Struggling to cope with FIL's death

[chicaguapa]

My FIL died suddenly on Monday although he had just been diagnosed with having lung cancer again. He was 64. I wasn't emotionally close to him but I knew him for 8 years and also know that DH adored him and he's absolutely crushed that he's lost his dad. DD is 6.5 yo and keeps bursting into tears and her behaviour is terrible (I know this is her way of showing her grief).

The situation at the moment is that he's been away where his dad lived which is 2 hours away to help organise the funeral. I have been helping track down relatives to inform them of FIL death and getting info together on what to do after a death etc. MIL (separated from FIL) is constantly on the phone about DH, how's he coping?, how I must make sure he's supported, don't let him do too much etc.

This weekend he's taken the kids up to MIL which had already been arranged for mother's day. MIL is going ballistic at me on the phone about why I haven't gone and how he will now have to look after DC on his own without me. DH had said he didn't want me to go as he thought his mum would look after DC if it was only him there. But MIL is doing nothing and is really stressed and probably grieving too.

I don't want this to come across as Me, Me, Me but I'm really struggling to keep everyone happy, support DH, support DD and look after the DC on my own, deal with MIL on the phone and I only cry when I'm on my own about FIL dying as I'm gutted that DH has lost the dad he adored and that I have to watch him cry his heart out. And I have no-one to talk to as DH is my best friend and no-one has even asked how I am or how I'm coping.

[ladette]

sorry to hear your news. This is really hard for you because you'll be sad yourself, but having to keep it all together for everyone else. It's so hard seeing your loved ones grieve. I haven't got any real advice, but know how you feel having been there a couple of times. Try not to let MIL get to you. It might be her ex-DH but it will be hard for her and she'l be concerned for your DH. Grin and bear it... Be there to hug your DH when he needs it, but don't worry about saving all your tears for when DH not around - he needs to know you're sad about his Dad too. Try to find time for yourself too, an early night with a book or soak in the bath. not sure if this helps but at least will bump for some other advice.

[chicaguapa]

Thanks for replying! I was worried I was being a bit selfish and no-one wanted to reply!

[ladette]

not at all! Sorry, have been out all day so first chance to reply. Things got any better over the weekend?