Lost my baby boy ...

(70 Posts)
marietje Fri 14-Sep-12 18:56:10

I've never posted on here before but I just wanted to write this down. I feel so incredibly sad and I can't believe this happened to us.

I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant last Saturday when I went to the hospital with painful contractions. I got checked and my baby's heartbeat as well as everything else was fine, but I was only 1cm dilated so went home. When I went back the next afternoon with increasingly painful and frequent contractions, they couldn't find his heartbeat any more, even though I felt him move that morning and he had his usual hiccups. From then on everything just seemed like a very bad dream, although I somehow managed to stay very calm throughout. Everybody in the hospital was very supportive and understanding, and I had a great doula, but the reality hit after he was born the next morning.

My husband and I saw him, held him and we called him Oskar. He looked like he was just asleep and he is the most beautiful and sweet little boy I've ever seen.

It's only a few days ago and I know it's going to be a long and hard process, but right now I'm not sure how we can survive this.

Thanks for reading...

Jollyb Fri 14-Sep-12 18:57:36

So sorry to hear about Oskar. X

RandomMess Fri 14-Sep-12 18:58:28

So sorry to hear about Oskar's death sad

cat Fri 14-Sep-12 18:58:30

So sorry for your loss x

MikeLitoris Fri 14-Sep-12 18:58:39

I'm very sorry for your loss.

RIP little Oscar.

WandaDoff Fri 14-Sep-12 18:59:41

So sorry to hear about Oskar sad

GlesgaRocket Fri 14-Sep-12 18:59:59

I can't begin to understand what you must be going through, but i just wanted to say that i am so sorry for your loss.

LadyMargolotta Fri 14-Sep-12 19:00:12

I'm so sorry sad Oskar is a lovely name. Did you take photos of him?

So so sorry for your loss. sad

Everhopeful83 Fri 14-Sep-12 19:02:38

I honestly dont know what to say and cannot even imagine the pain that you must be going through.

I think you are very brave to be able to tell your story and although this probably doesnt mean alot, I am sending you my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.


SwimmingLikeADuck Fri 14-Sep-12 19:03:46

Oh my, you poor, poor thing. That must have been, and still be, incredibly shocking. Do you have some real life support? Someone to hold your hand?
Oskar is a lovely name. Im so sorry you are on this long road and send you warm wishes. Look after yourself. More experienced folk will be here in a minute.

fluffacloud Fri 14-Sep-12 19:04:21

What an awful thing to happen. So sorry for your loss.

My thoughts are with you and your husband.

GracieGirl Fri 14-Sep-12 19:04:47


I don't know what to say. So very very sad. It's just not fair.

Overreactionoftheweek Fri 14-Sep-12 19:06:14

I'm so sorry about your loss - Oskar is a lovely name. Sending you lots of love and support x

SarryB Fri 14-Sep-12 19:07:42

Sending hugs and love to you and your partner. Oskar is a gorgeous name.

StrawberryMojito Fri 14-Sep-12 19:09:06

May your special boy rest in peace x

converseconvert Fri 14-Sep-12 19:09:22

I'm so sorry for your loss sad

MangoHedgehog Fri 14-Sep-12 19:09:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a dreadful thing to happen. sad sending you and your family warm wishes.

Badvoc Fri 14-Sep-12 19:11:53

What a lovely name.
I am very sorry op.
I simply dont know what else to say.

Crimebusterofthesea Fri 14-Sep-12 19:12:08

What a beautiful name for a beautiful boy. I am so so sorry for your loss and send you very warm wishes xx

ByGrabtharsHammer Fri 14-Sep-12 19:12:50

I'm so very sorry. What has happened to you, your husband and Oskar was my greatest fear during pregnancy, and I simply can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. It's so unfair.

JugglingWithPossibilities Fri 14-Sep-12 19:13:15

I'm so sorry sad
Much love to you from us all on here x

Ninjahobbit Fri 14-Sep-12 19:13:22

so sorry for your loss, cant begin to imagine what you are going through, my thoughts are with you and your partner and extended family.

RIP Oskar sad

crazypaving Fri 14-Sep-12 19:15:48

Oh my God I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how heartbroken you are. How absolutely awful, poor you and poor little Oskar sad

Norem Fri 14-Sep-12 19:20:11

So so sorry for you both.
Some babies just seem to drift away with no warning or reason, it is such a shock and so devastating sad
You will always be oskars mum and dad and he will always be your firstborn, your love for him won't diminish.
I am a midwife and every time this happens it seems so senseless to us too.
Lots of love to you both. X

marietje Fri 14-Sep-12 19:20:47

Thank you so much for your messages, it really means very much to me.

We've got a beautiful photo of Oskar, although it's almost too hard to look at it right now. My husband has been very supportive, but it's obviously incredibly hard for him too. We haven't told many people yet because it's still so raw. Both our families live abroad and we've spoken a lot on the phone. My mum can't come over because she is undergoing chemotherapy treatment and I know she is so sad about that. We're very fortunate that two close friends have been there for us all the time this week.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour Fri 14-Sep-12 19:23:44

Oh you poor darling sad

I'm so very very sorry that you've lost your precious boy, my heart aches for you xxx

Please be very kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through each day minute by minute, hour by hour

Rest peacefully beautiful Oskar xxxx

Happiestinwellybobs Fri 14-Sep-12 19:26:11

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to send you my love. Rest in Peace little boy x

marietje Fri 14-Sep-12 19:26:53

Thank you so much for your messages, it really means a lot to me.

We've got a beautiful photo of Oskar, but it's been too hard to look at it again. It's been so difficult for us, but we try to keep supporting and talking to each other all the time. Both our families live abroad, but we've spoken on the phone a lot. My mum is undergoing chemotherapy treatment but I know she's so sad she can't come over to support us. We haven't told many people yet because it's still so raw and we find it hard to cope, but we have two close friends who've helped us a lot this week, both emotionally and practically.

marietje Fri 14-Sep-12 19:28:10

I thought I had lost the first message!

So sorry, Oskar what a gorgeous name, much much love xxx

FeersumEndjinn Fri 14-Sep-12 19:40:40

I'm so sorry for your loss, and wish you strength for the grieving process ahead.

I hope the hospital has already given you this info but if not please contact SANDS www.uk-sands.org/ who can help you in whatever way you need at this difficult time. A dear friend of mine went through this once and she found SANDS really helpful in a huge number of ways.

BeaWheesht Fri 14-Sep-12 19:47:48

I'm so sorry to hear about Oskar - almost exactly the same thing happened to some friends of ours and as you say, talking And supporting each other seems to have been the key for them. They talk about their wee girl a lot and it's lovely to see their love for her. Thinking of you all and wishing your mum A speedy recovery

lambinapram Fri 14-Sep-12 19:50:52

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you. xxx

I am ever so sorry, so tragic sad

ChablisLover Fri 14-Sep-12 19:53:56

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

I will say a prayer for you and Oskar.

Big hugs to you and your dh at this time.

missymoomoomee Fri 14-Sep-12 19:56:17

I am so sorry to hear this. I will light a candle for your beautiful Oskar tonight. Lots of support and understanding and my thoughts heading your way xxx

Pajimjams Fri 14-Sep-12 19:58:00

Oh you poor darling. Hope you find lots of support on here and in real life. Oskar is a lovely name, and to echo norem - you are oskars mummy and you will see your love for him reflected in the pain you are now suffering.

Be strong and keep him close in your heart, it will give you comfort.

I am so sorry for your loss. sad
Oskar is a beautiful name.

Wishing you and your DH strength & love during this horrible time. x

Mama1980 Fri 14-Sep-12 21:56:35

I am so very sorry for your loss sad
Sleep sweet Oskar xxx

oh, I am so sad to hear about you and your beautiful little Oskar. It isn't right or fair. It is only natural to feel so raw, so unbelieving - you are in the worst nightmare of any parent. If you don't mind me offering this, I'd like to give you the advice given to me - Be gentle on yourself. One breath at a time, one moment at a time. That's all you can do.

Sadly, there is a very special thread on MN where you will find lots of understanding, empathy and unmumsnetty hugs. You probably never imagined yourself needing it - no-one does. But there is a safe haven here

cuteable Fri 14-Sep-12 22:02:29

What a lovely name. my heart goes out to you and your husband. how are you feeling physically? Remember to look after yourself.

Talk on here when you need to x

MyOrangeDogShitsGoldMoney Fri 14-Sep-12 22:03:50

So so sorry for your loss.

Sleep tight Oskar x

Napsalot Fri 14-Sep-12 22:13:52

So sorry for your loss. Rest peacefully little Oskar.

chickydoo Fri 14-Sep-12 22:17:59

Sending you love. So sorry about Oskar. You must be in such utter shock.
My thoughts are with you

marietje Sat 15-Sep-12 11:29:16

I'm so touched by all your messages... It's good to know that we're not alone.

I found out very late that I was pregnant so it was all very much unexpected and the last few months have been a rollercoaster in many ways. Even before he was born I loved him so much - I never expected these feelings to be so strong. I think the first thing I said when I found out was that I loved the baby so much (I didn't know yet whether it was a boy or a girl). The midwife who saw me the night before had a chat with me and it was so good just to say this. These feelings are a bittersweet consolation for me and my husband (and I know he feels the same) and I know I will love him forever. Knowing that we will never forget him is also a consolation, so he will be with us forever.

It's a great help for me to write these things down and I might also ask you some questions when I'm ready.

So sorry for your loss, Oskar is a beautiful name. My thoughts and love are with you and your husband now.

moreyear Sat 15-Sep-12 11:53:58

I am so sorry for your terrrible loss. Words seem so trite but darling Oskar is forever at peace and you are both in my thoughts. xx

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange Sat 15-Sep-12 18:27:20

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry.


Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 15-Sep-12 18:30:57

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your little onesad

Oskar is a beautiful name.

HairyPotter Sat 15-Sep-12 18:31:16

I am so very sorry for your loss. Oskar is a beautiful name. xx

expatinscotland Sat 15-Sep-12 18:32:06

So, so very sorry for your loss.xx

LouMacca Sat 15-Sep-12 18:35:54

So, so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your DH sad

You know what, you will get through this. Its heartbreaking, devestating and utterly lonely at times but you will find a strength you never knew you had.

I have never lost a child but we lost my neice 3 years ago to stillbirth. She was full term and the most beautiful little girl ever. I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time with my PFB.

You have some difficult days ahead but keep talking about your beautiful little boy who is playing with all the other angels up above in the stars.

Wishing you gentle days


changeforthebetter Sat 15-Sep-12 21:19:00

I am so sorry for the loss of little Oskar (which is wonderful name). Wishing you strength and support for the days ahead.

Pyjamadonkey Sat 15-Sep-12 21:24:24

So sorry for your and your family's loss. My heart goes out to you. X

ilovesprouts Sat 15-Sep-12 21:26:58

so sorry sad

TeamEdward Sat 15-Sep-12 21:27:34

So very sorry to hear of your loss sad

chipmonkey Sat 15-Sep-12 21:50:36

You poor love. I know the pain far too well. I lost my little girl to SIDs last year.
Do join us on the thread Mias linked to.
Oskar is a beautiful name xxxx

matildawormwood Sat 15-Sep-12 21:54:53

I am so sorry to hear about your precious boy. I lost my longed-for baby boy four months ago when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I genuinely did not know how I was supposed to go on living without him but somehow you find the strength. It's so hard and so unfair, but there is lots of support and understanding from women who have been through the same on here if you want it. You are not alone xxx

cheesesarnie Sat 15-Sep-12 22:01:54

sad marietje, I'm so sorry.

Rest in peace precious little Oskar.

My heart goes out to you and your husband.

I hope my 'you will get through this' hasn't come across as uncaring or harsh! All I meant to say was it is such early days but slowly and surely you will have good days.

You will never forget him and he will always be with you.

So sorry you are going through this - far too many families go through it :-(

SANDS is an excellent site and they hold an annual London Christmas service which we always go to for my niece. Our little way of having a Christmas with her :-(


expatinscotland Sat 15-Sep-12 22:29:07

marie, please feel free to join us no the thread MiaAlexandrasmummy linked.

We're here to support one another as other parents whose children have died.xx

mamalovebird Sat 15-Sep-12 22:31:29

So sorry for your loss.

RIP Oskar x

marietje Sun 16-Sep-12 18:24:45

Dear Sleepingbunnies, no don't worry, I didn't see your comment in that way. Right now it feels like our world is falling apart and it seems everything 'normal' is happening in a parallel universe. It is good to know that we'll cope at some point.

marietje Sun 16-Sep-12 18:36:04

It's very good to know that we're not alone in this heartbreaking situation, but I'm also so sorry to hear about everybody else's losses.

The funeral is on Wednesday and although I know that it's going to be incredibly difficult we both feel that it's very important to do things properly for Oskar's sake. Our families can't be there, but I had a chat with my mum today about doing something for Oskar in my home country. She said that he is part of our family now and my husband (T) said the same thing last night: it is no longer the two of us, it's going to be the three of us forever.

We still have some time to think about this, but what would you do in a similar situation to remember your baby with your family? We're not religious and although my family-in-law (who live in yet another country) is we prefer to keep things completely secular.


onedev Sun 16-Sep-12 18:47:19

I am so very sorry for your loss. RIP Oskar.

We set off lanterns every year to remember my neice and we always visit her grave on her birthday. My mum died when
I was 4 and she was buried with her nanny which makes us feel better.

Me and my sister will get together occasionally and just spend an evening talking about her and looking through her memory book. I just bought her a gorgeous keepsake box to keep all her stuff in. It's stuff like this that helps us xx

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Thu 20-Sep-12 10:22:30

I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

Sending you love and strength x

xmasevebundle Fri 28-Sep-12 02:50:44

Im so sorry for your loss.

Memory book like op said would be lovely.

Scan photos, a photo of him, his blanket if you had one?

Im sure oskar will be forever in your heart.

Much love xx

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