My DH is dying

(66 Posts)
cakeslover Wed 10-Oct-12 09:49:31

I think I just need to write it down and maybe there's someone out there who could help me on how to deal with my DC.
My DH was diagnosed with tongue cancer on february when we were on holidays in our native Italy. He decided on having his treatment here and postpone the return to the UK for as long as it was needed.
He then went trough a major op to remove part of his tongue and some lymph nodes. After that he went trough two more ops. After the third one, he has suffered a respiratory arrest with severe brain damage and went into a coma. It is been 4 months already, he's not conscious and now we've found out that his tumour is spreading fast.
We have 2 DC, DD1 (4 yo) and DD2 (18 month old).
My eldest hasn't seen her daddy for 4 months already, and knows his asleep, very ill and that the doctors were trying to find a very rare medicine to make him better. She misses her daddy, her home, school and friends.
I am trying to find some kind of psychological support for her, and trying to reassure her that mummy is still here and is going nowhere. But understandably she's very clingy and stressed.
In the meanwhile I have move all our stuff from London here and rented a new home for us. Thankfully I have my mum who moved here with us, who's more than helpful (we are in his birth city).
Is there anyone who could pls help me on how to deal with my DDs feelings, how to cope with life without the best husband and father?
We are still fairly young (early 30s) and life seems to have ended for me.

OhChristFENTON Wed 10-Oct-12 09:52:17

I have no direct experience of this but just wanted to say I'm so, so sorry, - there will be someone along very soon to give your more than just a {hug}.

IslaMann Wed 10-Oct-12 09:52:40

Nothing I can say to help but couldn't let your message go unanswered. My heart hurts for you and your DDs. All I can suggest is plenty of cuddles, reassurance and love, which is what you're doing already. Please look after yourself as well as your DDs.

I'm so sorry sad

Is there a local cancer charity that can help? They usually have counsellors that can work with you and/or your children.

Big hugs.

SeveredEdMcDunnough Wed 10-Oct-12 09:54:43

Oh you poor, poor thing. sad

What an awful thing to have happened to you.

I don't know what services there might be in Italy, especially for children who are suffering bereavement, but there are people here who post from Italy and they may know something.

much love x

Zoomania Wed 10-Oct-12 10:00:20

I have no experience of this but just wanted to reply and say how sorry I am. I will probably say the wrongt thing but didn't want to leave your message unanswered.

I just wondered whether you had looked at the macmillain website which has lots of resources and books on how to tell children, support phone lines etc. You probably have so I am sorry if this isn't helpful.

I think you sound amazingly strong and will keep getting through it one day at a time for your children.

BegoniaBigtoes Wed 10-Oct-12 10:02:21

I'm so sorry. I have no direct experience but I know there is an organisation that can help people in the UK who have lost a spouse, called WAY here - if you are going back there eventually? There may be an Italian equivalent you could search for.

Shorter term it may help to just talk to your DD as much as possible, look at pictures of DH when he was healthy, talk about how much you love him, keep him alive in her mind if you see what I mean and l her talk about him whenever she wants.

I know there are people on MN who have been through similar things and will be able to help you so keep posting.

weegiemum Wed 10-Oct-12 10:05:58

I've nothing much to add except to say I'm so, so sorry to hear your news.

Ih darling sad

I have no advice to give but didn't want to read and not reply.

I hope you get some helpful information..thinking of you x

alibeenherealongtime Wed 10-Oct-12 13:52:06

Oh how so very sad for you all, you are being so brave for your DH and your children, I hope you find the support you need for all of you, sending you love and thoughts.

Imsosorryalan Wed 10-Oct-12 13:58:56

No advice except lots of kisses and cuddles for reassurance. We're all holding your hand. I'm so sorry you are going through thissad

cakeslover Wed 10-Oct-12 14:20:46

Thank you so so much for taking your time to reply. It means a lot.
I will definitely look into the Macmillan website again, a book sounds like a very good idea.
Will try and find some kind of counselling for me and my girl. hopefully she will be able to get trough this well.
We have no idea on how long he's got left, so maybe will be better to wait till break the news to DD. she's now used on having her daddy at the hospital, and knows he's not coming back any soon. sad
I wish I could feel strong but I just feel that I've no choice really.
Thank you so much again,

weegiemum Wed 10-Oct-12 14:25:08

I spoke to my dh who is a GP in the uk.

He very highly recommends Macmillan, they have some good resources.

Books I've come across (I'm a family literacy tutor, kids books are my life!!!) that might be good are: Goodbye Mog By Judith Kerr and for slightly older children, The Heart In The Bottle by Oliver Jeffers. If you can't source them in Italy I'm happy to send them, pm me!

alibeenherealongtime Wed 10-Oct-12 16:07:14

I too have lots of books as I had a bereaved 2.5 year old in my care, now 4 years old. I have one " saying goodbye to daddy" I would be very happy to send it to you.

redadmiralsinthegarden Wed 10-Oct-12 16:10:08

nothing to add to you except a big hug, cakelover. I'm so sorry to read what you are going through.

guanosoup Wed 10-Oct-12 16:15:20

Sorry to read your sad story, an amazing charity that helps children deal with thier emotions and feelings is Winstons Wish (on phone, so I cannot link)
Look after yourself, too xx

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 10-Oct-12 16:20:21

Im so sorry for you and your children sad

GoldenAutumnDays Wed 10-Oct-12 16:29:44

I'm so sorry cakeslover (((hugs))).

I found MacMillan really helpful fo myself when DP died of Cancer earlier this year. Also as guanosoup mentioned above [[ http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/ Winstons wish]] was fantastic with DS.

I know how hard it can be at times, but you find the strength to be strong for the DC.

Thinking and praying for you all xx

Growlithe Wed 10-Oct-12 16:31:13

I'm so sorry for your situation cakes.

I'd also recommend the MacMillan site, to help with your own feelings as well as you DDs.

One thing I would say is, when my DMIL was in the latter stages of cancer, I made the mistake of telling my DD, who was 5 at the time, that 'Nan wouldn't be getting any better'. As adults we understand what this means, but what I didn't realise is that she thought Nan would still be with us, just poorly. Such a mistake.

I think small children need facts in simple, honest terms, although I realise how hard this will be to say.

Once again, I'm so so sorry.

GoldenAutumnDays Wed 10-Oct-12 16:37:46

The school were and are helping DS a lot too. They keep an eye out for him and a TA will take him to a quiet corner if he gets upset or angry and either just let him sit quietly or talk if he needs to. Please talk to teachers IMO they will do anything to help grieving DC.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Wed 10-Oct-12 16:47:54

I'm so sorry this is happening to you all. It's so unfair.

I don't think I know how to help you, but I would like to ask why your dd hasn't seen her dad. I believe that children should go into hospital/ ICU to see their loved ones. They don't see the tubes or worry about the bleeps, they just see the person who they love. I also believe that seeing their loved one helps to put the pieces of the puzzle together, it stops the situation being so abstract. I hope this makes sense, and apologies if this totally against what you think, I just wanted to mention it.

Sending you all love, light and strength x

I'm so so sorry.Winstons wish are amazing for children and will email you help if you are not in UK.

catsrus Wed 10-Oct-12 17:41:31

Another vote for Winston's wish here - they are a wonderful resource. One idea is to begin putting together a memory box for each child now - a large box (Winston's wish sell lovely ones, but you can use any old large box) which you fill with things that remind them of him. Things that he used to use or that they will associate with him.

Obviously your little one is too small, but your older dd will still have memories of him. As your things are there why not go through some of his things with her and look for things that might spark a memory. Things like "do you remember on holiday when daddy wore this silly hat / sun glasses?" If there are photos of him to go with the objects all the better - it's about preserving 'snapshots' of his time with them. Personal items like ties and silly Christmas socks that are small enough to pack away with lots of other bits are what you are looking for - did he always read the sports page of a particular newspaper?. Your older dd can help you select things for your other dd. After the funeral you might want to put a copy of the order of service in there and maybe press a few flowers from a wreath. If you are able to do it you might want to ask friends in the UK to get a copy of a newspaper on the day he dies (or more than one). It's about creating a set of memories, things your daughters will be able to look at as they get older and can talk to you about.

I honestly don't know if it's too soon to start doing this now - but I do know that the boxes continue to be treasured for years. I got a couple for 2 children whose mother died and their dad said he wished he had one too - so we quickly got another one. You might want to think about one for yourself.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, life really isn't fair is it?

cakeslover Wed 10-Oct-12 18:48:41

weegiemum, alibeenherealongtime thank you so much for your kind offers, I will see if I can find these books here. If not will get in touch. Thank you.
Growlithe, thank you for your advice.. I was really wondering if I should start "preparing" her for the future. I see what you mean, maybe I should just wait and when time comes will tell her straight. She's very inquisitive (as any 4 yo), but she knows that her grandad (my DF) is in heaven and sometimes I get sad thinking of him.. and getting sad about missing someone you love is ok.
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt I've been thinking about taking her to see him. It is so difficult tough, she has this image of him going to pick her up from school in his bike, been the strongest man in the world (she keeps telling me this). I just don't know if I will be destroying the image she has from him.. seeing daddy so pale, skinny in his nappies (his eyes are open and he moves his mouth as to talk) IYSWIM
I really like the box idea! and will definitely look into winston's wish.
Life its not fair at all.

3girlies Wed 10-Oct-12 18:52:53

I am so sorry to read this, what terrible heartache for you all. Winston's wish is a great charity also ClicSargent might help, they are a cancer charity for children and younger adults, they help the families too. They helped and supported us as our youngest daughter battled a brain tumour and have stayed in touch since we lost her in July. Such an awful situation for you all. Hugs. X.

JuliaScurr Wed 10-Oct-12 18:57:42

youngminds.org

They were very helpful on a completely different issue we had

Thinking of you brew

JuliaScurr Wed 10-Oct-12 19:02:41

www.wayfoundation.org.uk/

I hope this is not intrusive and you find some support through this awful situation

cakeslover Wed 10-Oct-12 19:06:37

3girlies I am really, really sorry about your daughter. No parent should have to go through loosing a child, I cannot imagine your pain.
I also think that when we experience some pain like this, we become more sensitive to others suffering, but at the same time, we understand that so many people go through horrible times, they survive and at some point find something that make living bearable and even enjoyable maybe..
I hope that I am making sense.. today has been hard

cakeslover Wed 10-Oct-12 19:07:46

thank you for the link, not intrusive at all smile

calypso2008 Wed 10-Oct-12 19:13:23

Thinking of you and your family cakes it must be extra hard being away from your home base (UK) and routine for the children.

I am so sorry.

You sound very brave - and a wonderful mother and wife.

Flatbread Wed 10-Oct-12 19:26:26

Cakes, wishing you and your dd's all the best and strength during this time. My heart aches for you. You sound like an amazing wife and mum.

ssd Wed 10-Oct-12 19:41:51

so so sorry to read of this cakes

wishing you and your family much love and strength x

ohmeohmy Wed 10-Oct-12 20:05:29

So sorry you and your family are going throuh this. Agree with others recommending winstons wish.

Pyjamadonkey Wed 10-Oct-12 20:16:44

No advice here from me I'm afraid but just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear what you and your little ones are going through. Sending you hugs

I am so sorry you are going through this OP. if you are anywhere nr Milan give me a shout, I will be glad to help.

Jux Wed 10-Oct-12 20:49:24

So sorry, cakeslover.

I have a thought about taking your dd to hospital to see her dad.

My brother died suddenly and unexpectedly some years ago. The funeral director asked if any of us would like to see him. I didn't, but dd desperately wanted to; she had witnessed my mum's death only a few weeks before (we had all been with mum when she died). DD is very mature, and haing been at the bedside with mum and gone and viewed her body, she was sure she would be fine.

So dd was taken to see him by her dad and my beother and some other good friends. She was 10, so a lot older than your dd. Moreover, we had had 6 other bereavements in the couple of years leading up to my brother's, so she was 'experienced' for want of a better word.

She regrets it utterly. He had not been made pretty, and it was actually rather frightening. 3 years on she remembers what he was like when he was her lovely uncle, but it took a long time for that horrid picture to fade in favour of the memories of the man she knew.

Another one, concerning me this time. My dad died of cancer over 20 years ago, at home. The last few months he deteriorated badly, and my brothers and I visited at least once a week, generally more. I was over 30, and it took a long time to get those memories out of my head and start remembering him as he had always been.

Have you asked your mum what she thinks? Sometimes it's kinder to leave memories intact and uninterrupted. Your dd is very young.

On the other hand, I can see why you think it might be the right thing to give her a chance to say goodbye. Please don't take offence at this, but the daddy she knows and loves has gone already. I'm so so sorry sad

ProphetOfDoom Wed 10-Oct-12 21:04:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MysticMugBug Thu 11-Oct-12 11:41:26

080880800 - Macmillan cancer support
http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/HowWeCanHelp.aspx

my mum used to work for them, just give them a call, they are excellent

SoSoMamanBebe Thu 11-Oct-12 11:54:46

When my son was critically ill (intensive care for 8 days at 5 months) the nurses encouraged bringing in my nearly 5 year old in to prepare her, should he die.

Apparently, if they just 'go' and children haven't seen how ill they are, it's as is they disappeared and more difficult to make sense of.

My thoughts are with you for this traumatic time.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 11-Oct-12 12:14:23

How are you doing today cakes ?

drjohnsonscat Thu 11-Oct-12 12:25:31

I'm so sorry cakes. What a terrible thing you are going through.

I wanted to reiterate about the WAY Foundation. My cousin lost her husband to cancer ten years ago when her children were young - in fact they were the same age as yours are now. She found WAY very helpful. She also got some counselling help for the children - although it sounds too young to be helpful the children attended sessions for a couple of years and through art therapy etc I think it helped them express their confusion and sorrow.

There is also lots of support on here. I have no direct experience myself but wanted to send you support and wishes for strength at this horrible time.

cakeslover Sat 13-Oct-12 12:50:42

Thank you all so much for your support and for sharing your experiences. It is very helpful.
Yesterday was very hard, I went to the hospital to talk to his doctors. We now know that his lungs are all infected. So we ended up discussing hospices. We have one nearer to where we live and may be looking into that one.
I also have an appointment with a neuropsychiatric that works with children for next week. I am going solo at the first one to discuss the situation and how to proceed from then.
My DM and closest friends are against me taking dd to see her daddy. They all say that there is the risk on doing more damage than good, but this is something they I will be looking into discussing with the psychiatric.
I went to the docs myself because I wanted something for my panic attacks, and I ended up also with an anti depressive. I've decided in giving if a try and see if I can keep relatively calm and enjoy the girls more smile

shineonucrazydiamond Sat 13-Oct-12 13:01:41

I'm sorry. How awful for you.

I recommend a book called ' Duck, Death and the Tulip ' - it is very good and avoids all cliches.

I wish you lots of strength

MummyDoIt Sat 13-Oct-12 13:08:58

I lost my DH to cancer when my DSs were four and five. You've had some great advice already on organisations which can help (our Macmillan nurse was fantastic). Personally speaking, in terms of how to handle your children, be honest and don't be afraid to tell them what is happening. My DSs came on hospital visits with us while DH was having chemo. DS2 even came into theatre with us when I was being shown how to clean DH's Hickman line. As long as everything was explained in language they could understand, they took it all in their stride.

When the end came, DH died at home and I let them see his body. Some people were horrified by this but it showed them there was nothing to be afraid of and I think it would have been worse if I'd left things to their imagination. They came to the funeral, though they had the option to leave during the service if they wanted (DS1 stayed, DS2 left).

One of the hardest things for children is feeling out of control so try and involve them in anything you can. DS1 used to 'help' give Daddy his medicine. For the funeral, they each chose a flower to put on the coffin. They chose a favourite picture of Daddy to go by their beds and chose a frame to put it in. Small things, but it made them feel involved and slightly more in control.

Most importantly, don't forget to take care of yourself. You are so busy worrying about your DH and our children that's easy to forget about yourself. Don't feel guilty about giving in to a fit of crying. Be kind to yourself, whether that means taking time out for a long bath, eating a whole bag of donuts or whatever makes you feel good!

Finally, I know the future must seem very bleak and lonely for you but you will get through it and you will be happy again. Four years on, I still have dark moments but on the whole life is good and I am happy. I will never stop missing DH but everyone is entitled to be happy and I take what I can from life.

ohmeohmy Sat 13-Oct-12 15:17:47

hospices are a lot less scary than they seem. I work in one and it is a much nicer place than any hospital. the doctors there say how lovely it is to be able to really spend time with their patients and do everything they can to make them comfortable. It is likely you will find a lot of support there for you too. Do look at Winstons wish. there is a lot of online material about how children best deal with these kind of situations. Best wishes

cakeslover Sun 14-Oct-12 13:42:24

MummyDolt what an inspiring post!
I've got an appointment with the neuropsychiatric that will be following dd and will discuss that. After the first operation I took her to the hospital, and she helped her daddy mixing his medicine, applying cream and cuddling. She was very aware at first but took it on board and still remembers well how it was. But this time he is in a vegetative state, and it is pretty scary even for me. A part from the general debilitation, his eyes keep rolling, he's got a tracheotomy, moves his mouth a lot as to speak, and has a nappy ( sorry if tmi). It is completely different from the time before. He would hate to her to see him like that. But I will consider it..
It doesn't seemangry real, I still can't understand how our lovely lovely family is crumbling and there's nothing I can do to avoid it.
Yesterday we were discussing hospices and a place for the funeral.
Oh god I love him so much!!

digerd Sun 14-Oct-12 19:16:49

Thank goodness your mother is with you as your babies are so young and you need her. As it is scary for you seeing your husband like that, I would not take your 4 year- as could give her nightmares. Even my dying husband's family did not want to see him in a vegatative state, and said they would rather remember him as he was, but he was 58 and DD 32, and cannot imagine how I would have coped with your 3 so young DCs. My thoughts were, it so often happens to the good people, doesn't it? Not fair. I cannot tell you how you can cope, just that you will . Do you see your in-laws? Lots of sympathy and hugs coming your way

Rosa Sun 14-Oct-12 19:33:09

Cakes mi dispiace tanto, If I can be of help and support I am in the Veneto.....

MummyDoIt Mon 15-Oct-12 08:07:30

Cakes, what you describe could be pretty scary for a small child. You know your child best and know what they could tolerate. My DH looked and behaved pretty much as normal, though very weak and thin towards the end, so there was nothing scary for them to see. The only time I wouldn't let them see him was when he had an epileptic fit. I sent them out of the room, telling them that Daddy had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare.

My heart goes out to you, having to deal with this. PM me if ever you need a shoulder to cry on.

Cakes nothing to add but my best wishes + big hugs to you+ your darling.girls + a gentle sqeeze of the hand to your DH.

I used to nurse + have cared for many end of life patients. One thing we used to always tell the families waa to keep talking to them , it is the last sense to turn off + even though he may give no sign it may comfort him to hear your loving voice.

cakeslover Mon 15-Oct-12 09:56:32

I am in Emilia Romagna but thank you!
Thank you for the advice Mummy and Bossy.
I am not able to hold back my tears every time I am in the hospital.. It is shitty of me, I wish I could be stronger and calmer in front of him but the overwhelming feeling is too much.
My dd have been soo angry. today she put on a big fight insisting on not going to school, crying her eyes out, a major trantrum. I tried my best to ignore (after talking to her and been ignored myself) so went to take dd2 to the nursery. When I came back she had calm down (with my mum) and is now watching tv, very quietly.
I am at the end of my tether with her, have no idea on how to deal when she's like this. I've tried talking sternly and gently about how important it is for children to go to school (it's a place to learn lovely things and have fun), tried to persuade her in any way, rewards, the lot. Nothing seems to work, I have no strength to fight her in the mornings anymore (she's been hard work since always, but got much worse in the past month).
She spent the weekend at my ILs so I don't know if she heard something or was just unsettled by the surroundings that remind us so much of DH.

duchesse Mon 15-Oct-12 10:10:51

No advice but just wanted to say I am thinking of you at this difficult time.

Rosa Mon 15-Oct-12 11:27:40

Its only a train ride away if needed xx

I would try to insist with your DD and take her as the routine or normal life will be important for her and I believe help her , Of course she can sense your stress and worry and so she plays on it. Mine does the same but in a much smaller way obviously , If I am stressed then she can feel it . My eldest doesn't really but No2 can. Try saying right tomorrow Grandma will take DD2 to nursery and you and I will go to school together , maybe we will stop on teh way ( if possible) for a croissant or something similar. Just time the two of you together.
Your small one will adjust much better as she is still learning life and my guess is she will accept it but DD1 will be watching and observing all you do and it sounds as if she is playing on it as well.
SO glad you have your mum to help....
If you feel like it over on Little Italy ( Other subjects) we are a nice bunch should you ever pop in you will be most welcome.....

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Mon 15-Oct-12 15:42:37

We all have to cry cakes, maybe it happens at your dh's bedside because it is the only place you have time to cry? I imagine you are rushing around everywhere making sure everyone is sorted, then the moment you sit down - bam.

If you would like to take your dc into ICU are there things that can be done to make it less scary? Put a blanket over your dh so the nappy isn't visible? Would more sedation for the period when your dc are there stop the eye rolling? If it is something you would like to pursue speak to his nurse.

Sounds like your dd is finding it tough too. It can be hard enough to cope with your own emotions, never mind others too, I take my hat off to you.

ssd Wed 17-Oct-12 09:05:49

I'm so sorry, cakes, I really am x

Onlyjoking Wed 17-Oct-12 09:56:00

So sorry you are in this situation sad
You will get Throu this, it won't feel like its even possible right now.
Talking to children about death and dying is something we feel unprepared for.
Be honest in answering any questions don't give to much information in one go, Macmillian suggested to us that children only ask questions when they want to know stuff and it shouldn't be rushed.
There are lots of books for after someone dies but little about the preparation.
Our children were 14 14 and 11 when their dad died four years ago they have autism which makes things difficult for them to understand. The stuff I used for them might be useful to your eldest child, muddles puddles and sunshine is a really good workbook for young children.
If I can help in any way I'm just a keyboard away.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Wed 17-Oct-12 10:20:35

Don't feel bad for crying when you are there, I'm sure your DH would understand x I'm sitting here crying for you - it's so, so unfair sad

I can't offer any advice or suggestions that haven't aready been given, I just wanted to send you love & strength & let you know our thoughts are with you. Afterwards, you will learn to dance in the rain - life wont ever be the same again and it wont be what you planned, but you will learn to live alongside that and it will be OK, hopefully better than 'ok'.

Rosa Wed 17-Oct-12 12:34:33

Cakes how are things with DD? Can Imagine how you are x

cakeslover Sat 20-Oct-12 20:22:55

Thank you so much for all the messages. Thank you!
Rosa the psicologist that I've been seen at the hospital told me exactly the same, and that I should allowed myself to relax sometimes (joking, dressing well, going out with friends) so Dd will feel is ok for her to not be sad and enjoy her little world. That she might be using me as a mirror now.
I've been as well to a children's psycologist and for now she will try working on my daughter trough me. So it was our first session and I had to answer and explain the whole situation of course. She has advised me not prepare her for the worst but at the same time not giving her hope. Need to stay juggling the situation exactly how I've been doing so far, giving plenty of attention, do not bend the rules and answer her questions in the most honest way possible (age wise).
Dd is getting used on not having daddy home anymore, she talks about him but is not counting on him IYKWIM.
Some days I feel stronger and cant wait to start a new life but sometimes it really drags me down and I miss him so much. It's very hard to see the girls growing up and developing and not be able to share it with him.
Onlyjoking thank you for the advise. I hope you and your boys are well smile

t875 Sat 20-Oct-12 23:11:14

I am so sorry to read what you are going through cakes lover, thinking of you all x

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Thu 25-Oct-12 20:08:15

I've been hovering..

I just wanted to pass on a big hug over the Internet.
Am I right in thinking you are still in Italy? How are you and your DC coping with the language and the health system?

You sound so brave cakeslover.

I am so sorry you are going through this....it's horrendous and I cannot even imagine how you are feeling...your words strike me as so very brave

I'm thinking of you all xxxx

I'm so sorry. What a heartbreaking situation. You've been given good advice and I just wanted to send you a hug.

ImperialBlether Fri 09-Nov-12 20:25:21

What a desperately sad situation.

Please excuse me if you've already done this, but has your daughter made anything that you could take to her father, such as a painting? I know she's too young to write but could you buy a card and let her write kisses on it? Could she choose a photo of you all which you could take to the hospital to put by his bedside? Choose some flowers for him?

It sounds as though you've had a really awful time; I'm so glad your mum is there for you.

riskit4abiskit Fri 16-Nov-12 18:50:07

Oh I am sobbing over this thread, its so very sad. You sound like you are coping so very well with the circumstances. Best wishes to all your family.

Xenia Sat 17-Nov-12 10:04:20

How sad. So awful so unfair,. How good of your mother to come out to Italy to be with you all. You are doing very well. It is a terrible situation.

Is your 4 year old so unhappy about going to school because she was used to England and English and suddenly she is in an Italian school.

Should she see her father even if only for 2 or 3 minutes so she can visualise where he is and how sick he is?

Sorry to ask but had he made a will and have you looked at financial things in Italy and UK once the worst has happened?

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