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Mumsnet Discussions: Bereavement : My Dad died yesterday (8 messages)
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Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By HangingbaublesofBethlehem on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:17:04
My dad died, suddenly and unexpected. He lives several hundred miles away from me and I only ever see him a couple of times a year. My parents are divorced and our relationship was very rocky in the past however in the last year or two we made peace and I feel our relationship was as good as it was going to get realistically. I don't know how to feel, I know he's not here but as he wasn't anyway I don't know how to grieve. I don't know how to feel or to re-act. I am certainly in denial but at the moment that feels an ok place to be. Not sure what to do. In all honesty he was a toxic parent, some things that happened in childhood were incredibly hard to make peace with but as an adult I had a lot of counselling and as I said I had reached a point where our relationship was fine, not good but fine enough. It's all too weird to handle. sad
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By PeachyAndTheSucklingBas on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:20:35
There is no correct way to grieve and whatever yu feel is the right response. Just go with it. This is especially true when the relationship was a complicated one.

I am sorry for your loss.
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By Hassled on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:21:56
I'm so sorry. I don't think you can even begin to make sense of how you feel until after the initial shock and the funeral etc have happened, so be gentle on yourself - just get through each day as it comes.

It's a terrible time - hard if your relationship was a bit dodgy because there are so many things you wish you'd said, and hard if your relationship was uncomplicated and good. Try to take comfort that you did make some sort of peace in the last couple of years.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By Mercy on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:22:23
Oh you poor thing sad

I've not been in your situation but my dad died unexpectedly too many years ago. We had a so-so relationship but it was a terrible shock all the same.

Are you close to your mum or any other family?
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By HangingbaublesofBethlehem on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:27:04
Yes I am very very lucky, my mum lives minutes away and we are really close. I also have two lovely sisters. My poor mum doesn't know how to feel either - how do you grieve an ex-husband? It's amazing how complicated divorce and step-families become, even in death.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By solo on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:27:05
I'm sorry for your loss.
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By HangingbaublesofBethlehem on Tue 18-Nov-08 16:29:01
Dh is not home till late tonight so I'm going to take the girls to asda and do a bit of shopping, a few treats will help I hope. I know it is going to hit me at some point, I guess at the funeral but until then I am just feeling what I feel.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By solo on Thu 20-Nov-08 11:47:18
How are you doing Hangingbaubles? hope you are ok. kind


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