My mum died suddenly

(196 Posts)
Ruthie71 Mon 13-Oct-08 14:00:00

I lost my mum recently. I wondered if there was anybody else going through something similar. It's been 8 weeks. I still can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly.

HuwEdwards Mon 13-Oct-08 14:01:47

ahh Ruthie, I'm so sorry, it's utterly devastating when a parents dies. Go easy on yourself, at 8 weeks it's all still very raw.

cravingchocolate Mon 13-Oct-08 14:05:16

I am so sorry for your loss - nothing can prepare you for losing your mum. I lost mine suddenly 4 years ago and it still hurts, but it does get easier although I still have moments now when I can't quite believe she has gone.

Thinking of you and make sure that you give yourself the time that you need to grieve - 8 weeks is still very early days.

janestillhere Mon 13-Oct-08 14:08:36

You're not alone in this love.
I lost mum in April and I honestly can't believe it still.
I was awake early this morning and was going over her death in my mind. It's torturous.
Keep eating, get sleep etc. Love to you.

Ruthie71 Mon 13-Oct-08 14:50:47

Keeping busy helps.

feedmenow Tue 14-Oct-08 16:26:17

Ruthie, I haven't been through what you are going through, but read your post and was just wondering how you are feeling today?

MorticiaAnnSpookington Tue 14-Oct-08 16:27:48

sad for you Ruthie - we lost much loved FIL nearly 8 weeks ago too - so can understand a little...

rachels103 Fri 17-Oct-08 22:24:59

So sorry for your loss. My dad died suddenly in May and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to believe it.

However, it is getting easier, bit by bit. There will be many ups and downs over the next few months but it will become less raw.

Take care of yourself, talk about your mum lots and whatever you do, allow yourself time to grieve...it is still very early days.

cutekids Fri 17-Oct-08 22:28:52

My Dad died in July of this year.
It wasn't sudden..but it was still a shock IYKWIM.Find it really strange.Just keep finding myself crying at the strangest of times.But,life has to go on.Just keep thinking to myself that i've (TOUCH WOOD)got x 3 healthy,happy kids and Dad would've done anything for them.I know this probably isn't much help but hope you know you're not alone in your grief.smile

Hassled Fri 17-Oct-08 22:29:20

The mistake I made when I lost my parents was to think I would stop missing them eventually - the truth is that you never do stop missing them, but that dealing with the sense of missing them and the pain gets easier to deal with; it just becomes a part of who you are, and it doesn't stop you being happy. But at 8 weeks you're a long way from that stage, and you need to take it very slowly. Would bereavement counselling help?

Ruthie71 Mon 20-Oct-08 21:24:58

Thank you all for your lovely messages. It helps to know there are others in the same position (although I wouldn't wish this on anyone), going through similar emotions. I guess it hurts so much because we were so close. She was my best friend. I know she is with me but can't help wishing I could talk to her again. Anyone listened to Hurt by Christina Aguilera? Those words and the intensity of the song sum it all up for me.
I miss you mum x

ScummyMummy Mon 20-Oct-08 21:30:24

Ruthie, I am so sorry. Mums are irreplaceable. She must have been a lovely person.

Cornflakemum Mon 20-Oct-08 21:38:34

So sorry Ruthie.

I lost my Mum just over four years ago (it was 'expected' (breast cancer) so not a sudden shock) but it is so very very hard, even now.

Like you, I just kept going over in my mind the things I would have liked to have said to her, and in fact, although I'm not a particularly spiritual person I used to 'say' them to her anyway, and somehow it helped.

Make sure you collect together some happy memories of her. I still have a couple of pieces of Mum's jewellery, a scarf, some cards, recipes and lots of photos.
It makes me cry when I look at them sometimes, but it also helps me feel close to her too.

Look after yourself. x

MadameOvary Tue 21-Oct-08 11:10:45

Ruthie I am sorry for your loss. It has been 21 years since my Mum died (I was 17) and I feel the loss especially acutely now I have my DD. She was called Ruth smile

Ruthie71 Tue 21-Oct-08 21:50:21

Thank you all for your messages. My thoughts are with you all who have also loved and lost x

buzzzybee Wed 22-Oct-08 15:30:08

hugs i lost my mum 1 yr ago in nov. Sometimes i feel i'm going crazy i think so much and go over everything in my mind,especially at night. At the beginin i found a website called Gone to soon. it helped me so,so much. its a tribute site xx
You wont believe me but it does get easier with time. Be with ppl who u love x

sueresus Wed 29-Oct-08 11:26:04

Ruthie I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 4 months ago and I still think about her every day. I don't think I've allowed myself to grieve properly as I have 2 DD's 6 and 3 and I keep strong for them. I'm finding my relationship with my dad really difficult as we didn't really talk that much when my mum was there. he was always there in the background and would chip in every so often, but I feel that I don't know what to talk to him about. my advice to you is to take each day as it comes as you will have good days and you will have bad days. i hope you're feeling better after the vomiting bug.smile

Bride1 Wed 29-Oct-08 11:33:19

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you.

Ruthie71 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:55:10

Sueresus - I know what you mean about the relationship with father since mum has gone. My step-dad was always in tow with my mum but the conversation was always with her. Now I don't really know what to say, but I do really feel for him being on his own. It's so difficult. And I, like you, am so busy working and looking after the kids. There's no 'me' time so work out how I am feeling about the whole situation and grieve properly!

I hope you are ok.

fin54 Sun 02-Nov-08 20:13:41

Ruthie I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum 19 years ago and as said before you learn to accept that she is not there but there will be many many times in the future when you will think "if only my mum was here to see this or that" Like when my son ( her first Grand Child) did his passing out parade in the army, she would have been so proud of him, also when my own Grand Children were born, I work with the elderly and my mum would have been 80 this year and I spend my time looking at women her age now and thinking and wondering what she would have been like.
There has never been a day that I don't miss her but I have learned to think of her in many different way's not just sad ways but happy times as well.
I really hope you get through this but it does take time and 8 weeks is nothing, it took me a good few years to be able to speak about my mum without crying. Don’t be hard on yourself and cry when you want or need to.

brocks Thu 20-Nov-08 19:43:11

I lost my mum at the age of 30 she was 52.
This was a very big shock, i watched her in a coma for 1 month then she went no warning.
I thing about her every day even though its eight years on.
But i can talk about it now, thats taken me a long time.
I go to the grave yard and cry only there now.
one thing is it takes time, a long time.
Some one once said you can live with out a dad but a mum not.
I do miss her but i look now ahead and often look up and say what would u do mum.
RIP sandy.
Time is a healer.
something i put on my mums stone is, You held our hands for a while but our hearts for ever.
Love to you all it sucks and its heart pulling. but we still love them

brocks Thu 20-Nov-08 19:45:33

Sorry forgot to say this post was by a bloke simon thanks

Ruthie71 Tue 09-Dec-08 14:53:01

Thanks for your post Simon. My brother is Simon too! My mum was 62 - I lost her at 37. I know at that age I'm supposed to be an adult, but inside I still feel like a child and wish my mum was still here for a much needed hug.
Lovely words for your mum's stone by the way and so true.

mulranno Sat 13-Dec-08 18:56:01

I lost my wonderful 63yr/old Mum on Oct 11th. She suffered horrific ovarian cancer, it was 2 months from diagnosis to death, She never got out of hospital. We are on week 9 today. It hurts, hurts, hurts -- but not all day and all night. I just keep trying to say to myself that I was blessed to have had this fantastic beautiful person in my life. Many of my friends never had and will never have what I had. When I feel really low I try to be grateful for this and aware that I have had double the time with my mum that my 19 year old brother will never have.

petalpower Sat 13-Dec-08 19:55:17

I lost my Mum last year also at the age of 63 from a heart condition. 18 months on things are easier but unexpectedly I get bad days. She was a lovely Grandma and my children miss her terribly. As you say mulranno I feel blessed too for having had such a close relationship with my Mum. Counselling through CRUSE really helped me for the first year. My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered this terrible loss.

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