i lost my DF last week in odd circumstances, i just can't accept why he died

(11 Posts)
doubleginplease Sun 15-May-16 17:53:14

My DF dropped dead last Thursday, he was caravanning in Dorset with my DM and my DD for a few days. he was perfectly well until then. The PM says he had aspirated vomit. Doesn't seem right but thats what they have put as the primary reason but they also found that his left ventricle was enlarged. How can someone die from trying to stop themselves being sick? A family member who is a GP said that it could be a genetic heart condition and I should get myself checked.

I am due DC2 in September. At the moment I am absolutely drained and exhausted. i can't think straight about anything. I have no idea how Im going to give birth to another baby and look after it.

BoatyMcBoat Sun 15-May-16 18:22:50

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

Take it one day at a time, for the moment. Do what you need to do, and don't push yourself.

September is a while away yet, you don't need to think about it - your mental state will be different by then. One day, in a few months, it might be wise to get your heart checked, but you don't need to worry about that now. Seriously, you don't need to worry about these things right now.

nulgirl Sun 15-May-16 18:44:33

I'm sorry for your loss. It is such a devastating thing to happen unexpectedly and you won't be in a position to think straight at the moment. Try to look after yourself and your mum. Concentrate on getting through the next few days and the funeral. You'll probably find everything is a blur and you won't be able to concentrate on anything. Being pregnant will make this worse so don't try to sort out anything yet.

When things have calmed down, you can have a chat with your GP to see if there is anything for you to worry about. Heart failure is very common in cause of death in men the age of your dad (mine died of a heart attack last year). It probably doesn't mean that there is anything for you to worry about. I know it seems like looking the after your dc2 is too difficult to comprehend but you will cope. September is a while away and you will be amazed how the immediate feelings of grief change into something more manageable (yet still heartbreaking).

One foot in front of the other for the coming days/ weeks and remember to eat/ drink/ sleep and cuddle your dc1. That's what got me through.

HappyNevertheless Sun 15-May-16 18:55:02

You could go and see your/his GP (or maybe the people who have do entire postmortem? I'm not sure who is dealing with it) and ask for clarification about why he died.
The genetic stuff would be about the heart issue not the vomitting.
That might help you put your mind at rest.

Other than, what pp have said. Take it easy and take your time to adjust. You dont have to carry on as of nothing has happen after a few days. Take time to grieve.

((Hugs))

VeryNaice Sun 15-May-16 19:13:19

Sorry to hear about your Father's death. It must have been a terrible shock. It might take some time for you to process what has happened and grieve flowers

A note on the heart problem. As your Father died suddenly and unexpectedly I'd imagine a postmortem has taken place? The pathologist should have written a report which includes information about the abnormalities found in the heart. If this is suspected to be an inherited cardiomyopathy they usually inform close relatives so that they can be genetically tested. If your father carries a gene which causes heart defects you also have a chance of inheriting the gene (along with your children).

Once the dust has settled and you have had time to grieve, it is worth going through the pathologists reports - or even asking the GP you know to help with this.

Bringiton2016 Sun 15-May-16 19:20:10

Sorry about your dad. You can meet with his gp to discuss the postmortem and any implications for you. It helped me immensely flowers

Micah Sun 15-May-16 19:38:57

Aspiration of vomit is a relatively common cause of death. It's not stopping yourself vomiting, it's inhaling the vomit accidentally. Usually when people are asleep or incapacitated. The vomit in the lungs can stop them breathing properly.

I had a friend as a teenager who went out, got drunk, was sick in his sleep, aspirated and died.

The heart thing may be related, maybe not. Like others say, try seeing if there's anyone you can talk it through with.

doubleginplease Sun 15-May-16 21:29:38

Yes a PM took place and took a couple of days. The coroner's assistant called and asked my DM about what he'd eaten that day and what happened leading up to him collapsing. She said that there wanst much wrong with his heart that they could see as a major cause of death so i assume it was only a slight thickening. He said that he had ingestion and then shrunk to the floor, he then got up again and my mum told him to lie down whilst she got help. He then just passed out and went blue.

The heart issue is Left Ventricular Hypertrophy. I asked Mum whether he had high blood pressure and she said 'well only slightly'. Then I found a blood pressure monitor in his bedside cabinet this afternoon.

The 3 GPs are family friends. 2 of them told me not to worry about it. Just monitor own BP (which is always the lower side of normal). 1 of them though said i should go and see a cardiologist. I think i will go and see my GP anyway to discuss as i need to get signed off from work.

Basicbrown Tue 17-May-16 07:29:45

Really sorry pretty much exactly the same thing happened to me 3 weeks ago except it was my mum and the holiday was the other end of the country sad

We were originally told that it might have been SAD (sudden adult death syndrome) but a friend who is a specialist cardiac nurse said it is highly unlikely you would get to 66 without noticing a single symptom. They then decided mum had a 'normal' heart attack as there was a blockage. I am booked in for a whole range of tests via GP including an ecg tomorrow. My BP tends to be a bit erratic tbh. At least we got an understandable reason in the end.

The shock is just indescribable though and a seemingly healthy/fit/happy person just dropping down dead is unfathomable and scary. It is only now that it is truly sinking in that mum is gone. Lots of love and flowers

doubleginplease Tue 17-May-16 19:29:17

I am so sorry basic brown. I totally understand this is a completely hellish time in this situation. I lost my dad 2 weeks ago on Thursday. It is incredibly scary.

My dads blood pressure was apparently a bit higher and he had slightly high cholesterol. I am 5 months pregnant at the moment so my BP is checked relatively regularly and if anything its slightly on the low side.

I spoke to the coroners officer on the phone and the way she said it was that he perhaps was sick (according to mum he ate a lot that morning and then went for a dog walk - he was complaining of ingestion) and then it went into his lungs. They have listed the hypertrophy as a second issue saying they dont think they are related. They haven't said anything about SAD. My DF did suffer from depression and anxiety so probably did have palpitations but these were during 'panic attacks'. I also suffer from A&D and get palpitations when i am stressed but its often when I'm having a panic attack.

1 GP said 'these things happen', the other said 'don't worry' and the 3rd GP said 'You could get an ECG...to be honest they don't really know what killed him do they?'. Just to clarify i haven't done the rounds of the GP surgeries, my DH has family members and friends who are GPs. I am planning to go and see mine on Thursday, the day after the funeral.

doubleginplease Tue 17-May-16 19:29:42

PS. Good luck with your ECG and tests at the GP

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