Feel like I shouldn't feel as sad as I do

(5 Posts)
2ndSopranos Thu 03-Nov-16 13:17:24

One of my oldest friends lost her mum recently. We pretty much grew up together and I had such a good relationship with her mum, a wonderful, kind woman. She was unendingly patient and truly treated me like her own. So many 'firsts' of my childhood happened at her home.

I'm desperately sad for my friend, clearly, but I'm devastated, too. I've just been talking to a colleague who says she too has struggled to deal with this type of loss but I feel that I shouldn't feel the way I do; I feel I'm almost hijacking grief.

In many ways I feel sadder than I did when my grandparents died.

Gardencentregroupie Thu 03-Nov-16 14:10:29

flowers for you

You are in no way hijacking her grief, you obviously had a close relationship with a wonderful woman and it would be strange indeed if you weren't feeling the loss. It would be a different story if you wept and wailed on your friend and tried to get her to support you, but I am absolutely sure you are being a supportive friend as well as someone who has just experienced a sad loss.

Grumpyoldblonde Sat 05-Nov-16 10:12:25

You knew this lady well as an Aunt or 2nd mum figure, I think it's natural for you to feel so sad. Actually I think it could mean a lot to your friend that other people really loved her mum too.

seven201 Sat 05-Nov-16 10:18:02

Did she die before natural old age type illness? I have found that since I lost my mum (she was 63) that my sadness levels for older people getting ill or dying has dropped significantly. I feel incredibly guilty at not feeling more sad often. This woman was a huge part of your life and you possibly spent more time with her than your grandparents. You're entitled to feel however you like. Obviously you need to be supportive to your friend, but seek support for your own grief from someone else.

2ndSopranos Sat 05-Nov-16 10:46:02

Thank you for the kind words. She was younger than my own mum and died had been ill for some years

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