I cant help it, I need you lot, dp died yesterday, I cant stop seeing it, it hurts so much

(1000 Posts)
TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 08:40:14

everything hurts, I cant close my eyes without seeing it happening
he collapsed at home
I did chest compressions till the ambulance came
they tried for ages but he was gone
I cant stop seeing it
my arms hurt, my heart hurts
I'm exhausted
I cant do this again

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 08:40:39

its like a nightmare that I'm not waking up from
I cant stop it

PerfumedPonce Sat 11-May-13 08:41:55

I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to happen. Cannot imagine how you are feeling. Have you got support at home?

HappyJustToBe Sat 11-May-13 08:42:14

Hand to hold. Do you have anyone with you?

I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending you a hug.
Can you get some counselling?

DottyDot Sat 11-May-13 08:43:22

Oh God Trinity no.... I'm so, so sorry. Have you got anyone with you?

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sat 11-May-13 08:43:33

Oh god Trinity, I don't believe it.

You poor poor thing. How are the children?

onceipopicantstop Sat 11-May-13 08:43:35

Hi Trinity I'm so so sorry for your loss. Are you on your own? Is there anyone you can call to come over?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sat 11-May-13 08:43:58

What an awful thing to experience, have you got someone with you? My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 08:44:47

dd1 is here but my friend had to go home to her dog first thing this morning

dd2 and gecko are with my neighbour
close friends of ours and the littluns chose to stay over last night

purplepillow is coming over later but her mum is still in hospital and she needs to see her first

usualsuspect Sat 11-May-13 08:45:07

Trinity, I'm so so sorry.

Have you got someone with you?

ClaimedByMe Sat 11-May-13 08:45:15

Aww trinity, I can't think if anything to say sad keep posting if it helps xx

D0GWithAYoni Sat 11-May-13 08:45:16

Oh Trinity I'm so so sorry for you. I wish I could do something.

Oh god I'm so sorry.

WhereMyMilk Sat 11-May-13 08:45:49

Oh Trin, how awful for you. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family,x

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 08:46:00

Trinity I am so, so sorry. x

You probably won't want to but do you think you could call the emergency out of hours GP to come and give you something just to get you through this immediate aftermath?

Do you have help there with you now? Where are you in the country?

Am so sorry this has happened, big hug and hand hold.

Oh no, Trin, oh how awful. I am so, so, sorry.

Tiredtrout Sat 11-May-13 08:46:49

I'm so sorry trinity, that's just a terrible thing to have happen

BranchingOut Sat 11-May-13 08:47:08

So sorry, how awful.

You will stop seeing it, but maybe not just yet. Have you slept? Can you get anyone to be with you.

Indith Sat 11-May-13 08:47:20

I'm so sorry Trinity.

Well done for keeping your head and doing compressions. You did exactly the right thing and gave him every chance you could.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

McKayz Sat 11-May-13 08:47:36

Oh god Trinity, I am so so sorry xx

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Sat 11-May-13 08:47:58

Oh Trinity - I'm so desperately sorry you're having to deal with this sad

You need some real life people around you though.

Be kind to yourself - it's going to hurt and there is nothing you can do to stop that this soon so don't waste your time trying to be normal or right just now.

One breath at a time. That's all you need to get through just now xx

poachedeggs Sat 11-May-13 08:47:59

Oh Trinity I'm so, so sorry, I can't believe this. You don't know me but I "know" you, and your story. Hang in there, MN is with you.

I'm so so sorry this has happened. I'm here to hold your hand. You must be feeling so raw and shocked. I'm sorry xx

Tell us about him. What was he like, where did you meet? What made him laugh?

Think about him as the person and tell us, try to stop focusing on the event of his death and tell us about him.

DottyDot Sat 11-May-13 08:48:59

We're here if you want to keep posting until your friend gets there. Thinking of you xx

DeepRedBetty Sat 11-May-13 08:49:04

flowers I'm so so sorry to hear this Trinity.

DiscoDonkey Sat 11-May-13 08:49:25

Oh trinity I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Life is just too cruel sometimes. Xx

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 11-May-13 08:50:11

OMG Trinity I am so sorrysad

You have been through so much, god life can be so fucking cruel sometimes.

xx

poppymagnum Sat 11-May-13 08:50:58

Oh no trinity I'm so sorry.

Keep posting. We're here for you and your DCs. x

Oh my god I nearly threw up when I read this and clocked that it wasn't an old post. Trinity I'm so sorry. Offering hands to hold, arms to hug and anything else that might make you feel like you aren't alone <3 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

TweenageAngst Sat 11-May-13 08:52:44

My thoughts are with you. You gave him the best chance, I know that is scant comfort at this heartbreaking time but you did everything you could for him. Xx

kelda Sat 11-May-13 08:53:13

So so sorry to hear this. I am thinking of you.

ajandjjmum Sat 11-May-13 08:54:01

That's just awful Trinity - I'm so so sorry.

Badvoc Sat 11-May-13 08:54:13

Trinity.
I can't tell you how sorry I am.
You are in my thoughts and prayers x

RustyBear Sat 11-May-13 08:54:32

Oh, trinity, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

MrsHiddleston Sat 11-May-13 08:54:37

Trinity I am so, so sorry for your loss. You did all you could.

My thought are with you.

MissAnnersley Sat 11-May-13 08:55:39

I am so so sorry. I don't have the words. so sorry.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sat 11-May-13 08:55:45

I just don't have words, Trin.

I hope you'll feel able to share here when you need.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 11-May-13 08:57:14

Trin, I am so so sorry. xxxxxxx

RubyrooUK Sat 11-May-13 08:57:21

So sorry Trinity. X

inneedofrain Sat 11-May-13 08:57:49

Oh you poor thing

There are no words that are going to help much at the moment

Your Dp must have been a wonderful man your pain must feel all consuming

We will hold your hand but remember you may need help to get past the first few days and the physical shock it might be worth calling you ooh they should be help if you feel like it might be a good idea

It sound rediculius but time does help you will in time be able to remember your woderful husband and not relive the last few moments of his life

There is no right of wrong for your emotions at the moment if you need to scream and punch the wall then do it if you need to cry then do if all you can manage is sit on the sofa then that is right too

Be kind to your self i am very sorry for your lose

chimchar Sat 11-May-13 08:58:20

trin...I too checked this wasn't an old post.

I'm so so sorry to read your terrible news.

Charlie is right...get through today just one breath at a time.

thinking of you, and offering you hugs.... x

insanityscratching Sat 11-May-13 08:58:31

Oh I am so sorry for your loss, sending thoughts and prayers x

hf128219 Sat 11-May-13 08:59:39

In my prayers xx

FreckledLeopard Sat 11-May-13 08:59:56

Jesus, I am so so sorry. You've been through too much. This just isn't fair.

Shinyshoes1 Sat 11-May-13 08:59:57

Oh god Trinity I know your backstory I can't believe it

Hand holding here :-))

MexicanHouseThief Sat 11-May-13 09:00:26

Oh Trinity, I can't believe it. There are no words. How amazing you are for keeping your head and giving him chest compressions. You did everything there was to do.

It is so wrong that you are going through this again sad

It's normal IME to keep seeing the moment when you've watched a loved one die. It will fade, but for now just know that it is normal, if horrible.

Charleymouse Sat 11-May-13 09:01:29

Trinity so sorry to hear about your loss. I also thought this was a zombie thread and then clocked the date and thought oh no, how much can one person take.

Trinity you are strong, you can go on, you have a lovely family to help you through this. Keep posting, you know (unfortunately from experience) that there is someone here at all times who can offer practical support and an emotional crutch.

Thinking of you and sending love and prayers your way. CM x

lougle Sat 11-May-13 09:01:57

I'm so sorry, trinity. I thought you were describing a nightmare sad not your dp.

What can we say? It was awful the first time. You shouldn't be doing it again.

ElizaDoLots Sat 11-May-13 09:02:03

Really sorry to read this Trinity. I had to check the date to make sure it wasn't an old post too - you don't deserve this again.

orangepudding Sat 11-May-13 09:02:11

Trinity I'm so sorry.

YoniMatopoeia Sat 11-May-13 09:02:42

Oh Trinity sad

(is me NormaStanleyF)

Let us know if there is anything we can do.

Will pm you my new number once th lap top is fired up)

Oh trinity I'm so so sorry.

flowers and a hand. That is tragic, I am very sorry.

MadameOvary Sat 11-May-13 09:03:47

((((Trinity))))
I know your story too. There are no words. You need us...we're here.
Can't believe this sad

You poor thing, I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your children.

I know you don't me but I'm so sorry trinity. I know this has happened before from posts of yours and I am so sorry. Life is cruel x

InkleWinkle Sat 11-May-13 09:05:06

Oh dear God Trinity. I had to double check the date as well.

You must be devastated, I am so so sorry.

BennettsBiscuit Sat 11-May-13 09:05:31

xxxxxxxxx thanks love & strength to you and your kids. So cruel and unfair. You did brilliant though xxxxxxx

(serial name changer, know you've already been through so much and your lovely girls, so sorry)

ISeeSmallPeople Sat 11-May-13 09:05:41

Trinity I am so sorry.

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss.

Be very gentle with yourself, you will go through a whole range of emotions and it is important that you give yourself time.

When you feel ready, maybe contact Cruse, for some support for you and the children.

toomuch2young Sat 11-May-13 09:07:37

So sorry for your loss. Words don't seem enough. You and your family are in my thoughts x

HalleLouja Sat 11-May-13 09:07:55

So sorry to hear about your loss Trinity you don't know me but I do know your story.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:08:13

thankyou everyone

he was a big strong man
he had a red hat he wore all the time
he used to call his crocs 'melly mels' cause we once saw a picture of mel gibson in crocs and he was trying to convince me that crocs were cool cause mel gibson wore them and I fancied mel gibson when he was younger

he loved curry, he used to spend hours in the kitchen making curries from scratch
really hot and tasty
I used to taste them, they were really tasty but waaay too hot for me
he used to love to sweat whilst eating a curry

he loved fishing, the sea, nature
we used to go and collect the flatfish from the salmon nets in the sea outside my house

he was so loving and kind but in private grin
he was a big strong mans man but with a soft squishy heart
I used to call him my teddy bear in a crocodile suit

I cant stop crying

AtYourCervix Sat 11-May-13 09:09:03

Trinity. I am so so sorry.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 11-May-13 09:09:20

So sorry x

TheSecondComing Sat 11-May-13 09:09:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caoimhe Sat 11-May-13 09:10:08

Trinity, I was so shocked when I opened this thread and realised it was you and that you were suffering another tragic loss. Such a tragedy, you poor, poor thing. Life is desperately unfair. I hope purplepillow is with you soon.

Take care of yourself.

mummylin Sat 11-May-13 09:10:27

I can't believe you are going through this terrible tragedy after all you have already been through. Sending you my deepest sympathy, you know mn will be here for you x

minkulus Sat 11-May-13 09:10:53

Trinity my heartfelt sympathy. You are a very brave woman. You didn't fall apart and you did the best for DP.
Your pain and shock are very raw. Your head is full of those awful images and for now you will need to deal with each wave of shock as it hits you, but keep posting, keep contact. It will help to detach you and give you another means of letting it out of your head.
Been through something similar recently and just letting it go on here helped so much.
Xx

MrsWolowitz Sat 11-May-13 09:11:29

Oh Trin.

I'm so sorry. I just don't have any words.

He sounds like a wonderful man and you are amazing to have done everything you did for him.

xx

Of course you can't, lovely. You won't be able to and that's fine. You're in that terrible bubble of grief and shock right now and i wish there was more I could do than just type into this little box right now.
Please let me know if there is anything i can do in the coming days or after and I will do it.

xxx

Hassled Sat 11-May-13 09:12:28

Trinity - my heart breaks for you - after everything you've gone through and all the strength you've shown. He sounds like he was such a lovely man. I'm just so sorry.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:12:35

thankyou everyone
I cant believe it
except I can

Oh god Trinity, my heart breaks for you. Another oldie here, thinking of you xxxx

LemonBreeland Sat 11-May-13 09:13:24

Trinity I'm so sorry to read this. You and your girls gave been through more than enough. sad

Just take it slowly and take care of yourself.

He sounds wonderful.

Do you want to carry on talking about him?

Think about him and all he meant to you, it will hurt but it will be easier not to think about the circumstances of his death.

differentnameforthis Sat 11-May-13 09:13:38

I too had to check this wasn't an old post & I am speechless. SO sorry for your loss.

mummylin Sat 11-May-13 09:13:40

I dont know how one person can have this happen twice. Life is such a bitch sometimes, I am truly shocked.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 11-May-13 09:14:28

Oh God, i can't believe this sad feel angry for you

You did make me smile re the crocs - to be fair, i don't think even mel gibson wearing them will make them cool, but I bet your man looked good in them anyway xxxx

Oh god, my heart goes out to you.

CharlieMumma Sat 11-May-13 09:14:54

I'm so sorry for your loss

PrincessOfChina Sat 11-May-13 09:15:01

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you strength.

DearlyDepartedMrsFinch Sat 11-May-13 09:15:26

Oh Trinity. I had to keep checking the date.

I am so so sorry this has happened to you. He sounds lovely.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:15:28

we choose an engagement ring at the end of last year
he wanted to do it properly and he was waiting for the right time

silly sod, he was just joking a couple pf days ago that hes panicking about doing it right and he should get on with it

he knew I wanted a proper proposal but all I meant was heartfelt words and maybe down on one knee

I want to wear it now

McKayz Sat 11-May-13 09:15:32

He sounds like a lovely man. You can take a small comfort knowing that you did all you could do to help him. xx

EwanHoozami Sat 11-May-13 09:16:22

I'm so very sorry, Trinity. Sending much love.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:16:28

oh they will never be cool but they worked really well for paddling in the sea and walking the dog on the sand
he loved tham because they were practical
I agreed they were practical but ugh

BIWI Sat 11-May-13 09:16:53

Oh Trinity, I am so, so, sorry.

You know that we are all here for you, whenever you need us.

xxx

flowers

Trinity, I am another one who had to check the date on the thread shocksad.

I am so, so sorry for your loss and you having to deal with this after all you've been through.
Life is so fucking unfair sometimes angry.
Can you take comfort from the fact that you really, truly did everything anybody could be expected to do to help him?

You have proven before how amazingly strong you are, I am sorry you will have to tap into this strength again.

How are your kids?

Much love x.

He sounds wonderful.

Just take small steps to get through the next few days trinity

It's so wrong that you have to go through this again. I hope you have lots of RL support around you now.

Is there anything practical we can do?

Keep talking if it helps

there are no words, thinking of you xxx

Indith Sat 11-May-13 09:17:43

He sounds lovely.

Wear your ring if it will bring you comfort.

MardyBra Sat 11-May-13 09:17:55

"I cant stop crying"

I think many Mners, me included, are probably sharing a few tears with you. Your description of your DP is so lovely. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Much love xx

MavisGrind Sat 11-May-13 09:18:08

Good lord Trinity, I'm so sorry to here this. I really hoped it was an old post. Thinking of you.

Trinity am so so sorry for your loss

Please know thoughts and prayers are with you all right now

x

rubyrubyruby Sat 11-May-13 09:19:10

Jesus Trinity sad

...... not again.

I'm so sorry xxxxxx

Trinity, your description of him is lovely, what a great person he sounds. What a loss sad

Do you know where he kept it? Could you perhaps find it and wear it, do you think it could give you a little comfort.

He sounds like such a cool character.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:21:12

dd2 hasn't cried
I'm actually very worried about her
I'm not sure she can take it, she may just shut down

dd1 is being ever so strong for me right now
she almost collapsed with grief when I told her yesterday but she is now trying to do anything and everything I want

its so wrong that she is feeling the need to take care of me
she slept in my bed last night

the little two slept over at my close friend and neighbor
they wanted to , we let them choose what they wanted to do

MelodyBaker Sat 11-May-13 09:21:13

I am so sorry this has happened to you again. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Please keep posting and wear the ring.
He sounds like a great man.
Melo x

ElectricSoftParade Sat 11-May-13 09:21:31

He sounds like a wonderful man. I am very sorry for your loss x

SanityClause Sat 11-May-13 09:21:39

Wear the ring.

You are "engaged" when you decide to get married. Which it sounds like you had decided together long ago.

Thinking of you. flowers

DearPrudence Sat 11-May-13 09:22:23

This is so dreadful. I am so sorry, I can't believe this is happening to you and your family xx

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:22:35

I found the ring
he didn't have many places to 'hide' it <weak smile>

its a little big now
I've lost some weight since I gave up drinking
I'm hoping I can get it resized

Give the DDs time trinity
It's all such a shock at the moment, no one knows what to do or how to react.
You will all look after each other, that's all that matters.

CouthyMow Sat 11-May-13 09:22:57

Oh Trin. (((Hugs))) I don't know what to say.

<<Holds hand>>

noddyholder Sat 11-May-13 09:23:40

I am so sorry trinity x

Beehatch Sat 11-May-13 09:23:42

This has shocked me speechless, I'm just so, so sorry Trinity. Thinking of you and the girls. We'll do all we can to get you through this. xx

AlistairSim Sat 11-May-13 09:23:45

I am so sorry, Trinity.

Sending you love. x

MadameOvary Sat 11-May-13 09:23:50

It's a rare person, never mind a big strapping man, that can carry off a pair of Crocs.
Keep talking lovey, we're here.

ThenWeTakeBerlin Sat 11-May-13 09:23:59

I'm so sorry for your loss, will say a pray for you and your loved ones.

Hope you can get support IRL as well as here. Sending you strength x

I cannot add anything helpful, except to say well done for keeping such a cool head and doing compressions until the ambulance.

The manly curries made me smile.

Gigaflops Sat 11-May-13 09:24:02

Another lurker who is just so, so sad for you Trinity... Can't believe that life has been so cruel to you twice... We're all crying with you today... X

Put it on a chain around your neck for now.

Just hold them all close and get through the near future.

EmmaDale Sat 11-May-13 09:24:21

OMG - I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you and your family. x

Let your DD1 look after you - 'tis what she wants/needs to do.

What age is DD2? So unfair your kids have to go through this again. Can you be there for each other, comfort each other?

Young children can be a godsend because life just goes on for them and they force you to see that.

Is there anybody other than your kids with you?

CouthyMow Sat 11-May-13 09:24:25

I also had to check the date. I'm sorry for your loss.

Tortoise Sat 11-May-13 09:24:36

Another here who had to check the date.
I'm so sorry you are going through this again trinity sad .

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:24:36

I can feel your hugs
thankyou
It is helping to think about him living
I wish I could erase the images of what happened yesterday afternoon
I just cant get rid of it
its hideous

He sounds so lovely. The crocs made me smile. I'm so sorry that he's gone and that you're on this shite path again. It doesn't seem fair.

Do you know where the ring is? If so go and put it on.

Right now it's all so raw.
Just get through today. There's help and counseling for yourself and the DCs but I think that's too much to take on right now.

Just look after each other for now, get through the day as best you can.

Do you have anyone with you?

What's the ring like?

Your DDs are in shock at the moment and sometimes true feelings and emotions come a little later. Some people heal by helping too.

rubyslippers Sat 11-May-13 09:25:35

I am so sorry
It must feel unbearable right now
Love and strength

sad

hermioneweasley Sat 11-May-13 09:25:36

How unspeakably shit.

Thinking of you and your family.

Hugs. Xx

landofsoapandglory Sat 11-May-13 09:25:37

I'm another one who had to double check the date of this thread.

Trinity, I have no words. You and your girls have been through so much already and it is so unfair you are having to do it again. Sending you lots of love and strength at this very, very difficult timexxxxxx

Wylye Sat 11-May-13 09:25:59

I'm so so sorry for your loss, right now you don't feel like a stranger on the Internet, your description of him was lovely and I hope you can pop the ring on a necklace so you can wear it til it's resized. xxx

It will fade in time, I promise, leaving you with much happier memories of him.

deemented Sat 11-May-13 09:26:41

Oh my love, i am so sorry you're going through this again.

What can we do? We're here for you, keep talking, there will be someone to listen. Much love x

I can't believe this has happened to you again. I'm so sorry. I don't know how you can bear it.

BigBlockSingsong Sat 11-May-13 09:27:37

So sorry for your loss, big hugs there will be much more helpful posts than mine, thanks

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 09:28:32

Bloodd hell Trin
I am so so sorry
Don't know what to say - there is nothing.

SavoyCabbage Sat 11-May-13 09:28:52

On Trinity, I don't know what to say. I am crying and crying as reading your posts about your dp and you and your girls has inspired me and given me feelings of awe at your strength.

I am so, so sorry that this has happened.

I know you already know this, but we are all here for you.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:28:56

dd1 is 13, dd2 is 8, gecko is 6

they were 9, 4 and 2 when they lost their dad

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:30:24

'unspeakably shit' is a very good description

CouthyMow Sat 11-May-13 09:30:43

This has had me in tears at how bloody unfair life can be to people.

I'm sending you more (((Hugs))). You need them.

Hug your DC's. Lots. It might 'ground' you when you are still in that shocked 'dazed' state. I found it helped me.

BumpingFuglies Sat 11-May-13 09:31:09

Trinity, I'm so sorry. I lost someone close in the very same way and I know what you mean about the images. They do fade over time, I promise.
Hugs to you, chick x

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 11-May-13 09:31:53

Oh Trin sad

I don't really know what to say. I'm so sorry for you. How unfair life is, eh?

CouthyMow Sat 11-May-13 09:32:44

I think 'unspeakably shit' is an alt description too, Trin.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 09:33:02

What an awful shock but as others have said well done for keeping your cool and doing chest compressions
Did he have a heart condition or was this totally out of the blue?
I hope you are feeling supported - have you seen your GP/someone medical?

poachedeggs Sat 11-May-13 09:33:08

I wish there was more I could say or do, but there isn't. You and your girls are in my thoughts though.

TanteRose Sat 11-May-13 09:33:22

sad can't believe it sad
How completely devastating for you all

I am so so sorry sad

RooneyMara Sat 11-May-13 09:33:42

Why can't it be bad people who die, and not the good sort.

I am really sorry Trin. Much love to you and your girls xxx

So so sorry trin.

I also had to check the thread date.

Just can't believe you are being tested like this again.
Love to you & your family

BitBewildered Sat 11-May-13 09:33:59

I know your name too, and I am so, so sorry for you.

I think I would wear the ring. I don't know that it would help, but I'm sure I would want to, to feel closer to him.

One minute at a time. Do try to eat a little, and keep your fluids up.

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:34:11

do they really fade bumping?
they have to
please tell me they do because its hideous
I cant close my eyes, I think I passed out for an hour last night
then I woke up with it all smashing me in the back of the head again
the realisation, the pain

fuck it hurts

Hellenbach Sat 11-May-13 09:34:25

So sorry to hear you are going through this awful time.
It sounds like it happened before?
How can life be so cruel?
I do hope you have people around you, it must be almost too much to cope with.
We are all here for you

crabb Sat 11-May-13 09:36:40

Trinity, he sounds wonderful. I'm sure he loved you to bits. So sorry.

DumSpiroSpero Sat 11-May-13 09:37:32

So sorry for your loss Trinity.

Look after yourself and your DC's.

He sounds like a truly lovely man. flowers

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:38:11

he had a serious heart attack in september of last year
he had a stent put in and had damaged his heart quite a lot
he was on lots of medication but we really thought things were looking up
he was stable as it were
for a good few months after the heart attack he was in and out of hospital but then we got his meds sorted and he had finished his cardiac training sessions and was going to the local gym twice a week, his fatal heart nurse(what a name!) was happy with his stats

I just cant believe it

FayeKorgasm Sat 11-May-13 09:38:17

I'm so sorry for you and your family. thanks

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 09:39:58

No I bet you can't
Life is shit to a lot of people but to a few it is really really shit sad
I'm so so sorry. Apart from anything else I imagine this is opening up old wounds as well as the new ones.
What about his family? Are you close to them? Are they around at the moment?

MelodyBaker Sat 11-May-13 09:41:15

Look after yourself trinity. Right now, yesterday Will be so raw and painful.
Look after yourself and your children. Mn is here to listen.
X

PaddingtonsMarmalade Sat 11-May-13 09:41:40

oh shit - I checked the date when I saw your name. I am so, so sorry to read this and it is unspeakably shit.
love to you and your girls

CMOTDibbler Sat 11-May-13 09:41:53

Trinity, I can't believe this has happened to you - to have been blessed with two such wonderful, loving men in your life and have them taken so suddenly.

Wish I could deliver hugs in person to you and the girls, but I'll be holding you all in my thoughts in the next days, weeks, and months.

Hug dd1, hold onto her, and remember that your dp (who sounds like the cuddliest teddy bear) was proud of you for kicking the booze into touch, among so many things

rambososcar Sat 11-May-13 09:42:12

They fade, Trinity, they really do.

You're maybe going to want support and company, calm and sleep in the forthcoming days and weeks. I know how far away you are from so many of us but is there anything anyone here can do?

Do you feel you'd like to talk to your GP about a short course of sleeping tablets or about bereavement counselling and support?

(You "know" me well, btw, but under a different name. Will pm to explain).

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:42:40

he has five adult children that I am close to but they all live far away
london, ireland, exmouth
but they are coming up soon
we wont know anything more about anything till monday
there has to be an autopsy because it was an unexpected death
I had to give a statement to the police too

his ex wife lives very close and was here last night
I've spoken about her before
she is the suicide risk that cant speak without lying

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 09:44:22

he was very proud of me for giving up the booze
and the fags

Chopchopbusybusy Sat 11-May-13 09:45:08

I am so sorry trinity. Unspeakably shit indeed. I hope purplepillow can be with you soon. xx

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 09:46:18

Yes, completely agree, I bet he was very proud.
Crap seems to happen to good people, and drama to people who just want normal, uneventful, family lives sad

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 09:47:38

Avoid the ex as much as you can without being nasty, I'm sure she is grieving too but you can't deal with that now.
Obviously his DC are a different matter, I hope you can comfort each other.

Rindercella Sat 11-May-13 09:48:05

Trinity, I am so so sorry. I cannot believe this has happened to you again. To lose someone once is unbearable. For it to happen again is just cruel beyond words.

Much love to you. Please know you are in my thoughts xxx

MirandaWest Sat 11-May-13 09:48:46

I'm someone else who had to check the date of your post and hoped it could have been a nightmare sad

So sorry for you

Sonnet Sat 11-May-13 09:48:55

Life is so unfair. angry
I am so so sorry you are going through this. You and your lovely family are in my thoughts and prayers

eastendfareast Sat 11-May-13 09:49:52

Am so so sorry Trinity. This is heart breaking to read. Xx

rambososcar Sat 11-May-13 09:50:39

As Stealth says - you have your own grief and that of your children to deal with, it's not fair that you should feel under obligation to deal with someone else's, especially not an ex wife (who from the sound of it is difficult at the best of times).

Be selfish if you need to be! You and the children come first!

You mattered, mattered so much to your DP, he would surely want the same.

TSSDNCOP Sat 11-May-13 09:50:45

I'm another that date-checked. I'm so sorry. It's horrific for you to be struck by terrible tragedy again. I hope your friends can help comfort you. God bless you xx

DowntonTrout Sat 11-May-13 09:51:54

I'm sorry, I do not know your story but I have pieced it together a little from the other posts.

I do know what it is like to lose someone when their heart gives up and I understand the pain and horror of that moment. I wish I could offer you something to help take that pain away but I know I can't. There is nothing.

Instead I am sending prayers for you and your family, which is something I never do usually, but it is all I have. I hope there will be some comfort for you in time. X

Ilikethebreeze Sat 11-May-13 09:52:41

I too can confirm that they fade.
<hugs>

And even sharing those images with someone can help.
I didnt for a few days, but after about 5 I really really had to tell someone. I chose to tell my sister, and she was alright about me telling her the images.
It is strange what one person cannot take, and another one can.

Mutt Sat 11-May-13 09:53:54

I am so sorry Trinity.

Wishing you strength sweetheart x

Snog Sat 11-May-13 09:54:30

Have read the whole thread and am still having trouble believing this
So very sorry trinity for your terrible loss

FarelyKnuts Sat 11-May-13 09:54:46

Trinity I am so sorry for your loss thanks

CoffeePleaseSir Sat 11-May-13 09:55:00

I am so so sorry to read this Trinity hmm

NervyWervy Sat 11-May-13 09:55:17

So so sorry Trinity.sad
If it helps, put the ring on, or if its too big, on a necklace so you don't lose it.
Hugs.

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 11-May-13 09:55:25

I am so so sorry, and sending a little prayer your way x

suchashame Sat 11-May-13 09:56:59

Words to say how earth shattering this is for you can seem inadequate to fully describe theceffect .... and words are all we have here to reach out to you and your family ... but Iike everyone else I hope i can hold your hand while you need it.

The horrific video in your mind right now will fade in time.... it may still be there but you can , when you are ready, replace it with more positive mind videos of better times. You might need rl help to do it .. but yes please hold onto that thought.

Echo others... if you can't sleep especially then get medical help... the processes you will have to go through will be hard enoughwithout hhaving to do it exhausted.

Thinking of you....

ParkerTheThief Sat 11-May-13 09:57:28

So sorry Trinity.
You and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ginformation Sat 11-May-13 09:57:32

sad so sad.
So incredibly unfair, cruel, traumatic and painful for you and your family.

The images of the event will become less intrusive. The flashbacks are your brains way of processing it. How brave of you to do chest compressions.

Big hugs to you all.

MadameOvary Sat 11-May-13 09:57:59

What rambo said. You need to focus on you and the DC now.
Do you want to keep talking about him? There will be so much love and laughter and happiness he gave you, it will overcome the painful images.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 11-May-13 09:58:04

Oh I am so sorry to read this. I checked the post to see the date too.

I am so sorry for your terrible loss.

Velve Sat 11-May-13 10:00:30

I'm so, so sorry. I don't have any other words or anything useful to say. sad
You are in my thoughts.

Charleymouse Sat 11-May-13 10:02:06

Trinity it physically hurts and the images you have will fade. I promise.

My dad died of a massive heart attack 8 years ago and I checked his pulse and his breathing and luckily someone else started the chest compressions. Unfortunately he did die there was nothing that could be done. The images of his death are still with me but they have faded and you and I know we did all we could, so take comfort in that.

They will be with you in the immediate aftermath when you shut your eyes but you can replace them if you think really hard about the good times and his face laughing and gradually these images will replace the ones of yesterday. So so sorry for your loss. Much love CM xxx

Oh Darling, so, so very sorry.

Life is too fucking unfair.

Rage at the sky a bit my love, it will help. Then take a single, tiny step forward, just one. We're all here for you

Praying for you and the DC
xxxxx

FannyFifer Sat 11-May-13 10:04:49

Another who had to check the date on this thread.
Trinity I'm so so sorry, don't know what else to say.

saintmerryweather Sat 11-May-13 10:05:06

im so sorry for your loss, he sounded like a wonderful man x

motherinferior Sat 11-May-13 10:08:05

My god, Trinity, how terrible. I am so sorry.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 11-May-13 10:09:00

Sorry to hear this tragic news sad

TheCrackFox Sat 11-May-13 10:10:07

Trinity - life has been unspeakably cruel to you. I am so very sorry. Xx

blondieminx Sat 11-May-13 10:10:28

Trinity I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. No-one should have to bear the unspeakable shittiness of everything you've been through in the past few years. We are all here to hold your hand.

To keep your head and be able to do the chest compressions was a really great thing and you gave him the best possible chance. You should give yourself huge credit for that - a lot of people wouldn't have known what to do. You did everything you could.

Cuddle your children lots, and push your GP hard for family bereavement counselling on Monday. In the meantime be specific about the help you need (meal cooking, someone to stay with the littlies on Monday while you deal with things etc) when people offer.

<big squeezy hug>

oh no i checked date to am so sorry life is so fucking cruel

UltimateDetermination Sat 11-May-13 10:14:31

Trinity, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm mainly a lurker but remember your backstory. I remember being so delighted for you when you met DP. I'm devasted that this has now happened - but also glad for the happiness that you had with him (hope that makes sense). Be kind to yourself

I, too, had to check the date on this thread. So very sorry Trinity. You've had an unreasonable amount to bear over the last few years. It just reinforces how randomly cruel life is.

I'm so so sorry for another loss. Tiny, baby steps. You can do this. You know you can.

Very much love and lots of handholding. XXX

TigerFeet Sat 11-May-13 10:15:44

Shit Trinity sad
I'm so very sorry.
Take it one day at a time for now
Lots of love xx

I thought this was an old post when I saw it was you sad. I'm so sorry

KittensandKids Sat 11-May-13 10:21:15

So so sorry Trinity x

Cluffyflump Sat 11-May-13 10:21:26

I'm so sorry Trin xx

No words of wisdom here.
I'm so shocked and upset for you.
Do let us know if there is anything we can do for you or your family xx

Notsoblonde Sat 11-May-13 10:25:44

sad so sorry to read this, another one here who double checked the date, cant believe this has happened to you all again, you are all in my thoughts

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Sat 11-May-13 10:26:08

I'm so, so sorry to read this. Thoughts with you xxxx

ClayDavis Sat 11-May-13 10:28:33

Another one who had to check the date. So, so sorry for your loss and that you're having to go through this again.

FancyPuffin Sat 11-May-13 10:29:23

So sorry Trin sad

bigTillyMint Sat 11-May-13 10:30:29

I'm yet another one who had to double check the date of this thread.

So so sorry for you and your girlssad

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Sat 11-May-13 10:30:40

Another date checker here. I wasn't around four years ago but know your story.
This is just beyond shocking. I have tears and an ache in my chest reading your words.
I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, it must quite other-worldly.
Your life sounds full of love, I hope that will help you rally your strength - yet again - oh god, utter shit indeed.
Sending massive hugs to you and your family.

I'm so sorry Trinity.
Thinking of you and your family x

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 11-May-13 10:33:12

I'm so sorry for your loss Trinity

Big hugs to you and your family.

Geeklover Sat 11-May-13 10:34:25

I physically shivered when I seen you were the op Trinity.
I'm so sorry you have already had so much to bear in the last few years.
Will keep you in my thoughts xxx

Startail Sat 11-May-13 10:35:40

There are no words Trinity except {hugs} and so, so sorry.

ovenchips Sat 11-May-13 10:35:58

What terrible news. I am so sorry. xxx

Trinity, wear the ring and remember how much he loved you.
I'm so sorry. Life can be so fucking terrible and you of all people deserve the very best.

TobyLerone Sat 11-May-13 10:37:17

Oh, Trin, I'm so very sorry.

Portofino Sat 11-May-13 10:37:24

Oh Trinity, I so very, very sorry. Many hugs to you and your girls xxx

I didn't know your backstory but I worked it out by reading all the thread. That is the first time I've actually read a thread before posting.

I'm so so sorry Trinity. As everyone else says if you need to be selfish and put yourself and DCs first so be it.

The image will fade eventually and you will only have memories of the fun times you had with him. He sounds amazing, well apart from the crocs. No one can pull crocs off!

Hugs from me to you and your family xx

Oh Lord, Trinity, it's desperately unfair that this has happened to you of all people (obviously unfair whoever it happened to, but extra specially unfair this way). You and gecko and the other two girls will be in my thoughts.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sat 11-May-13 10:38:08

Oh my God, I assumed this was an old thread. I nearly keeled over when I saw the date.

Please tell us if there is anything we can do, Trinity

Big hugs to you and your girls

Mouseface Sat 11-May-13 10:38:42

Trinity

I am so, so, so, sorry to read this thread, I can't believe that life can be so fucking cruel to someone who has already been to hell and back.

Especially after all that you went through with DH.

Life is so twisted at times.

Do you need anything sweetheart?

I mean anything at all? Practical help? Are the DCs with you this morning?

Sorry, I've not read back, I've just seen this and wanted to post.

You know where I am, any time. Even if you just need to shout, scream, cry, yell, sob, anything. Please get in touch xx

I'm very sorry that this has happened to you all sweetheart sad

Sending you all love xx

Oh Trins, this is beyond words.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Sending you hugs and strength. X

AgnesBligg Sat 11-May-13 10:41:00

It's not fucking fair, Lovely. I'm so so sorry.

DisappointedHorse Sat 11-May-13 10:41:33

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

He sounds like he was a wonderful man, sending lots of love and light to you.

PseudoBadger Sat 11-May-13 10:42:15

I'm so very very sorry xxx

PurplePillow Sat 11-May-13 10:44:54

Trinity, I will be down as soon as I can, girls are still asleep and doing mums washing before I go to see her later sad

You are doing all you can for the girls, you are so much stronger than last time ( never thought I'd be saying those words)

Dd1 needs to be there for you, it will be helping her, dd's2 & 3 are coping as best they know but we will be there for them as their grief is expressed

Try focusing on the good images from your time together (there are loads) dp loved you and if he had a choice he'd still be with you

Be strong darling and remember we all love you xxx

SirBoobAlot Sat 11-May-13 10:45:46

Oh Trintiy sad This is so so wrong. Sitting her crying for you, you should have never had to post a thread like this once, let alone twice.

I'm so so sorry. Sending you so much love. xxxxxx

apatchylass Sat 11-May-13 10:45:46

So so sorry this has happened. Stay on here. MN people will help you through in every way we can.

i am so very sorry trinity, i was so shocked to see it was you, life is a cruel bastard and it doesnt make sense to me

so sorry you are going through this after all youve been through

weblette Sat 11-May-13 10:49:33

Trinity what a terrible time for you and your lovely family sad

So sorry for all of you x

rambososcar Sat 11-May-13 10:52:00

PurplePillow, you're a special person too. Trinity and I have spoken this morning elsewhere and I know you're facing difficulties atm (Trin didn't say what and I didn't ask, there's been no breach of your confidentiality I must add). I just want to say from someone who can't physically get to Trinity to give her a hug or help, that I'm glad you can. Take care of each other. x

Gbnewbie Sat 11-May-13 10:53:02

Sending strength and peace. Xx

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 10:53:32

Yes agtee. Purple hope things are ok with you xx

BistoBear Sat 11-May-13 10:54:16

Thinking of you, Trinity, can't believe this is happening to you again sad I hoped that you were having a nightmare and had to read your post several times as I couldn't comprehend the fact that life could be so cruel. I am so sorry, be strong x

kennythekangaroo Sat 11-May-13 10:54:35

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

OMG trinity, not again. I'm so sorry for your loss.

JakeBullet Sat 11-May-13 10:56:38

Trinity, can't believe you are gong through this again sad. Thinking of you is all I can say...just wish that words could make it all easier but they can't. My thoughts are with you though xxxxxxxxx

PurplePillow Sat 11-May-13 10:57:38

rambososcar, thank you, don't worry about it I trust trinity with my life, yes I have had a rough few months but trinity has been there for me every step of the way

She does not realise how strong she really is, she will get through this and I will be there every step of the way x

Sidge Sat 11-May-13 11:01:07

My heart aches for you sad

Thinking of you all xxx

Mintyy Sat 11-May-13 11:01:32

Thoughts are with you Trinity. We all care deeply. Your dp was quite right to be proud of you, and not just for giving up the fags and booze xxxx

UrsulaBuffay Sat 11-May-13 11:02:17

Good god trinity not again bless you

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thinking of you Trin. Stay strong. x

There are no words, Trinity. You and the children are in my heart and my prayers, and I only wish I was there to hold you close.

crazynanna Sat 11-May-13 11:06:02

sad sending you so much love and strength,Trin x

UrsulaBuffay Sat 11-May-13 11:07:17

Sorry just so so so shocked and angry for you. We are all here love

ClaraOswald Sat 11-May-13 11:07:17

Darling Trin, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and the girls. Xxx

AmberLeaf Sat 11-May-13 11:08:02

So so sorry Trinity.

Was really hoping it was an old thread when I saw your name. sad

You know that if there is anything that can be done by us Mumsnetters to help, it will be done. No idea what, but I know people will be willing.

xXx

DameFanny Sat 11-May-13 11:08:30

Oh Hell Trinity. It's so shockingly unfair. Let your DD 1 take care of you - she needs to help. I wish I could do something.

corblimeymadam Sat 11-May-13 11:08:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GraceAndVirtue Sat 11-May-13 11:09:26

So incredibly sorry to hear this has happened to you again. My heart aches for you. You are in my thoughts. x

magimedi Sat 11-May-13 11:11:30

I am another who has pieced together your story from this post.

I don't know you but am close to tears & just wanted you to know that I, along with many others, am thinking of you & your DCs.

I am glad to hear you have a real life MN friend to help. xxx

HesterShaw Sat 11-May-13 11:15:59

Life can be cruel.

I'm so very, very sorry x

Naoko Sat 11-May-13 11:16:43

Trinity I am so sorry, you don't know me but I've pieced together your story from where you've mentioned it on the boards and this is so staggeringly, unspeakably unfair sad Random stranger shedding a tear for you and thinking of you here.

DeputyDeputyChiefOfStaff Sat 11-May-13 11:18:30

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

ScrambledSmegs Sat 11-May-13 11:20:08

I'm so very sorry, Trinity sad

It's so bloody unfair.

knittedslippersx3 Sat 11-May-13 11:21:09

Am a long time lurker and very occasional poster. But sending love and strength to you and your family Trinity. Put you and your girls first and do whatever you need to do to get through each day.

NorbertDentressangle Sat 11-May-13 11:21:39

Oh Trinity. I'm so sorry.

x

SisterMatic Sat 11-May-13 11:24:30

We dont know eachother but I want to offer you my hand to hold. Thinking of you and your family. You sound like such a strong person, you did all that you could. Life can be so cruel. You are in my thoughts x

Marne Sat 11-May-13 11:27:54

Thinking of you Trinity sad, have been following your threads for so long (through your loss and pain), i'm so sorry you are going through this again.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this very sad time xxx

purplewithred Sat 11-May-13 11:28:22

I am so very sorry Trinity, and thinking of you and your family and friends.

nowwearefour Sat 11-May-13 11:28:55

I just can believe you have to face this again. My goodness. All of mn s v best support.

TeamEdward Sat 11-May-13 11:31:19

Oh Trinity, life can be so fucking unfair. sad
You are such a strong person, an amazing mother and fab MNer. You deserve so much more than this crap hand you have been dealt. All my thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.
Please please please take care of yourself, take up any help that is offered.

SESthebrave Sat 11-May-13 11:32:06

Oh Trinity, I am so so sorry sad
I'm also offering a virtual hand to hold x

bluebump Sat 11-May-13 11:32:14

So sorry to read this, hugs xx

BOF Sat 11-May-13 11:33:37

I'm so sorry Trinity- please get some help from the doctor if you can make that call, and try to have people around you. Thinking of you x

Willabywallaby Sat 11-May-13 11:34:13

I'm just another unknown but just want you to know you're in my thoughts, take care x

MyPreciousRing Sat 11-May-13 11:34:20

Sorry for your loss Trinity, thinking of you and your girls at this tragic time x

KitKatShoes Sat 11-May-13 11:34:32

Oh Trin sad Not again. i thought this was an old thread at first. How awful xxx

kissmyheathenass Sat 11-May-13 11:35:26

Oh Trinity, I can't believe this has happened again to you. I was here when you lost your dh (serial name changer hre). Its just not fair. How utterly bloody cruel for you and your dcs. I am so so sorry.

piprabbit Sat 11-May-13 11:35:47

((((Trinity))))
So very sorry that you are going through this again. So very sorry that I have no words to make it better.

StoicButStressed Sat 11-May-13 11:37:41

Oh my god. Trinity - I don't know you but I do know THIS (& I'm sorry this is long but am weeping for you and I am crap at doing 'short' at best of times)

I PROMISE YOU THOSE IMAGES WILL FADE Please please PLEASE know that even if it doesn't feel like it. I lost someone beloved 12 weeks ago tomorrow and the night before they died was horrific beyond horrific - stuff you never want to see or hear and etched into your brain, feeling like that will be all you'd ever remember and just wishing was some magic mind tippex to wipe them out.

12 weeks on and THEY HAVE ALREADY FADED angel. Lying if said totally, but they are NOT now the first ones I think of or wake up with right in front of my eyes again. I can now remember other, happier, things too. If I can give you ANYTHING, it is that certainty that yours will too. I know it's scant comfort right now, but it is true.

I am just so so sorry for your loss, especially since it is obvious from above you have already - unbelievablysad - faced this once. But please believe the beautifully vivid picture of your man that you described below WILL be the one that overcomes the shock and trauma of last night's images. Just (((hugs))) to you and DDs, and know that this man you write of so beautifully cleary loved you very, very, much and that gift of being loved that way and those memories will never be taken from you. Sx

he was a big strong man
he had a red hat he wore all the time
he used to call his crocs 'melly mels' cause we once saw a picture of mel gibson in crocs and he was trying to convince me that crocs were cool cause mel gibson wore them and I fancied mel gibson when he was younger

he loved curry, he used to spend hours in the kitchen making curries from scratch
really hot and tasty
I used to taste them, they were really tasty but waaay too hot for me
he used to love to sweat whilst eating a curry

he loved fishing, the sea, nature
we used to go and collect the flatfish from the salmon nets in the sea outside my house

he was so loving and kind but in private
he was a big strong mans man but with a soft squishy heart
I used to call him my teddy bear in a crocodile suit

SO MANY thanks and all love x

MarmaladeTwatkins Sat 11-May-13 11:38:42

I am so sorry Trinity.

I can't believe how unfair life is being to you and yours.

We are all here for you. xxx

3littlefrogs Sat 11-May-13 11:38:55

So very sorry to read this. Life can be very cruel. So sorry for your loss. sad

spiderlight Sat 11-May-13 11:38:58

Oh God Trinity, so, so sorry. Just no words for the unfairness of it sad

I am so so sorry, you and your children have been through so much, hugs and love, lots of it xxx

MittzchievousMinx Sat 11-May-13 11:39:56

Oh Trinity love...... I am so sorry, the pain must be immense and hope we can add to the strngth you need to geth through this.
Take care xx (((( ))))

CheerfulYank Sat 11-May-13 11:43:29

Oh God Trinity, no. My eyes flew to the date as well. So, so unfair.

He sounds lovely and I'm just so very sorry.

Eskino Sat 11-May-13 11:44:54

Sweet Trinny. You don't deserve this sad

IsaacCox Sat 11-May-13 11:45:21

I'm so so sorry sad xx

ipswichwitch Sat 11-May-13 11:47:24

Oh trinity I am so sorry. Life is unbearably shit sometimes. The same happened to DM when my dad died of a heart attack in front of her. Those awful images do indeed fade with time, and she can now remember all the wonderful times with him.

Let your DD look after you, she wants to and it will help her too. I shall forever think of crocs as melly mels, and I'll bet he truly rocked them.
Sending love and hugs x

IcanandIwill Sat 11-May-13 11:49:08

I'm so so sorry to hear this. You don't deserve this again. Having been there once myself, twice is beyond comprehension. Sending you love and hoping you can find some peace x

Helpyourself Sat 11-May-13 11:49:11

((trinity))
Apparently playing Tetris, or something else it, bubble pop or sudoku stops the memories 'embedding'. No idea if it works but it can't do any harm. sad
flowers

kotinka Sat 11-May-13 11:50:21

So sorry Trinity.

Lizzylou Sat 11-May-13 11:51:11

So sorry.
So utterly unfair sad

seb1 Sat 11-May-13 11:51:22

So sorry Trin. xxx

VenetiaLanyon Sat 11-May-13 11:53:24

So very sorry to read this Trinity x

LegoAcupuncture Sat 11-May-13 11:53:27

I am so so sorry Trinity.

Life is so bloody cruel sometimes.

CassieTheCockatoo Sat 11-May-13 11:53:50

Also thinking of you -you and your family are in my thoughts. flowers

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 11:56:35

thankyou everyone
I ashamed to say I just spent 69p on candy crush saga to refill my lives so I can keep playing

I've always been a gamer
its easy non thinking stuff but I keep running out of lives

I've eaten half a sandwich

my lovely neighbor has been around to tell me the little ones are wanting to stay with her just now but they wanted the jam we have and the bread so she came to get it

I've taken some paracetemol
I'm in bed watching crap on youtube with dd1
I feel shaky and sore
I keep crying
I cant stop seeing it

Thumbwitch Sat 11-May-13 11:57:22

Oh Trinity, I'm so very very very sorry to hear this, you poor darling, that's just so unfair! On you and your girls. I'm crying here for you - I can't believe it.
My grandad had the same thing happen with my Nanna, she also died - and I can also tell you that the images do fade. Times vary from person to person but they do fade, there will come a time when you would have to actively try to recall it (should you want to, which is extremely unlikely).

((((((hugs)))))) for you - I am so sad for you.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 11:58:44

You poor thjng. Do whatever it takes to get through the next few days. Youll then be able to focus a little. For now youre doing great.

Oh God Trinity. There are no words. I couldn't believe it was you posting. I had to check the date too. I am so so sorry.

Keep posting. You know it will help.

toffeelolly Sat 11-May-13 12:01:12

Trinity , so so sorry. x

ThistleDown Sat 11-May-13 12:04:27

Oh Trinity, I am so sorry that you have lost your DP. I'm another who had to check the date and was horrified to realise you're having to go through all the pain again.

My thoughts are with you and the DCs x

LIZS Sat 11-May-13 12:04:32

I'm so sorry . How cruel sad . But you are strong , you know you can be again but give yourself time.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 11-May-13 12:11:13

TRINITY RE CANDY CRUSH are you playing on facebook?? if you are you can get new lives by watching the adds, where you go to the screen where it says you don't have enough lives and to ask friends, if you click the cross on that, it gives you the option to watch an add to get a new life - they range from 30 seconds to a few minutes - i let the add run and come on here grin

Don't feel guilty, you are in shock, candy crush is a good way of not thinking and thats what you need to do right now. Did your DP play games?

So sorry for your loss trinity
I wish their was something I could say to make it even a tinier but better .

Thinking of you and your family x

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 12:18:38

dp was the complete opposite of a gamer. managing to work out how to record and playback things on the sky plus box was about as techie as he got smile

venusandmars Sat 11-May-13 12:25:10

Oh Trinity, so so sad to hear this.

Purplepillow is right though - you are much stronger. Keep remembering how proud dp was of you and let those positive memories help you. xx

MABS Sat 11-May-13 12:35:00

all my love x

AmberLeaf Sat 11-May-13 12:35:08

Re CandyCrush, there is an add on that gives you unlimited lives, I had it but accidently wiped it and cant remember what its called.

If any one else knows what it is please post it. You can play on for ages with it you get 99+ lives and all the bonuses.

Wylye Sat 11-May-13 12:36:05

I wondered if it might help to write what happened down? If you can get it all clear in your head and write down exactly what happened, maybe your brain will stop trying to replay it constantly?
I hope you can get some rest when the shock starts to wear off, you must be beyond exhausted. xxx

NomDeClavier Sat 11-May-13 12:36:50

Oh trin I am so, so sorry sad I had a horrible sick feeling when I saw the date and you as the OP. This is so fucking unfair after everything.

Your DP was a wonderful man. Just hold on to those memories.

Rowlers Sat 11-May-13 12:52:50

Your DP sounds lovely, Trinity.
I wish you love and strength to get through this awful time.
What a massive crock of shit for you. It's so unfair.

BackforGood Sat 11-May-13 13:14:01

Trinity, so terribly, terribly sorry. Unbelieveable. Sending you our best MN hugs xx

WandaDoff Sat 11-May-13 13:15:20

How fucking awful, I'm so sorry Trin x

Thoughts are with you & yours. xx

Rosa Sat 11-May-13 13:20:43

Am so very sorry .....

Slambang Sat 11-May-13 13:24:00

Trinity, I remember you well and know you are stronger than you think you are. I'm very very sorry. sad

Is CC on iPhone?
If so connect to FB and make sure CC is there.
Delete app
Reinstall App
Click the box that says connect to FB
5 lives immediately and you stay on the level you were on.

Themobstersknife Sat 11-May-13 13:27:58

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

nothruroad Sat 11-May-13 13:34:25

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. Wish I could help but will keep you in my prayers.

TigerFeet Sat 11-May-13 13:38:36

Trinity I think I may have pm'd you but dd2 was helping so not sure if it worked and I hadn't finished the message. Was only re candy crush so ignore if you cba to give it hesf space.

MsGee Sat 11-May-13 13:45:13

Trinity I can't believe this. I am so so sorry.

Much love from me and LittleMissGee to you all xxx

Furball Sat 11-May-13 13:53:18

trinity I too thought at first I was reading an old thread and am so sorry it isn't . sad

TheDeadlyDonkey Sat 11-May-13 13:57:31

God, I'm so sorry Trinity.

cjel Sat 11-May-13 13:59:09

just wanted to add that I feel so sad for you and hoping you find a way to get your lovely family through this crap.xxx

FoxyRevenger Sat 11-May-13 14:01:13

Oh Trinity, so so awful that you and your little ones have to go through this again. I can't find any useful words, apart from I'm so sorry.

tallulah Sat 11-May-13 14:02:49

Another oldie that remembers the last time sad Trinity this is just so unfair. I'm so sorry you've had to go through it again. Hope you have plenty of RL support.

ChippingInLovesSunshine Sat 11-May-13 14:11:56

Fucking hell Trin sad

My head couldn't compute that, I had to keep looking at the date...I was so sure it couldn't be right, so christ alone knows where your head is at.

Jesus wept life's a bitch at times - so bloody unfair.

Please remember how incredibly proud of you he was for giving up the booze & the fags!! Wear the ring to remind yourself of that - you don't want to go back there again my love.

You don't feel it right now, but you are strong, very strong. I know you will cope - because like all Mum's - you just bloody well have to, no matter what!

Lots of love & strength
Hugest of huge hugs
xxx

Magna Sat 11-May-13 14:15:37

Oh Trin sad

Thinking of you all x

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 14:16:01

im not going back to drink or fags
no chance
my girls and me deserve better

LtEveDallas Sat 11-May-13 14:16:49

Oh Trin, I just can't believe this. Life is so bloody unfair. Wishing you strength and peace. Hug your girls, weep and rage. Anything goes today xx

RandomMess Sat 11-May-13 14:17:44

Oh Trin I've only just seen this, I can't believe it.

Life is so unfair at times sad

Thinking of you all x

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 14:18:36

So impressed trin. No one would blame you if yiu did. But youre absolutely right you are worth more than that.

QOD Sat 11-May-13 14:19:41

It's just not right that you have to go thru this again!!

Be strong, I know you have lots of friends on here, your poor girls sad

JuliaScurr Sat 11-May-13 14:21:24

<offers hand>
brew

WilmaFingerdoo Sat 11-May-13 14:24:52

Trinity, I couldnt believe this was you sad just so very sorry to hear this

Love and prayers to you and the DCs x

mumofthemonsters808 Sat 11-May-13 14:26:14

I'm so sorry to hear this terrible news, thinking of you.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Sat 11-May-13 14:28:32

Terrible news. My deepest sympathies x

JuliaScurr Sat 11-May-13 14:30:02

is it any comfort to think he knew how much you loved him until the very end?

xxx

I can't believe this has happened to you, after everything. I'm so, so sorry that you are in this devastation again. Sending lots of love and prayers x

WireCatWhore Sat 11-May-13 14:37:06

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry my lovely lady. Lots of love to you & your children xxx

halfthesize Sat 11-May-13 14:38:38

So sorry to hear this awful news, much love to you and your family thanks x

MrsEdinburgh Sat 11-May-13 14:39:35

Trinity, I'm so sorry for the loss of your DP.
Another one who knows some of your backstory and also thought it was an old post until I triple checked the date.

I don't know what else to say except I can't believe life can be so cruel again.

CocktailQueen Sat 11-May-13 14:41:29

I am so, so sorry, trinity. Sending you lots of hugs and you are in my prayers. I can't believe life can be so cruel again.

AmandaPayneNeedsANap Sat 11-May-13 14:45:36

Oh Trinity, you don't 'know' me, but I've seen your posts over the years. I am so, so sorry you are going through this again. Sending much love.

I'm so sorry to hear this, thinking of you and yours flowers

greenhill Sat 11-May-13 15:02:14

Just done a double take and checked the date. You don't know me, but I'm so sorry this has happened to you, again. Have some flowers. Don't rush yourself and accept ANY help offered x

RhondaJean Sat 11-May-13 15:04:57

Oh trin we have spoken before but I don't know if you know me - I saw this in sainsburys cafe and I had to come home and log in again and read your post several times and check the date several times before it made any sense.

So I can start to imagine your head. Your two older girls are the same ages as my DDs too.

I am so angry you are having to go through this again. It's so unfair. I wish I could help somehow but I can't.

My mil's partner collapsed and died in front of her at home two years ago. It was a particularly gruesome death for several reasons, and she did CPR and called teh ambulance and everything you did. DH took her to see him afterwards when he was in the undertakers; she wasn't sure whether to go but she told me she was so glad she had, to see him at rest and after the dreadful things she remembered to have something else to replace that with.

I hope when you are ready you can go see your DP too and replace some of the things that are in your head right now.

Love and hugs from Scotland xxx

omg

Trinity sad

flowers

I'm so sorry that you're having to do this again.

Big hugs to all of you and have a duvet day (or two) this weekend.

why not take the kids somewhere different for a couple of days? until you're ready to cope?

MNPin2013 Sat 11-May-13 15:08:03

Oh Trinity I wish I could do more than offer words on a screen.

DP sounds so lovely.

Well done at besting the booze and fags, that is a living tribute to DP.

Take care of yourself and reach out to the bereavement services for you and the DC.

Web hugs to you all.

maxpower Sat 11-May-13 15:10:15

This is such a tragedy. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Leverette Sat 11-May-13 15:11:46

Oh my god (((Trinity)))

I am so, so sorry your wonderful big bear has gone so suddenly.

Please, please speak with your GP urgently with regards to being provided with some urgent support for profound psychological trauma - bystanders have enormous issues in processing experiences of witnessing events such as this; it is much much more important to get help for you when not only have you lost your partner, but that you were personally giving hands on first aid.

You are so strong to have done that - many people freeze in the horror of it. But your love for him directed you to do all you could, you couldn't have done any more.

thanks

Hulababy Sat 11-May-13 15:12:56

Oh god, how awful. I am so sorry for you and your family trinity. Life is so unfair. Thinking of you all x

So sorry for your loss Trinity. I couldn't believe it was your name on the thread. So unfair.

Hugs

giraffescantleavemn Sat 11-May-13 15:18:52

Here now Trinity gone for a sleep, am playing with the kids!

Almostfifty Sat 11-May-13 15:20:36

Your name jumped out at me. I couldn't believe it. So sorry for your loss.

I too have had that traumatic time when someone special died in front of me. You do eventually forget, but it takes a while. You have to replace it with a happy memory and keep doing so every time you focus on it.

So sorry you're going through this again.

Hassled Sat 11-May-13 15:24:19

I've been out and about but I just can't stop thinking about how fucking unfair this is and how sorry I am - for you and the children.

I remember a thread of yours when you first said you were seeing someone new, that he was a friend of your DH's - he was so obviously very special to you. I do hope you can hang on to the happiness he gave you (and that you gave him) - I do hope there will be some comfort in knowing that you made these last few years very happy for him.

Grockle Sat 11-May-13 15:24:30

Oh trinity, I'm so very sorry. How can life put you through this again? Thinking of you all with love x

Grockle Sat 11-May-13 15:25:36

An glad you are there giraffes. Love to you as we'll x

eyestightshut Sat 11-May-13 15:26:33

Fuck. Just awful news Trinity.
Sending love and support to you and your gorgeous girls. xxx

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Sat 11-May-13 15:26:35

dear god, there are no words.
Huge hugs, my thoughts are with you x

Trinity, my God but life can be a cruel bastard at times. I remember your devastation when your dh died and also remember the threads when you realised you had feelings for dp smile

You were blessed to have 2 loving, caring men in your life, remember the good times.

It's true my face is wet with tears for you & all the unfairness you've been through & I wish there was more I could do xx

Giraffes - you are truly one of the kindest and best people it is my privilege to have met, and I am so glad you are there for Trinity. Please give her hugs from us.

MadameOvary Sat 11-May-13 15:28:06

giraffes glad Trinity has you there x

MrsJohnDeere Sat 11-May-13 15:28:19

So, so sorry. xx

Beyond awful for anyone to go through this but for you to have this again well, there are no words.

misdee Sat 11-May-13 15:29:09

oh trinity, my heart is breaking for you. I am just so so sorry.

giraffes, you are 1 in a million. xx look after trinity for us all xx

foreversunny Sat 11-May-13 15:29:15

I'm so sorry Trinity. Life is so unbearably cruel.

TidyDancer Sat 11-May-13 15:30:34

I'm so very sorry Trinity. I'm sure you don't know me, but I remember your posts and I had to check this wasn't an old one. This is so bloody unfair to happen once, let alone twice.

Thinking of you and your DCs today.

What SDTG said. Except I've never met you Giraffes. but you know what I mean.

LowLevelWhinging Sat 11-May-13 15:34:57

Oh trinity, I'm so sorry you're having to do this again. Sending love xx

HeySoulSister Sat 11-May-13 15:36:55

Sending love too.xxx

TobyLerone Sat 11-May-13 15:39:11

Giraffes, you are amazing.

ginslinger Sat 11-May-13 15:43:17

I'm so sorry Trinity, this is the cruelest thing. x

ExRatty Sat 11-May-13 15:43:47

Jesus Trinity...how terrible.
I dunno what to say, but we're here in all our new guises

Mouseface Sat 11-May-13 15:44:05

Giraffes - you are ace smile xx

UnChartered Sat 11-May-13 15:44:18

Trinny, I'm so sorry to read this - it's not fair that you are having to go through this, but I'm so glad you have someone there to help you through

thanks for you and giraffes

MissLurkalot Sat 11-May-13 15:45:45

Trinity, I'm so sorry....

I held my father in my arms as he died six years ago. I struggled terribly with such dark, desperate images of that night... Seeing the panic in his eyes as he drifted away... I was terrified of the images and they truly haunted me... But, not for long.... They faded, quicker than I thought they would. I felt so alone, so wretched and so very 'desperate'... That's the only words I can use to describe how I felt.

I feel nothing but the deepest love for my lovely Dad when I think of that night now.. All the panic, desperation feelings have completely gone, they faded over a few months. I am so honoured I was there for him, to hold him when he went.

The images you have will fade Trinity... x

Wolfcub Sat 11-May-13 15:48:01

oh Trinity, bloody hell, I'm so so sorry. Holding you in my thoughts and heart x

Trinity - I can't express how sorry I am to hear this; you were saying just the other day how wonderful your DP was to have taken on your children. My thoughts are with you thanks

McKayz Sat 11-May-13 16:00:03

Giraffes, you really are a wonderful person. flowers

ohforfoxsake Sat 11-May-13 16:02:06

I'm so sorry Trinity. Thinking of you x

everlong Sat 11-May-13 16:02:54

Oh dear god. No.

I'm so so sorry. I can't believe this trin.

Oh god Trin yet another whose first reaction was to check the date. I'm sorry, so so sorry. Unfair doesn't even begin to cover it.

Lots of love and fortifying hugs xxx

GibberTheMonkey Sat 11-May-13 16:05:33

I'm so sorry trinity

...Of all the people, so unfair...

Be very very kind to yourself and remember how good mners can be and that whenever you need them just say

So sorry trinity, thinking of you at this tragic time, hope you get the support you need thanks

Trinity, that's the cruellest thing flowers Im thinking of you and your family, I know that doesn't mean much.

Norem Sat 11-May-13 16:10:24

So so sorry trinity, hope you manage to get through these next steps with lots of support around you. Xxxxx

LynetteScavo Sat 11-May-13 16:11:39

shock

I have no words.

But we are here for you.

(((hugs))) brew flowers

satsumasunrise Sat 11-May-13 16:13:01

I'm so sorry to hear this Trinity.
He sounds like a wonderful person, my deepest sympathies to you and your family.

ChestyNut Sat 11-May-13 16:16:49

Oh I'm so sorry Trinity sad

What an awful, awful thing to have happened to you all again.

((Hugs for you and DC))

My DF collapsed and died at home four years ago and I found the same, the images and replaying the scene over and over and the what ifs.

They definitely do ease its just your brains way of dealing with such a terrible trauma.
I still can't think about that day or see an ambulance without having to divert my thoughts away or I cry but its less often I think of it.

Be kind to yourselves.

Will light a candle for Your DP tonight

thanks

fledtoscotland Sat 11-May-13 16:17:21

Glad you are there Giraffes. I couldn't believe what Trinity went through before and now again. My heart goes out to her and the DC. Life's a bitch x

Trinity, I was horrified to realise that the OP is you and like everyone else i had to check the date many times. There are no words, just deep sympathy and sorrow for you and your girls.
Glad to know you have some wonderful RL support in the shape of Giraffes and Purplepillow. Please take care of yourself. With love xx

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 11-May-13 16:19:47

So sorry Trinity. You don't know me but I've been on here for years and I've seen your name countless times. So glad that you've got lots of love and support through MN. It's good like that sometimes, there's always someone here to hold your hand. You're not alone. xxxxxxx

So sorry to read that sad sad Awful and unfair sad

BoffinMum Sat 11-May-13 16:21:18

Fucking hell Trin, that's terrible. Thinking of you xx

giraffescantleavemn Sat 11-May-13 16:23:39

Purple pillow has popped to hospital to visit her mum she will be back soon. Just painting Trinity's dd nails, Hope she allowed them done!

Trinity I am so so sorry, I cannot imagine what you are feeling. Offering arms and ears whenever you need them sad

ParsingFancy Sat 11-May-13 16:25:14

So very, very sorry, Trin.

Joining the big MN hug just holding you, and holding you, and holding you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words.

The description you gave of him is just beautiful and full of colour and character. He sounds lovely and brilliant. It isn't fair.

Sending hugs (although you don't know me). xx

Dawndonna Sat 11-May-13 16:28:22

So very sorry, Trinity
flowers

scottishmummy Sat 11-May-13 16:28:37

shocking,really.there isn't anything adequate to say
make sure you see gp get support and a debrief at some point if you want it

Katz Sat 11-May-13 16:29:40

Oh trinity I'm so sorry,

Tee2072 Sat 11-May-13 16:34:12

I'm so so sorry Trinity. {{{Trinity}}}

flowers

hereshecomesnowsayingyoniyoni Sat 11-May-13 16:34:43

Trinity I am truly sorry
In the past whenever I've seen threads that you've posted I've always read them as I remember what you went through before.
I've always admired your strength even though I don't know you personally and always hoped that one day you'd be happy again
Take care x

largeginandtonic Sat 11-May-13 16:35:31

I am so so sorry to hear this Trinity. I don't even know what to say. Lots of love to you and your family.

MunchkinsMumof2 Sat 11-May-13 16:37:46

No! How utterly crap and unfair, I can't believe this has happened to you. I am so sorry Trinity and I am sending love and strength to you and your children ((((hug))))

Coconutty Sat 11-May-13 16:38:25

Oh trinity I am so sorry to read that this has happened. xxxxx

Peachy Sat 11-May-13 16:40:36

Trinity. My poor, poor love.

I don't come on here much but a mutual friend pointed me here; I have been trying to message you but my PC is playing up and simply page reloads.

If there is anything that we can do- just holler. Anything at all. A chat, anything practical, a weekend away; just ask and I will do what I can to help.

So very wrong you are having to go through this again, our thought are with you all X

Trumpton Sat 11-May-13 16:44:01

Oh darling . I am so sad to hear about your Big Bear , your croc wearing , red hatted man, who loved curries , fishing and you and the girls

You and your girls have been through so much . There are no words enough to express how I feel for you. But if I can help in anyway ( you know me from some years ago when DGS was nearly one year old ) then please, please let me know.

In the meantime take heart and courage in the love that you two had. The terror and images will pass and the sweet memories return Xx

Aw shit. I don't k ow what to say, I am so so sorry sad

ihearttc Sat 11-May-13 16:46:08

Trinity-you have no idea who I am but like so many others on here I know your story.

I cannot even find the words to explain how so very sorry I am.

Life is so unbelievably cruel.

Please take a tiny bit of comfort in knowing that there are hundreds of MN's all over the country that are wanting to help in any small way we can even if its just to listen xxx

Allthingspretty Sat 11-May-13 16:46:44

I am so sorry. Take care of yourself

shock sad

Life is cruel and unfair! So sorry Trinity. You and the girls will be in my thoughts, can't believe you are dealing with loss all over again.

Fenton Sat 11-May-13 16:51:47

Oh Trinity, sweetheart. There are no helpful words I can offer you, I'm so sorry this has happened - if I was nearby I would be round there like a shot, can only offer you a virtual shoulder to lean and cry on, a hand to hold and an ear to listen.

I'm going abroad in a fews days so will be around at odd hours if you have trouble sleeping and need to talk in the night.

Sending you love and wishing you all the strength to deal with this.

xxx

Shodan Sat 11-May-13 16:53:08

Yet another one here who had to check the date.

You don't know me but I too know your backstory.

I am so very, very sorry that you're in this dark place again.

Just one breath at a time.

Christ. I don't know what else to say.

Mouseface Sat 11-May-13 16:53:52

Giraffes - you are ace, you really are, keeping some 'fun' in the girl's day is just brilliant, after all of this, they must be confused as to whether they can carry on or not.

Should they sit and cry or can they be themselves, do what they normally would be doing on a Saturday afternoon? Will Trin be upset if they're not sad all of the time.............. gah, it's just so unfair and feckin awful! I know she wouldn't be upset with them, not at all, not ever.

But this isn't the first time is it? sad I know they were younger then, If only we could turn back time, or all had a magic wand, or could stop bad things happening to nice people. If only. sad

Pillow amazes me. I hope her mum is okay, she has so much on and yet is giving back too. How wonderful. smile

I'm glad you guys are there xx

I'm so pleased that MN exists and is the place that it is. The support is unconditional when things like this happen. It blows me away.

I am so, so sorry Trinity sad thanks xxx

Bowlersarm Sat 11-May-13 16:55:18

So so sorry Trinity. My thoughts are with you and your family.

DameSaggarmakersbottomknocker Sat 11-May-13 16:56:05

Trinity - I'm so so sorry. You've dealt with enough already sad x

eminemmerdale Sat 11-May-13 16:56:48

de lurking and, as, everyone else has - I checked the date, thought it was a bad dream you had had and then realised. Just - no words. So so sad for you all.

crazynanna Sat 11-May-13 16:57:23

I,too,am honoured to be a member of this mindblowing community that is Mumsnet smile

Sunnywithshowers Sat 11-May-13 16:59:08

Big hugs Trinity xxxx

Fuck sake Trin. Not again.

Tears here for you.

Girrafe and pillow, if I can do anything, provide lunchboxes for the little ones, sort school uniforms etc let me know x

YoniBottsBumgina Sat 11-May-13 16:59:47

No way sad how utterly unfair and awful. How can this happen twice sad

So sorry trinity. Glad to hear you have friends with you in RL.

I am so sorry to read this, how awful that this has happened to you again.

Sirzy Sat 11-May-13 17:03:06

Life is so cruel.

My thoughts with you all

EleanorFarjeon Sat 11-May-13 17:03:09

OMG Trinity, how bloody unfair.

Like others, I read your OP & double checked the date.

So sorry for you.

Fuck sad I also thought this must be a resurrected thread.

So sorry there are no words. Much love to you and your family x

I'm so very sorry trinity (((hugs)))

ExcuseTypos Sat 11-May-13 17:08:06

sad so very sorry. You shouldn't be going through this again.

As others have said, the images from last night will fade. But please ask for help from GP if they get too much.

Oh trinity, I am so so sorry sad

Kez84 Sat 11-May-13 17:10:55

So sorry Trinity my thoughts are with you and your family. x

MNBlackpoolandFylde Sat 11-May-13 17:17:05

Bloody hell Trin sad

I too "Know You" sending massive hugs and love, I don't give a shit if hugs aren't a mumsnet thing!

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sat 11-May-13 17:19:27

I can't believe that one family has had something so awful happen to them again.

That's just beyond being shit and unfair.

Giraffes and purple, thanks for being there for Trinity and her girls. If the rest of us can help in any way at all - holler!

Xxxx

snice Sat 11-May-13 17:24:17

I'm so sorry for your loss-I'm another one reeling in disbelief that more shit has come your way

captainmummy Sat 11-May-13 17:24:50

Trinity - so sad.

Please believe there is nothingmore you could have done.

sad

Truly awful, I can't imagine what you are going through ((hug))

Don't try to get away from your emotions, feel them all in their entirety, grief, anger, happiness (at nice memories), sadness etc. Don't fight it.
Sleep/eat when you can. You are probably on auto pilot right now anyway.
Ask for help if you need to

Giraffes, you are amazing! An angel with invisible wings flowers

garlicyoni Sat 11-May-13 17:26:27

My sympathies, too, Trinity. Wishing you as much comfort as you need to get you through. flowers flowers flowers

Oh Trinity, I'm so sorry to read this, my heart breaks for you and your DC. Thinking of you xxxx flowers

Fern123 Sat 11-May-13 17:29:17

I'm so so sorry to read this Trinity, I started using MN about 4years ago, lurking mostly, and remember your story from then.
It's just horrendous that you and your girls have to go through this again.

sosooootired Sat 11-May-13 17:30:02

oh no no no.
i can't believe life can be so f-ing cruel
i'm so sorry for your loss and for you and your girls to experience this awfulness again

it defies all sense that this world has any reason or rhyme

PleaseDontEatMyShoe Sat 11-May-13 17:30:32

So very sorry Trinity x

I'm so sorry for your loss, Trinity. sad flowers

BeaWheesht Sat 11-May-13 17:34:36

How unbelievably sad. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Remember you're stronger than you think but also that its natural and ok to be shocked, heartbroken etc.
lots of love xx

TreeLuLa Sat 11-May-13 17:34:43

Oh Trinity.

Fucking bastard life.

SO, so sorry.

Words are not adequate to cover this.

As a friend of mine says....a huge big bucket of arse.

Biggest of squishy hugs to you & the girls xxxxx

Trinity, I really am very very sorry.

dinosaur Sat 11-May-13 17:35:58

I'm so very sorry, how awful.

Oh darling xxx

BeaWheesht Sat 11-May-13 17:36:44

Ps well done on doing chest compressions , remember you did all you could x

Doobydoo Sat 11-May-13 17:37:08

I cannot believe it...I am so,so sorry Trinity.Thinking of you all.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

eatyourveg Sat 11-May-13 17:37:40

I'm crap at saying the right thing at the right time so I'll just send you these flowers and say how terribly sad this is sad

missalien Sat 11-May-13 17:38:09

Am so sorry :-( I don't k ow your story but its apparent from reading above . I will be thinking of you and your family and sending you love and support , I've shed a tear or two for you , I hope it's less you have to shed. Draw strength from your children and those around you

BibbityBotBot Sat 11-May-13 17:38:53

So very very sorry for your loss sad. He sounds like a wonderful man and that he loved you very much. Much love to you and your family xx

AllThatGlistens Sat 11-May-13 17:46:56

Jesus sad v long time lurker and occasional poster, I've heard of your back story Trin and just wanted to say how so so so sorry I am to hear your awful news.

Baby steps, we're all here for you, whenever you need us flowers

TheOldestCat Sat 11-May-13 17:49:15

How terrible. So so sorry x x x x

PigeonPie Sat 11-May-13 17:52:29

I am so so sorry to read this. I don't know what else to say other than that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 11-May-13 17:55:13

I am very sorry to see this. sad

TrinityRhino Sat 11-May-13 17:55:19

thank you everyone.
giraffes and purple are both here now
they are both angels
ive managed some sleep
ive eaten sone of purples lovely spag bol

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 11-May-13 17:56:11

So sorry Trinity. Another one who had to check the date of the thread. Thinking of you and your family.

5madthings Sat 11-May-13 17:58:41

So sorry, life is so unfair sad

Glad you have friends/family to support you.

Xxx

usualsuspect Sat 11-May-13 18:00:21

Glad your friends are with you,Trin x

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 11-May-13 18:01:13

Glad your friends are there x

FreakoidOrganisoid Sat 11-May-13 18:04:52

Oh trinity sad
Life really has been unfair to you.
Thinking of you xxxxx

squeaver Sat 11-May-13 18:18:00

So, so sorry to see this , Trinity. Wishing you strength and comfort.

What a lucky man he was, to have been loved so much by you.

Chubfuddler Sat 11-May-13 18:29:30

Bloody hell. This is awful.

So so sorry this has happened.

Heifer Sat 11-May-13 18:34:07

just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this dreadful news Trinity. Hope you can get some comfort from those both close and far away (internet)

BluesandClues Sat 11-May-13 18:35:03

Oh Trin I had to check the date on this, I can't believe it. I'm so so sorry, life is a bitch sometimes. I remember you posting about that you'd met him some time ago, and that you were really happy.

I'm sorry, sending you giant <hugs> from the clues family.

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged Sat 11-May-13 18:36:45

Oh Trinity. Life Is so cruel.

HoneyDragon Sat 11-May-13 18:38:23

Oh Trinity sad, I'm soo sorry, for all of you. We're here as long as you need us x

ZipItShrimpy Sat 11-May-13 18:39:06

My heart goes out to you and your family. Life is so, so cruel sometimes. sad

What awful news
Thinking of you and your family

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 11-May-13 18:41:26

I'm so sorry Trinity, your DP has always sounded a fabulous bloke. Massive hugs,from the TeWi house.

Jojay Sat 11-May-13 18:42:04

Of Trinity, I'm so so sorry. I'm another one who had to check the date, life can be so cruel.

Wishing you all the strength in the world to get through this flowers

Abra1d Sat 11-May-13 18:42:39

So very sorry to hear this, Trinity.

nemno Sat 11-May-13 18:45:40

This is so awful. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish you much strength, good memories and steadfast friends.

DeafLeopard Sat 11-May-13 18:46:35

Oh Trinity I am so so sorry. Such sadness for one family, life is so unfair.

Giraffes and purple, so glad you are there to give RL help - angels truly.

OnTheNingNangNong Sat 11-May-13 18:51:56

I am so sorry. sad

The images will fade, time will help, I'm 12 years on from similar with a close relative. So thankful you have wonderful people around to support you.

Take care of yourself. Love to you and your children.

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Sat 11-May-13 18:53:02

So sorry to hear this Trinity. Another one here virtually holding you up.

whattodoo Sat 11-May-13 18:54:59

So sorry. Wishing you strength and peace x

merlin Sat 11-May-13 19:00:11

This is just unbelievable. Life can be really shitty- so so sorry Trinity but be strong and hug those lovely children of yours. He sounds like a wonderful man - hope you are wearing his ring. flowers