Partner and father of my 2 kids died 2 days ago

(24 Posts)
lyssie29 Tue 19-Apr-16 22:13:46

Hi, my partner who I've been with every single day for 5 years died 2 days ago. It was very sudden. He suffered from a brain haemorrhage. I was talking to him and then less than 5 minutes later he was gone. It's shocked me so much I don't know what to do with myself. We have 2 children aged 3 and 6 months and it breaks my heart to know they won't remember him. My 3 year old keeps asking for him and then says he's an angel now. I just can't believe it's all happened. 5 days ago we were all happy. He was an organ donor and his organs were perfectly healthy and he helped 4 people. He's a hero but I want him to walk through the door. Does it get any easier?

MummyBex1985 Tue 19-Apr-16 22:16:33

I'm so sorry.

My DM died in the same way at Christmas. Huge shock. She was also an organ donor.

It does get easier, day by day. The best thing you can do is listen to your body. If you need to sit and do nothing then do it. Eat when you can, even if you don't feel like it. Cry when you need to.

I hope you have some IRL support flowers

thatsn0tmyname Tue 19-Apr-16 22:18:49

How awful for you all. flowers

CurlyhairedAssassin Tue 19-Apr-16 22:22:15

I am so sorry.

You will be in shock. It won't seem real. It's natural to expect him to walk through the door at any time because it probably hasn't hit you yet that he is gone. At this point all you can do is keep on keeping on. And gather support and strength for when the shock is over and the sadness and anger starts.

flowers

toriap2 Tue 19-Apr-16 22:25:42

Oh lovey. i am so so sorry for your loss. All i can say is be kind to yourself, do whatever is best for you and your children xx

HumphreyCobblers Tue 19-Apr-16 22:26:29

I am so sorry for your loss.

EekBarbaraitsaDalek Tue 19-Apr-16 22:27:39

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourselves and your little ones. flowers

BusyCee Tue 19-Apr-16 22:37:16

How dreadful, you poor thing.

My DM died the same way and was also an organ donor. I still find that helps to be honest.

I remember that time fondly now. As painful as it was there was a purity to it that was like a white light. Searing and painful but clear and true too. I'm not sure I can explain it properly but the time I spent in the days afterwards, with the people who were most important to me, are some of the most precious.

I can't imagine how awful this must be for you. Please be kind to yourself. And patient. I'm sorry I can't say more to comfort you. My hand is on your shoulder.

QOD Tue 19-Apr-16 22:50:36

flowers

echt Wed 20-Apr-16 07:34:06

Many thanks, lyssie

Onekneemummy Wed 20-Apr-16 22:00:26

My husband died very suddenly three months ago tomorrow. We have a five year old little girl.
A really good organisation is a group called WAY (widowed and young). Also grief encounter have some really good information videos.
Sending support to you and your little
Ones.
Lean on people around you. It is the most surreal experience. Take each moment as it comes. Be selfish and be really kind to yourself.
Everyone will ask you to tell them what they can do to help. If you are like me, you won't know.
It may be useful to use a notebook and pen. I have little recollection of the initial days and weeks - they are just a blur. Making lists help me to keep track of what I need to do.
No real words of help except that the days will pass. My grief has been far from what I thought the norm was and I felt horribly guilty - I've learned to just let time pass and things will come when your body allows you to face things. Today, for example, was the first time I really felt that my husband was not coming home.
A really good book that helped me explain to my daughter is a book called "is daddy coming back in a minute". It really preempts some of the questions that children ask.
Sending so much love xx

BusyCee Wed 20-Apr-16 23:02:42

thanks

lyssie29 Fri 22-Apr-16 21:19:52

Thank you every one for your kinds words. I keep asking why him. He meant everything to me. He was an amazing dad and we were all really happy. I just want him back. I've been keeping myself busy through the day with the kids and my sister helps too but next week she'll be back at work and ill be on my own. I want to sort through his things but I don't at the same time because I want him to come back. Sounds silly because I know he's not coming back to me.

Rainbowqueeen Fri 22-Apr-16 21:34:08

So sorry lyssie

Wishing you strength

VilootShesCute Fri 22-Apr-16 21:35:35

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

BusyCee Sat 23-Apr-16 03:45:48

Lyssie. How are you? Did you start to look at his things? There's no imperative to 'do' or 'not do' anything. You're in the eye of the storm at the moment. Do as you wish -as you feel you want - to get you through. As entirely useless as this is, you're in my thoughts. thanks

WhingyNinja Sat 23-Apr-16 05:08:48

I'm so very sorry for your loss thanks

stopfuckingshoutingatme Mon 25-Apr-16 11:58:06

wow, what a complete and utter horrific shock. I cant even imagine- as not only are you grieving but you are now a single mother too.

I love the poster that said "my hand is on your shoulder"- as you just have to keep walking my lovely. and keep walking to keep you and your little ones going.

There will be a day when you laugh, and its not the first thing you think about - but that's going to be a while - so accept the fact that some days are like walking through tar

look after yourself and be selfish with your time
accept help when its offered
be kind to yourself, and do little things that are easy and make you smile

are you OK for money? has the death certificate and probate got sorted, or rather is in slowly getting sorted

sending strength

needanewjob Fri 29-Apr-16 20:44:33

We lost our seven year old daughter in very similar circumstances last year. One minute she was playing happily then she said her head hurt.... She helped 5 people by becoming an organ donor. I walked around in a daze for about six months and even now have moments where I almost expect her to pop her head round the door to ask me something. Be kind to yourself, it's an awful shock and you are having to cope with a crisis based trauma on top of your grief. Grief Encounter are amazing, they provided tons of support for our little boy who at 3 years old just wanted his big sister and best friend back. If your hospital had a grief counsellor please use them too. Our daughter died at QMC and we still use our counsellor regularly. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this x

stopfuckingshoutingatme Sat 30-Apr-16 21:43:49

Needanew flowers
And some
More flowers

There are no words - I hope your little boy is starting to heal

needanewjob Sat 30-Apr-16 22:10:57

Thank you stopfuckingshoutingatme it's been pretty shitty at times but our boy is our world. Things like this just bring home to us how important it is to live life.

lyssie29 Thu 05-May-16 17:09:07

Thank you for the kind replies. I have sorted through some of his things and slowly getting there. The mornings are the worst part for me as the kids are up really early and too early to go out so I end up sitting thinking about him and about the plans we had made. This means I end up in tears. I still constantly say to myself why him, why us. The doctor said he would have definitely had some sort of memory loss and headaches running up to it but he never said anything so I don't know if he did.

Needanewjob I hope your son is ok now. My daughter asks about her dad and sometimes says she wishes he could come home but doesn't get upset about it anymore.

needanewjob Thu 05-May-16 20:19:15

lyssie thank you, our little boy is doing a lot better now although he will always miss his sister (as do we) As the months go by we try to remember her in positive ways when we can, but there are still moments where I need some quiet time to grieve fully. Keep yourself busy but allow yourself to feel your sadness and collapse into it when you need to. My recollection of early grief was that I felt in physical pain, I couldn't eat or sleep or think. Logical thought escaped me and it was all I could do to care for my son. You have my utmost sympathy. Here if you want to talk.

QOD Fri 06-May-16 06:34:41

Needanewjob flowers

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