Coping with Mothering Sunday without your mum

(32 Posts)
Eddas Fri 29-Feb-08 12:59:03

Wasn't sure if I should post this or where to put it, but wanted to start a thread about Mothering sunday and your own mum not being alive anymore.

Now I have 2 dc I feel guilty about being sad it's mothering sunday sad but I miss my mum so much the thought of sunday makes me sad

Mum died 4 1/2 years ago now. I still think about her everyday. I wish she'd met dc'ssad she'd have loved them so muchsad

I will be putting a card in the crematorium for her and buying flowers to keep here at home.

southeastastra Fri 29-Feb-08 13:00:30

it's sad isn't it. i just took in a single rose my sister has sent to my dad to remember my mum.

WowOoo Fri 29-Feb-08 13:02:52

Ah, I know what it's like. lost my mum last Xmas and my dh's two years before that. Just listened to a few mum's saying what they are doing and I jsut sat there and felt sad.
I will also be buying flowers. It hasn't really got any easier yet. maybe she's looking down on you and can see your lovely dc's?

Eddas Fri 29-Feb-08 13:10:42

the rose is a nice ideasmile

wowooo, it's hard listening to other people talk about their mums. A friend sat moaning about her mum and then stopped and said she felt guilty for moaning about her to me since my mum wasn't here. I told her to moan away because if mum was still here i'm sure i'd be moaning toogrin

It sounds silly but mum died in July 2003, I got pg with dd in the sept and she was born in June 2004. I always thought she would be a girl and when she was born she had blue eyes like mum(I know pretty much all babies do but they stayed blue too) and her right gland in her neck was swollen. Mum had cancer which started in her salivery gland in the right side of her neck. Have to say I panicked a bit at first and took dd to the docs. It went down though and I took it as a sign from mum. I'm not saying dd is a reincarnation of her or anything but oh I hope you get what I mean,lol!

dosydot Fri 29-Feb-08 13:12:10

Don't want to make you all more sad but I lost my Mum 17 years ago and still really miss her. She never saw me leave school, go to Uni, will never Met DH or Dc.
The anniversaries birthdays and mothers days never seem to get any easier but I just think I am a mum because of the start my Mum gave me, I am who I am because of her she lives on in me and my children so although I get sad I pick myself up and say you know what, lets raise a glass and celebrate mothers day cos she was a great mum.

Sorry about the waffle

Eddas Fri 29-Feb-08 13:21:13

dosydot, that's how I feel too. I want to celebrate my mum and remember her. I have decided that each year in July/August(she died in July and birthday was August) I will have a celebration of her with dc's and maybe my sis and bro if they want to come. I am going to buy dc's a small gift(instead of getting mum one) and talk to dc's about hersmile

DD has recently starting asking questions about her nanny and I think that's got something to do with feeling even sadder this year. Dd is just a curious 3 year old and I try to answer in the best way. Am goign to try and find a book about explaining death to a small child. The other day she asked dh why I didn't talk to my mum on the phonesad (was talking to my dad at the time) bless hersmile

buzzzybee Fri 29-Feb-08 15:43:36

its going to be a very hard time,lost my mum 3months ago. It seems to be on every advert dosnt it or every where i look in town,felt awkward buying a card incase they started conversation but i did,bought a huge 1! Gonna put it on her grave(she was cremated but her ashes are in with my nan and grandad) my little girl is a sunshine who always lifts me up. I know the pain u are all going through especially at times like this,i'm going to remember all the good happy times we had. i'll b thinking of every1 here 2 x

ivykaty44 Fri 29-Feb-08 15:45:59

sad

Eddas Fri 29-Feb-08 16:21:06

thinking of you buzzybeesmile I too try to remember the good things. I have totally blocked out the last 2 months she was alive and I know that's the way she would want itsmile When she was told she was terminally ill she said 'no sad faces' and I try to stick to that.

I have recently decorated our front room and her photo has been put away until I get another photo frame. I have a ridiculous notion in my head that it must be up by sunday. Madnessgrin But it will be done all the samegrin

Tortington Fri 29-Feb-08 16:23:57

lost my mum last year

i am more worried about my nan - as i think losing your daughter must be more painful.

Wisteria Fri 29-Feb-08 16:25:25

Yes agree with Custy - it's tougher for my grandma than it is for me - but it's still a painful day.

Eddas Fri 29-Feb-08 16:28:04

I agree custardo. My nan is still around(80 this year) and so is her mumshock

The only way I can not get angry about mum dying at the relatively young age of 50 is to think that I should see my parents diesad I cannot imagine how my nan feels about the loss of her daughtersad

Nikki79 Fri 29-Feb-08 17:07:27

Hi

I've just joined mum's net and it was nice in a way to see there are loads of other people experiencing similar feelings.

My mum died last July she was only 56 but we spoke everyday and I miss her terribly. Hate all this mother's day stuff - would like to run away for the day but will have flowers for her grave and get through it like all the other occasions.

NAB3wishesfor2008 Fri 29-Feb-08 17:10:12

I feel bad posting this for all those who have lost their mums who have died but I hate mother's day as it reminds me I have a mother who is alive but has never loved me or looked after me and is out for herself the whole time. It is just another reminder of what I haven't had.

Sympathies to all those who have been bereaved.

kinki Fri 29-Feb-08 17:10:13

Yeah, I get down about it too. 13 years since my mum died. I find it hard buying cards/presents for my mil. Not because I have any issue with her, but because I want to buy them for my own mum.

Wisteria Fri 29-Feb-08 19:49:18

sad Nab sad

That must be even worse I think. At least you have broken the cycle and you are showing your dcs what a great Mum is smile

Eddas Fri 29-Feb-08 21:03:57

sad nab wisteria's right, i think it's hard both ways and must be really hard to not have a mum around when she could be IYSWIMsad

Thinking of everybodysmile

lilyloo Fri 29-Feb-08 21:10:18

feel sad too and will be taking 3 dc's whom my mum never met , died age 45 of cancer, to the cemetry to take some flowers. Will be the first time i have taken my youngest 6 weeks old.
Feel sad for all he things she has missed and the fact she never met her grandchildren, but will also enjoy the day as a mum myself and it makes me smile when the dc's talk about her.
A funny old day really hmm

lilyloo Fri 29-Feb-08 21:11:48

Have also got my nan a picture of my 3 dc's for mothers day s she is a lovely substitute gran / mum for us smile

chinchi Fri 29-Feb-08 21:14:38

Its my first Mothers Day as a Mum, but without my own Mum.

Her ashes are still at the funeral directors as Im taking them to Turkey when we move and dont really know how I feel about them being in the house.

DH working all day Sunday so Ill be home alone and Im dreading it.

ChipButty Fri 29-Feb-08 21:20:23

sad Sending loving thoughts your way, if your Mum is no longer with us sad

Polgara2 Sat 01-Mar-08 19:19:03

It will the first mother's day with my mum - she died just before Christmas sad. Am alternating between despair for myself and happiness for my beautiful children who are very excited.
I have bought flowers and a card to take to the cemetery, but felt very, very sad queueing up to buy the card surrounded by all the celebratory paraphernalia that accompanies mother's day. And feeling very cross with myself that I haven't organised her memorial stone yet (she was cremated) so her grave is unmarked, but haven't felt able to do it yet.

chinchi Sat 01-Mar-08 19:21:30

Sending my thoughts to you polgara2.

DH is working all day tomorrow (restaurant) and DS is only 6 months so too young to understand. Mums ashes at funeral directors, so Ive spent most of the day wondering what I can do with myself tomorrow

NAB3wishesfor2008 Sat 01-Mar-08 19:22:41

Just seen your posts, thanks Wisteria and Eddas.

StressTeddy Sat 01-Mar-08 19:24:52

To all who will find tomorrow difficult I send you love and calm thoughts. May you find a moment in your day to remember a special moment
x

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