My Ex-wife died today need help to explain to children.

(61 Posts)
zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 21:37:52

Long story short and not trying to drip feed.
Got married and had 2 children DS 15 and DD11.
Due to ex's mental health problems which became apparant after DD was born she had to be sectioned for long periods of time. After spending a couple years in hospitals, she started to get better but had met someone else and decided she wanted a divorce.
So for the last 10 years the kids have lived with me. Even through the divorce we got on well, after the divorce there wasn't any major problems we always managed to work around each other so the kids could see her, we did have a few moments but they didn't last more than a week.
Fast forward to this week. Massive heart attack mid-week, never regained consiousness, died today she was only 41.
Kids don't know yet will be telling them tomorrow, not trying to sound like its all about me, it's my birthday tomorrow so it will be forever linked to their mum's death.
Still feel numb.

QOD Fri 15-Mar-13 21:40:25

I'm so sorry, how hard.
Why weren't they told at the time though? Did you only just find out?
The 15 yr old will I am sure, ask this too.

There is no easy way, they are old enough to understand death, you just have to tell them. Why not just do it now?

Sorry if this comes over insensitive.

Welovegrapes Fri 15-Mar-13 21:46:49

So sorry about this sad

I don't have advice, other than being honest, but I'm sure others will.

yani Fri 15-Mar-13 21:48:55

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would tell them calmly first thing in the morning. Give only facts. Opinions & questions can come later.

Are the grandparents still alive? It might be nice for your children to speak to them.

Wrt your bday, ask your dc if they would prefer celebrating it on Sunday.

I wish you well.

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 22:03:55

I found out about the heart attack Thursday morning, at that time the doctors were waiting till Monday before making any decisions.
Both sets of grandparents are still alive.
I spoke to her parents on thursday night and we felt it was best to see what was happening because we didn't want to cause more upset and I honestly think no-one was thinking straight.
I only found out about her death a couple hours ago.
We discussed about telling the kids and felt it would be better in the morning so they would have the day to process it.
I'm trying to process it now, it doesn't feel real.

pansyflimflam Fri 15-Mar-13 22:11:25

Goodness me, I am so sorry for your loss and for your children. I have nothing helpful to add really but I am just so sorry for you all. Do you have another relationship now? Do your children have any other family member to whom they could reach out, aunties and uncles?

QOD Fri 15-Mar-13 22:15:16

I'm so sorry, I was being a bit thick, she only died today.
Gosh
There's no easy way. Just tell them you've had some sad news, it's quite probable that the hospital may not have allowed them in ICU anyway, I'm just thinking your 15 yr old may have some initial distress/anger at not being able to say goodbye.
I'm only thinking about my rather hormonally stroppy 14 yr old you see.

Have a look round the net tonight, there will sadly be lots of advice sad

pansyflimflam Fri 15-Mar-13 22:21:46

Seriously a little bit of lying would not go amiss actually. Just say no one was allowed to see her in the ICU and no one assumed she would die (this is why we did not tell you yesterday) and things were being reassessed on Monday (and I was going to tell you over the weekend) but unfortunately she passed away quietly. Do stress that she died whilst asleep (whether this is true or not) The moment you find out bout these things will be logged forever so be careful about the mental images you talk about. Please be very positive about the peaceful nature of it all, personally I think this will help them hugely. Their perception of heart attacks may be (if they watch soaps and stuff) really dramatic and you have to diffuse that.

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 22:22:22

Uncle and Auntie on her side who are obviously devasted.
My sister is coming across tomorrow.
Spoke to various members on both sides and we all agreed that the kids come first and if they want to talk they speak to whoever they want to they are ready

pansyflimflam Fri 15-Mar-13 22:23:38

I am so pleased you have some family around you, this must be so hard for you too x

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 22:29:13

I did speak to her parents about taking the kids to see her, they didn't it was a good idea due to the circumstances, her mum spoke to the medical staff this morning about taking them to see her and their opinion was it wasn't a good idea because it would be to distressing.

Sunnywithshowers Fri 15-Mar-13 22:30:21

I'm sorry. how awful. No advice, but big hugs to all of you xxx

Floralnomad Fri 15-Mar-13 22:32:45

I am going to disagree and say you should tell them tonight . The eldest in particular may well be angry that he wasn't told about the heart attack at the time ( and rightly so ) ,they are going to be devastated whenever you tell them and having ' the day to process it ' is hardly relevant .im sorry if this sounds harsh ,and obviously you know your children , but they are not babies and the older one especially needs to be treated in a more adult fashion .

exexpat Fri 15-Mar-13 22:34:06

I don't know quite how children that age are likely to react (mine were 8 & 3 when DH died suddenly) but you should find that the Winston's Wish website has some useful advice. They also have a phone helpline, though I'm not sure if it operates at weekends.

With mine, I found that honesty was the most important thing, and also not expecting them to react in 'normal' ways, or putting pressure on them to talk about it when they didn't want to. In your case, their ages and the divorce and mental health issues will make it more complicated - but at least they will have a more adult understanding of death.

chocolatespiders Fri 15-Mar-13 22:34:37

So sorry sad

Are the children still awake? I would hate for them to find out on social media before you tell them.

DewDr0p Fri 15-Mar-13 22:37:12

OP I'm so sorry.

I can't personally advise you but suggest you seek advice and help from a charity called Winston's Wish who focus on helping children who have lost a parent or sibling. They are really really helpful.

Again I'm so sorry.

DewDr0p Fri 15-Mar-13 22:39:06
Portofino Fri 15-Mar-13 22:39:13

I think you should tell them tonight - if they are still up. They are big enough to know you knew. Very sorry for your loss. sad

MrsDeVere Fri 15-Mar-13 22:44:29

I'm so sorry.
Best be honest. It doesn't have to be brutal but there is no way of making it easy.

It will be awful but it has to be done.

Don't be surprised by their reaction. It may not be what you expect.

I am just so sorry you have to tell them and that they have to know.

Follow their lead. As long as they feel safe, they will come to you with their questions.
In my experience children tend to process in chunks and will often ask questions at odd times and then suddenly not want to know anymore for a while.

Winstons Wish are a good organisation for advice and resources.

zombie, I am so sorry you are finding yourself in this position - it sounds like your exW's death is a loss to you all, not just your children.

Be as honest as you possibly can. Children/young people have a highly developed bullshit radar and may hold it against anybody they perceive has not been honest with them. Of course the impulse is to protect them from hurt, but, lets face it, their mother dying IS going to hurt. You are best placed to know whether to tell them tonight or tomorrow.

Wrt to them seeing her: do give them the option. They should be allowed to say goodbye if they wish. It can be a regret later in life not to have seen for themselves much as it may be upsetting at the time.

Yy to Winston's Wish. Also CRUSE, a bereavement counselling charity, can at least signpost you towards help for children to manage their grief.

Many condolences.

Wonderland121 Fri 15-Mar-13 22:45:27

I am so sorry for your loss hmm
I agree you should tell them tonight, I lost my father when I was 13, I wouldn't have liked to have not known straight away, although of course you know your children best.

zombie, I just read back - I'd be surprised if medical staff actually advised against allowing her children to see her body. It may be more appropriate at the undertaker's rather than a hospital morgue, but I agree, your kids are that bit older and need to be given the choice.

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 22:58:10

Floralnoad-- I understand where your coming from, due to previous experiences I maybe have over protected them and I know it's going to be a rough time while the kids deal with it.

Chocolatespiders-- They wont find out on any social media, we must be the only people in the UK who don't do facebook, twitter or the rest of them, apart from this one and that was about head lice.

exexpat Fri 15-Mar-13 23:01:56

I think they should probably be given the option to see her at that age, though best once the undertakers have made her more presentable.

I didn't let mine see DH, even though they came to the hospital with me - he looked awful at the time, and although he looked more 'normal' after the post mortem, I though at their ages (8 & 3) it was better for them to remember him as he was when he waved them off to school that morning. But at 15 in particular your DS is old enough to decide for himself.

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 23:05:11

PacificDodwood--It wasn't seeing her body, sorry should of been more clear, it was while she was in ICU lots of tubes and you couldn't get near her even her mum said its not her there

Hassled Fri 15-Mar-13 23:05:47

My mother died when I was a teenager - very different circumstances but the thing that I sort of feel bitter about was that subsequently she was barely mentioned. It was like it hadn't happened, that she hadn't happened. So please - talk about her. What she was like, what she liked, your memories, her opinion on X, Y and Z, how she would have reacted to a news story, that sort of thing. Keep giving life to the memories they have, if you see what I mean.

I'm sorry - you have a lot to deal with. I second Winston's Wish - see if you can get them some bereavement counselling in due course.

cjel Fri 15-Mar-13 23:19:27

I hope you get the support you need at this awful time. Don't be surprised by their reaction I think they may be very cross they weren't at least told she was ill as soon as you knew.

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 23:33:59

Thanks for all your posts.
Looking at the posts and seeing that a lot of people have said I should have told them straight away about their mum, maybe in time and with hindsight I should've done that, but I'm trying to do what I think is best and whatever decision I make I know its going to come back and bite me in the ass.

cjel Fri 15-Mar-13 23:40:33

I think you are right that whatever you did or didn't do at some point in their gief DCs will say you should've done it differently. I also think that as long as you talk and listen and get outside support you will get through it. Hope you are OK?

zombieslovebrains Fri 15-Mar-13 23:52:55

exexpat--sorry for your loss, children shouldn't lose parents at a young age, when it comes to the funeral and seeing her I will let them make their own decisions and respect them

zombieslovebrains Sat 16-Mar-13 00:03:15

pansyflimflam--thanks for your post, my chat (in my head) to the kids sounded so clinical compared to your advice, what you have said about it being peaceful is the best way to go I think. I am not thinking straight.

Mumoftwodaughters Sat 16-Mar-13 00:03:31

My condolences. My advice is to get some good sleep now. There has been mention of telling the children this evening, but clearly you needed time to digest everything and get yourself together, then feel strong enough ready to tell the children. Honesty is the best policy, take special note of the advice to reassure them that she did not suffer. Suggested words bearing in mind your 11yrDD: her body was tired and worn out and has died, and her soul has gone to heaven (if you find this a reasonable explanation). The angels will be guarding over her and she is in a safe place now .... depending on their reactions, explore later in the day when the news has had a chance to sink in whether they might want to see her. Without seeing the body it is sometimes more difficult for children to come to terms with the death. I hope this helps.

zombieslovebrains Sat 16-Mar-13 00:08:23

I'm off to bed, seriously not looking forward to tomorrow.

chipmonkey Sat 16-Mar-13 00:12:17

zombie, I am so very sorry. I only have experience of my boys losing their baby sister which although devastating for them, wouldn't have the same impact as losing a parent. Also they were allowed into the hospital once we knew dd wouldn't live.

The only thing I will say, is that when dh and I knew that there was no hope of saving dd, our instinct was to protect the boys and keep them out of the hospital. But both the ward sister and the bereavement social worker said that it was actually better if the boys did see dd so ill, as otherwise they would have gone to school that morning with their sister alive, and then just be told that she had died. So my Mum brought them in to say their goodbyes. The older two do feel that it was beneficial, although obviously very, very hard.

I would think that as your dc's couldn't see their Mum, really the sooner you tell them, the better. She is their Mum and they have a right to know. Be as truthful as possible about the circumstances of her death. When it comes to funeral arrangements, consult them about how involved they want to be. For us, my sons knew they wouldn't be able to cope with standing up and talking in church, other children might want to do that. Take your cue from them.

And do talk about their Mum, talk about the good times and good memories.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. xx

Mumoftwodaughters Sat 16-Mar-13 00:17:51

You will cope better if you get some sleep. If you have anything to help you get to sleep more quickly tonight that might help. If you are religious in any way or even if you aren't, you might want to consider asking a church representative to visit you. It is their role to befriend and support you. Sleep well.

Flojobunny Sat 16-Mar-13 00:24:31

I think you've done the right thing OP, given yourself time to take it in a little bit and let them have a good nights sleep. Their lives are about to change forever, a few more hours of peace is a good thing I think and tomorrow you will have had time yourself and got your family around for support.
It must be very difficult for you too OP.
I am so sorry for your loss. Come back and talk if it helps x

pansyflimflam Sat 16-Mar-13 07:26:35

I wanted you to know I am thinking of you all this morning. Please be kind to yourself, you are doing and have done the best you can in really extraordinary circumstances. God Bless you all x

tribpot Sat 16-Mar-13 07:53:16

Very sorry for your loss, OP, and for your children's loss in particular. You and your ex worked well together to provide the best environment for your dc and that will stand you in good stead now.

This will be a terrible day. You just have to get through it.

I'm not sure anyone upthread has mentioned Winston's Wish - it's worth a look.

LottieJenkins Sat 16-Mar-13 08:10:31

Another vote for Winstons Wish. They are amazing. My husband died when my son was two days before his fifth birthday and I always find that time of year difficult. Sending you hugs (((()))) x

Thumbwitch Sat 16-Mar-13 09:58:08

Very sad to hear of your loss, and your children's loss, zombies.

I think that it was probably right that they didn't see their mum in ICU; it's not a pleasant thing to see your mum with tubes and ventilators coming out of her, and if she was unresponsive and "not her", then it might have traumatised them more. It's a hard call; but do let them see her in the funeral parlour if they want to, they can say good bye there. It's unlikely she would have heard them while she was in ICU anyway from what you've said.

I assume you've told them by now? How are they taking it? I second Winston's Wish - there is a section of that site where children/teens can talk to each other, without adult interference - that might be helpful for them.

Also see if their school(s) have a school counsellor - they might benefit from having a chat, and the school(s) will need to be informed anyway.

cjel Sat 16-Mar-13 11:32:18

Thinking of you this morning.x

zombie, I am thinking of you all today and I am hoping that you have been able to have that difficult conversation with your children.

All we can ever do as parents is the best we can, so look forward and to what you can do to make living without their mum more bearable for them.
And yes, do not NOT mention her - your children are old enough to remember her for the rest of their lives, she was a real presence in their lives - troubled or not.

Much strength for today, the coming weeks and the future x.

StoicButStressed Sat 16-Mar-13 22:42:40

Zombie WISH had seen this yesterday as may have been of more use, but will post now anyway as - assuming you have told them today - there is still lots yet to do and which may help them. Will try to be succinct, but can't not start by offering the hugest of condolences and sympathy, not just for your DC's but also for you as you are unquestionably in for a very rocky road.

My Mother died 4 weeks ago tomorrow; aside from my own feelings as losing her, also had (still have, obv) DC's who lost their really beloved Nanny to try and take care of (mean in psychological sense; bereavement sense; as well as all other obvious ways). So here is my best advice:

1: With a DS of 15 and DD of 11, they will both likely react very differently - not just as point told, but also subsequently. Agree with ALL who have pointed you to Winston's Wishes and if you haven't been able to go to their site today, PLEASE do asap tomm or get a trusted family member or friend to do it for you so that you DO have benefit of WW guidance.

2: Here are the relevant CRUSE pages (have literally just cut/pasted them from mail to school, so apols if not in 'right' order).

www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/CYPPerspective.html - General advice for schools when a pupil is bereaved.

www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/SchoolsRefusal.html - School refusal

www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/CYPAdolescent.html - for your 15 year old.

3: Won't waste your time/space here by recounting all my experiences/learnings from past cpl months (my Mumma was terminally ill so knew she was going before she did then die), will just try and bullet most useful:

- Vis initial reactions, 15 year son will almost certainly be profoundly angry (see CRUSE thing above); 11 year old daughter will almost certainly just be be bereft (how big a part in their lives was their Mother, as that too will have an effect on impact on all?).

- Strongly advise you do NOT lie to them (other than the - even if not true - that she died pain-free, as THAT is something they will go over and over in their heads and be beyond upset by). Re ALL else, there is no other safe/healthy option in L/Term but to just be very honest with them. Ergo, if you have 'fudged' stuff today, would really suggest correct it tomorrow and in context of you were simply trying to do the 'right' thing in innately wanting to protect them, but realise that they do need to know the truth.

- Re not seeing her before died - even if wired up to machines and distressing - you can't undo this now (& I KNOW how hard it is to have to make quick decisions when in such utter shock - if search my posts, will become clearer but without taking up space here); but they should have had the choice and been told (am so NOT criticising you here, just passing on all I do now - sadly - know).

- Honesty - however painful - is the ONLY 'right' thing you can do. So if you think you fucked up by NOT telling them, then simply explain that fact, along with the shock you were in and the 'advice' from the hospital you got at time.

- Best options NOW are to allow them to have as much a part as possible in both 'choosing' her funeral and taking part in it if they want to (& do NOT let anyone of 'older' generation 'persuade you differently); and equally, let them not it they don't want to. [look at my profile as only pics on there are those pertaining to my Mumma's funeral - to & for the AWESOME MN'ers who helped me so much - and the really personal/'her' things we did for her funeral that helped my DS's HUGELY.

- I wouldn't suggest a 'delayed' 'celebrating' birthday from today to tomorrow, as they will not be in place to celebrate anything (& may, esp DS, be in a very angry place anyway). Would suggest that you 'frame' it differently at some subsequent point, IE "don't think of my birthday next year as sad; it's still my birthday but will also be the day we look back at Mum and remember her as she would want you to". Can combine that thought/framing with help from Winstons Wishes who should be able to help them not just now, but with summer camp weeks solely for people (think sometimes people 'forget' DCs are people too IYKWIM?) in their position - and those WILL be the ONLY other people they can relate to. Is combo of fun stuff; talking about lost parent stuff; remembering that parent (by Memory Box, communal balloon's up to sky; letter written 'to' that lost parent).

Also be aware that they may not want to talk to you about how feeling (for variety of reasons) so PLEASE don't take that personally but DO have a standby list of people you know and trust, and who they know and care for and trust. VITALLY, they will (ESP 11year old) - even if not expressing it - be scared may lose you now that mortality has walloped them in face. Without being uber overt about it, try to weave into conversations that they don't need to be - IE in explaining how desperately sad and unusual it is that their Mummy has died so young; by booking a holiday for ages away (IE stuff that simply per se tells them YOU WILL be around, but without shoving blunt conversations about that in when they may not be up to dealing with it, but simultaneously WILL need to be reassured that you are not 'going to go too".

Just realised how long this is. Apols, but having both just lost MY Mum (though obviously older than them so very different) AND having to deal with DC's grief (albeit for a grandmother rather than their Mother), am very acutely aware of all/both sets of feelings and issues.

Wish you all so much love and strength and would be doing you a massive disservice if said you won't need both. Un-MN'y hugs Zombie xxx

StoicButStressed Sat 16-Mar-13 23:01:14

Sorry, was typing at speed.

Re: 'Best options NOW are to allow them to have as much a part as possible in both 'choosing' her funeral and taking part in it if they want to (& do NOT let anyone of 'older' generation 'persuade you differently); and equally, let them not it they don't want to.' Last bit was 'IF' they don't want to, not 'is'.

Mumoftwodaughters Sat 16-Mar-13 23:26:12

Thinking of you today but only just managed to get to PC. I hope you have managed to have the conversation with your children. It's OK for you to cry too. Children understand tears. They won't be surprised if you can't be as strong as you may have wanted to be. Be easy on yourself. Accept all offers of help at this time.

I have told my children twice about grandparents deaths when they were younger, not to be compared with your situation in any way, but I have dealt with breaking news. I have DD 11yrs old & 13yrs old who I am bringing up on my own following divorce, so I can well empathise.

thornrose Sat 16-Mar-13 23:36:17

My dd's dad died 3 years ago, on Mothers Day, he was my x. I will never forget telling my dd her dad had died. It was a total shock, he died of an aneurysm
She screamed, I cried and we hugged and cried for hours. It was my loss and hers, she'd lost her dad I'd lost the father of my child. It was heartbreaking.
I chose for dd not to see her dad at the funeral and to attend the church service but not the graveside, but that's just my opinion.
My dd has been terrified something will happen to me ever since. She now knows categorically that parents can die. It's rocked her whole world, she no longer feels safe.

StoicButStressed Sun 17-Mar-13 00:19:37

Zombie - again in haste so apols any typos or anything that doesn't make sense but just trying whack it all down quickly so you have if any of it useful (& suspect it may be - ESP. the stuff re allowing DC's decide on funeral stuff).

This is site I - thank God - stumbled across and referenced above.

This is the short film - Beyond Goodbye - that then saw on there and which helped me suddenly realise that doing my Mumma's funeral in a more personal way, and with us - and critically, DC's - involved, would help them as we tried to get through all

Youngest DS (11) read 'Do not stand at my grave and weep'; middle DS(17) picked THE most beautiful poem himself - which was also along lines of looking forward/that that person is never truly gone to anyone who loved them - and read that. Youngest also stuck the butterflies on to his Nanny's Order of Service on morning of funeral with my niece. All had helium balloons with Nanny on (Mumma for me and my sister) which we released after service before crossed road to venue for after service which was LADEN with stuff Mumma/Nanny would have wanted, and where all DS's genuinely had a good time (mad though that sounds).

Eldest DS(21) played and sang this UTTERLY beautiful 'gift' to her at her funeral - I had service very discretely filmed by one of my cameraman in order that the boys, THEIR children, who they of course realised would never meet Nanny, could look back at Nanny's day - including the 'do' after which was much more upbeat - and also as day goes in a haze and I SO did not want them to 'regret' anything they couldn't remember, (ESP. as service was so bespoke via them & me/sis). Hence HAVE above - just BEAUTIFUL - recording of eldest playing which has proved invaluable in SO many ways. Was fortunate in that COULD have/did know professional cameraman with proper camera so he could be tucked right out of view at back of church but could zoom properly to ensure 'caught' all. Know others may not like idea of filming a funeral, but to us it made sense and am BEYOND glad we did it so PM if want details.

ALL of them had input into the fundraising page set up as HER final and VERY positive legacy to others we set up to to help others (as wouldn't/hasn't 'just' helped others, but has helped them ENORMOUSLY as every day they look at it, see how far it has got towards total, and read the lovely comments. They have been ESP helped/touched by the smaller and anonymous contributions (many of which I know are from awesome MN'ers, so suspect same will happen for them if you decide to do it) as it helps them see:

i) some good for others can come out of something so very shit for them;
ii) reminds them that 'good' exists - something very easily just 'lost' to DCs in that position.

Cannot over-emphasise enough how them being involved in funeral plans; having a 'voice' in all that; and the page above has helped them.

WISH could undo what has happened to your DCs - guessing esp. since all mine/my DS's still so fresh - but given no-one can do that; all can offer is the above and what I had to (so bloody quickly and when least equipped, as you prob are right now) to try and help them as much as possible. Hope even some of the above is of use x

StoicButStressed Sun 17-Mar-13 00:24:47

ThornRose That is just devastating. Am so so sorry for your and your DD's lossthanksthanksthanks

thornrose Sun 17-Mar-13 08:26:44

Zombie, I hope you are all ok. You have had some great advice, I have nothing else to add but best wishes.

QOD Sun 17-Mar-13 10:19:39

I hope everything has gone as well as it could have. You're in our thoughts

Mumoftwodaughters Thu 28-Mar-13 22:21:13

Just to let you know that you remain in my thoughts despite my own predicament (see other threads) and trust that you find the strength to deal with the loss of your ex for whom you clearly continued to have strong feelings despite her difficulties.

zombieslovebrains Fri 05-Apr-13 21:22:20

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts, opinions and condolences.

thornrose Fri 05-Apr-13 21:26:04

Zombies - how are things?

zombieslovebrains Fri 05-Apr-13 21:57:48

Kids ok, they have their moments as expected.
Funeral soon, taken time due to inquest etc.
Personally still find it strange I won't speak to her again. I know we have been divorced for years but we still spoke to each other at least once a week.

thornrose Fri 05-Apr-13 22:05:12

I know that feeling. My x died 3years ago last March, I really struggle with the fact that he has gone for ever. I always say, being a lone parent is one thing, being the ONLY parent is something else!
I still worry about dd, It's very hard to work out if her grieving is "normal"!
She was 10 when her dad died, what's normal about that?

zombieslovebrains Fri 05-Apr-13 22:21:00

thornrose-- totally agree being a lone parent is one thing, being the ONLY parent is something else.
It is bizarre because you think ' oh I must tell them about this/that etc' then you realize that they are not there.

thornrose Fri 05-Apr-13 22:26:27

That doesn't change either sad it's just so sad.
I make a conscious effort to mention dd's dad as often as possible.
I sometimes say to dd, "gosh you just looked like your dad then" or I will talk to her about when she was a baby and little anecdotes about her dad. She seems to love it.

zombieslovebrains Thu 09-May-13 19:56:51

Thanks to everyone.
Update had the funeral, I lost my job 4 days later ( to be honest it was a relief) Kids have their moments obviously. Just found out it was not natural circumstances she took her own life. So far 2013 has been pretty rubbish.

echt Sun 12-May-13 07:07:02

Gosh, zombies. Very hard yards for you and yours. I wish you more and more of the strength you've shown.

All very best.

flowers

echt Wed 22-May-13 10:05:05

How's it going, zombies? Keep in touch when you can.

echt Wed 29-May-13 12:12:38

A bump for you, zombies. How are you keeping?

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