Mumsnet Discussions - Bit confused about how I am feeling. (Bereavement)

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Mumsnet Discussions: Bereavement : Bit confused about how I am feeling. (2 messages)

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By smurfgirl on Wed 12-Nov-08 19:43:52

My nana's husband died yesterday. They have been together for about 14 years, since I was 10.

He was in his late 80s and very unwell with renal cancer and dementia and he broke his hip and they operated ( angry

) and then he developed post-op pneumonia and died in the hospital.

I am sad because he was such a lovely kind man and he took me and my cousins on as his own Grandchildren. I do feel that it was his time though and he passed peacefully which I am thankful for.

My nana has pretty bad dementia and so she probably will not realise he is not around any more which I suppose is a blessing in disguise.

I feel sad that he died but not heartbroken like I was when my other nana died. Some other members of my family who saw him more and my cousins who called him grandad are really devestated and I feel bad that i don't.

I loved Arthur but equally i feel very at peace with it because I knew it was coming even before he broke his hip. He really had a very reduced quality of life and last time I saw him in the nursing home he was just asleep all the time and barely eating sad

My auntie rang me and she was sobbing and I feel guilty that i don't have that level of sadness because I really did love him.

By jellyrolly on Wed 12-Nov-08 20:54:15

I'm sorry for your loss Smurfgirl.

Everyone grieves differently don't they? You speak with great love and respect for Arthur which is what matters. Perhaps your role at the moment is to be there for those feeling worse that you.

Please don't feel guilty. You can't do anything more for him but you can love and be kind to yourself and those who are also bereaved.

I lost a granny this summer who had lived with us for most of my childhood and felt how you sound. Sadness doesn't have to rage and sob, it can also be quiet.

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