could we have a thread for cancer widows please?

(16 Posts)
Rifka Sat 03-Sep-16 10:27:37

^Just this, really. My husband died of a cancerous brain tumour (glioblastoma multiforme) in July. I am so heartbroken. I'm wondering if there is anyone else on here in a similar situation and whether it might help to talk?

Musicaltheatremum Sat 03-Sep-16 11:23:08

flowers I am 4.5 years down the line from this and my bridesmaid's husband has just been diagnosed with it. It is a horrible illness made worse by the loss of so many executive functions.
It has taken me a long time to get to where I am today. My husband was 50 when he died.
You are so early on in your grieving and actually probably at one of the harder times as the acuteness has gone, everyone is getting back to normal and you somehow have to carry on.
If you want to tell us a bit more about how you are feeling I'm sure many will reply.
And have an unmumsnetty hug xx

Rifka Mon 05-Sep-16 09:43:20

Thanks so much, you understand exactly what I mean! It is such a difficult illness to watch, every day seemed to bring another small loss and all the time we hoped so desperately, even when he was in the hospice. I managed to stay the night with him for what turned out to be his last night and was with him when he died. I knew for the last couple of days that it was the end and I didn't want to see him suffer any more but it is just so awful, I don't need to explain it to you. And now everything and everyone has gone back to normal as you say, which is absolutely to be expected but I can't. It is my husband's birthday this Friday, he would have been 50. I'm 36. I just don't want to be here if he's not, I can't help it, I know what happened and I know he couldn't have lasted any longer but I can't help myself thinking where has he gone? And why can't I go there too? I don't want to be here without him. I'm not going to kill myself, for my children's sake but I can't help feeling like this, it's so scary.

Tiggy78 Mon 05-Sep-16 09:49:24

I lost my husband to glioblastoma 2 years and 9 months ago. He should be celebrating his 50th in November. I'm just 38 now with a 12 year old and a 10 year old.

If it wasn't for the kids i probably wouldn't be here myself.

Rifka Mon 05-Sep-16 10:07:32

flowers flowers for musicaltheatremum and tiggy78 both.
One thing that really frustrates me is why so little funding and research seems to be directed towards this particular type of cancer? I mean, surely it's one of the most awful types. It just seems to me that doctors don't know enough about it.

Tiggy78 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:34:02

I know Rifka. i'm still in online groups because I want to be aware of any new research. While the doctors have said it was "one of those things" and not genetic I live in fear that the kids might be affected some day.

Rifka Mon 05-Sep-16 22:25:04

I am in two FB support groups but I've hidden them both now, I feel too uncomfortable seeing the posts at the moment.
I think that the unexplainable nature of the cause is one of the scary and difficult things about the disease: I almost think it would be easier to process things if there was some recognised cause. It is just so random and brutal. I still feel like I'm in shock that it even happened at all, let alone the year of caring for my husband and then his death. Feel like I haven't begun to deal with it.

Tiggy78 Tue 06-Sep-16 02:50:55

Be gentle with yourself. It's very early days for you yet.

Hellenbach Tue 06-Sep-16 23:42:42

My DH died in May from a rare cancer. He was 44.
I found his birthday a couple of weeks ago very tough.
I have two DC, aged 10 and 6.
It sucks.
I am sure there are more of us lurking on here. It would be good to have a group.

Crispspsps Wed 07-Sep-16 22:01:29

I would join a group. Widowed in 2012 when 39yo DH died from leukaemia complications. We had 7yo and 7 month old DS. I have found WAY a huge help- forums for the young and widowed with all kinds of honesty and support. But also a MN group would be good.

Tiggy78 Wed 07-Sep-16 22:31:29

flowers for everyone.

Crispspsps Im in Ireland. I think don't think we have WAY here. As far as I can tell there's nothing for young widows/widowers here.

Tiggy78 Wed 07-Sep-16 22:32:43

Posted too soon - I didn't know they had forums though. Must have a look. I thought it was for meeting other people in the same situation so never looked into it.

Crispspsps Wed 07-Sep-16 23:22:56

I'm sure you can join WAY from Ireland Rifka. Is there a way to PM people on MN? If so message me. Or try www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/ xx

Crispspsps Wed 07-Sep-16 23:26:49

And it's not just for meeting local wids (although that helps). Lots of widowed chat and support. Space to wail, rant, and also be "normal" - it's a peer to peer support network. It has saved my sanity since 2012. x

Tiggy78 Sat 10-Sep-16 19:43:30

Feeling very low today. Miss him so much.

Ciculita Sun 11-Sep-16 12:01:30

Hi Rifka. So sorry to hear about your DH. I've lost mine 3.9 years ago to oral cancer and found mumsnet of great help while going through it and afterwards. My DDs were 5 and 1 yo at the time. although it's been really hard, things have slowly settled and we are now in a much better place. I now have started replacing the horrid memories from the hospice and suffering for the happy ones.
Please be gentle to yourself and take your time, the pain will get better and the missing will become more bearable xx

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