18 today, no cards, no presents, just nothing.

(64 Posts)
Happybirthdayangel Sat 13-Aug-16 10:41:19

I can't believe it. My boy is 18, should be 18, I don't even know how to say it anymore.

I am lying in bed hiding away and crying my eyes out.

It's been so many years now but the pain is so raw on days like this still.

I can't do it anymore I just want to curl up and the pain to be gone now.

I should be taking him out for his first pint, I should have bought him his first car already, I should be disapproving of his girlfriends and rolling my eyes as he attempts to iron his work stuff before I take over.

Instead I have some photos and a blanket and clothes that don't smell of him anymore.

My gorgeous boy, gone but never forgotten.

stareatthetvscreen Sat 13-Aug-16 10:47:21

sending a hug xx

my dd is 18 nearly 19 and had a v difficult start in life.i'm thankful every day she is here with me

love to you and your boy x

Dozer Sat 13-Aug-16 10:48:37

I'm very, very sorry about your boy flowers

Ilikesweetpeas Sat 13-Aug-16 10:50:04

I'm so sorry to read this, you obviously love your son so much. flowers for you

Rainbowqueeen Sat 13-Aug-16 10:54:45

Your love for your beautiful boy shines through your post

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain flowers

Marmalade85 Sat 13-Aug-16 10:59:36

Is there anyone you could share your memories of your boy with today?

timelytess Sat 13-Aug-16 11:00:46

flowers

LadySpratt Sat 13-Aug-16 11:02:19

I'm crying for you and with you. flowers

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 13-Aug-16 11:05:20

flowers

There are no words that can make this easier for you. I'm thinking of you at this painful and difficult time.

mamalovesmojitos Sat 13-Aug-16 11:07:23

My heart goes out to you op flowers. Thinking of you & your boy today. Take the time to curl up and be sad, without guilt. Hope you have support around you.

Nuggy2013 Sat 13-Aug-16 11:08:38

flowers no words for you that will help heal. So sorry for you and your boy, be kind to yourself today and other days xxx

Quietlygoingmad67 Sat 13-Aug-16 11:09:07

flowers so sorry for your loss and your pain. X

kilmuir Sat 13-Aug-16 11:09:25

Gosh, must be so hard for you , particularly today.
Everyone is here for you.x

MrsDeVere Sat 13-Aug-16 11:09:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RJnomore1 Sat 13-Aug-16 11:10:33

I'm so so sorry.

What is your sons name?

ICJump Sat 13-Aug-16 11:10:41

I'm sorry.
Would you like to share any stories about him? As a way of marking this day.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess Sat 13-Aug-16 11:12:30

You poor, poor thing. My friend lost her eldest son last week and it's heartbreaking. Do whatever you need to do to get through today. He will always be with you, always be a part of you and never forgotten. Lots and lots of love to you, and many people here thinking of you and sending you warmth and kindness. Take care, OP flowers

CotswoldStrife Sat 13-Aug-16 11:12:45

I wish there was something I could say that would help or ease your pain on your son's birthday, but I know there isn't. I will be thinking of you both today.

Gladysmum Sat 13-Aug-16 11:17:40

flowers

WanderingTrolley1 Sat 13-Aug-16 11:19:51

flowers

I'm so sorry.

Solo Sat 13-Aug-16 11:21:18

Would you like to talk to us about your Son OP? Tell us about him?
He is an Angel in Heaven and I wish him for his birthday. I'm just sorry that you can't hug your boy and do all the things you ought to be able to do with him.

My own Ds turned 18 this week and I know how fortunate I am to have him with me. I know it every day for various reasons.

iloveberries Sat 13-Aug-16 11:21:38

Thinking of you.
Tell us about your son
Have you got someone to be with in RL today? flowersstar

Happybirthdayangel Sat 13-Aug-16 11:27:26

Thank you all flowers

There is nobody I can share with. I'm pretty much cut off from the rest of the world these days.

I'm so sorry that you are also suffering this shitty horrible pain MrsD

He was my little ball of fluff, his hair was truly a sight to behold. No matter what I did, how hard I tried, his hair always sat like a trolls hair.

He was a wonderfully funny and handsome and beautiful boy who died far far too soon.

I keep on thinking of all the cuddles I missed on, all the times I said no when I should have just let him do whatever.

Had I known our time would have been so fleeting I would have done so differently.

I'll get up soon. My wonderful teenager got up with my younger dc this morning and did breakfast and they are now probably watching something inappropriate on TV.
I just needed to wallow in self pity for a bit.

We are making some cakes today and having a little celebration of my sons life. It feels like too little to mark his 18th though.

user1466795981 Sat 13-Aug-16 11:31:46

Love to you and your boy. Take strength and comfort from the fact that the love you shared will always be with you x

majorcrowdpleaser Sat 13-Aug-16 11:37:10

My heart goes out to you, life is so shit at times. We lost our 4 year old neice' 5 years ago and it is so sad to never see her grow up. Hope today goes well my thoughts are with you flowers

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