My dad died.

(12 Posts)
Thisismyalias Tue 12-Jul-16 11:47:00

My loving, kind, funny dad died yesterday.

He was ill and in hospital for 3 weeks nearly 4, with a fungal infection in his lungs. He had a tracheostomy wich developed a leak, and they were changing the tubes, but his heart couldn't take it.

I'm numb at the moment, I dont know what to do. I'm with my mum who is barely holding it together. Not that she should have to.

I started a new job yesterday but needed to leave to come back home. So i don't know if theyre going to let me go.

He was getting better, getting back to his old self. He was only 69.

flipflopson5thavenue Tue 12-Jul-16 21:12:51

my dad dies about 5 weeks ago. He was diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancer 12 weeks previously. It was so, so fast. I don't think it's even sunk in yet.

I got married a week ago. My dad's own father died ten days before he and my mum got married - I feel very comforted by the fact we have this shared experience.

He was 75. He was wonderful. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I have two sons, 3.11yo and 20mo and I work full-time. Feel like I'm never going to have time to process it all, I keep thinking about it and then pushing it away as it's too painful to think about. I don't want to think about it.

bedouincheek Tue 12-Jul-16 23:53:06

This I am so sorry for your loss. I am six months on from where you are, and you will be ok. Be kind to yourself and do as much or as little as you need to to get on. Don't worry if you think about him a lot, or feel guilty (it's amazing how your brain manages that one).
I cooked and cared for everyone, laughed, cried, then drank too much and fell to bits, now getting fit and healthy (big change to lifestyle). Others have been eating / running / having dramas / and generally coming out the other side.
There are stages to grief, which everyone will experience differently. Be aware if others are relying on you too much, that you also need to hurt and heal. I found the diagram attached pretty spot on really.
That is all six months worth, but for now have a cuppa and use a towel as a hankywink. If you cry in the middle of the super market, it's ok. Cry it out, or leave your trolley and sit in the car, go back in / go home. Again it's all ok and you can do exactly what you want to get through it.
Again sending huge hugs.

bedouincheek Tue 12-Jul-16 23:54:31

Flip flop sending hugs to you too. I didn't mean to leave you out.

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-16 23:55:51

flowers to all of you. I lost my dad this year so I know how you feel.

salsamad Wed 13-Jul-16 00:17:23

My heartfelt sympathy and flowers to all of you. Bereavement is an individual process for everyone who suffers loss and people cope with loss in different ways - just try to remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people cope ok through the actual aftermath of a loved one dying and the organising of the funeral but then when everything is calmer the actual loss and grief hit them harder. If you need to talk about it then share how you are feeling (share with friends if you feel other family members are too upset) and if you get upset don't worry about it, no one is judging you.
I lost my beloved Dad in August 2007 as he struggled to recuperate following an operation for bowel cancer and also sadly lost my darling Mum in June 2009 from Vascular Dementia. They had been married over 50 years and I loved them both so very much. I still get upset at times and feel bereft but as time has passed I find it easier and its lovely to remember them now with family members and to smile and laugh at memories we have.

pnutter Wed 13-Jul-16 00:26:42

So sorry ..my Dad died last August. It really turns your world upside down. Hugs

Thisismyalias Wed 13-Jul-16 14:27:25

flowers for everyone, im sorry you're going through this too.

The coroner won't issue a death certificate because after an autopsy, she can't see a cause of death. So it wasn't his heart. We don't know why he died. So many unanswered questions.

I just feel lost right now sad

echt Thu 14-Jul-16 08:28:36

This so sad.

I feel for you, This, as my own DH's sudden death as near as a toucher came to coroner's, but it the medics felt pretty confident at the end.

There's quite enough being in limbo about the death of loved ones, without this. sad

thanks for you.

Thisismyalias Fri 15-Jul-16 11:18:00

Thank you echt flowers and im sorry for your loss flowers

I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

PONX77 Wed 31-Aug-16 03:27:18

my dad died suddenly on the 30th May 2016. we buried him 13weeks ago today, wednesday 1st June.

PONX77 Wed 31-Aug-16 03:29:53

he died in his sleep. no known cause. just like that. he was there. and then he wasn't.

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