has anyone else experienced this?

[whitefeather]

hi i am just new to this but have found this site so useful, i have had to early m/c both 12weeks and had d/c for both but just wonder and i cant get it off my mind why the 2nd m/c was treated so differently. 1st the hosp were quite unsypathetic as if i was 'just another one' but 2nd i was treated totally different and the hosp arranged funeral service, why were my 2 treated so differently cant help thinking i didnt say goodbye propley to my 1st angel, everty one i have spoken 2 has never heard of a funeral service at 12 weeks any one else had anything similar?

[boudicca]

bump

[mears]

Whitefeather - this is something that is offered in the unit where I work. Care of bereaved parents has changed in recent years and there will be many women in this situation. There are differing opinions about it all. Some women do not want to have a funeral service because they prefer to think they have not actually lost a 'real' baby. Others get a lot of comfort from it. Were you given any contact numbers of local self help groups? We have regular meetings of the miscarriage Association . Perhaps speaking to someone may help. I am sure that you think of the first baby as much as the second. I am so sorry that you have had such losses. Here is a link to miscarriageassociation

[mears]

I meant to say that they have only been treated differently because of new developments in care. Please do not think that you did not say goodbye properly first time. You did not have the opportunity that time of having a funeral service. There are a lot of places where it is still not offered.

[whitefeather]

thankyou so much, i dont quite know if i prefered it or not, it seemed quite 'not real' if you kow what i mean, and i dint like to way i was told about it, no indications that a funeral was taking place just a leaflet with the date and time in my aftercare pack which they sent me home with, left me confused and really quite upset that nothing was explained! no havent spoken to anyone but think it would maybe help as it is all i seem to think about, thank you for replying

[mears]

The women in our unit are given the option of having a funeral or not. There have been lots of changed because of the issue of post mortems and retained organs nationally. It was realised that miscarriages were also human tissue and as such should be buried/cremated also. That was the real driver for the change in how miscarriages are dealt with. For some women it can actually be more distressing. That is why women are given the choice at the unit I work in. Please contact someone from the miscarriage Association - they have been through it themselves and will be able to answer your questions and hopefully make you feel better.

[whitefeather]

thanks for explaining that to me? i have friends who have experienced m/c but none of them experienced this, thanks 4 taking time to write back

[debra64]

I was offered and had a funeral for the first baby I lost at 22 weeks. In a different hospital I've lost two at 10.5 and then 8.5 through to 11.5 weeks (thats how long the miscarriage process took) and wasn't offered any funeral. This will sound awaful, but I thought it was because it was so early there wasn't a 'complete baby' to have a funeral over, whereas at 22 weeks there was. However, perhaps its just the different policies of different hospitals?