M/C in Feb, friend's baby due at same time it would have been born

[yummybunnymummy]

I m/c in feb, a good friend is expecting soon, when our baby would have been due. This seems to upset me so much. Every time I see her i think I should be that pregnant etc.. I don't get too upset when I see other babies and pregnant women, its probably just because I know that we had similar due dates etc.. I feel awful for admitting to this as I am really happy for them and they are lovely parents etc..suppose I just needed to say it...
just makes me think of what might have been..

[orangehead]

im so sorry for your lose. my friend was due 2 weeks b4 me and i lost mine. What u feel is very normal so dont feel bad about it, every time i saw her was thinking thats how big i would b. no major advice but want u 2 know u not alone and dont feel awful 4 the way u feel. Is yr friend understanding or clueless. try not to put yr self in difficult situations that u cant cope with u need to b kind to yrself at this time. If u cant deal with a particular situation it might b best to have a word with apologizing that u cant come or do a thing despite u being happy 4 her it is just that cant deal with it at the mo rather than putting on a brave face. If she is a good friend she will understand

[yummybunnymummy]

thank you, she's a bit of both, was understanding when it happened but just so excited now.

We weren't even trying to conceive when I fell pregnant with the mirena coil, it was awful the hospital and local GP were really unsympathetic, and I was in a lot of pain. As, like most of our friends and family said, as we weren't trying then we shouldn't be disappointed or upset etc.. We have 2 dc and although we weren't planning it, we could just imagine how a third would fit in etc. and it was exciting.

I suppose its not something I talk about with anyone (except dh occasionally) as they seem to think I'm making a big thing over nothing, which upsets me greatly.

[vonsudenfed]

It's foul, isn't it.

Exactly the same happened to me - my best friend was pregnant when I miscarried, and I found it almost impossible to deal with, particularly as I didn't have any children by that point.

When she had the baby and I went to visit for the first time, I almost turned tail and ran away - and probably would have done had I not travelled 80 miles to go and see her. I had to ring her up and say, I would like to see you, but please don't be hurt if I don't make a fuss of the baby. She completely understood, fortunately, and it was never as bad as that first time. I think it got better after the due date. But I wasn't only upset, I hated myself for being so angry and upset, but couldn't do anything about it.

I'm sure your friend would understand if you explained - and it might even help you feel a bit better about it.

[yelnats]

I have an idea how you are feeling. I mc in Jan 2006 and a colleague at work who sat next to me was due on the same date as i would have been. I found it really difficult having to see her every day of her pregnancy and kept thinking that i would have been at the same stage as her. Also we hadnt been planning the baby either and I think that some people just kinda thought that I shouldnt be too upset cos we werent planning it anyway - that couldnt have been further from the truth - like you it was an initial shock but we were delighted when we got over the shock. We already had dd1 by then and only her really saw me throught the early days. Now we have dd2 also but to this day there is barely a day goes by that i dont think of the one we almost had - but then we woudlnt have had dd2.

sorry for the long post. I am sure your friend will understand if you explain how you are feeling.

[shreksmissus]

Message withdrawn

[yummybunnymummy]

thank you, I feel much stronger today. talked with dh last night which really helped, although he seemed surprised that I was still upset about it all!

It amazes me how many of us have gone through this awful experience, its something people don't talk about isn't it?

[vonsudenfed]

It is wierd, isn't it - it feels like becoming part of some secret society that no one tells you about. I was amazed when I had my m/c just how many of my friends had had the same experience, just never spoken about it.

Glad you're feeling better. I did find that getting past the due date definitely helped, hope it's the same for you. And don't beat yourself up about feeling bad - it is grief, and just needs to run its course. My dh was also surprised about how it affected me, but I think it is different for them.

[Dece]

Hi I am actually going through the same thing this wk, I mc at 20 wks my cousin was due for days before me, she had them at the wkend, In the end I decided to go and see them thouht I would just break down in front of everyone but I didnt! After I felt like a weight had been lifted!! All I can say is do what you feel is right, and if you are not ready to move on then dont, you have to be kind to yourself!!