Thank you, cathcat - much appreciated.

Your post is very moving and heartbreaking.
I am so glad you were able to see him, speak to him and that he could speak freely to you. It will mean a lot to him and his family that you went today, and I hope you get the chance again, if that is what you and he want.
Of course it is hard to concentrate on other things just now. Don't underestimate what a hard thing you are dealing with. Wishing you strength for what lies ahead.

Thanks all - it was heartbreaking actually. I'm so glad I went because I think I only just got there in time, I very much doubt he'll be able to see many more visitors because he was just drifting in and out of sleep in the short time I was with him. He hasn't eaten for 3 weeks because he can't keep anything down so he's just surviving on a drip. Even though I was expecting it, it was a real shock to see how such a strong, fit young man who I saw grow up from the age of 6 had become so weak. He's just completely exhausted.

But he was completely lucid when we were talking. He knows exactly how bad the situation is and I was really taken aback by how open he was. He has planned his funeral and said he was really glad to see me one last time which came as such a shock - I know that sounds silly but I suppose I thought we might at least talk as though there was some hope of us meeting again. But he was categorically saying goodbye. I spent a really long time with his family, which was lovely and really helpful on both sides I think. His Mum is amazing - I have no idea how you deal with watching that happen to your own child and I have such admiration for her strength.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts/advice. In the end holding his hand felt like the most natural thing in the world. I feel so sad about it all though, I've lost very close relatives before but somehow in that situation the adrenalin and the need to block it out just drives you to get on with life but for now I'm finding it really hard to think about or concentrate on anything other than my friend. Anyhow, must try and get on with my large backlog of work.

How did you get on today Somethinganything?

Don't worry about getting upset. When my brother was dying we cried all the time. I'm sorry this is happening to your friend and to you. Cancer is a bloody evil illness.

Just do whatever is natural for your relationship with your friend, if you are not touchy feely then maybe hold of a little. Just see how it goes when you get there?

As for what to bring maybe check with his Mum for palatable food/drinks or music?

sagacious thanks so much and I hope your MIL's last days are as peaceful and positive as they can be

MIL is in the same position

I'm doing pretty much the same thing day by day (it won't be for much longer in her case)

A hug/holding hands says so much

When shes coherent she says so herself.

You really don't have to do much, just being there really thats about it.

Oh and feel free to swear say how unfair it is if you feel it appropriate.

Good luck for tommorrow x

Thanks for all your thoughts and advice - the visit is tomorrow and I'm really worried about getting upset in front of him, which I imagine is the last thing he needs. I checked with his Mum this morning that it's still ok to visit and she said he was really looking forward to it so I just hope I'll be able to be some comfort. Is there anything I should take?

rabbit and oneofapair so sorry to hear about your losses thanks for your contributions. I'm glad you mentioned holding hands, I was wondering if it would be appropriate or if it might seem awkward or excessively sombre so it's very useful to hear your thoughts

There has been lots of good advice given but I would like to add just a few thoughts based on the recent death of my twin. During her last couple of weeks her mood changed several times but I think the most common emotion was that she felt scared. Scared of dying, scared of leaving me "on your own" as she put it and scared of being in pain. You might like to think how you would cope with this. Holding the loved ones hand is so important as well.