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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My heart is broken and I need the comfort of strangers please

60 replies

Primadonnagirl · 08/08/2016 21:05

Lost my wonderful Mum a few weeks ago and it's indescribable. Feel like everyone thinks I should have moved on and in some ways I have but just really feel it tonight. Can I have some kind words please perhaps from those of you who know what Im going though. Just feel like a little girl again and all I want it my Mum to wipe away my tears.Sorry not v interesting I know but I'm desperate

OP posts:

Report

AdelindSchade · 08/08/2016 21:12

I'm so sorry. A few weeks is nothing. Twenty years on and I still want my mum sometimes. Be gentle with yourself.

sunnydayinmay · 08/08/2016 21:15

Hugs from me. I lost my Dad nearly with years ago, and it took me years to stop breaking down every so often. Be kind to yourself.

Primadonnagirl · 08/08/2016 21:17

Thankyou for responding. I am trying to do that . It's so hard though when you have to get on with life though too.Im just trying to focus on all the " thank gods" at the moment eg thank god I got to say goodbye etc.

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SealSong · 08/08/2016 21:18

Sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum too, I understand what you're going through (though it's different for everyone) - losing your Mum is such a deep and primal loss.
Please have a (hug) from me, if you'd like one
It's early days in your loss. Your emotions will be like a roller coaster. Don't hold back, or think that you should be feeling a certain way, grief is not like that at all.
Do you have any support in real life?

AverysillyoldHector · 08/08/2016 21:21

Oh bless you. Please dont expect too much of yourself, its such early days. The only people who'll think you should have moved on are those who havent experienced grief themselves.

Grief is a long tough journey, but I promise you will feel better eventually. The sadness will become less overwhelming, and the time will come when you'll look back and the first emotion will be happiness that she was in your life, rather than grief that she isnt with you anymore.

I can remember wanting to take a tablet which would let me sleep for a couple of years, waking up only when it stopped hurting so much. Of course that doesnt exist, and however hard it is to believe, the world is still turning and our lives will still go on. I can promise you it wont always feel this bad all the time.

for you

Primadonnagirl · 08/08/2016 21:22

I do but it's so difficult to know what to tell people. Family are obviously grieving too, work have been brilliant but at the end of the day it's a work relationship if you see what I mean. Some friends have been better than others... In fact some have really let me down. But ultimately I feel like I'm on my own in this because she was my Mum and nothing can bring her back.

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Primadonnagirl · 08/08/2016 21:23

Thanks all.. Sorry I can't reply to each post but I'm full on sobbing here. Think I need to let it out though

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Chumpster · 08/08/2016 21:27

Hello. I lost my wonderful mum a few months ago and it is awful isn't it. It is hard to imagine for your now I'm sure, but I'm finding things are slightly easier now than they were. Not that I'm any less sad and it is still very difficult, but just feels less raw. I can understand the point about wanting to take a tablet and go to sleep till it's easier to bear, I felt like that too. But I think unfortunately part of loving someone so much is going through this awful grief when we lose them. It reminds us of how much we love them. Loads of love to you. xxx

derxa · 08/08/2016 21:28

So sorry to hear this. I've just come back from our family grave where my Mum Dad and DB are buried. The raw pain is still there for you but may numb after a while. You will think of her everyday but gradually it may not be so painful. Do you want to talk about her? I have plenty of time to listen.

queenofthepirates · 08/08/2016 21:28

I lost my Dad 18 months ago and I still can't believe he's gone. The glue that holds me together is the thought I'll see him again oneday but I do wonder if that's going to fall apart sometime.
You do learn to live with it but I'm not sure you ever stop crying about it. It's kind of healthy, to grieve. You just have to try and keep the glue in place so you stay together.

bushtailadventures · 08/08/2016 21:30

Let it out! It's only been 18 months since I lost my Mum, and I take myself off to have a cry every so often. It's the silly things that can set me off too, no rhyme or reason to it.

Mostly though, be kind to yourself, take it a day at a time. Grief is different for everyone, there are no rules, and what works for one person may not work for someone else.

Chumpster · 08/08/2016 21:30

And also, I'm sure no one is thinking you need to move on, but if anyone is it will only be people who haven't experienced this, so no need to worry about that. x

ChishandFips33 · 08/08/2016 21:31

I know where you're coming from re feeling like a child again - I really didn't expect that

Be prepared for emotions to ambush you at the most random time - one thought leads to another then to another and another or a song comes on, a smell and then you're a snotty mess driving to work one day - it does get easier though - little by little but you need to be kind to yourself.
Let your emotions out when you need to, don't bottle them up.
Cut the crap friends out, take comfort and help from those that care

HonkHonkNose · 08/08/2016 21:34

I'm so sorry for your loss, I understand what you are going through.

My mum died 15 years ago and it was horrendous afterwards for a long time. Grieving is a long and individual process. It still feels like a part of me is missing but you do adjust and carry on.

It's good to cry and get your emotions out

Primadonnagirl · 08/08/2016 21:36

Thanks everyone.. This is just what I needed. Dexra .. Thanks I might PM you? I just need to know that others know how I'm feeling. It was a very sudden death so we are all still in shock too I think

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PersonalClown · 08/08/2016 21:36

16 months since I lost my dad.
A lot of little things can set me off. It's like I only need a trigger and I'm bawling.
Plus a shed load of guilt and it's wonder that I can function some days.

I think it's normal. We can't be wrong, can we?

hilbil21 · 08/08/2016 21:38

My mum died in November - very suddenly. We found her on the living room floor after a heart attack so didn't get a chance to say goodbye. My dad died in 2011 and I'm an only child so I do feel very alone even tho I have a son and fiancé. I'm getting married this November and it really has made me worry about the day as its 4 days before the anniversary of her death and obviously she's not going to be there. I feel for you it's horrible xx

derxa · 08/08/2016 21:38

A sudden death is terrible Please PM me. x

Primadonnagirl · 08/08/2016 21:40

And it's a real physical pain too... I feel like I have this huge lump of anxiety/ grief on my chest the whole time. I just want to be in some faceless persons arms and sob my heart out... ie no one who really knows me and would be upset or worried for me but who would just comfort me. Sorry babbling now

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HateSummer · 08/08/2016 21:41

I'm so sorry. I lost my mum when I was 17. I remember that deep crying from the stomach. . Please talk about your feelings openly and let those tears flow. Life does go on, but for now let it slow down and grieve for your mum properly. I bottled up and ended up with ptsd.

What a wonderful mum she must have been to have left behind a daughter who cares so much.

Sandsnake · 08/08/2016 21:46

I'm really sorry that I can't help you but know that I am giving you a very much heartfelt virtual hug from where I am to wherever you are.

BiscuitMillionaire · 08/08/2016 21:47

Hi Prima. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mum almost 6 years ago. I can relate to what Sealsong said about it being a deep and primal loss. I still miss her a lot, but I've learnt to live with it. I feel jealous, though, when I hear people talking about their mother who's still alive. I sometimes light a candle for her (although I'm not religious), and that feels worthwhile. Maybe you could do that?

foreverandalways · 08/08/2016 21:47

I lost my Mum suddenly 3 years ago...I talk to her most days when I would have called her had she still been here....I find Snow White small beautiful feathers around the house which I find comfort in....I also feel that Mum is around me when I am upset or unwell......

I am so very sorry for your loss and that you are feeling so very sad.....I spoke with my doctor last week and have been referred for counselling......maybe you should talk with your doctor..Samaritans possibly if not able to talk to your doctor.....to be able to talk is important.....

I will miss Mum for the rest of my life,,,does it get easier....no.....do you learn to accept that she has gone ...yes.....

Sending you a big hug.....please try the mindfulness book.....it may help you......

Tootsiepops · 08/08/2016 21:48

My mum died very suddenly in April. Grieving is hard, and it's lonely. for you op x

Rainbowshine · 08/08/2016 21:50

It's ok OP, you're allowed to feel like this. DH had a cry about FIL this evening, it would have been his 70th birthday and we miss him still, 4 years on. Look after yourself, others have given you good advice.

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