Helping bereaved friend

(7 Posts)
Tweedledumb0 Wed 02-Nov-16 13:25:49

I've heard that my friend has just lost her mum after a short illness.

Aside from offering childcare, shopping, food etc (which I already offered while her mum was ill, but she's not needed to take me up on), is there anything else I can do to help without being too intrusive? Any recommendations really welcome - she's a lovely person and I feel so sorry for her loss.

Thank you.

ReluctantlyRedundant101 Wed 02-Nov-16 22:36:49

I find it helpful when people offer specific help such as "I'll do X for you on Y" rather than saying "I'm here if you need me" it means the onus is off the bereaved & they don't have to think about it too much

echt Thu 03-Nov-16 06:23:48

What Reluctantly said. It's the specificity that counts, and also keeping on in the face of some downturns.

You sound lovely. I'd be bold. Don't offer food, give it: soup is good, goes in the freezer for later. I had tons of soup given to me after DH died.

Tweedledumb0 Thu 03-Nov-16 06:39:44

Thank you both so much. I was conscious that just a general offer did indeed just put the onus back on her. I've got some food ready that I'm going to take round, and will make sure I keep checking in over the next few weeks (while I've been lucky enough not to have a big bereavement yet in adulthood, we've had lots of chronic illness, so I know how the interest can for down).

Thank you both again, and I'm very sorry for your losses flowers

Tweedledumb0 Thu 03-Nov-16 06:41:27

That should read die down, not for down. Too early!

AnnaT45 Thu 03-Nov-16 06:43:00

Agree with the others. I lost my mum recently when heavily pregnant. I couldn't get my brain into gear when she was dying to ask for help. I had two amazing friends who would just text me and say 'we are picking up dd tomorrow to take her out.' They'd also just come over and do my washing up or run the hoover round. Another lovely friend took me for a massage and lunch. My aunt spent a whole day batch cooking for me. But you'll need to force yourself possibly but she will be grateful.

Also I found flowers a lovely gesture but a bit of a pain to look after. I know that sounds awful but I'd rather of had a lasagne or help like above, as it was just another thing to do.

You sound like a good friend, I hope she's ok. Friends and family support gets you through it.

Tweedledumb0 Thu 03-Nov-16 09:20:59

Thanks Anna, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, especially at such a difficult time for you.

I've actually got lasagne, and no flowers, and will see what else I can help with.

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