My husband took his own life a week ago today

(36 Posts)
cocopops Fri 04-Mar-16 08:56:23

Not much to say really. I think today is going to be difficult for me and my daughter. It came out of the blue but at least he left a note explaining.

Any advice appreciated.

squaretoes Fri 04-Mar-16 09:11:28

I have no advice, but I couldn't leave you unanswered. Be kind to yourself, I can't imagine the pain. It's okay if you are still in the depths of it, it's okay to cry and feel angry or sad. I hope you have some RL support. Sending unmumsnetty hugs.x

cocopops Fri 04-Mar-16 10:30:57

Thank you Squaretoes.

ImperialBlether Fri 04-Mar-16 10:36:08

How awful for you and your daughter. It must have been a terrible shock. Are you getting any help at all?

dietstartsmonday Fri 04-Mar-16 10:38:49

Hi coco. I am 3 weeks down the line from my dad taking his own life. I have gone between upset angry and guilt all of which I am told is normal.
If you want to chat feel free to om me

Big hugs for you and your daughter

Edwardtherabbit Fri 04-Mar-16 10:44:29

So very sorry Coco. Keep talking if it helps you. Do you have good support? X

chipmonkey Fri 04-Mar-16 11:39:18

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry, how dreadful for you. Do you have friends and family around you?

cocopops Fri 04-Mar-16 16:09:00

I am getting lots of support- I have the most amazing group of friends who have rallied round me. My daughter is getting support at her school and we are looking into counselling for her (at her request),

I am taking it day by day but have had more tears today than normal. I think receiving so many sympathy cards and reading all the messages is so difficult. I haven't hit the angry stage yet but am sure it will come.

Edwardtherabbit Fri 04-Mar-16 18:02:11

So glad you are being supported X

OliviaStabler Fri 04-Mar-16 18:09:28

I am so very sorry flowers Glad you are being supported.

TheClacksAreDown Fri 04-Mar-16 18:10:31

I'm very sorry for your loss

APlaceOnTheCouch Fri 04-Mar-16 18:17:07

cocopops I'm so sorry flowers Be gentle with yourself. If the cards are upsetting then put them away. You don't need to read them now (or ever if you don't want to). Do whatever feels right for you.

HaroldandMadge Fri 04-Mar-16 18:20:30

So sorry for your loss flowers

cocopops Fri 04-Mar-16 20:29:48

Thanks everyone. Have just been out to pizza express with a friend to pass a couple of hours. That was nice. I have to get up tomorrow to take my daughter to a sports event- her dad normally took her so it will be bittersweet.

The funeral will take place at the end of next week- lots to do before then but just hope I don't lose it after that when life around me goes back to normal...

WLmum Fri 04-Mar-16 20:34:20

So sorry coco and diet. It must be unimaginably hard. I'm so so sorry.

Fatrascals Fri 04-Mar-16 20:42:01

flowers so sorry for you.
I have no experience of such loss. My gut feeling is...be gentle with yourself , go slow and just take one step and day at a time. For you and your daughter this must be a surreal time. Don't necessarily try to understand. Just look after yourselves.

DancingDinosaur Sat 05-Mar-16 19:51:22

I'm so sorry about your dh. It is very hard. I lost my dh 7 months ago. Come and join WAY. (Widowed and young.) you have to pay to join but the support is worth every penny and more.

Southernlassie Sat 05-Mar-16 19:53:46

Do you want to tell us about him? Or you daughter.

Please know you are strong, and supported.

Nullipara Sat 05-Mar-16 19:57:50

sadthanksbrew

stumblymonkey Sat 05-Mar-16 20:04:28

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. How are you feeling today?

thanks

Strictly1 Sat 05-Mar-16 20:05:47

I'm so sorry. As others have said be kind to yourself. My brother did this - it's a different type of grief in my experience. I questioned, questioned and questioned some more - swinging erratically from guilt to anger. That was seven years ago and I still think about the choice he made lots but I can also think about him too which I struggled to in the early days where the focus was his choice of exit of this world. Take care xxx

thefourgp Sat 05-Mar-16 20:06:40

Sobs are a support group for people who have been bereaved by suicide. They have a national helpline you can call and speak to someone when you need to talk (a bit like the Samaritans). They also run local support groups you can attend when you feel up to it. Get someone at the citizens advice bureau to go through all your finances with you e.g. What are you entitled to, Did he have life insurance, Will his employer pay you his pension etc. You may want to get a memory box (big empty wooden box/chest) for your daughter so she can keep anything that reminds her of her dad e.g. His aftershave, special photos, favourite tie etc. Keep talking about him lots and remember there's no wrong thing to say or wrong way to feel. Your feelings will be all over the place for a long time to come especially the first e.g. First Christmas without him. Things will get better and you will start to find the small joys in life again. Xx

NerrSnerr Sat 05-Mar-16 20:16:17

I'm so sorry for your loss. Winston's Wish were brilliant for advice for my nephew when my sister took her own life.

cocopops Sun 06-Mar-16 20:32:43

Thanks ladies. Sobs and Winstons Wish are 2 that I've been looking into. Winstons wish had a good item on its website which my DD had focused on- a memory box. That helped her tremendously in the first few days, putting that together.

I have had a busy weekend running DD here and there and seeing friends. I have one particular friend who has been a tower of strength and we popped up to see her- people absolutely astound you sometimes don't they?

There have been a few tears but it has mainly been positive, remembering dad. The funeral is at the end of this week and I am dreading that. I think it will be really busy and all I can think about is my best friends not being able to get a seat. Seeing the minister tomorrow to work out the order of service and then I have to register the death on Tuesday. The funeral directors dropped off the death certificate yesterday- haven't been able to open it yet as I'm afraid what it will say (which I know sounds crazy!).

AnthonyBlanche Tue 08-Mar-16 18:52:50

Oh you poor thing coco. I lost someone to suicide a few years ago - it is incredibly tough. I'm so pleased your friends are rallying round. And I promise it does get better.

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