Could do with some hand-holding please?

(481 Posts)
ChubbyKitty Mon 20-May-13 06:32:04

Horrific accident in my parents house. Mum and grandad have both gone, dad is stable, and only found one of three cats.

I'm 21, I did not expect to lose my mum this soon at all. It hasn't even sunk in properly yet, and I know when it does I will be completely destroyed. What do I even dosad

Iamaslummymummy Mon 20-May-13 06:38:57

I'm so so sorry for your awful losses sad

NoBloodyMore Mon 20-May-13 06:42:05

I'm so sorry for your loss, the accident sounds horrific and I hope your Dad is ok.

Handholding here, big hugs xx

Iamaslummymummy Mon 20-May-13 06:43:30

Do you want to talk about it?

YoniMatopoeia Mon 20-May-13 06:51:20

I'm here and will hold your hand, and hold you in my thoughts.

CrystalDeCanter Mon 20-May-13 06:53:34

Oh my goodness, you poor girl, what a terrible thing to happen. Here's a hand to hold.

I'm so very sorry for loss of your mum and grandad. How awful. sad

ChubbyKitty Mon 20-May-13 06:54:11

Hey guys thanks for replies. I do and I don't iyswim? I have a lot of stuff to chew over and I feel I need to stay strong for the rest of the family.
Get to see my dad today. My house is only one street away and it was just...indescribable. I keep playing it all over and wondering.

EMS23 Mon 20-May-13 06:59:34

Here to handhold, I am so sorry for your sudden losses. X

DonnyOsmondsTeeth Mon 20-May-13 07:02:01

Oh god, so sorry to hear this.

YoniMatopoeia Mon 20-May-13 07:33:11

If you need to chew stuff over this is a great place to vent. We will be here for you.

I hope all is ok when you see your dad.

NeverBeenToMe Mon 20-May-13 07:39:38

Sending you strength and hugs at this sad time. You're younger than my eldest daughter - I can't imagine her having to cope in such an awful situation. Keep posting on here - some posters have found it helps to talk about memories etc. Hugs x

MrsWolowitz Mon 20-May-13 07:46:13

I'm so sorry for your losses sad

<holds hand>

ChubbyKitty Mon 20-May-13 07:50:25

Hey again. And thank you, again. Will post a little more later today, got a few things to get sorted first. Paramedics advised I see a doctor for shock, trauma etc. and need to get cat back to my house and hopefully find the others and know one way or another. And need to get family home etc.

Will keep you posted.

Dejected Mon 20-May-13 07:55:45

I'm so sorry for your loss. Definitely see the doctor and ask if you can be referred to a specialist counsellor too. It may help in the long term.

whattodoo Mon 20-May-13 07:58:35

I'm so sorry for your loss. Is anyone with you?
I hope your father is improving.

BreeVanDerTramp Mon 20-May-13 08:08:55

This sounds unimaginable, so sorry for the loss of your mum and grandad. Hope your dad improves soon. You will be in utter shock.

Who do you have who can just be with you today?

telsa Mon 20-May-13 08:57:46

Unimaginable. I wish you all the best....this will take time to sink in. Do not feel that you MUST remain strong for everyone else though. You must be looked after too. Take care.

IncogKNEEto Mon 20-May-13 10:33:18

I am so sorry to hear of your tragic losses. Take care of yourself too, you must be in shock, the paramedic was right, good idea to see Dr yourself. I hope you find your cats, and that your Dad makes a good recovery. Will be thinking of you xx

BreeVanDerTramp Mon 20-May-13 15:59:24

Hi kitty just checking in offer hugs, and hoping you are bring looked after. Thoughts and prayers are with you and praying for your dads recovery.

ChasingStaplers Mon 20-May-13 17:38:07

So sorry for your losses.
Holding your hand and hoping your dad is improving.
Is there anyone who can be there with you? Xxx

LegoAcupuncture Mon 20-May-13 17:48:59

Oh Chubby how awful. I'm so sorry flowers

How is your dad doing?

ChubbyKitty Tue 21-May-13 02:03:53

Hi guys. Plenty of people around, all want to stay with me but doctor has given me sleeping pills and I only really want DP at night so I can get as normal a nights sleep as possible.

Night night and thank you!!

karinmaria Tue 21-May-13 04:05:17

Hope you managed to get some sleep. I'm so sorry for your loss, what an awful thing for you to be going through.

Wanted to reach out and hand hold. I lost my mum earlier this year and four months on I'm not sure if I'm coming to terms with it yet.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to put no pressure on yourself to feel ok or upset etc. It's perfectly normal to feel numb, to want to sleep through the shock, to cry uncontrollably or not at all. Lean on your DP and friends and take each day as it comes. The funeral arrangements are actually a good distraction as they'll keep you busy for couple of days/weeks.

Thinking of you and your family. I really hope your dad recovers and you find your other cats

ssd Tue 21-May-13 08:20:11

just wanted to lend support too, op

hope your dad pulls through

think I might have seen this on the news?? if so, am so so sorry, absolute tragedy sad



If it is the story I have seen on the news it is a shocking tragedy. Absolutely shocking.

GraceAndVirtue Tue 21-May-13 10:10:36

I'm so incredibly sorry for your losses.

I have a daughter the same age as you and my heart goes out to you, and also to your dad.

I hope you find strength from wherever and whoever you can. Xx

mummylin Tue 21-May-13 12:40:14

I too am guessing its the story that was in the news. It is horrific and I send you my deepest sympathies. You are very young to have to cope with this tragedy. Sending your dad my best wishes for his recovery.

mummylin Tue 21-May-13 22:11:53

I hope you have had a lot of support today chubby. How s your dad doing , better news for him I hope, and what about the cats ?

BriansBrain Tue 21-May-13 22:19:40

You are so young, so gLad to read you have RL support and lots of MN hands to hold.

I am so sorry.

lborolass Tue 21-May-13 22:22:25

I've also seen this on the news, I hope you can get the support you need, sorry for your loss.

Sleepyfergus Tue 21-May-13 22:29:51

So terribly sorry to read this, I hope you are managing to cope as best possible. Sending positive thoughts for your dad and your missing cats.
Take care and look after yourself.

ChubbyKitty Wed 22-May-13 00:40:53

Hi again.

Yes it is the thing in the news. Nobody know how names have got out but their out there now and nothing we can do:/

Saw my dad again today - he's doing great. He's devastated as well though.

Officers have given me all the information they have so far and I think it's helping somehow knowing what will have happened iyswim?

I just want my mum really. It's so so wrong to not have her around sad

ChubbyKitty Wed 22-May-13 00:41:18

*they're, sorry

Gingerbreadlatte Wed 22-May-13 07:11:50

I'm so very sorry ChubbyKitty.

How terrible that the names information was shared without your permission.

Please keep taking here if it helps you. Hope your DP is looking after you x

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Wed 22-May-13 07:23:23

So sorry to read this.

JojoMags Wed 22-May-13 08:15:22

Hi ChubbyKitty. I'm so sorry. What a terrible loss and shock for you. The press involvement must just make it harder. As one of the other posters said, it's fine to feel numb for a while. Totally normal.

I'm glad your Dad is doing better.

If you need practical help sorting things out, the Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to help you. Their service is free and 100% confidential. I know it may be too early at the moment, but there for the future if you need it.

mummylin Wed 22-May-13 08:35:10

Good morning chubby. I hope you managaged to get some quality sleep last night. I'm hoping that you have a good family network around you to help you at this tragic time. I can't begin to imagine how you Are feeling / coping. Is your DP able to have a few days off from work to help you with things that need to be done. Thinking of you.

ChubbyKitty Wed 22-May-13 10:33:35

Morning. Have slept quite well yeah, slept through my alarm which is rare for me. DP is being paid this week bit is home all week with me. I think they're going to give him more time if he needs it. Hopefully get my dad to nanas soon where he'll be much happier, had a little bit of a cry at one point when I was jotting down funeral ideas but DP was there with me and held me.

Dad was also really happy when I told him about the cat who has come to live with us. She's like a little ray of sunshine after everything almost, if that makes sense. Plus I feel I can easily get feelings out to her that I perhaps couldn't say to people close to me.

mummylin Wed 22-May-13 14:23:14

Glad you managed to get some sleep and very pleased your partner can spend some time at home with you. Here's hoping your dad is progressing well. Happy to see about the cat !

susanalbumparty Wed 22-May-13 15:07:02

I am so sorry for your loss. Please take one day at a time and take comfort from the family you have around you. Talk to each other and stay strong. This will be in the media and that can add to pressure on the family.

I lost my mum at a young age, obviously not in such circumstances. Being without a mother, particularly when you become a mother yourself, brings its own challenges. There are lots of us here on mumsnet who know that feeling so reach out whenever you need to.

You say you will be devastated. There is no doubt that this will be a painful process but time WILL heal and things won't always feel as desperate as they do now.

Thinking of you and your family.

ChubbyKitty Wed 22-May-13 22:28:22

We saw the house today. It's...weird. I grew up there and now it's just a hole.

ChasingStaplers Wed 22-May-13 23:06:44

Hi ChubbyKitty. Still thinking of you. How is your dad? X

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 22-May-13 23:18:59

I am so very sorry Chubby. I cannot imagine how awful this must be for you and your family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

notapizzaeater Wed 22-May-13 23:25:13

How awful for you, hope you are taking care x

mummylin Wed 22-May-13 23:45:23

I am so sorry you had to go through the horror of viewing the house, I'm sure it was devastating for you. How are you and the rest of the family coping. D you have any siblings so that you can all support each other.? I expect there will be enquiries going on, I hope all legal things are done as quickly as possible so you can lay your loved ones to rest. How was your dad today? Thinking of you.

mummylin Thu 23-May-13 14:15:32

I am sure you have yet another difficult day in front of you, but I hope you will draw strength from having your partner around you. Has the little cat settled down in its new home ?
And I'm hoping its better news about your dad today as well.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Thu 23-May-13 15:42:29

How are you today ChubbyKitty?
I'm thinking of you.

ChubbyKitty Thu 23-May-13 16:58:44

The cat has settled, she still cries but its to be expected. Been back to the house today and I've retrieved from a pile of bricks one of my mums black metal CDs which is completely intact. I have a weird fascination with seeing the house which is probably not healthy but it's making me feel better if that makes sense?

My dad will be home either tonight or tomorrowsmile

mummylin Thu 23-May-13 18:24:07

So glad to at least see good news regarding your dad. Maybe seeing the house will help you to accept what has happened. Whatever makes you feel best is the right thing to do. How is your dad feeling physically ? I'm sure it will be good for him to be at home. There is a lot for his , and your, mind to process.
Happy to see the cat has settled, I honk you said that your dad will be staying with your nan ? Did I get that right. Thinking of you.

mummylin Thu 23-May-13 18:25:04

Forgot about the cd. Very pleased you have managed to retrieve a memory from your mum.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 23-May-13 18:36:32

heartbreaking sad I felt sad when i heard this on the news So sorry for your loss

ChubbyKitty Thu 23-May-13 21:53:29

Physically he's doing great. I'm really pleased to have the cd. Had a bit of a spring clean tonight as I'd neglected the housework.

I feel like I'm helping when I'm with the police at the house, I can point out which rooms were which etc. for the structure people.

mummylin Fri 24-May-13 08:52:17

Good morning chubby. If going to the house is helping you to keep busy that will be a good thing. I expect it all feels very unreal at the moment. You wonder how life all around you can possibly be going on , people walking dogs, friends laughing as they walk down the street etc. I am grieving my mum too, but for you this is a terrible terrible shock. So anything that helps you to get through each day is good. I suppose the quicker they find. Out what happened, the quicker you will have the answers. Will the funerals be able to be held or do you have to wait while investigations continue ? Best wishes to your dad, glad he is coming home. Stay strong, people are thinking of you.

ChubbyKitty Fri 24-May-13 09:16:02

We have to wait for them to be released before having the funerals. I guess it gives me a little more time to plan and get my head round it all.

mummylin Fri 24-May-13 19:11:06

Hello chubby. Hope you have had a busy day to help you get through it. Did your dad get released from hospital? I am sure it will help him to be around the family right now and this will Help with his recovery time.i am sure you will all be a great help for each other. I hope that you are managing to eat , this sometimes gets overlooked in times of stress, but you need to keep your energy levels up. Take care.

ChubbyKitty Sat 25-May-13 12:36:58

Hi he's home now, it's much nicer seeing him in a familiar setting and I think it's making him feel better. I've been eating okay friends and their parents have been making me home cooked meals and my work sent me some free food as well, mum would have gone divvy to think I wasn't eating bless her. Get to pick up a few more possessions that have been salvaged today.

mummylin Sat 25-May-13 14:32:27

So glad that there are things you can manage to save, that's a miracle in itself.good on everyone keeping you fed. It's so easy to neglect yourself in times of terrible stress. I can believe your dad is at least happier to be home, although I expect he is also in deep shock as you all must be. Are you managing to sleep ok ? If not I'm sure your doc would be able to give you something to help. Is your DP off all next week as well. I expect you feel better with him around to help you and give you are being very strong, I admire you for that.

ChubbyKitty Sat 25-May-13 22:57:06

Got tranquillisers. Really glad for them now because I keep getting like mini flashbacks if that makes sense? I can imagine if I was trying to sleep naturally I would be a lot worse.

It all still seems like a hair dye hallucination. That's what I was doing when it happened so its stuck in my mind that maybe it wasn't real and I can go round tomorrow and have fags and coffee with my mum and make a fuss over all the cats and watch zombie films with my dad before we get my food shopping(that was our Sunday routine)

elQuintoConyo Sat 25-May-13 23:11:03

Oh, Chubby, I'm so sorry for your loss.
No advice, but <hand holding tightly> thanks

Whatalotofpiffle Sat 25-May-13 23:31:57

So so sorry. Hand holding here. I hope you get some sleep

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian Sat 25-May-13 23:38:09

Sending lots of love.

mummylin Sun 26-May-13 01:10:02

I can understand how unreal it all seems for you at the moment. Almost like your living in a dream world and any minute you will wake and find its all not true.i am glad you have something to help you sleep.thank god that you will always have your memories, these memories will become your treasures for the future.
Did you find out what happened to the other cats ? Did they run away or were they in the house ?
Hope your dad has had an ok you have things to do today ( sun) or can you have a break for the day to try and relax a bit. Difficult I know, but you have been busy all week doing things.

NatashaBee Sun 26-May-13 01:38:04

How awful. Thinking of you and your dad (and your cat).

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Sun 26-May-13 04:42:29

So sorry for your loss, what a terrible shock you have had.
I lost my Mum when I was 24 sad (((((ChubbyKitty)))))

ChubbyKitty Mon 27-May-13 11:07:28

Ohh 24 that's still just a babysad

The man in the corner shop told me off for looking at the papers, he said I'm not allowed until the press have forgotten about it.

It's so weird seeing my pink walls from that angle. And now everyone else has seen it. And I need to go to town and I'm scared of the starers and I don't know where the press are lurking with it being bank holiday.

mummylin Mon 27-May-13 12:26:37

Don't be scared, I expect everyone will be feeling deep sympathy for you, as for the press I don't know about how they will act. You have such a lot to cope with at the moment try to ignore any photographers if you see them. And if you don't speak to them. They can't twist your words or anything. Is it still being reported in your local paper ? I haven't seen anything in the national one we have. I expect the shop keeper was trying to save you from more upset. Hope you do manage to make the trip into your town.

mummylin Tue 28-May-13 14:28:51

How are you today chubby ? Do you still have a Lot of things to do or are you able to have a bit of time for yourself ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 28-May-13 21:26:19

Nothing on tomorrow until tonight so will get a little bit of time to myself. There's not been a lot going on just trying to keep myself up and about rather than not getting out of bed at all.

mummylin Tue 28-May-13 21:33:07

Good for you on making the effort. I expect it would be easy just to get under the duvet and stay there all day. How is your dad today ? I hope he is making good progress as far as his health is concerned. Did you manage to get out to go to the shops ? And was it a hassle free trip. I hope so for your sake. Take care of yourself and make sure you eat.

ChubbyKitty Tue 28-May-13 22:55:34

Yeah I got out and about and bought some cat toys and some photo albums. Also bought some cheeses today which have made me feel better if that makes sense? Some proper comfort food.

mummylin Tue 28-May-13 23:24:00

Whatever makes you feel good has to be good. I too love a nice bit of cheese ! Nice to see that you managed the outing.lucky cat to have new toys. I expect it s being spoilt. Are you still sleeping ok ? I would imagine you are drained. Sending best wishes to your dad too .

NappyHappy Tue 28-May-13 23:59:33

Cheese is always good, at any time of the day (or night). What CD was it? I have a few that fall into that genre.

I'm so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you, I remember seeing it on the news. You are doing brilliantly and I hope you are getting some sleep. MN is always a good place if you need support.

ChubbyKitty Wed 29-May-13 00:33:24

It was Cradle of Filth - Nymphetaminesmile one of her favourite bands! I think I'm sleeping okay, although the more I get used to the tablets the more I'm starting to dream, so far it's all fluff though so not too bad.

NappyHappy Wed 29-May-13 06:26:38

Dani Filth, saw an interview with him once and he is totally different to his stage persona. I thought he was quite funny.

Its good you're sleeping, have you someone with you?

ChubbyKitty Wed 29-May-13 12:13:16

DP is with me during the night. I don't think they'll give him night shifts for a long time yet. I love interviews with metal guys they're always so lovely and way different to on stage.

NappyHappy Wed 29-May-13 17:31:40

Good. How did you sleep? How is your Dad and Cat?

I've been watching The Lowdown on Scuzz (would rather it be Bloodstock they were covering wink ) and some of the guys come across totally sensible and dad like and the others are like kids grin . Apparently the guy from Satirycon is one of the nicest guys ever to interview.

Metal Tuune on Propeller is a far better music channel to Scuzz.

mummylin Wed 29-May-13 20:38:08

Hello chubby, what sort of a day have you had, busy with lots to do or a more relaxed day ?. Have you got to go through having inquests and things. That will be very sad. How is the cat behaving now, is he completely settled down now ( I presume it's a he ) . Thinking of you.

ChubbyKitty Wed 29-May-13 23:38:05

It's a she! But it's an easy mistake, I do it myself to other cats. She has settled quite a bit and shared a bit of our KFC tonight(naughty I know).

My dad is doing well, seeing him tomorrow and bringing him some of the photos that have been recovered.

She used to love scuzz, when virgin stopped having it and I moved out and got sky she would come round for tea and metal it was greatgrin

mummylin Thu 30-May-13 21:35:15

Hi chubby, how are you doing this evening? Have you had another busy day. Is your DP back at work now or does he still have time off. I expect you are better with having someone around at the moment. Hope dad has had a good day with regards his recovery. X

ChubbyKitty Thu 30-May-13 22:06:16

Hi, he's doing really well, he's looking pretty healthy now. I went to see him today and just had Chinese food back at home and going to chill(warm up) in the bath in a bit.

DP is back at work but he's off tomorrow so that's good.

NappyHappy Thu 30-May-13 23:36:37

Good, have they said how long he'll be in hospital for?

Are you looking forward/nervous about being on your own for a bit?

Hope you have some nice chill time smile

ChubbyKitty Thu 30-May-13 23:49:15

Mostly chilled out now, have to be in bed early because doctors tomorrow. He's out of hospital now came home on Thursday to my nanas. Best place for him right now I think. When DP has been working this week my friends have come over or family members so I've not been on my own a lot. Not sure what to do on Saturday though but might clean the whole house.

NappyHappy Fri 31-May-13 00:34:07

Cleaning is always good to pass the time.

You have some great friends and that is excellent that your Dad is out of hospital. Nana's are ace.

Have you heard any more about the house?

mummylin Fri 31-May-13 21:05:12

Hello chubby. Hope your day has been ok ish. What do you have planned for the weekend. Will you be spending it with your dad? Have you heard when you can progress with making funeral arrangements ? Will be a great relief for you all when you can do that and lay your loved ones to rest i expect . hope you don't get too many delays.

ChubbyKitty Sat 01-Jun-13 10:21:56

We've contacted the funeral homes but nothing can move forward yet and could take a few weeks.

My dads visiting me today while my nana gets some shopping so it'll be nice for him to see the cat and all the cards we've had sent here smile

NappyHappy Sat 01-Jun-13 10:39:27

That sounds nice, you and Dad time. I bet you've received a huge pile of cards smile

Have any of the other cats appeared?

mummylin Sat 01-Jun-13 10:59:35

I have kept all of my cards I Recieved when I lost my mum. I bought a photo album and put them in there. It's comforting to look at and know so many people are thinking of you. I also have pressed flowers from her flowers. Sometimes people don't know what to say, but a card can mean such a lot Poor you maybe having to wait so long.

ChubbyKitty Sat 01-Jun-13 12:02:39

One cat was found with my mum which is both lovely and sad at the same time. And the other is still missing but has been spotted scampering about so she's okay, just a case of getting her home. But no doubt she's eating from about 6 different houses so she'll be okay in the meantime.

mummylin Sat 01-Jun-13 12:51:03

Oh I am so glad to hear that another cat has been sighted. It's a shame about the other one, but in a way nice that it was with your mum. How are you coping with all this. ?

NappyHappy Sat 01-Jun-13 17:13:32

Thats a lovey thing Mummylin what you did with the flowers. X

Cats are terrible for getting food from different houses grin

ChubbyKitty Sat 01-Jun-13 18:11:19

Coping okay, plodding along really until it properly sinks in.

mummylin Mon 03-Jun-13 13:11:02

Hi chubby. Hope you had as good a weekend as possible. What are your plans for the coming week. Do you have to work or anything ? Has everything been sorted about the house yet ? investigations all concluded .what is next things to be happening. Sending your dad best wishes for a good recovery .

ChubbyKitty Mon 03-Jun-13 14:57:56

Weekend was good, lots of family time. Regarding house/inquest etc I have absolutely no idea. Not working ATM they've told me to take as long as I need.

NappyHappy Mon 03-Jun-13 17:21:21

Thats good work have said take what you need, 1 less worry. Have you been to the house at all?

ChubbyKitty Mon 03-Jun-13 17:22:35

I have. I can't go again, I just felt incredibly sick when I was there.

NappyHappy Mon 03-Jun-13 18:44:17

Ok, hugs to you. Did you have your clean a thon? I need to do here.

NappyHappy Mon 03-Jun-13 18:44:36

Ok, hugs to you. Did you have your clean a thon? I need to do here.

ChubbyKitty Mon 03-Jun-13 18:47:22

Spent an hour cleaning the bathroom because I got a new mop and then tried to Hoover but my Hoover is a bastard cheap one that won't pick up. Other bits and bobs as well, didn't do too badly.

NappyHappy Mon 03-Jun-13 21:40:44

You did better than me! What have you been up to to keep your mind busy?

ChubbyKitty Mon 03-Jun-13 22:53:49

I've been watching a lot of family guy as we have over 60 episodes recorded so its good background noise. And having plenty of bubble baths to get some me time.

Also I know I shouldn't but I've really been spoiling the cat. I know she knows, cats are smarter than they let on, and she cries sometimes. So I spend a lot of time making a big fuss of her.

NappyHappy Tue 04-Jun-13 09:21:11

Cats are great. Why shouldn't you spoil her? wink I'd love to have another cat but with my herd of children it wouldn't stand a chance of peace!

I like Family Guy too, was watching the last in the Star Wars ones that they did.

How is your Dad getting on? And your Nana?

ChubbyKitty Tue 04-Jun-13 09:52:32

Well people say not to spoil them lest they become fat brats of house cats. But she already was so its probably not making a difference hahagrin

Dad is doing well, his cuts are healing and bruises are failing. Nana is looking after him well too, as we all know its illegal not to eat mountains of food at grandparents houses!

NappyHappy Tue 04-Jun-13 10:08:04

And Nanas always make sure you are over fed! But yet they eat like sparrows?!

What is the cat called?

Glad your Dads on the mend smile

ChubbyKitty Tue 04-Jun-13 10:50:31

Cat is called ruby. She is black with a little white bib and she talks back to you if you talk to hergrin

NappyHappy Tue 04-Jun-13 11:21:13

She sounds very cool. The local cats seem to congregate in my back garden.

mummylin Tue 04-Jun-13 11:58:34

Good morning chubby ( and ruby ) what a lovely day to be a cat, just lazing around , people getting your food for you etc. what a life. Glad you have been doing ok you are being a very strong person and its probably a good thing ou can be like that. I would of cracked. Sending you my best for next couple of days x

ChubbyKitty Tue 04-Jun-13 22:58:45

I think it's very slowly starting to sink in. Not yet to the point where I crumple but I'm a lot more teary the past couple of days.

Everyone's a mix of proud and worried that I'm being so strong but there's a lot of things to organise and do so I need to to get it all done.

BriansBrain Tue 04-Jun-13 23:18:28

Give your self time and let those tears flow, you have had such a terrible shock you are allowed to let your feelings out.

Let people help you with organising things and don't worry about what people think of you x

ChubbyKitty Thu 06-Jun-13 11:47:04

It's worse on days like today. Nothing to do, no one coming until later (I would normally be starting work at 5) so before all this I would go round there as its a minute away on the next street and we'd drink too much coffee and chain smoke and I'd tell her I'd quit when I get pregnant and she'd suggest having a cupcake in place of each cigarette and we'd giggle about how that's not the best idea.

Rambled there a bitblush but yeah. I'm still struggling to not think "ooh I've got X hours free ill go round".

NappyHappy Thu 06-Jun-13 20:32:56

You ramble away! Is it mostly nights you work?

mummylin Thu 06-Jun-13 21:06:12

Hello chubby , sorry you have had a bad day. It's horrible when the things you used to do are suddenly changed for such sad reasons.its better for you prob then to try and keep busy. But is very difficult when it's a normal
daily activity and that has been taken away from you. Do you have friends you could visit or are they out at work in the daytime ? Don't really know what see to suggest.
For now you still have things to face, but eventually you will make new routines further down the line. Give yourself proper time to grieve. Things will improve in time.

ChubbyKitty Thu 06-Jun-13 22:22:26

Evenings yeah. Tiring but a fun job so worth it in the end. Feel slightly better this evening made a makeshift lasagne and getting and early night. Had a visit from my auntie too which was nicesmile

NappyHappy Fri 07-Jun-13 13:13:51

Makeshift Lasagne? Aunties always seem cool.

Are you managing to sleep?

ChubbyKitty Fri 07-Jun-13 14:28:06

Sleeping surprisingly well actually. Yeah I had no mince so I cooked pasta in beef oxo and pretended. Wasn't quite the same somehow...

NappyHappy Fri 07-Jun-13 15:32:38

In a kind of Ready Steady Cook moment? I have them alot.

Im glad you are managing to eat and sleep.

ChubbyKitty Fri 07-Jun-13 15:59:42

Sort of! I toyed with the idea of using chorizo slices but I don't see how it would have worked.

I think I'm taking good care of myself physically. It's kind of a distraction tbh.

NappyHappy Fri 07-Jun-13 19:31:46

Good stuff, you sound like you are doing ok.

Chorizo could've worked.

Its still really warm out up here.

ChubbyKitty Sat 08-Jun-13 12:51:38

Weather was a bit disappointing this morninghmm

Had a really weird dream last night, like an alternate version of the accident where my mum was alive but loads of other houses were timed to go as well and we had to evacuate everyone and there was a Turkish debt collector after me and DP. Not even sure about any of that tbh!

Going to see my dad this afternoon then I think it'll be toad in the hole for tea. Nice to have something proper after last night's amazing turkey dinosaurs. Also did my hair yesterday and its now platinum - she would have been so proud that it hasn't fallen outgrin

NappyHappy Sat 08-Jun-13 14:55:46

That is a very random dream.

Its a bit dull here but still warm.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with turkey dinosaurs wink always good when you really cba.

Well, your Mum was probably making sure your hair didn't fall out, mines desperate to be re-done but it means stripping it, lightening it then putting the semi on top. Are you impressed with your handy work? What colour was it before?

ChubbyKitty Sat 08-Jun-13 18:28:16

It's been blonde for a while but always a bit brassy. I think putting the proper shade on has done it a lot of good colour wise, although I should probably use 5 litres of conditioner on it tonight!

Is it weird that sometimes I think she's still around? Could just be my mind playing tricks on me. But I'd rather, if its either of them, they do stuff during the day because I don't like the dark and get a bit freaked out!

NappyHappy Sat 08-Jun-13 22:30:13

No way is it weird that you think that. Im a big believer in all things after life. People think Im nuts for it but I don't care wink

If your hair does feel a bit brillo pad like, put some Henna wax/conditioner on it and leave overnight. Do you know the stuff I mean in the tub?

ChubbyKitty Sun 09-Jun-13 00:02:37

Not a clue but I have some Argan oil which is lovelygrin

I've not told DP about that. He gets really freaked out by that stuff!

NappyHappy Sun 09-Jun-13 00:43:36

Argan oil could work.

Its not as if they will do you any harm though, just watch over you. And maybe move stuff shock

How were your Dad and Nana?

ChubbyKitty Sun 09-Jun-13 01:05:42

They're okay my dads looking really well now and pottering about quite wellsmile

I know but he's a big fraidy cat.

mummylin Sun 09-Jun-13 20:25:57

Hiya chubby.thats a very strange dream you had ! Somehow your brain s processing things, no idea how though. There has been a lt about Turkey on the news on tele, maybe that's the turkey bit. Understandable your mum figured in your dream. I have only ad two dreams with my mum I ad bth times se never spoke a word to me, she was simply there.
I think your brain canals trics on you when you are in times of stress.
I would like to think that the people we lose are still around us somewhere, but I'm not sure about that side of things. But on the ther hand if I don't go and take fresh flowers tote crem , itching mu mm will know so I contradict myself there.
Hope your hair turned out ok. Mine is red streaks with blond.buti have had purple and purple and pink together !! I think I only do it to shock !! Inhabited grandchildren and ey think its cool !
Gad you dad is getting on ok.hope you have had restful weekend x

ChubbyKitty Mon 10-Jun-13 00:44:31

I'm considering doing the whole underneath pink or purple, as its so white everywhere else. It's just finding the dye that won't burn my skin off (sadly I can no longer use Live Colour sad)

It's comforting, if it IS one of them. But tbh I dread to think who else it could be.

mummylin Mon 10-Jun-13 09:23:48

Sorry chubby , I have just read my post from last night, I have no idea how you read it because I couldn't read it myself ! iPad seems to change words as it feels like it. What are your plans for today ? Very dull here at the moment but expecting some sun later. I don't think anyone who visits in your sleep will hurt you ( previews post before hitting post button ) !

ChubbyKitty Mon 10-Jun-13 12:22:05

I haven't really got any plans tbh. Got some Avon books to send out but our weather is terrible too so might have to leave it. Or I could take DP later for a little walk wink

Probably just spend the afternoon topping up my fake tan and spoiling myself. I normally don't get to paint my nails because of work so I've been having a lot of fun having ladylike hands!

mummylin Mon 10-Jun-13 12:28:32

My granddaughters are always doing my nails with weird and wonderful things. The last time was they painted them , then put all these little ball things onto varnish ! They introduced me to crackle varnish too, which I love.
It's dull here at the moment but I think sun will be out in a while. Make the most of your free time but do find something to occupy your time so you don't have to sit and think too much.
Any news about when funerals can take place. Will it be a double one or separate. You have done so well despite this terrible accident. Your mum would be so proud of you

ChubbyKitty Mon 10-Jun-13 12:53:09

Separate funerals. They were just such different people it wouldn't have been right for either. And both so popular we'd have to use Westminster Abbey!

It's amazing how many of my school friends are so upset and want to be there to say goodbye to her. I always knew everyone thought she was the "cool mum" but I never expected this. Quite humbling and lovely really.

Hopefully it won't be too long now until both are released. Although I have no idea where the cat's body is and I wanted to stick his ashes in with my mumsad

Somewhere in this town is an abandoned box with a very small mess inside it. Tbh it's both hilarious for whoever finds it and sad because that's my grumpy cat.

mummylin Mon 10-Jun-13 12:56:49

It's lovely that your friends want to support you on that day. It helps a lot to have caring people around you
Sun coming out now. Looks so much nicer.
Poor little cat, yes would be a shock for anyone that found it !

NappyHappy Mon 10-Jun-13 13:12:25

You sound lovely Mummylin and your hair sounds cool.

I collected my Avon books back yesterday and could do with taking them to another patch later. I ordered 30 and so far have 10 back. Grr.

For semi permanent hair dyes in bright colours go look at, I get mine from there.

It certainly sounds like you'll need to hire out Westminster Abbey! Will you be doing the arranging?

Poor cat hmm

ChubbyKitty Mon 10-Jun-13 13:35:37

I'm doing my mums with my aunties help, my uncle is doing my grandads.

I just imagine that the cat must be starting to whiff slightly, surely someone must have noticed it?

I hate when the books don't come back. Especially when you've got proper Avon brochure bags and you have to buy a load more. Sadly the book keepers are probably the same sort of people who will ring the local with my number & address, so I have to put them out strategically or buy a baseball bat with a nail in it

I'm thinking for the funerals I might in fact put a bit of colour in. She was always dying her hair crazy colours and my grandad liked the mystery of not knowing what colour either of us had next time he came down grin

mummylin Mon 10-Jun-13 13:56:12

Oh I wouldn't be able to do colours myself. My hairdresser does it from her home. She isn't a good timekeeper but fab hairdresser. I just let her do what she wants basically. I have been going to her since I had frozen shoulder and couldn't lift my arm, so roughly about 6 yrs now. If I could afford it I would go everyday! I love people messing about with my hair. I find it very relaxing I know some people dislike it.
Now sat in conservatory doing sod all except mn ! Lovely sun now

mummylin Mon 10-Jun-13 13:57:52

I think a pic on profile of one of the colours

NappyHappy Mon 10-Jun-13 14:26:33

I shall look later when on the craptop. grin I've trained ds1 to brush my hair for me. Very relaxing.

Have you been to see the cat in a box? Im terrible for opening bags and boxes in the street that shout open me!

Ive started putting on the order forms to leave the book out so I can pass it onto the next person. Have you seen the nail stick on things in the next Campaign?

You're still being so strong. X

ChubbyKitty Mon 10-Jun-13 16:30:00

I haven't seen him no. The police aren't even sure who's put him where it's all very bizarre!

NappyHappy Mon 10-Jun-13 23:30:05

That sounds well dodgy. You at work?

Poor cat sad

ChubbyKitty Tue 11-Jun-13 00:31:28

Not at work for a few more weeks. Well hopefully anyway. All depends on what the doctor says on Thursday but personally I don't feel ready to go back as I've not really had any closure yetsad

NappyHappy Tue 11-Jun-13 09:43:38

I think under the circumstances he'll sign you off for a bit longer. hmm

Got a fb message yesterday off another rep saying not to do these 2 walks as she does them! Pah, aswell as half the road I do confusedconfused

Is your Dad going to live with your Nana for the time being?

ChubbyKitty Tue 11-Jun-13 10:00:42

For now he is yeah, while he gets everything sorted.

There's someone doing part of my area and I got a snotty note from her customer saying "there is already a representative in this area" but the street has been tagged to me confused
I'm leaving those houses for a bit.

NappyHappy Tue 11-Jun-13 17:21:19

Ok, more waiting from the insurance company then about the house etc?! Have they been to look at it yet?

Nice note! I need to go through the orders tonight and look through the book myself. shock

ChubbyKitty Tue 11-Jun-13 21:21:46

Yeah more waiting. They went to look at it today and we went with him. It was so, so weird. I really don't understand how he can need to "assess the damage" - there's no house...?hmm

I still haven't taken mine out. Marked them to collect next Monday though so plenty of timewink

NappyHappy Tue 11-Jun-13 22:56:34

They'll have to take pics I suppose. I can only imagine how weird it must have been.

Im going to put a reminder in my phone to put my order in. My youngest still wakes several times a night so Im permatired!

ChubbyKitty Tue 11-Jun-13 23:30:36

Best news. We've found the other cat and she's unharmed just a bit frightened. Got her curled up on my knee right nowgrin

mummylin Wed 12-Jun-13 14:47:12

That is great news chubby. Does it look as though its been fed, or is it thin and scraggy ? Cat number one will be happy to have other one back !

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 12-Jun-13 15:05:49

Chubby - sorry I missed your thread before now, you are doing really, really well. Big hugs.

I'm really pleased you have the other cat back & I hope 'box cat' turns up before your Mum's funeral.

I have no idea what happened to the house, but it sounds awful and very stressful. I hope they get that side of it sorted soon for you.

ChubbyKitty Wed 12-Jun-13 22:00:50

She's lost a little weight but she's so, so happy to be with us and she's eating really well.

I've brushed and cleaned them both today with special cat foam and they're both wearing their fancy pink collarssmile

I still can't quite believe its true. It's not something you could actually imagine happening. My friend says its probably going to be when bodies are released and funerals are planned that I will break because it will feel much more real then.

At least I can spoil my dad on Sunday. That should take his mind off it for a little bit right?

mummylin Wed 12-Jun-13 22:23:10

I am sure it all seems almost unreal in a way. So in a way maybe your brain has not taken it all in properly yet. Yes maybe the funerals will be the catalyst and it will finally sink in, that yes it is real.
So glad that you now have two cuddly cats to pamper x

ChubbyKitty Thu 13-Jun-13 22:00:12

They are so spoilt. I've got them a little brush and foam shampoo with aloe Vera. Now they don't smell like a farmyard! There aren't even farms around here!

Not had a lot of other things happen this week. It's a bit like being limbo.

mummylin Thu 13-Jun-13 23:57:30

I'm sure it will be a massive relief when you are finally be able to hold the funerals and lay your family to rest. Then maybe you will start to believe it. It's hard at the best of times but for you and all the trauma and investigation it has been awful.then you can start to live your life again, it will be a different life but it will become eventually a happy life again. Not saying that you will ever forget of course but you have a lot of living still to do and lots to look forward to. Have they found out what caused it yet ? You have been very brave about it

ChubbyKitty Fri 14-Jun-13 00:21:14

Not yet, apparently the investigation will be done in like a week or so. FLO is back on duty tomorrow so hopefully will get some kind of update on everything.

I think you're probably right. It'll more likely hit me when we get them back and we'll all get some closure as well hopefully.

mummylin Fri 14-Jun-13 01:14:45

Forgot to ask how your dad is doing now. Bet he was happy that your cat family has grown to two ! Sounds like they are in for some good pampering from you ! Any news about the one in a box ?

ChubbyKitty Fri 14-Jun-13 13:37:37

No news about anything yet sad

He's really pleased about the cats. I rang him as soon as we got her home and she purred down the phone at his voice which was super cute. smile

mummylin Fri 14-Jun-13 16:27:59

Ah that is so sweet, how s dad doing emotionally. Was it his dad or your mums ? Such a lot to take in for you all xx

ChubbyKitty Fri 14-Jun-13 21:03:33

It was his dad. Emotionally I think he's destroyed he's just not one of those people who likes to show it, but I know it's there.

mummylin Fri 14-Jun-13 21:53:19

Oh that is so sad, I hope in time he will feel able to move on and still have an enjoyable life, but I realise this will be difficult for him. I'm sure you will support each other and help each other through. Any special plans fr the weekend ? Expecting a mixture of weather here so will have to arrange things wether permitting.
Hope the cats at enjoying seeing each other again xx

ChubbyKitty Fri 14-Jun-13 22:46:07

Baked him a cake for Sunday and taking his card and present. And drinks with the ILs tomorrow night which should be nice, take my mind off things and get out for a bit.

mummylin Sat 15-Jun-13 19:12:12

Hi chubby, cake sounds lovely. Have a super day with your dad tomorrow.ask him to send me a slice grin I can't be bothered to make cakes any more. My mum used to make all of us a cake each week. Now she isn't here I don't have the enthusiasm to make one myself.sad

ChubbyKitty Sun 16-Jun-13 12:43:53

My mum used to make a lot of cheesecake because she had a rubbish oven that burnt normal cake. And then we'd eat the whole thing in one sittinggrin

NappyHappy Sun 16-Jun-13 14:41:17

Hi, how did today go?

I love cheesecake. grin

ChubbyKitty Sun 16-Jun-13 22:15:13

Today was great, he really loved his card and present and the cake was brilliant if I do say so myself

It is all starting to sink in a bit more, very slowly.

NappyHappy Sun 16-Jun-13 22:49:18

I hope you saved me some wink

You are still doing brilliantly, are you off work for a while yet?

ChubbyKitty Mon 17-Jun-13 02:11:01

It all got inhaled by me someone.

I have another 2 weeks and then I'm going back on reduced hours. But so far there's been no news about anything at all so I have no idea how work will fit around everything else.

NappyHappy Tue 18-Jun-13 00:43:09

So it was good cake then ?!

I still haven't got biscuits for the base! Im going to attempt a lemon meringue pie. Was going to be Key Lime but there were no limes.

This waiting for reports, releases etc is taking a long time Chubby, I suppose the only good thing about the wait is that you get chance to prepare yourself.

Hows the cats? Have you been watching the secret life of cats on tv? Amazing stuff!

ChubbyKitty Tue 18-Jun-13 10:00:24

Last time I did cheesecake I used hobnobs and it was beautifulsmile

The waiting is getting a bit tiring now. I have no idea how or when ill be able to go back to work, as I can't exactly fit busy shifts around the investigations and funerals and whatnot. And yet I need to pay the bills, I've for my Avon but I can't say it covers the rent! Work can't give me sick pay because I wasn't there long enough before it happened(hmm) but I've heard I can still take the sick note to the job centre? Or apparently there's some kind of bereavement benefit? I have no idea about these things sad

NappyHappy Tue 18-Jun-13 14:51:36

Im coming to yours for cake! Funny enough cake came through the post today!

Bereavement benefit? That sounds like its definitely worth looking into. Not heard of that one but who knows what benefits there are we dont get told about. Apply for housing benefit too. I hope it all gets sorted for you, its been a long time.

What are you doing to keep yourself busy? Have you been addicted to Candy Crush yet? wink

ChubbyKitty Tue 18-Jun-13 19:09:36

Aha no I'm still on Simpsons Tapped Out! Most of my friends and DP have up on it months agoshock

I also seem to be ageing quite a lot. But Avon has slowed that time bomb down so I still look under 30 for now

Just doing silly stuff really. Sunday night I had a Disney marathon, today I went shopping and got hello kitty socks and a new cat tray. Also had a pub lunch with DP. Tomorrow were going to Nottingham so I can demolish the Disney Store and insert its contents into my housewink

NappyHappy Tue 18-Jun-13 20:17:36

Im stuck on level feckin' 65!

I love the Disney store, there's one in the Trafford Centre and Asda across the road from there have a mahoosive Disney area too. I got loads of nightmare before xmas stuff. wink

Ive been using the green serum to fade the pigmentation thats appeared on my face since having the boys, seems to be helping I just need something to tighten my skin.

Everyone needs Hello Kitty in their life wink my middle boy pinched mine!

Im currently sporting the superhero lounge pants from Avon as this is how I roll.

mummylin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:26:04

Hi chubby. I think that if you don't have enough money to pay for funeral stuff you can get help with that, if I remember rightly my old neighbour even had money for flowers too when her dh died. But it may be different now, but it's worth asking. And I would also ask housing about any benefits you could claim. Council tax, rent etc. they can only say yes or no.
I would of loved your cheesecake cake I love hobnob biscuits ! One of my favourites. Did your dad enjoy his cake, I note you didn't save any for us.
No indication of any dates yet then ? What is taking so long. Have they found what caused it to happen yet ? It's a long time for you all to wait isn't it xx

ChubbyKitty Tue 18-Jun-13 20:55:54

Aha I'm ordering those lounge pants for DP! We've done really well this time round so I feel he deserves it.

My dad really liked his cake! He laughed at the bit that had peeled off and been filled over with icing. Bloody silicon moulds!

No dates or anything yet. It's getting crazy, it'll be a month tomorrowsad

ilovemybabies123 Tue 18-Jun-13 22:39:53

Hi, I don't know if you can send private messages but im 24 and lost my mum in February, 5 weeks before I was due to give birth to my beautiful 2nd daughter. Please believe me, it is so difficult at the start and an uphill struggle But I promise it gets easier. I miss my mum all of the time and think about her 24/7. She was my best friend and feel like im missing a limb without her and the thought of living the rest of my life without her is scary. But please don't suffer in silence. And cry. Crying is good and will make you feel better in the long run. My mum died suddenly too but once you get over the shock it gets easier. Feel free to message me. I'm in the same boat. You are not alone. Take care xx

mummylin Wed 19-Jun-13 00:18:54

ilovemybabies we have a thread for people who are grieving for a mum/dad. Please feel free to join us there

mummylin Wed 19-Jun-13 00:20:50

Not sure that link will work, but please come over there. But please support chubby on her thread too. Sorry for your loss.

ChubbyKitty Wed 19-Jun-13 10:57:47

Ilovemybabies I am very sorry to hear that. It makes it worse that you were about to become a mum yourself.

I had a panic when it happened as my AF was due a week after and never came(3weeks latehmm). I'd hate to think I could have been having her grandchild and never even got to tell her!

ilovemybabies123 Wed 19-Jun-13 11:04:59

It does make it harder that she knew about my baby and was excited but as she died suddenly, we had no idea she wouldn't meet her. Very sad. How are you feeling?

ChubbyKitty Thu 20-Jun-13 11:57:54

Feeling kind of weird today. Had an assessment for counselling this morning and now I'm on a waiting list. I did treat myself to some new jeans and new boots though, I felt like I deserved it.

ilovemybabies123 Thu 20-Jun-13 13:09:14

I think you did deserve it. Such hard times x

ChubbyKitty Fri 21-Jun-13 23:50:54

It's been too hot to even enjoy my boots. First world problems I know.

But the jeans look amazing, high waisted jeans are definitely the one for me.

Still had no news, except my dad got his phone and my mums phone and computer back. It's starting to weigh me down in a sense that its taking so long. I've been told that these things can take up to 24 weeks. I really hope it doesn't take that longhmm

NappyHappy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:09:58

24 weeks? Shit. Hope you're all ok?

What boots did you get? I too am for high waisted jeans. After 3 babies, Ive got some overspill!

Have you had chance to get any benefits sorted out?

ilovemybabies123 Sat 22-Jun-13 11:12:14

Why is it going to take so long? My mum had to have post mortum as she died suddenly but that only too 2 weeks and we had her funeral 3 weeks after she died...which seemed like a lifetime so can't imagine how you must be feeling xx

ChubbyKitty Sat 22-Jun-13 12:31:44

I have no idea. I can't see that there's be backlog of cases like this, it's not exactly ten a penny.

I bought cheap uggsblush I didn't know how comfy they were.

ilovemybabies123 Sat 22-Jun-13 17:56:11

Love cheap uggs. Always get the cheapies smile

Can I ask what kind of accident it was? Maybe they can't release the body until its been fully investigated? Xx

mummylin Sat 22-Jun-13 18:25:44

Hello chubby, hope you are doing ok. That's a long time to wait if it turns out to be 24 weeks. Surely it can't take that long.having the funerals won't interfere with the investigations surely. That's terrible if it turns out to be like that. Glad you had a little spending spree. Made anymore nice cakes ? And how are the cats ?

ChubbyKitty Sun 23-Jun-13 10:29:55

They've finished testing the DNA now so shouldn't be too long before everything else moves forward hopefully.

The cats are really settled now. They've got used to each other again and now they've started snoozing in the bay window together when it's nice and sunny!

No more cakes yet but my nana has given me some new silicon moulds in different shapes which is cool.

mummylin Tue 25-Jun-13 15:14:02

Hi chubby , hope you are ok. Did you have a good weekend ?
Hope by now you will finally get some answers as to what happened and also when the funerals can be held. Not fair to keep everyone waiting in limbo, not knowing when you can lay them to rest. Horrible time for you and all the family. You seem to be coping very well. X

ChubbyKitty Tue 25-Jun-13 20:33:19

Taken the cats and the stray who isn't a stray to the vets. Oh my gosh. The bill...

We've been focusing on other things recently. I'm going back to work for a baby shift next week to get back into it. I think it's best while I can't do anything else just to try and get the bills paid.

mummylin Tue 25-Jun-13 23:10:51

Good idea really if you feel up to it. Will at least keep you occupied whilst you are there. What s wrong with the cats or did you take them just to be checked over ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 25-Jun-13 23:25:32

The two girls just needed checking over, but they stray who's not really a stray looked like his leg was broken but turns out he'd been in a fight and has a big bite through his wrist (ankle?) and was a little swollen and infected.

mummylin Tue 25-Jun-13 23:55:16

Oh poor cat. What can they do for him ? Think I need a vet at the moment ! Feeling worn out today ! Trying to fit 2 days worth of stuff all into one day ! But I hate going to bed early. I think I am missing out on something, I am a night owl who prefers to go to bed late and wake up late. Trouble is I do go to bed late , but wake up early these days !
How is your dad getting on. Is he having weekly checkups or anything. Did he have many injuries ?

ChubbyKitty Thu 27-Jun-13 13:52:13

They gave him a pain injection and now we have tablets for the infection and he's staying with us to rest. I think he's enjoying being spoilt, he's ever such a skinny little thingsad

My dad is doing okay, he's got a bike so he can go up to the other end of the village to visit my other grandma and auntie so that's nice for him. He was pretty lucky injuries wise! Just cuts and bruises and a painful knee really.

mummylin Sat 29-Jun-13 21:18:19

Hi chubby, is it next week you are going back to work ? Hope you will find it ok and not a strain. Hope the cat is doing ok. Have you had a lovely sunny day like I have ? Any plans for tomorrow.
Glad your dad wasnt too badly injured. . He was very lucky in that respect wasnt he. Hope he continues tip improve daily x

ChubbyKitty Sun 30-Jun-13 10:07:28

Next week yeah. I had a few friends round last night for drinks. Not really anything planned for today except recovering from last night.

Cats are doing fine, I think they're enjoying the lazy day too.

mummylin Mon 01-Jul-13 21:57:18

Hello chubby, how has today been for you ? Ok I hope. Any further news about the funerals yet. I'm sure you will be glad when they are all over with, you have had such a wait. Quite nerve wracking and very stressful for you.

ChubbyKitty Mon 01-Jul-13 21:59:53

The inquest has been on the news and me and my dad were in the car when it came on the radio, as we left the funeral home to talk through some things. I have to say it was a bit of a shock!

mummylin Mon 01-Jul-13 22:03:42

Oh crikey, that must of been an awful shock. Did you know the results before you heard it on the radio ? I hope so. You poor things.

ChubbyKitty Mon 01-Jul-13 22:15:37

We did yeah. I feel lucky really that they didn't have my name when they mentioned 'her daughter'

For now, I'm happy to be Nameless Daughter.

mummylin Mon 01-Jul-13 22:21:29

Was it on national news or just your local news ? How is your dad , is he nearly healed now ? And what about the boy cat ?

ChubbyKitty Mon 01-Jul-13 22:53:31

Local news. Just watched it on BBC and it was like a minutes worth so it wasn't too bad.

Both are healing well. The cat keeps shouting at me for no reason so I do get the urge to put him in the slow cooker and make a tasty catterolehmm

mummylin Mon 01-Jul-13 23:59:14

Haha that sounds really funny. You would have to poke his tail in though !

ChubbyKitty Tue 02-Jul-13 00:30:43

He's probably be really stringy because he's not a big beauty like my two girls. Not that they're fat and spoilt but...

mummylin Tue 02-Jul-13 16:51:27

Hope the cat has escaped the cooking pots today !
Not a very nice day here , it's raining but warm still. Saves me watering thrpe garden though ! You doing anything special this evening ? Hope your friends still being as supportive for you

NappyHappy Tue 02-Jul-13 17:34:37

grin @ Catterole.

Thats pretty rubbish hearing about the inquest on the radio. I remember watching the news report when it first happened and was really shocked when I saw it.

Probably easier being the nameless daughter, it might save people you don't know suddenly being all over you iyswim?

Its chucking it down up here too. I got caught in it before. With no coat. shock

The baby has got 2 teeth on the bottom and one big on up top and he looks hilarious with it.

ChubbyKitty Tue 02-Jul-13 21:50:01

That reminds me of Stewie Griffin teethinggrin

He has avoided being cooked, he's had his last lot of medicine and now he's gone out to play. Feel a bit sad letting him go, like a baby flying the best!

NappyHappy Tue 02-Jul-13 22:37:22

He looks like him too but has a normal shaped head.

Have you heard from work?

ChubbyKitty Tue 02-Jul-13 23:33:46

I went in to say I wanted to do a little shift and he's sorted the hours out but nobody has let me know when I'm working. It's weird.

That sounds adorable! Does he have red dungarees?grin

NappyHappy Wed 03-Jul-13 12:41:32

No just denim ones but has red trousers. He is so bloody cute.

Peter Griffin is so very wrong.

Your boss sounds great, I still speak to mine on FB.

ChubbyKitty Wed 03-Jul-13 15:40:38

I always wonder why a woman like lois would go for a man like Peter...she's had Gene Simmons! It's crazy.

I'm still not sure what day I'm working. I hope it's tomorrow as its always quiet but nobody wants to tell me.

NappyHappy Wed 03-Jul-13 16:43:04

Anno, Gene, nearly Brian and Quagmire?? wink

Wonder if they might have a cake waiting for you or something?? What is your job? I cant wait til the youngest 2 are in school so I can go back to work.

How are those cats? Did you watch the secret life of cats that was on the other week?

ChubbyKitty Wed 03-Jul-13 17:46:42

I did it was fascinating. My friends didn't agree aha! The cats are good they're snoozing in the bay window.

I work at dominos and we can't even have a kettle let alone nice things like cake. I had a free order but I couldn't enjoy it as it was a few weeks ago.

NappyHappy Wed 03-Jul-13 21:01:57

I think I love you. Domino's is my all time fave. I had the brownies the other week. Wow.

Once the dog is no more Im getting a cat. That program was hilarious. The cat who ate everyones food. Fantastic!

ChubbyKitty Wed 03-Jul-13 23:06:20

You'd think after working there I'd get sick of pizza. No such thing has happened.

One of mine is like that. Unfortunately she's an indoor cat so this has led to her being the size of a bear cub.

NappyHappy Wed 03-Jul-13 23:19:24

I'd never get sick of it. I don't get people who don't like chocolate.

Hmm, maybe put the bear cub in the slow cooker? Fat cats are funny. Theres one round here that looks like Hitler.

ChubbyKitty Thu 04-Jul-13 00:22:21

I love hitler cats. Poor little devils! They just don't understand.

Off to bed now with a poorly DP. He hasn't 'been' in a couple of days and he's ever so miserable. I have some fennel tea but he detests hot drinks unless its hot chocolate so I'm really not sure how to help him. There's only so many vegetables I can force into one meal. sad

mummylin Thu 04-Jul-13 12:53:54

Hello chubby, hope they let you go back to work to do a few shifts. Would give you something to do. I expect you are getting edgy so something to occupy your mind would be good. I hope you will hear from your boss soon.

ChubbyKitty Fri 05-Jul-13 14:23:23

I'm in tonight for a baby shift, and my friend said she will look after me so that's all good. Shouldn't be too busy either, what with the sales being low for summer so hopefully a nice calm shift.

mummylin Fri 05-Jul-13 17:13:32

Hope tonight goes well. I expect it will seem a bit strange to be there after so many weeks. But it's a little step back to normality.

ChubbyKitty Fri 05-Jul-13 21:18:32

Quite a fun shift really. As I suspected it was completely dead. Wasn't there long but I at least earnt something towards the house.

Chilling now and trying to figure out what to do for dinner.

mummylin Fri 05-Jul-13 22:41:11

I have only just got dh,s dinner , he didnt come home till late and normally on a fri he lies a takeaway, but not bloody well tonight ! I was out in the garden till gone 8 pottering around. Was lovely. Did if feel good to be back at work ?

ChubbyKitty Sat 06-Jul-13 00:11:06

It did yeah. Like you say was a little bit of normality.

I'm only just doing our tea now. Another pair here that normally have takeaways on Fridays but were both trying to lose a few pounds. And gain a few in the banksad

mummylin Sun 07-Jul-13 21:15:40

Hi, you enjoyed this hot weather today or is it too hot for you ? I'm ok but have to sit in the shade. Glad work went ok, have you done any more shifts ? As you said before, it's good to get the money in for the bills.. Pay one lot then there is another' !

ChubbyKitty Sun 07-Jul-13 21:42:59

The weathers been lovely and I sat outside for a bit trying to tan. Inside I've felt rough though, a lot of upsetting thoughts. I haven't been back for another shift yet not sure when I can/will feel up to it. We have to meet with the celebrant this week to tell her all about my mum so she can talk about and I've got to go through lots of photos as my dad is putting a slide show together.

mummylin Sun 07-Jul-13 22:18:57

Oh sorry to hear that. Maybe the shock is just going to hit you now, you have been very strong about everything up till now. I am presuming the funeral dates are coming up soon then. Maybe that's why you are feeling unsettled now.

ChubbyKitty Sun 07-Jul-13 22:30:11

Maybe yeah. It's a lot more real now we have to actually plan the funerals. I just hope we do her proud.

mummylin Sun 07-Jul-13 22:33:57

I have no doubt that you will. It's a very distressing to time for you coming up. Make sure you have your friends around to give you support. How is your dad coping ?

ChubbyKitty Sun 07-Jul-13 22:39:45

I think he's okay, he's putting together a slideshow of photos to put with some of her favourite songs so I think he's keeping his mind focused. I've just found a brilliant one of her with my baby cousin, going to email to him so he can add it in.

mummylin Sun 07-Jul-13 22:44:43

Will it be a religious ceremony or humanist, ? Are you and your dad planning it together? It's all very stressful isn't it, and in your circumstance it's worse than normal. Do you have a big family that you have to notify about dates etc ?

ChubbyKitty Sun 07-Jul-13 22:57:43

Definitely humanist, she was very non-religious! We're doing it together which takes some of the pressure off I think. Not a massive family but we're scattered all over so it's a case of figuring out where they can stay.

I'd have someone in my spare room but there's no bed. Just crap. Endless boxes of crap.

mummylin Sun 07-Jul-13 23:01:45

Depending of ages of people any teenagers could prob sleep in a tent or in sleeping bags in lounge or something , but of course if lot older this wouldn't be any good. Would any friends be able to Help out with accommodation ? I like humanist funerals, my family is not religious either. And I think at a humanist funeral, much more is said about the person who has died.

ChubbyKitty Sun 07-Jul-13 23:18:34

Youngest person who will be there is my best friend, but she's quite local. I do have a friend about 30 seconds from my house with a spare room if it became a real need. Ill have to double check with my dad as he's doing most of the calling around(I'm terrible at phone calls)

I just know if we'd given her a vicar she would have haunted me until kingdom come. The only time we ever went to church together was when I first voted!

mummylin Sun 07-Jul-13 23:28:29

Well it helps that you know just what your mum would want. I was lucky in that my mum left exact instructions as to what she wanted so we just had to follow that, but of course in your case it is completely different.
( Oh my god ! A bloody stag beetle is on my lounge floor ! Dh dithering about picking it up! )
He caught it in the newspaper and back out in the garden now.
Yes maybe that would be helpful if your friend could help if you need her to. Best have a stand by just in case

ChubbyKitty Tue 09-Jul-13 09:07:35

I can certainly talk to her about it. She's a very nice person so I can't imagine her saying no if it was an emergency!

I have some good(ish) news from yesterday, the funeral directors have now collected her and she is back in town. Of course now it feels much more real, and me and my dad realised yesterday that her birthday would have been next week, so that's going to be a little hard.

mummylin Tue 09-Jul-13 11:23:55

Oh chubby, I fear that you are now going to be getting very upset as the reality kicks in. Such a sad situation. Will you be able to go and see your mum or don't you want to. Take all the support offered to you. So will the funeral be next week. It's awful for you because everything has been on hold. Take care of yourself.

ChubbyKitty Tue 09-Jul-13 12:41:30

It's a little later while we get everything organised. We can go and visit but we can't see the body. That makes it worse but at least I can remember her how she was sad

mummylin Tue 09-Jul-13 15:33:22

Maybe that is for the best in the circumstances. You could write her a letter and ask them to put it in with her and maybe a photo pf you as well. For some they prefer to just remember people how they were when they last saw them. Very sad days for you

ChubbyKitty Wed 10-Jul-13 01:40:49

I like that idea. I'm not sure what I could write, but I know writing things down is good for getting it out without having to tell someone iyswim?

mummylin Thu 11-Jul-13 14:15:32

I wrote a letter, and put various things in with her, silly things really , but they were all relevant to my mum. I also cut a little curl and I have it in my locket, the only thing is I'm now to frightened to wear it in case it gets lost !!! But it is very special to me. Have you been back for anymore shifts at work or do you still feel unsettled . Will be good for you when you can get back to your normal routine as your life has been thrown into chaos for the last few weeks.
How is your dad , not forgetting the cats !

ChubbyKitty Thu 11-Jul-13 14:38:01

My dad is doing really well but I think now the proceedings have all started its starting to feel a lot more real for him. I went for a little shift on Tuesday and I've sorted out the nights I can work this month. The cats are great one is pawing at me right now and she's very happy haha. I'd like to get back to some normality, I'm trying to declutter the house a bit while I'm not working, think it might make me feel better to sink back into a routine with a nice tidy space.

mummylin Thu 11-Jul-13 20:57:54

The thing is, no matter what is going on the bills have to be paid dont they. No break from them at all for anyone. Hopefully all this part will soon be over and you can start to,put your life back together. Will your dad be going back to work. ?

ChubbyKitty Fri 12-Jul-13 00:03:14

He will eventually yeah. I'm not sure when. We've both got the problem that our 'proper grief', if you like, has been so delayed. I'm just going to have to push through it, I can't really be off any longer. I've sorted out my hours the rest of this month and organised when my new longer shifts will start in August(DP and I are switching to nights to try and get more money).

mummylin Fri 12-Jul-13 00:46:16

Yes I think you are right, be prepared for it to hit you. But with the grief eventually will come the healing. I think initially, especially in your case, it's such a shock and hard to take it all in, almost like disbelief. But hopefully very soon now you can at least get some closure. Glad your getting your work sorted, be good to earn more money.

ChubbyKitty Fri 12-Jul-13 02:37:07

Both our hours will match up better as well, so well have more time together like couples are meant to!

I must go to bed now. Thankfully DP is fast asleep so he can't laugh at me with my rollers in and a scarf round my headblush

mummylin Fri 12-Jul-13 08:02:29

I have a vision of Ena sharples from corrie in her hair net and rollers grin

mummylin Fri 12-Jul-13 08:03:49

It will be better for you to have DP around as I think you will probably need the support, makes sense to work similar hours or you end up not seeing each other very much.

NappyHappy Fri 12-Jul-13 17:11:46

wink @ Ena.

Just bobbing in to let you know I'm thinking of you.

ChubbyKitty Sat 13-Jul-13 14:05:11

Aw Nappy thank you. I've been sent a draft of whats being said at the funeral, it's quite an emotional read but it's really nice. We still need to put our words into it but its hard to sum everything up in one or two paragraphs really.

mummylin Sat 13-Jul-13 22:52:11

I think you have a very difficult task, I struggle just to write on the little card that goes with the flowers . It's so hard to know what to write. Then you don't know the best way to say it ! And you will always think of something you wanted to say when you have finished it ! Just say what your heart tells you to x

ChubbyKitty Mon 15-Jul-13 09:20:38

So today is her birthday. I'm sure this is going to be rough as hell on all of ussad

mummylin Mon 15-Jul-13 09:35:55

In my thoughts chubby, I know how hard it is to get thought the " firsts" of everything x

Kahlua4me Mon 15-Jul-13 09:46:56

Will be thinking of you today.
As mummylin said, the first of everything is tough. It does get easier as time goes on, you don't forget but the pain eases.
I think you are doing amazingly well. I lost my Dad when I was 21 and it is so hard.
But carry on as you are doing and you will get there.
Sometimes it felt like 2 steps forward and 3 back, with me, but slowly it settled down. Now I can talk about him easily and laugh at memories.

mummylin Mon 15-Jul-13 22:00:48

Hope you and your dad coped with today ok. It's a bit overwhelming isn't it. More so for you as you haven't yet had the funeral.
Did you manage to do your written bit ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 16-Jul-13 10:58:47

Have done mine yet, ill probably do them this week and get them sent over. It was definitely a rough day as I suspected. We had to go and collect the other cat that was found with my mum. And he wasn't in a box like we were told, he was in a clear plastic bag.

mummylin Tue 16-Jul-13 12:24:32

Oh how sad, bet that made you feel so sad too.yes I'm sure that yesterday was awful, you can't help but think back to the last birthday when your mum was here, I found it very upsetting and as yet it hasn't got a lot better really. I am so envious of people who still have their mum. It's heartbreaking without them. X

ChubbyKitty Wed 17-Jul-13 00:24:15

I just don't see how I'm going to become a mum myself without her guidance really. And one day I'll have to explain to my LO why grandma isn't there, only nanny, when the other kids have two(generally, I know not all of them will have) and it just makes me so sad to think of answering that question. Not to mention of course that its common knowledge in our very small town. Thankfully they will probably have DPs surname so they will have some protection from the local gossip-mongers.

mummylin Wed 17-Jul-13 00:30:52

You will be fine when it happens. A lot of it is common sense and ,lots of things you just learn as you go along, and MN will still be here ! It is sad that they won't get to know their nanny but through you telling them and showing them photos , they will know about her, what she was like and also you will see your mum in any children you have. They will have some of her genes. So part of her will be in them , the same as it is in you. You will be fine.

ChubbyKitty Thu 18-Jul-13 01:18:43

I've started writing my little section. I have no idea how much I'm meant to write, so far I've got 273 words..but it doesn't seem enough to cover quite how awesome and loving a mum she was. I'd expect to write something that short about a colleague or something, not someone who brought me into the worldconfused

mummylin Thu 18-Jul-13 10:34:55

Are you limited by how much time you are allowed ? It's very difficult when you have so much you want to say but then don't know what to put or how to say it. We had the vicar here and told him lots about our mum, but my brother wanted to read the letter that mum had left for us and by the time he had done that , the vicar hardly said a thing. I wrote her my own letter and put it in her coffin along with photos of us all and a couple of other things relevant to her.
When do you have to get it written by ? Have you got a date now for the funeral, and what about your grandad is that all arranged too.
Youhave a tough time ahead of you, but it can't be worse than what has already happened. Just write what you feel you want to and then if its too long you maybe can cut it down a bit.

ChubbyKitty Fri 19-Jul-13 02:21:27

We've been told altogether we have about half an hour. Haven't added anymore to it today, but I did let my dad know I'd started it and sort of paraphrased it for him and he said it would be okay.

We've also been advised not to go and see her again before the funeral, as the hot weather and the delay in her being released has meant there's too much of an odour. We're seeing my grandad tomorrow but he's now all sealed up in his coffin for the same reason. Really glad I went on Monday nowsad

mummylin Fri 19-Jul-13 16:40:55

That's a shame but I expect they have your best interests at heart. The trouble is , it's been a few weeks now . Have you nearly finished your writing. Difficult isn't it . You have a very sad time ahead and you will need a lot of support to get through the next few weeks. I hope your friends and DP will be there for you. I expect there will be a lot of people coming for the funerals. Did you sort out accomadatiom for your relation ?

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 16:15:48

I think all the arrangements are sorted now.

Just had the police round as random men tried walking into my house. hmm

2013 just gets better...

mummylin Sat 20-Jul-13 17:42:55

Oh my god , how scary for you. As if you don't have enough on your plate. We're they young people ? Or older. Did you give a good description of them. Hopefully police will catch them.

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 17:48:52

I wrote down everything I could think of and rang my friend a street over and she saw them too.

They're out looking now and are going to get back to me. One of them was massive and looked like he was on steroids the other was tiny and wrinkly confused

mummylin Sat 20-Jul-13 18:17:15

Did they take anything

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 19:00:10

No I was near the door and they said they were at the wrong house. No shit matehmm then they left.

mummylin Sat 20-Jul-13 20:03:18

Good job that they left without causing any trouble. You could of been in danger there . Sme people are real bastards aren't they . Glad you are ok and not harmed or anything , but I expect you were shook up a bit, I would of been

ellenjames Sat 20-Jul-13 20:33:49

I have just read this, so sorry for your family, I remember this as I live near x

NappyHappy Sat 20-Jul-13 21:18:15

Jeez Chubby, thats shit! There seems to be alot of chancers about atm. Loads round here. Hope you're ok. X

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 23:17:11

Door is well and truly locked and I'm smoking in the back garden. I was still in my pjs and everything!

mummylin Sun 21-Jul-13 00:35:50

Oh I'm always in pj,s . They are so comfortable. In fact this afternoon the front door bell rang and I opened it with a scrappy top on and pj bottoms !! So your not alone there.sometimes. I don't get dressed at all if I'm not going anywhere. Bet the bloke who rang my bell wished he hadn't bothered, was a traveller looking for work with a 25% discount !

ChubbyKitty Sun 21-Jul-13 00:47:34

Didn't get dressed at all today. Didn't need to dirty up clean clothes, saves washing them. Saves energy. I'm being green!

NappyHappy Sun 21-Jul-13 13:48:20

Im another one who is always (and am currently) in my jamas. grin

mummylin Sun 21-Jul-13 16:14:16

I am dressed today as I have been to cemetery to take my mum and sister new flowers. But if I had been at home probably wouldn't of bothered. Glad I'm not alone !

mummylin Mon 22-Jul-13 10:52:20

Are you ok ?

ChubbyKitty Mon 22-Jul-13 12:20:10

I've only come back on this afternoon sorry! I've been sorting out a surprise birthday party for DP and I'm starting to wish I hadn't bothered. How do parents manage with kids who aren't at school at this time of year? Thank god he doesn't have a summer holiday!

Other than the party though, I have my grandads funeral this week and I'm kinda worried about it. I don't know why I'm so worried, I think it's just because I haven't really started grieving for him yet. It's all still processing, I've not even got to the cat yet either. I guess at least this way it's not all coming at once in massive floods.

mummylin Mon 22-Jul-13 12:33:57

Oh I love surprise parties. Did one for my mum here at my house and was horrified when in the middle of the day I looked out of my window to see my mum walking up the path. I had to pretend I was out !
Will be better to get one of the funerals over with. It's been quite a while to have to wait for it. I expect after both are over with , then you will start to go over everything. But you have been very courageous over the last few weeks

ChubbyKitty Mon 22-Jul-13 22:26:05

I think I'll probably crumble a bit tomorrow. This weather doesn't help, I hate thunder hmm

Poor cats are all twitchy as well, and the stray boy is probably out in it somewhere. So sadsad

mummylin Mon 22-Jul-13 22:33:49

I guess the funeral is tomorrow then. Yes it will be awful and very sad, but you will get through it. Will be thinking of you, hope it all goes to plan. X

mummylin Tue 23-Jul-13 10:34:01

Thinking of you today x

NappyHappy Tue 23-Jul-13 11:27:08

And me. X

ChubbyKitty Tue 23-Jul-13 18:49:56

Thank you both. It was an alright day, like he would have approved if that makes sense.

Thank fully we were home before this weather happened.

mummylin Tue 23-Jul-13 22:05:25

Glad it's over for today and that it went it ok. I hope a lot of people came to pay their respects to your grandad. How did your dad cope with it, very sad for him today

ChubbyKitty Tue 23-Jul-13 22:41:38

It was awful for him. Even DP had a little cry at one point, not sure there was a dry eye there, he was a very popular man.

mummylin Wed 24-Jul-13 00:47:12

Ah that is so sad, it's a very distressing time for everyone who cared about him. Did the celebrant read out what you had written ?

ChubbyKitty Wed 24-Jul-13 09:16:41

We didn't get a chance or an offer to write anything for my grandad. Not 100% sure what happened there so I'll not mention anything. Best not cause an argument in the family as well!

mummylin Wed 24-Jul-13 13:51:02

How long do you have to wait now for your mums ? Very sad times for you all. I expect in a way you will be Relieved when everything is over . It must of put enormous strain on you .
Have you got any more work lined up yet ?

ChubbyKitty Thu 25-Jul-13 01:02:00

A week to go. I'm working Friday and Saturday, goodness knows how long for though. If yesterday's weather comes back then we'll be absolutely rammed and I could get in a good few hours to hopefully make up for the £34 I got this paydayhmm

Today has been a better day, I spent the day rushing round getting everything ready for DP and he really loved it, and I just focused on him really. A good distraction in all.

mummylin Thu 25-Jul-13 12:42:16

I'm sure you can do with a better wage each week than that ! Hopefully you will soon be able to be able to do quite a few shifts and up your wages. Hope today's working hours are ok.
Will be good for you when next week is over, then you will be able to settle your life down a bit. I'm sure the past few weeks have been like a see saw, up and down. Did your grandad have a humanist funeral like you are having for your mum ? Hope your DP enjoyed his surprise !

ChubbyKitty Fri 26-Jul-13 10:30:32

That was for the month!

Part of me is wanting to try and sneak in early tonight. Might even offer to clean something (like the pots - takes forever on a good day) and then do it as slowly as I can get away with it. Maybe that's a bit mean but..I like to eat.

mummylin Fri 26-Jul-13 11:05:05

Oh my god, how on earth are managing to cope financially ? Yes to sneaking in a bit early, earn another hours wage ! Have they paid you anything at all whilst you have been off. We're you entitled to any sick pay or anything ?

ChubbyKitty Fri 26-Jul-13 12:52:14

I got 30 hours of holiday pay last month. I have no idea how we're coping tbh. Some bills didn't go out last month and got put onto this month so we're pretty much surviving on a wing and a prayer.

And the bereavement benefit I got told about turns out to only be for surviving partners or parents. I guess they hadn't thought of this whole situation as a precedent because its so unusual.

Luckily the rent has gone out this month so the house is fine. Just not too sure about electric, council tax, gas..confused

mummylin Fri 26-Jul-13 19:02:18

Oh dear, as if you don't have enough to cope with. It's bad enough worrying about bills at the best of time. Well they will have to wait till you have got it. Or maybe you can pay a little of each one just to keep them sweet. My mum always told me rent had to be paid first as you need a roof over your head. But I think councils are quite hot on council tax aren't they

ChubbyKitty Sat 27-Jul-13 12:47:09

They are a bit yeah. I got about 4 hours in last night and I think cut off for payroll was a week before payday this time so there's a couple of hours banked there as well. I'm sure it'll all work out money wise.

mummylin Sat 27-Jul-13 15:16:22

I hope so , nothing worse than not having enough money to pay what you have to. ,how many hours did you use to work before all this happened. ?

ChubbyKitty Sat 27-Jul-13 17:54:00

30, on 5 days. So it's been quite a big drop in earnings.

mummylin Sat 27-Jul-13 23:20:52

Yes it is isn't it, will they be able to give you all your original shifts back. I hope so. Eventually things will settle down for you and things will sort themselves your dad gonna stay with your nan full time now. ? And what about the cat ?

ChubbyKitty Sun 28-Jul-13 13:30:24

I'm getting 3 longer shifts then 2 of my regular shifts. Baby shifts as we call them lol. Around the same time DP is moving to night shifts and will be on time and half so hopefully out savings will amount to more than 50p(not even kiddinghmm)

I've just been reading that bank of mum and dad thread and noticed how many people just a few decades ago lived with parents and in laws until they could buy a house. It's scary, because if we had done that..well it doesn't bear thinking about. It's so bizarre how things work out really.

After the funerals are done I think he's looking to move somewhere on his own, it's just a case of finding the right place. The cats will probably stay with us, I don't really want to unsettle them any more unless its really necessary.

They will have one weekend without me though as my friends mum has very kindly let us use her caravan at the seaside for a weekend for very cheap, so she's taking me away for a few days so I can regroup. I think it'll be very healthy for me and its good to have something to look forward to.

mummylin Sun 28-Jul-13 19:51:06

Yes what a horrible thought to think you may have been caught up in it will do you a lot of good to get away for a few days after all the trauma. But I have to say. You have done extremely well in the circumstances. I would of crumbled
Will be better then when you and DP get to work the new hours. Hopefully then you will be able to sort yourselves out

ChubbyKitty Sun 28-Jul-13 21:49:49

I have today over the past week I have crumbled a little more I think just because the funerals have started and we got the cat back and everything.

mummylin Sun 28-Jul-13 21:57:13

I think it's to be expected. But you don't have to be brave all the time. It's not possible. You will make yourself ill by keeping everything inside you. But maybe when the floodgates open it will give you some sort of release. I did that when my sis died, I had to be brave because my mum stated with us and I could not cry in front of her BUT ten months later I had to have 3 months off work with depression, then I could not stop crying , so do take care

ChubbyKitty Sun 28-Jul-13 22:15:33

I'm trying to go with the flow as it were to whatever my mind fancies doing. So I do need to cry I can just go for it, I always feel a bit better afterwards.

mummylin Sun 28-Jul-13 22:20:03

Tears are meant to be healing so they say, don't know if that's true ! Are your friends still supporting you r has the support dropped off at all

ChubbyKitty Sun 28-Jul-13 23:52:03

Most of them still being supportive. One or two seem to have gone quiet but if that's how they feel then I'm not over upset by it.

mummylin Mon 29-Jul-13 00:10:08

Some people are very helpful at the start, but then sort of lose interest. But as long as you still have support from somewhere you will be ok

ChubbyKitty Mon 29-Jul-13 00:17:22

Tbh it's almost like the whole town (bar my friends/acquaintances) have forgotten all about it, but on the other hand I can easily potter about town this way without being stared at.

mummylin Mon 29-Jul-13 00:27:07

People soon forget when it's not their family involved. I found it hurtful when people ignored my mums death. But yes I can see the good side that no- one pointing you out

ChubbyKitty Mon 29-Jul-13 10:45:08

And at least this way there's no giant pictures of my childhood home splashed across the front page.

This is on the local paper as well. They either didn't have the intelligence to think 'maybe the family will see it and be upset' or they are vile nasty sods.

I know what my (limited) money is on.

mummylin Mon 29-Jul-13 12:17:56

How insensitive, but papers don't think of others feelings, they just want the front page story. Must of been horrible for you to see that.luckily most people have very short memories if things don't concern them so you should be able to carry on as normal without anyone staring at you. I hope so

ChubbyKitty Mon 29-Jul-13 22:53:52

Yeah it's a lot more peaceful now. The people that matter remember and are therefore more sensitive towards us, and the rest are unimportant.

mummylin Tue 30-Jul-13 00:09:21

Yes you are right. My sister has something similar to what you just said on her gravestone. " she lived for those she loved, and those she loved remember " lovely words are they. I feel really tired tonight, but I hate going to bed early !!

ChubbyKitty Tue 30-Jul-13 00:41:26

We had a new bed delivered earlier and put it up after having just a mattress on the floor.

I'm excited to sleep in it but like you I can't stand going to bed early.

mummylin Tue 30-Jul-13 11:44:30

Ooh I love new beds ! But I hate the thought I'm missing out on something. I think I have just got into the habit of going to bed late. I am a night person and my ideal would be to stay up all night and sleep all day ! My ds is the same and always has been since he was little. I also have a brother who prefers late nights and late mornings, but another brother is up at 4am every day as he works for postal service.good job we are not all the same in the world isn't it . Hope u enjoyed your first night in your new bed, I bet you felt really high up after sleeping on a mattress !

ChubbyKitty Tue 30-Jul-13 17:14:57

It is sooo comfy. Slight issue, I sleep on the side next to the wall so I shuffle forward to the end to get up in the morning. Only now I'm a tad too shortgrin

Today hasn't been too bad, me and DP went shopping as he's off this week and we raided the American sweet shop.

mummylin Tue 30-Jul-13 17:39:40

Sounds as though you liked it ok ? Nice to ave something new, it cheers everyone up I think ! But if you eat too many of those sweets you may need to get a bigger bed grin

ChubbyKitty Tue 30-Jul-13 23:39:40

It was awesome.

I have to get an early night for tomorrow, but I still haven't tidied up or been in the bath. This hasn't worked out so goodhmm

mummylin Tue 30-Jul-13 23:42:27

Is it the funeral tomorrow. If so I hope you cope ok.

ChubbyKitty Wed 31-Jul-13 00:46:35

It is yeah.

Thank you. I'm really anxious about it so I've taken a sleeping tablet otherwise I'll be up all night.

mummylin Wed 31-Jul-13 01:02:08

It will be upsetting of course , but you may surprise yourself how you get through it, will be thinking of you x

NappyHappy Wed 31-Jul-13 07:53:32

Ill be thinking of you too. Xxx

ChubbyKitty Wed 31-Jul-13 21:35:58 was rough. And shattering. Pretty much all I can muster tonight.

mummylin Thu 01-Aug-13 00:07:15

I am glad the ordeal is over for you. Now you at least know she has been laid to rest finally. Try and remember all the good times you had together. It's a very hard time, I a, still grieving for my mum and I a, a lot further on in the process than you, it still feels like yesterday. Look after yourself, ale sure you eat well and try and sleep well too x

mummylin Thu 01-Aug-13 20:52:50

I hope you are taking the time today to rest and try and gather yourself together a bit. Don't bother to post back.just wanted you to know I am thinking of you

ChubbyKitty Thu 01-Aug-13 23:01:14

Sorry I am completely shattered. BIL took us all to the zoo!

I'm pretty sure Dudley reached 1000 degrees today right?

And yet it pissed down yesterdayhmm of all the days..

mummylin Fri 02-Aug-13 00:28:54

It has been very hot here today as well, too hot to do anything. Didnt do a lot really. Glad you had a nice day. I love zoos . Have a good sleep tonight

ChubbyKitty Fri 02-Aug-13 11:06:25

It was a very good day. It was nice being out and about and away from the town as there are a lot of reminders here. And I managed to sleep in for a little bit as well so that's good. I've got a little shift tonight so that should be quite distracting too. For the rest of the day I think I'm just going to catch up on laundry as I have at least a billion loads to do and I can do other things in between.

Also discovered a cat flea last night (even though they both got washed and sprayed on Tuesday) so have to send DP out for some spray for the furniture, eughhmm

mummylin Fri 02-Aug-13 11:18:41

Don't let the cats on your new bed till they have been de- flead ! That would be horrible. I think with cats it's just part and parcel of a cats lives, I would think they all get them at some point.
Glad you will be back to earning tonight, will you get a free pizza too ! That would save you a bit of cash on not having to buy anything.
I expect it was good to sleep in for a bit this morning, I sometimes like to watch the tele in bed ( or read ) trouble is sometimes I go back to sleep and when I wake I have normally then got a headache
The sun is trying to come out here but in between its quite cloudy. Very warm still though. Have a good day

ChubbyKitty Fri 02-Aug-13 20:39:02

Horrid shift.

Can't wait to gorge myself on pasta later. Comfort food...

NappyHappy Fri 02-Aug-13 23:27:24

But you must have lots of cheese on it wink

You are still doing tremendously well especially over the last week or so.

Even though Ive not posted Ive still been reading the thread and thinking if you. X

ChubbyKitty Sat 03-Aug-13 00:26:29

Morrisons own grated mature cheddar. I think he used the whole bag.

I tend to get very weepy when I'm home alone. DP honestly doesn't mind if I snot all over him but I just can't do it I prefer to be alone when I do. Bath/shower time is always good, it's proper alone time.

NappyHappy Sat 03-Aug-13 19:14:03

Migraine fest! Sounds like it was good though.

And, its also good that you are crying and letting it all out. Its not good to keep it all in. I think crying really does help.

ChubbyKitty Sat 03-Aug-13 23:21:29

I have to say I've been very quiet all night at work (on a break).

It's been steady-busy though so it's given me thinking time, as it really doesn't take much concentration to make pizzas anymore..

mummylin Sun 04-Aug-13 00:43:04

Hi chubby, seems you are a bit low at the moment, but that is understandable in the circumstances, being back at work will at least give you something to do. Without putting any more stress on yourself. If it gets that you feel your not coping do go and see your doc. Thinking of you

ChubbyKitty Sun 04-Aug-13 02:52:52

Thank you. It is a little more difficult than I thought trying to get back to normality if I'm honest.

mummylin Sun 04-Aug-13 02:58:00

I'm sure it is. I know how awful it is only too well, but in your case it was made even worse if possible because you lost two people in a tragic way. But you have to do your grieving in able to eventually move on from this. But it will take you a while you have had a massive loss and now everything has been done, you have more time to think about it all. What you are feeling is normal. Got to go to bed now in worn out. Take care chubby.

ChubbyKitty Sun 04-Aug-13 16:28:03

It doesn't help when I find out DPs so called friend (DP also angry about this) thinks its unacceptable that I haven't been working 40+ hours for 2 months and therefore I should be a skivvy and shouldn't be asked if he wants to come round and basically my opinions/thoughts don't count.


mummylin Sun 04-Aug-13 21:01:36

Oh for gods sake does he realise what you have just gone through ? F ing idiot, I would not have him in my house insensitive pig !

ChubbyKitty Sun 04-Aug-13 23:55:48

Oh he knows. He just has a complete lack of empathy. He was mardy when one of my old cats died because DP didn't want to go to the gym that day and came round to mine instead.

mummylin Mon 05-Aug-13 00:13:31

Dosent sound like much of a friend. I can't believe some people . You know what they say " what goes around. Comes around " I wouldn't bother with him. You don't need "friends" like that . How are you feeling ?

ChubbyKitty Mon 05-Aug-13 08:54:23

I think he's always had something against me as he can't have DP all to himself. Of course it's fine that he's in a relationship and blows his friends off regularly because he's not allowed out.

He makes me laugh. Otherwise I'd cry.

mummylin Mon 05-Aug-13 11:20:31

He sounds a very ignorant person and I personally wouldn't be bothering with him. If he continues in his frame of mind he will end up friendless.

ChubbyKitty Mon 05-Aug-13 11:28:07

As harsh as it sounds I'm enjoying sitting back waiting for just that. DP and his other friend are already pretty sick of him. Apparently the other friend is 'trying to steal his place' in terms of being friends with DP hmm

Some of the stuff he comes out with is just unreal. We could write a book. One of his latest is criticising us because we bought flea stuff for the cats.

It's hot, we own cats. It's kind of a natural reaction to want to keep the fleas at bay, unless he'd rather we left it and he got bitten?

I have to say anonymously ranting about him is incredibly therapeutic wink

mummylin Mon 05-Aug-13 13:40:51

He sounds like a 13 yr. old. Sulking because someone else is DP,s friend, he needs to grow up by the sounds of it and doesn't he know that flea powder is part of looking after cats ? He sound a right idiot and one day soon someone will tell him to get lost, and actually it's none of his business what you do or don't buy.

ChubbyKitty Tue 06-Aug-13 00:12:20

I don't think he does. I'm not sure he's capable of taking care of pets even though his mum has cats and his fiancée has a dog. He's quite irresponsible in a way.

Much better day today though, my dad had to rush me to town for a new Hoover (mine blew uphmm) and now I have a lovely pink Vax that is suitable for pet hair. I'm actually excited to Hoover tomorrow.

mummylin Tue 06-Aug-13 00:19:56

Oh it's lovely when you ave a new thing to use. But only fr the first week ! I only Hoover once a week cause there is only 2 of is here now. When I had dogs I used to leave my Hoover out all day cause I couldn't stand the dog hair everywhere. Think the last thing I had new was a washing machine , why do they put so many programmes on them? I only use two of them! I need a new iron though. I snapped off the bit that goes over the hole where you put water I . It's stuck on with tape !
Did you get the powder fr your cats, have you done the de Fleming.
Yes give the tosser a wide berth, sounds a weird person

ChubbyKitty Tue 06-Aug-13 00:30:29

Yeah. Only found a baby today and some dead ones so its worked well. Must remember not to neglect the hoovering again, I'm still not used to being the one responsible for the cats !

mummylin Wed 07-Aug-13 21:58:01

Hi chubby. Hope you are doing ok. Have you seem the idiot friend again in last couple of days ? Are the cats ok now ? My hairdresser has just got two new kittens. They are 8 weeks and 3 days old, she got the yesterday. They are so cute , but one kept crying a lot, don't know if it was missing his mum and the other kittens, very cute though.
How is work going this week, got many shifts ?

ChubbyKitty Wed 07-Aug-13 23:48:42

I've been okay, kind of gloomy but pushing through it. I've been working the last two days and tomorrow and then I'm off on holiday for 3 days so that should be nice.

The kittens sound lovely. One of mine has been chattering a lot more, which is what she's normally like. Maybe this kitten is going to be a talker toosmile

mummylin Wed 07-Aug-13 23:56:40

Oh a break will do you such a lot of good, where are you going ? Think I need a holiday but will prob wait till weather is cold here then fly to the warm ! Yes both little kittens are so cute, one is brave but the one who kep crying is very timid, spect he will be ok after a few days . Have a great time away

ChubbyKitty Thu 08-Aug-13 00:11:53

Me and two friends are having a little girly caravan stay in ingoldmells. We've heard the nightlife in Skegness is amazing though and apparently the taxi to the centre is like 5 minutes so that should be fun.

mummylin Thu 08-Aug-13 00:31:55

Well I hope you have a fab time. Let your hair down and relax, you deserve this. I have no idea where it is, but it sounds good, I am terrible at geography and if I haven't been there I don't know where it is ! Caravans are great, been on a couple of sun holidays, and they were really nice, mind you was a long time ago now. Enjoy

ChubbyKitty Thu 08-Aug-13 11:12:54

It's on the east coast. It's the naicer part of Skeg.

I'm also putting my phone on Do Not Disturb except for DP and my dad, and the friends I'm with, thank you Apple for that delightful feature.

Should be nice to get away and clear my head.

mummylin Thu 08-Aug-13 11:57:07

That sounds like a good feature to have on your phone ! Didnt know you could get that. I don't have apple phone but I do have my iPad. My brother swears by apple and has everything going. If you have the weather we have today it will be a great weekend for you. Are you going to be cooking meals or using out. There is something different about cooking in a caravan. It's fun

ChubbyKitty Thu 08-Aug-13 12:09:39

We're taking noodles and pasta packets and some bread but well probably stuff on fish and chips most of the time! My friend is on slimming world but she's letting herself off a little bit so she can join in.

mummylin Thu 08-Aug-13 12:59:41

I'm sure you won't starve ! We used to take big potatoes with us and stick on the oven. That was an easy meal to do. But low you say always fish and chips

mummylin Thu 08-Aug-13 13:00:14

In the oven not on !

ChubbyKitty Sun 11-Aug-13 02:25:15

Going home tomorrow. Thought I'd post as I have a rare bit of good signal!

I've missed DP and the cats such a lotblush

mummylin Sun 11-Aug-13 12:53:46

Hope you are having a great time and its given you a good break. I, sure you have missed them , but only another day and you will be home. You know what they say " absence makes the heart grow fonder " see you soon

ChubbyKitty Sun 11-Aug-13 19:49:01

I'm home and so happy to be here! Chilling with DP now.

Got a new tattoo while I was there as wellblush naughty

mummylin Sun 11-Aug-13 22:23:09

Ooh what tat did you get ? I have 4 little ones, but I'm not having any more. I don't like the pain ! I'm a coward.
Isn't it odd. You look forward to going away , then can't wait to get back home again . There is no place like home , ever

ChubbyKitty Sun 11-Aug-13 22:41:09

It's a little black heart on my shoulder. It's number 6 for mesmile

We had tattoos in common it was like our thing, and this ones quite special because of various reasons.

Just came to bed and DPs got a new one too...his is loads bigger. And he's rearranged and massively decluttered the house, and he bought me a Chinese. Someone's been busy this weekend.

It is odd about holidays. I was so excited but today I was sort of having sad moments about my mum, particularly in the arcades as we had loads of memories in Skegness from my childhood, and there were loads of things in the penny falls that I thought 'ooh I could win that for her!'

mummylin Sun 11-Aug-13 22:47:59

It is little things like that , that are upsetting . Some things just trigger another memory and it makes you dad. My last one was just mum I sort of feel she is somehow still with me. I have a dolphin , a rose an my sisters name ( she died at 26 ) as I said no more for me , not to keen on this type of pain( surgery I call it ) grin
Sounds like your DP is spoiling you tonight. He must of missed you too

ChubbyKitty Mon 12-Aug-13 10:12:21

He did yeah. Slept incredibly well compared to the two nights I was there.

Just found out a friend is pregnant and it's such wonderful news.

My mum would have been bouncing off the walls as she loves babies and loves this particular couple.

I think it's good that we've now got some good news starting. Another friend had her baby yesterday as well.

mummylin Mon 12-Aug-13 10:16:31

You will be getting broody with all the new babies coming ! they are so cute. Have you for your work sorted for this week. Hope you have a few shifts

ChubbyKitty Tue 13-Aug-13 12:17:10

Yeah got plenty of shifts this week so not too bad. I already am, but I wouldn't want to steal any thunder off them as its such wonderful news! Not that they'd feel that way tbh.

mummylin Tue 13-Aug-13 12:34:07

When I was expecting my first there were 4 of us all at different stages, it helped along the way to discuss our hopes and fears. I was so envious when the other three gave birth and it was just me left as I was so terrified ! But all was well. Glad you have work this week. Now you will be able to get back on side financially.
Anyway you ave a new bed and the saying goes " new bed , new baby " just saying grin

ChubbyKitty Tue 13-Aug-13 13:50:16

I'd never heard that saying but good to knowwink

At least if I get a bean soon I know it will have lots of friends to play with and I already get on with the mums!

Takes some of the sting out of other things a little bit. Just focussing on something positive.

mummylin Tue 13-Aug-13 14:39:27

Very old saying also there is " new house new baby" well when it happens for you, it will give you a new lease of life and take away a lot of your sorrow. Babies keep you so busy you don't have time to think !

ChubbyKitty Wed 14-Aug-13 00:00:29

It would certainly be such a happy thing to take away the sting of all of this. There would always be a certain sadness in it because of the circumstances but if we all went through life like that I think humanity would grind to a halt.

I've been having little crying spells again, but I feel better afterwards. We get to collect my mum soon. Not sure how I'm going to feel.

mummylin Wed 14-Aug-13 00:27:45

Have you decided what you want to do with her ashes ?
Yes there would always be sadness but any future child you ave can learn all about its nan from you, by pictures, stories, tales of your childhood. Things like that, she wpnt be forgotten

ChubbyKitty Wed 14-Aug-13 01:02:56

Not a clue so far. If we had the money we could get her made into a diamond but it would probably cost less to buy the entire Atlantic Ocean.

I know people have them in nice pots on the mantelpiece but what else could we do?

mummylin Wed 14-Aug-13 02:28:05

I have my grandparents in my garden.
Is there a special place she liked to be where you could scatter them or do you want to keep everything together. What have you thought of so far ? But you don't have to decide right Way anyway, wait till you are ready to do something with them, there is no time limit

ChubbyKitty Wed 14-Aug-13 12:31:52

She liked Whitby, we could take her there but I think a lot of us want somewhere specific we can go and reflect iyswim?

mummylin Wed 14-Aug-13 16:37:21

Understand, you want somewhere you can visit her ? My friend has her dads ashes in a big garden pot with a lovely flower growing in the top. I'm sure between you , you will think of something and somewhere

ChubbyKitty Thu 15-Aug-13 03:15:29

I'm sure we can all pitch ideas and figure it out. I think we're collecting her tomorrow. Pretty glad I've got a day off really.

mummylin Thu 15-Aug-13 10:53:10

You have plenty of time to decide what to do, my BIL only buried his wife's ashes this year after she died 3 yrs ago . There is no time limit and you don't even have to burst he, if you don't want to. Don't decide until you are ready to.

ChubbyKitty Thu 15-Aug-13 15:41:33

I think it's going to take a while. I'm still trying to process that this has in fact happened. I still have so many questions but there's not really anyone I can ask them to because no one knows the answers.

mummylin Thu 15-Aug-13 17:13:08

You have a tidally been through a horrendous time and I. An understand you wanting answers. Until you get them you won't be able to sort things out in your mind. I can't begin to imagine how awful it has been for you .

mummylin Thu 15-Aug-13 17:13:35

Tidally = actually !

ChubbyKitty Thu 15-Aug-13 21:11:59

Everything seems very complex and as mature as I am I don't think I'm quite mature enough for this.

mummylin Fri 16-Aug-13 10:39:18

It dosent matter how old you are. To lose your mum is just awful and for you the circumstances were terrible. I cannot stop grieving for my mum. I am older with adult children and its now 21 months since I lost her, I am still devastated, so can't imagine how you have coped. You have done brilliantly. It takes a while to accept and even I haven't reached that point yet . It has changed the test of my life which will never be the same and it has changed me too . I can never be completely happy again. All we can do is press on and get through each day as best we can . It's horrible keep your chin up

ChubbyKitty Fri 16-Aug-13 12:53:15

I think you're right. Nothing will ever be the same. There'll be a gap in my wedding photos and a visitor missing when I give birth.

We found out last night DPs work(large supermarket) has used the whole event in their employee magazine. Advertising how much they raised for us and all the help we got. Bloody cheek. We have had nothing from them, they haven't asked if its okay, and poor DP didn't even know until he opened it and it was a shock for him. I think they forget he lost someone too... He told my dad when he was round last night and neither of us are impressed but I don't think there's anything we can do really.

mummylin Fri 16-Aug-13 17:29:30

I would be fuming, especially if basically what they have printed is lies. What a cheek. Why on earth did they think they could do that without even having the decency to speak to you about it in the first place ?

ChubbyKitty Fri 16-Aug-13 17:50:52

Or at least DP! It's vile. But my dad (sensible as ever) has told me not to worry - no point getting wound up over something we can't change.

But now DPs had everyone at work starting again with questions 'how's Chubby? How's her dad? Do they know the cause blah blah' and he's very stressed about it allsad

mummylin Fri 16-Aug-13 21:19:23

Yes it must be quite wearing for him. And people shouldn't. Be so rude as to ask actually. He will just have to say he hasn't heard anything yet and leave it at that. It's very insensitive of them and I'm sure he dosent want to put up with it all day at work

ChubbyKitty Sat 17-Aug-13 01:52:46

Not really. He seemed in a much better mood tonight so hopefully they've laid off him a bit today.

ChubbyKitty Sun 18-Aug-13 00:27:42

Stupid iPhone won't let me reply to PMs. But I have got all three and am gratefulblush

mummylin Sun 18-Aug-13 01:00:25

Hope when he goes back to work next week. They leave him alone . You been working tonight ?
Been awful day here weatherise, rain rain rain ! Those 2 little kittens I told you about have both settled onto their new home now. I saw them on Wednesday. They are sweet

mummylin Sun 18-Aug-13 01:07:24

Chubby was. That last mess for me cause I haven't sent any pm,s ?

ChubbyKitty Sun 18-Aug-13 10:32:32

The message about PMs was to others. Oopsyblush

Aw the kittens sound lovely I'm glad they're settled!

I did work last night(on my birthday) and it rained for us and I ended up walking home in it!

Fingers crossed for today being nice my auntie is throwing me a barbecue smile

I did have a little cry last night after work though but I think it was probably allowed. DP said it was.

mummylin Sun 18-Aug-13 12:40:07

Yes of course it's allowed. Especially on your birthday. It's special times it all hits home. Yes it poured here all day too I am also going to BBQ this afternoon at my brothers. Quite sunny here at the moment.

ChubbyKitty Sun 18-Aug-13 12:48:49

Sun seems to be sticking today. Fingers crossed!

NappyHappy Sun 18-Aug-13 13:08:32

They're from me. Should be a link to a fb page that makes diamonds from ashes??

NappyHappy Sun 18-Aug-13 13:09:30

Happy Birthday btw!

ChubbyKitty Mon 19-Aug-13 11:43:15

Thank yousmile

The barbecue went okay. I think everybody had a nice time which is good.

mummylin Tue 20-Aug-13 00:45:48

Glad you had a good weekend and I hope you had lots of bday presents ! What did you get ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 20-Aug-13 01:25:32

Lots of wine and rum and bath things, a huge box of clothes and shoes (with a t shirt with a cat with Swagsmile) and Beyonce perfume. Got some money too and will be treating me and DP to something deep fried and delivered in plastic tubs. Nom.

mummylin Tue 20-Aug-13 01:41:11

Something deep fried sounds good to me ! Was the weather ok for the BBQ ? We went to my brothers and although rain threatened it stayed away. Nice not having to cook at home !

ChubbyKitty Tue 20-Aug-13 10:31:09

It was boiling all day, I think I might have burnt slightly on my shoulders. It was terribly windy though so there was ash everywhere!

mummylin Tue 20-Aug-13 12:52:12

A along as you we joyed it. Get yourself a spray of cooling gel, that would help your shoulders. Supposed to be getting really hot by weekend when my ds will have his rearranged bbq. So what did your DP get you for your birthday ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 20-Aug-13 15:25:59

He got me some pink D&D dice and a bunch of roses and gave me some holiday money and a signed photo of Kryten smile

mummylin Tue 20-Aug-13 17:32:50

Sounds like you were thoroughly spoilt grin and you deserve it. Where you going for a holiday then , are you going together somewhere ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 20-Aug-13 21:04:59

I went to skeg last weekend. He gave me it early thigh, a lot of people did so I could waste it get some toys haha.

mummylin Tue 20-Aug-13 21:53:23

Oh is that when you went to the caravan with your friends ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 20-Aug-13 23:24:03

It was yeah

mummylin Thu 22-Aug-13 10:26:46

Do you think you will get a holiday together at some point this year. Would do you a world of good. To get away together for a while

ChubbyKitty Thu 22-Aug-13 13:01:34

I would like to yeah. It's difficult because he has to pre book all his holidays in April, and now our stores been taken over by a new franchise I have less than no idea how to book a holiday!

I heard a rumour that it was done online but we've not been told explicitly what to do. conveniently

mummylin Thu 22-Aug-13 13:41:50

Surely you are still entitled to any holiday you have accrued despite being taken over. They have to honour holidays

ChubbyKitty Thu 22-Aug-13 15:21:29

Something along those lines yeah. I find it very confusing. I preferred the old system where I just tell the manager I was going away and he just did whatever managers do.

mummylin Thu 22-Aug-13 21:23:24

Just wrote you. Post and site went off.ine !!
If you have continuation of service from when your old company was the ou should be allowed your normal holiday entitlement, ie if you ae still working under the terms of your old contract , your holidays should be the same I would just ask your manager what you are entitled to . Can't shoot you can he !

ChubbyKitty Fri 23-Aug-13 01:37:24

Nah he'd be fine. If he even knows himself!

It can't be hard I'm sure. Unless they don't ever want us going on holiday but that seems counter productive.

ChubbyKitty Sat 24-Aug-13 02:21:33

So I'm not actually sleeping much.

It's been 3 months but I just seem to lie awake replaying it all. Is that normal? I guess it could be a delayed reaction because I was so numb to start with, but I don't cry or get angry I just...lay there.

mummylin Sat 24-Aug-13 10:20:13

I think it's natural, in a way it's a bit like having post traumatic stress. Now it is all over your brain is trying to process things, you may actually need something from your doc. Or if you don't want that try taking some nytol . There is no doubt it's all connected, you coped so well but your body reacting differently now. After all you went through a massive shock and somewhere along the line your mind and body going to be really tested. Although you prob feel well in yourself, your body reacting opposite, I would discuss with doc .

ChubbyKitty Sat 24-Aug-13 13:04:13

I think I best do yeah. Meant to go to the bank this morning and because I didn't get to sleep til 5/6 I've only just rolled out of bed. Not helpful! I might see if I can get some more kalms, they worked really well.

mummylin Sat 24-Aug-13 20:23:36

You could try rescue remedy , think you can get that in any chemist. You need to look after yourself before you become ill. You have done so well but sooner or later things catch up with you . Seek help early rather than later

ChubbyKitty Sun 25-Aug-13 00:49:15

Definitely need something. I'm so very tired and won't be managing at work very well with no energy and we're kind of coming out the other side of our money blip. Don't want to slip again really as that's just more stress that we don't need.

mummylin Sun 25-Aug-13 00:59:01

If I were you I would make apt with your doc, you may actually need some sort of counselling too, but you do need to be able to sleep.

ChubbyKitty Sun 25-Aug-13 02:02:07

I will. It will have to be Tuesday now because of bloody bank holiday, although its only 3 nights to get through I suppose. I've been coming down and getting cups of redbush tea which helps a little (no caffeine) but its not exactly ideal.

mummylin Sun 25-Aug-13 02:05:19

Yes I thought that myself about the bank holiday, but you can ring on tues and make won't hurt for you to have a bit of help

ChubbyKitty Sun 25-Aug-13 02:44:00

I really feel like I need it now, I wasn't so bad at first. Like you say though its all catching up with me. If I make it to sleep before 4 tonight and don't get kept awake by neighbour man going to work then we're set.

Need to be up at a reasonable time tomorrow to see a friend before she has her baby!

mummylin Sun 25-Aug-13 11:58:59

Oh is the baby due soon ? How lovely. They are so cute. How people can hurt them I don't know. They are all F ing bastards. I think the next baby in my family will be my niece( better not be one of my grandkids ) !

ChubbyKitty Sun 25-Aug-13 12:21:33

She's got a weekgrin

I love babies. I think the next one will be mine in our family. I have two aunties but I don't think they're having anymore and my cousins only 7!

mummylin Sun 25-Aug-13 12:38:20

Will watch this space for the announcement grin

ChubbyKitty Sun 25-Aug-13 23:52:09

Got some kalms and some vanilla camomile tea. Should work, if not then it's only two nights.

mummylin Mon 26-Aug-13 01:52:30

Yes hopefully that will do until you can get to your doc. Hope they can give you a quick apt , down our surgery we are lucky if we can see someone before a week !

ChubbyKitty Mon 26-Aug-13 11:10:12

Ours are okay if you're willing to be awake at 8.30. Which is a stupid time.

mummylin Tue 27-Aug-13 12:42:00

Did you manage to get to doc today or have you made your apt ?

ChubbyKitty Wed 28-Aug-13 02:05:51

I wasn't up in time. I have been okay the last couple of nights and slept A LOT so I figure I might be okay for now.

Only just got home from work though so it'll be another late morning tomorrow, but with a good reason this time at least. Not doing it again tomorrow, making DP a korma instead. Trying to do nice little things slightly outside of my comfort zone so I can feel good about the achievement iyswim?

mummylin Wed 28-Aug-13 09:09:18

Crikey you work late ! Glad you are feeling a bit more normal. But if you find yourself slipping back do go and see your doc. Hope you have managed a good lay in this morning .

ChubbyKitty Wed 28-Aug-13 12:05:39

It's reasonably good yessmile

Need to get out and deliver the Avon today so I think I'll rope my friend into helping. She won't mind. Ill give her tea.

mummylin Thu 29-Aug-13 12:00:26

Hope you got all your deliveries done. How did you sleep last night ? Are you feeling a bit more together, I see Zing has suggested you come to the night owl thread, do that cause I'm on it too !!! How is your dad doing these days ?

ChubbyKitty Thu 29-Aug-13 18:50:41

I might do if I'm kept up again tonight! Still working on the bloody fleashmm

mummylin Fri 30-Aug-13 11:00:51

Glad ou found owls thread. Didnt want to mention about this thread in case you didn't want to speak about it. Hope you manage to fix your pink vax ! Have a good day maybe catch you tonight ?

ChubbyKitty Fri 30-Aug-13 11:52:04

Should hopefully be a busy day today so will be distracted from everything.

I will definitely be there tonight!smile

mummylin Mon 02-Sep-13 12:06:12

Wasnt on other thread for long last night. As I was tired and I thought everyone had gone. It's nice to have a thread where you can chat about any old thing. Glad you remembered the person I was trying to think of from holby ! Hope all goes well for your friend today. Your turn will soon come ! Are you speaking to the other person who wasnt nice to you. I wouldn't of bothered with her anymore. Some people have no regard for anyone's feelings at all. See you later

ChubbyKitty Mon 02-Sep-13 12:41:32

I'm sort of keeping an emotional distance. Ill still talk to her about froth but ill leave the big stuff out as there's better people to talk to about those things.

I haven't heard from the other friend yet, I'm eagerly awaiting the news smile

mummylin Mon 02-Sep-13 13:52:19

My brother has just been and told me his wife's nephew just given birth at 24 weeks to a 1 lb 8 oz baby girl ! God how tiny is that not even the weight of. Bag of sugar. Hope baby girl will be ok but I expect it will be a long road for her.

ChubbyKitty Mon 02-Sep-13 16:25:04

Aw! So tinyyy!

mummylin Mon 02-Sep-13 22:52:20

Well what's the baby news ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 03-Sep-13 00:15:03

She is absolutely beautifulsmile

Joined the world this morning and I've seen a picture of a very proud looking daddy with his little girl and its just heart-warmingsmile

mummylin Tue 03-Sep-13 00:23:36

Mum and baby both ok and your friend not too traumatised ! Details ! Weight name etc how exciting for your friend. I bet she is proud of herself now she has done it.

ChubbyKitty Tue 03-Sep-13 01:02:41

Don't want to post her name as its quite unusual and friend is worried about a few people finding out (wouldn't put it past some people to stalk MN for a non-MNer tbh!) but it IS very pretty. And she was 5lb something which I'm told is about the average size? I think I weight about 6/7 so must have been a tubby babygrin

mummylin Tue 03-Sep-13 01:12:32

No that's not average weight, that's quite a small baby. I understand about the name,

ChubbyKitty Tue 03-Sep-13 01:19:06

Ah right okay! I have no idea about baby weights. I do know the 19lb baby born in China was very big though!

mummylin Tue 03-Sep-13 01:35:46

Oh my god I would f split in half. My babies were under the average and they were6lb 1 and 6lb 3 , so your friends must look like a little doll. My sis had twins both roughly the same as your friends baby. Think it's about 7 and a half for boys and 7 for a girl. But of course they are born all shapes and sizes

ChubbyKitty Tue 03-Sep-13 01:53:16

For logistical reasons I wouldn't mind a nice small one. But of be happy with it just being healthy really.

19lb is ridiculous. I have a ruler and I've seen 10cm and the two ideas just don't blend well in my head.

mummylin Tue 03-Sep-13 01:57:13

Ha ha I could of had 3 babies with the weight of that huge one, a
Most a toddler on its first day, the poor mum oh my god that's awful. Yes your right as long as its healthy , it's fine

ChubbyKitty Thu 05-Sep-13 01:09:50

One of our drivers(he's new) had a delivery to the street today and gave me a lift as I'm only one street over.

'Thats where that house blew up isn't it??'

Cue most awkward car drive in the history of the universe.

mummylin Thu 05-Sep-13 02:59:43

Oh , can imagine he felt terrible when he found out the truth.

ChubbyKitty Thu 05-Sep-13 10:57:58

He certainly went very quiet after that.