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Bereavement

Not sure what to do

5 replies

Sukistjames · 19/04/2016 21:26

I'm really hoping someone can give me some advice. My wonderful grandma passed away last week unexpectedly. I've been asked if I want to go to the funeral home to see her before the funeral and I'm not sure I can. I can barely keep it together as it is. For anyone who has done this did it help you deal with what had happened? What could I expect if I went?

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MummyBex1985 · 19/04/2016 22:07

I've been twice.

The first time was when I witnessed the death in awful circumstances. It helped bring closure, but was difficult.

The second time was after my grandma died. She looked beautiful and it felt strangely comforting.

Then my grandad passed. I didn't go to the chapel of rest. He was very poorly and frail and I didn't want to remember him like that.

My own personal view is that you won't regret going, but you might regret not going if that makes sense?

But if you have beautiful memories and don't need to go, then don't.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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MummyBex1985 · 19/04/2016 22:09

Oh and re what to expect - it depends.

She will be clothed and may have her hair and makeup done. There are usually flowers. It's quite peaceful and serene but eerie at the same time. She will be in an open coffin. You will be able to put things in the coffin if you want to.

She won't look like your grandma though. Her wrinkles will be ironed out and she will look more waxy. It's hard to describe.

Best of luck whatever you choose.

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Bananasandchocolatecustard · 19/04/2016 22:19

I saw my Dad, I wish I hadn't.

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Emptynestx2 · 19/04/2016 22:39

I saw my dad too, I was with him when he died but my brother wasn't so he asked to see him and I went with him. I think it helped my brother but to be honest I didn't feel any better (or worse) it just didn't seem like my dad. If you think it will help you come to terms with it then I would go but don't force yourself if you don't want to. My mum died the next year and I didn't go and I don't regret it.

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Sukistjames · 20/04/2016 11:24

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I think I will visit or I'll regret not going later. Just trying to find a reading for the funeral now.