Struggling after stillbirth

(8 Posts)
homeiswheretheginis Tue 17-May-16 14:49:58

It's been six months since she was born and buried and I miss her so much that I feel sick. I am very lucky to have another DS and a loving DH but I am really struggling today. It's gotten to the point where although I never miss her less, I miss her less often if you know what I mean. When I do think about her, it stilll takes my breath away, but I'm able to function and ever talk about her now which is something that I never thought would happen.

Most of my friends, even those that are very kind and were supportive, seem to have forgotten she existed. Everyone expected me to be over it within a month or so of her birth (I had a friend really nag me to join a night out multiple times when I declined) and I've really lost friends over this. Or rather, perhaps I should say that I've found out who my real friends are. Two friends in particular that hadn''t been as close in the last couple of year but who were my best friends for the previous decade both sent flowers and then disappeared.

I think I just feel so lonely sometimes. I find myself crying in the car a lot which is weird. My DH is supportive but I feel alone in the depth of my grief. And I feel uncomfortable crying in front of my friends, even though I know they wouldn't mind.

I just don't think the enormity of what happened hit me for months, and now it's catching up with me. I find myself looking at little girls and wondering what she would have been like. My arms are so empty. Please tell me it gets better.

cocochanel21 Tue 17-May-16 17:05:01

Sorry for your lossflowers.

I haven't suffered a stillbirth but I have lost a child. My DD died 8ths ago. I also found most friends have forgotten she existed and don't really talk about her anymore which I find very hard to deal with. When my dd died I was 7mths pregnant with DD2. Some friends thought that when dd2 was born that I would be happy again and everything would be back to how it was before. They were WRONG.

How you are feeling today sounds completely normal to me its also good you feel able to talk about your dd that's something I really found hard to do.
Six months is still very early day's for you. Have you thought about counselling? Don't feel uncomfortable crying in front of your friends, I'm sure they want to support you.
Take Care.

homeiswheretheginis Tue 17-May-16 20:12:37

I can't imagine what you must be going through, thank you for taking the time to be kind. It's hard, isn't it? When your world has imploded yet everyone else appears to have moved on as if the most appalling thing ever hasn't happened?

Flambola Fri 20-May-16 01:43:26

I am sorry for your loss, home. It's such a fucking horrible thing to happen. I lost my son in 2014 and for months afterwards, there were days where the grief just hit me like a punch in the face and I'd collapse.

For me, it's still hard but I've learned to live with it. When I'm struggling, I allow myself time to grieve. I think that's all you can do.

homeiswheretheginis Fri 20-May-16 20:29:15

I'm so sorry your little boy couldn't stay longer flambola. It's a grief like nothing else isn't it? I don't really know what to do with myself..

angelopal Fri 20-May-16 20:40:28

So sorry for your loss. We lost our first suddenly at 4 days old coming up for 4 years ago. Its so hard. I have found it does get easier but there are still times when it suddenly hits me.

Have you been on the SANDS forum. It really helped me knowing there were others who understood how I felt and I was not alone.

6 months is no time at all. You just have to take it a day at a time. But somehow it does get easier.

Beachhut4 Sat 21-May-16 23:02:25

Hi homeiswheretheginis - I'm feeling similar to you at the moment. My little boy was born sleeping prematurely at the end of October. I went back to work after Christmas. Like you, I feel like what has happened has just hit me. I ins that many friends and done family think I'm 'OK now' but recently I opened up to a few close people and told them I was really struggling, I've been crying a lot too, and fee,big like I can't manage much stress at work. Just last week I phoned Sands helpline for the first time which really helped make me feel 'normal' about still being hit by these waves of grief, which I thought had gone away. I hope it helps you to know that fir those of us who have been through it too, what you describe completely makes sense. I'm so sorry you are feeling alone with this and hope you find someone to talk about what you're going through. Take care xxxxxx

Jayrose Mon 23-May-16 05:42:11

I'm 8 years ahead of where you are but everything you have written sounds exactly what I felt like back then.

I can tell you it does get better, the grief is still there but it's not as crippling as it was. It's definitely not something you 'get over' but something you learn to live with (as much as I hate having to live with it). Some days I feel angry - particularly leading up to my DD's birthday, some days I just feel so incredibly sad that she's not here and then other days I don't think about it at all (which I know I would have hated the thought of during the early years of grieving).

I'm sorry you (and others) are going through this flowers

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