How can I help my friend whose DH is dying?

(8 Posts)
namechange7711 Sun 24-Jan-16 15:58:01

He's young. It's all happened quickly and he's in a hospice now.sad

What can I do to help? Other than just reaching out and telling her I'm here for her. I feel there must be practical things I could be helping with, but don't know what they are. She has family with her now, so has help with food shopping and the DCs etc.

KittyandTeal Sun 24-Jan-16 16:04:18

Regular words to let her know your thinking of her?

Depends on your relationship but after I lost dd2 I was off work and detached from the world for a good few weeks. I have a friend who I have a good relationship with but it's based on silliness and our mutual weird sense of humour. Instead of the normal 'thinking of you' messages she sent me a hilarious daily report of the goings on at work. It was really light hearted and funny and lifted my mood for a while every day.

I know it sounds odd but I'll always remember those messages as helping me feel a bit more normal in a really intense time. Like I said it really depends on her and your relationship. My friend knew me well enough to know I wouldn't think her insensitive (although I'm sure a few others thought she was)

Borninthe60s Sun 24-Jan-16 16:06:23

Cook a couple of meals that can be easily earned up avid are a meal in one like lasagne or a casserole. Pick kids up from school or have them over. Do the ironing. Do it. Don't offer. It'll help all concerned. Run her to hospice. Treat her to a hair cut/manicure. Make sure she gets a bit of me time.

MayhemandMadness Sun 24-Jan-16 16:16:37

I think it will be more needed once the funeral is done, the time when things/people try to get back to normal. Lots of people will be offeri g to cook, shop etc

She will have to find a new normal, so I would make sure that once or twice a week, you offer to spend an evening with her - meal out, meal in, pictures - just make it regular, it will give her the option to talk about things.

namechange7711 Sun 24-Jan-16 16:59:11

Thanks. Lots of helpful ideas.

cantbelieveImquittingcoffee Mon 25-Jan-16 20:37:56

My sister lost her DH when she was pregnant with DC3 with no warning, he died one morning of a heart attack. The friends who really made a difference were the ones who rallied round and immediately visited, made cups of tea, had the older 2 DCs over to play, offered to help with funeral catering, looked after practical details that the family couldn't handle because we were all in complete shock. She is going to need good friends around here, don't be afraid to just BE there even if you feel like there's nothing you can do to take away her pain.

daisychain01 Thu 28-Jan-16 22:14:21

A text to say you're thinking of her, a saucepan of homemade soup to make sure she's taking in nutrition, a little card in the post to say hi, are things that would help her

I think the important thing is to keep things going for quite some time. Probably the most common phenomenon in bereavement is that everyone, with all good intentions, pay a lot of attention for the first month or too but then get back to their lives. If you can sustain that emotional care for longer, depending on your friend's needs, you will be helping her more than you'll know.

Tiggy78 Thu 28-Jan-16 22:19:45

some good suggestions there.

I agree with mayhemandmadness too - be there for her afterwards. My DH died two years ago and only two friends made a big effort to keep in touch and visit with me w s the kids (funnily enough not people I was particularly close to while DH was alive).
It was after the funeral when people went back to their lives that I really needed a shoulder to lean on.

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