

Stircrazyafteralltheseyears Tue 04-Jun-13 11:50:29

Thinking of you and praying for you to receive strength, comfort and peace.

HumphreyCobbler Tue 04-Jun-13 11:52:50

I am so very sorry.

MrsBodger Tue 04-Jun-13 11:53:41

Will remember you all in my prayers. Bless you.

OrmirianResurgam Tue 04-Jun-13 11:55:00

Oh my love sad So very sorry x

Totally ridiculous, stupid question BUT how are you doing?

Have been thinking about you for the past few days and wishing I could do more to help than just writing ridiculous words on here xxxx

MelodyBaker Wed 05-Jun-13 18:15:49

I'm so sorry. She sounds like a wonderful girl. Wishing you love x

Doobydoo Wed 05-Jun-13 18:25:56

Sorry to hear this....please tell us about your daughter and all of you if you want to.We are all here.xx

Littleballofhate Wed 05-Jun-13 18:26:04

My heart goes to you and your family. Sending oceans of love your way. Xx

I am so sorry for your loss- I know those words were meaningless, she sounds like a wonderful child. I wish I could do something to help instead of just writing words.

GlitzPig Wed 05-Jun-13 18:54:18

So very sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers x

I am really very sorry sad

PenelopeCruiserliner Wed 05-Jun-13 19:07:37

Very sorry to hear about your daughter. No doubt you have many precious memories to treasure.

pod3030 Wed 05-Jun-13 19:10:04


lottieandmia Wed 05-Jun-13 19:11:46

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter sad xx

NorbertDentressangle Wed 05-Jun-13 19:12:31

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Wed 05-Jun-13 19:16:38

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

so sorry for your loss, she sounds like an amazing girl sad

Our safe haven thread

Dont know if this will be of any use to you but this thread has been going for about 6 years on MNet. All MNetters in the 'same boat' or similar. A place where we can talk freely about our losses and try to make some sense of them. xxx

Ilovegeorgeclooney Thu 06-Jun-13 19:20:52

So so sorry

I am so sorry, how awful

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Fri 07-Jun-13 18:06:41

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely girl.

You are in my thoughts x

DianaTrent Fri 07-Jun-13 18:15:41

So very sorry, accidia. thanks

expatinscotland Fri 07-Jun-13 18:18:55

Thinking of you, accidia.

My daughter died last year, from cancer treatment. She was 9.

Madondogs Fri 07-Jun-13 18:27:05

So very sorry for your loss .

QOD Fri 07-Jun-13 18:30:47

I am so sad to read this, sadly there are lots of people here who can help support you with direct experience

There's always someone here though whenever you need to talk


Growlithe Fri 07-Jun-13 18:33:57

So very sorry accidia.

MonsterBookOfTyRexs Fri 07-Jun-13 18:43:54

Thinking of you and your little girl, how very sad and unfair sad

snorris Fri 07-Jun-13 20:01:36

Thank you all for your messages.
I've gone back to my usual name as it feels more like me.
Expat, I remember your daughter. It really struck home with me at the time as my twins are a similar age.
Still working through all the necessary things that need to be done. Dd5 has gone back to preschool, mainly because she will be going into the reception class on Monday afternoon as part of preparation for starting school in September. I didn't want her to miss it and equally didn't want her first day back to be different.

<<hugs Snorris>> Hello my old friend <<smothers her with hugs>>

MyShoofly Sat 08-Jun-13 02:06:07

So sorry OP.

Be kind to yourself - nobody can prepare for this.

psychomum5 Fri 14-Jun-13 10:54:37

sending huge hugs. My thoughts and love with you and your precious family. xxx

Thinking of you and your family today. Have lit a candle here in Lancashire to honour your precious girl.

I am always here if you need anything my friend....always xx

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 14-Jun-13 11:12:57

I'm so very sorry to hear about your DD xxx

pookiecat Sat 15-Jun-13 20:02:28


Snorris - thinking about you and wondering how things are? Haven't been able to get you out of my mind for many days xxxxx

snorris Tue 18-Jun-13 05:52:15

I don't know what to write really. Still doing all the routine stuff. Dd1 has her last exam today & she'll be around so at least I won't be on my own too much. It's very hard to explain but because S had long stays in hospital in the past we were used to her not being here at times but I'm sure it will hit me properly soon. I haven't got to the point of sorting out her stuff, I've been able to deal with coming across her clothes in the washing but for some reason the thought of sorting her bed bothers me. She shared with dd5 & we were going to swap rooms around when dd1 goes to uni but I don't know what to do now sad .

GenghisCanDoHisOwnWashing Tue 18-Jun-13 06:01:14

Snorris- I am so sorry to hear about your gorgeous daughter.

Try not to worry about the room swapping, it's really early days, just keeping your head above water is enough for now. Maybe in a while talk to your other dc about what they'd like to do about the rooms?

My heart goes out to you. Take care.

RatherBeOnThePiste Tue 18-Jun-13 16:32:54

so, so sorry, big hugs Xx

BeaWheesht Tue 18-Jun-13 17:31:42

I'm so sorry, I wish there was more I could say

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 02:57:28

snorris - you don't have to do anything about DD's bed or the rooms right now. Just leave them as they are for a bit.

Don't feel you have to write anything if you don't want to.

If you do want to write you could tell us more about DD or your other DC... or about what you had for breakfast... it's up to you.

We are here for you... I wish there was more we could do too. We'd all take a bit of the pain each if we could x

foofooyeah Wed 19-Jun-13 03:07:51

just wanted to add my condolences.

Don't be in too much of a rush to sort things out - unless of course you find it helpful.
I think its almost very hard to believe sometimes. I lost my sister over a year ago and I still cannot believe it has happened.

snorris Wed 19-Jun-13 10:52:42

It's just so rubbish really. I don't know if it hasn't sunk in but I feel like I should be more upset. Of course I cry but I hate showing that sort of emotion in public. I feel like everyone else is in denial about dd-we had been told several times since she was a baby that she wasn't going to live. The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my then 11 year old dd1 that her 5 month old sister was expected to die sad . The others were too young to understand & of course dd5 hadn't been born. Maybe I've already done some of my grieving over the last 7 years, it's very hard to live with that kind of knowledge.

I totally 'get' what you are saying Snorris. One of my twins was born with serious heart problems and he died just before he was 8 months old. We were always told IF he survived he would spend most of his time in hospital. Just wanted you to know that I am always here for you xxxx

merlin Fri 21-Jun-13 16:36:10

Just seen this and wanted to pass on my condolences to you and the rest of the family. We only me a couple of times but I remember you talking about S so I know she was loved very much. Xx

merlin Fri 21-Jun-13 16:36:32

Met not me.

Choppymilks Fri 21-Jun-13 23:43:11

I am so sorry about your daughter. We lost our daughter 6 months ago. The hardest thing is that so few people can relate to the experience. I pray that God helps you in your sadness. Some people live long lives, some short, but some people make a bigger impact in their few years than some of us do if we lived 100 years. It is hard to figure out why this happens, but there is a lot in life that we don't understand. I find it helps to just think of the impact she had on my life, and on those around us. Your girl is safe in Heaven, totally healed and happy. I have spent so much of the this year in tears, but it is getting easier to handle now. Our girl will forever be past of our family, but we have to live in the present too. You have a future. God bless you, love. Xx

Oh my word thinking about you Choppy xxxx

seasalt Sat 22-Jun-13 00:33:35

I am very sorry for your loss.

3girlies Sat 22-Jun-13 13:47:45

So very sorry for your terrible loss, I am also a bereaved mum. Thinking of you all. X

TrinityRhino Sat 22-Jun-13 14:01:13

snorris. I'm so sorry for your loss.
it utterly awful. sad
big warm hugs
one foot in front of the other

sybilfaulty Sat 22-Jun-13 14:07:59

So sorry for your loss Snorris. I think we were on the same ante natal thread at one point (December 2008). Thinking of you and your family.

snorris Sat 22-Jun-13 14:11:03

Thank you all. It isn't just the loss of a child, it's all the other crap that comes with it too sad. At least HMRC have apologised for having to write to me - the bastarding council have sent a letter which I don't totally understand at the best of times so now I've got to sort that out.

Tiggygirl Sat 22-Jun-13 14:20:24

So sorry for your loss .X

MunchkinsMumof2 Sat 22-Jun-13 14:34:11

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope in time, you will be able to remember fond and funny memories of your beautiful little girl.

QOD Sat 22-Jun-13 14:37:08


Woolfey Sat 22-Jun-13 14:43:05

I am so sorry you have lost your darling daughter. Sending you positive thoughts and love and hugs x

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid Sat 22-Jun-13 14:51:16

I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. flowers

MNPin2013 Sat 22-Jun-13 15:08:11

Your in our thoughts Snorris and family.

Greydog Sat 22-Jun-13 15:12:19

I am so very, very sorry to read this. with love, and hugs xx

Jules146 Sat 22-Jun-13 16:10:47

Your all in my thoughts xx

Chopchopbusybusy Sat 22-Jun-13 16:27:54

So sorry for your loss. X

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're all in my thoughts. X

SlowJinn Sat 22-Jun-13 16:49:08

Hugs and prayers for you xx

Orianne Sat 22-Jun-13 16:58:53

So sorry for your loss x

DameSaggarmakersbottomknocker Sat 22-Jun-13 17:13:14

snorris - I thought this was you when I saw the thread but didn't want to say. I've been thinking of you so much. xx

I am so sorry for your loss. sad

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Sat 22-Jun-13 17:30:16

so sorry for your loss snorris x

OpheliaBumps Sat 22-Jun-13 21:46:26

I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you all x

OnTheNingNangNong Sat 22-Jun-13 21:50:17

So sorry for your loss x

TheThickPlottens Sun 23-Jun-13 11:55:45

Thinking of you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

CheeryCherry Sun 23-Jun-13 13:01:06

So sorry for you all sad

neffi Sun 23-Jun-13 13:23:19

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. My thoughts are with you.

zukiecat Mon 24-Jun-13 17:35:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jestrin Tue 25-Jun-13 06:49:20

So sorry for your loss x

So very sorry for your loss.

goingtobefree Tue 25-Jun-13 07:00:19

So sorry, my thoughts are with you.

I am so sorry.

I know that doesn't help, but I just couldn't imagine what I'd do if I was in your situation you are so strong.

My thoughts are with you.

If you ever want to talk, I am here.


amazingmumof6 Thu 27-Jun-13 14:07:52

Hi honey, so sorry again for your loss.

Lots of love and hugs x

fromparistoberlin Tue 02-Jul-13 16:07:22

dear OP

I am so so sorry for your loss

when I read posts like this I want to share my prayers that there really is heaven, and she is there loved, healthy, happy, and embraced. ie better than anything we can even imagine

sending all my love for her spirit, she sounds like a brave little girl

all my prayers to you

I'm so sorry to hear this, thinking of you x

I'm so sorry, there are no words to help make it better but you are in my thoughts x

LoisEinhorn Wed 17-Jul-13 17:23:57

So so sorry xx Keeping you all in my thoughts xx

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 22-Jul-13 00:34:39

I am very sorry for your loss Snorris

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