I'm hoping someone out there might have some wisdom to share...sorry it's long.
I'm nearly 24 weeks now and have made it past our anomaly scan (which went fine) and the time that we lost our last baby (around 21 weeks). I'm feeling movements quite frequently now and am generally starting to feel less negative about the whole thing.
Ds1 took the news of Tom's death quite badly and even though he is not yet 4 still talks occasionally about "poor Tom" and has often said how much he'd like a baby brother or sister. So one of the reasons for putting us through the whole uncertain process again was because we knew he wanted a sibling and because we felt life would be better for him overall with one.
We haven't told ds about the new pregnancy yet and were planning to wait a while longer. Things he has said in recent weeks made us wonder if he had guessed, but you'd expect a child his age to be direct, wouldn't you?
Basically tonight he asked why my tummy was big and getting bigger, and to my horror, when I told him that there was a little baby in there (I just couldn't lie and he caught me on the hop) he burst into sobs and said he had changed his mind about a baby and wanted to be lonely after all. He asked me if I could stop it growing now.
I know it is normal for children to have mixed feelings about a new baby especially when they have been the only one for nearly four years. But losing Tom has complicated so much in our lives and caused so much sadness I honestly thought he might be pleased. Making ds1 happy after the rotten summer we all had last year has been a hope to cling to as I have been referred for more than one "no heartbeat found" emergencies, and frequently hated this pregnancy and what it has done to us.
Right now I feel that not only have I condemned dh and I to 40 weeks of constant anxiety and turmoil but now I've ruined everything for ds1 too. He has just stopped soiling himself, which he started doing after Tom's death.
If anyone has got any ideas about how I handle this from now on, having blurted it out so ineptly in the first place, I'd be so grateful. I did not let him see how distressed I am about his reaction - he's only being honest.
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Telling an older child you are pregnant again
22 replies
Marina · 14/04/2003 22:30
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Batters ·
14/04/2003 22:53
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Batters ·
16/04/2003 09:08
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