I just dint think it was right to put into chat.

Basically i found out from my dad today that my biological dad died a few months back. Im 35 and i have been asking about him from my mum for as many years as i can remember and she would never tell me anything.

I have just asked her his name for the millionth time and tonight she told me. If i knew it years ago i could have found him.

Now i just want o know how i can trace when he died and where he is buried. I know the area its not too many miles form me.

I want to know if i can find a picture of him to know if i have brothers and sisters.

just knowing his name has me crying.

I feel cheated out of knowing him in life but i still want to know about him.

Does anyone have any ideas about how i can find him so to speak?

Thankyou

How sad for you

I think your local social services should be able to start the wheels turning to start tracing birth family, and give you lots of support along the way.

oh that is very sad.

i grew up with an absent father too but he is still alive.

i dont know how you would go about finding him in Britain but i would urge you to try and find counselling or someone to talk to. you are grieving a parent that you were stopped from knowing.

it is an unusual situation and probably devastating.

i hope you have family and friends who will support you through this time. i hope you will be able to sort things out with your mum.

Sorry I just assumed it was an adoption situation (too close to home) but did your parents separate when you were little?

It sounds very understandable for you to be grieving and want some closure on this.

All i know is the brief titbits my mum has given me over the years.

I knew he was irish. And he has such a beautiful name.

Ans she told me he left her when she was 5 months pregnant and that he was a gambler.

But then i have been told since that he never even knew she was pregnant.

So i just dont know what is the truth.

I just want o know what he looked lived. See where he is buried. I need to know he had family to tend his grave. Family that loved him so i know he didnt die alone.

And if i have half brothers and sisters id like the chance to get to know them if they are interested. Because if he was married when he was with my mum they may not accept me.

My head is just spinning. 35 years of knowing nothing because she would never give me his name. And she has only given me it now because he is gone and i cant meet him.

To those who replied. I have just found out that my dad is alive. He is 67 and lives on a few streets away from where i used to live in london.

I feel sick with shock.

I am going to london next week to go through the electoral roll as i cannot find him through the internet. Dh will have our youngest and do the school run for me as im sure it will take me a while to go through it all.

Im not sure yet how to deal with my mother.

She told you he was dead!

Good luck with your search. How did you find out?