friends' baby died

[sphinxster]

We're on our way to our friends' baby's burial.

He was 53 days old and passed away on New Year's Day. He was born at 32 weeks with a kidney problem and had surgery. He was recovering and doing well. He was discharged and spent Christmas at home. He got an infection and had multiple organ failure due to septic shock.

Me and his mother were pregnant together, our babies were both premature and in nicu. We went through it all together. We introduced our babies to each other.

I don't know what I want from posting here... Support, advice? It's so horrific.

[OllyBJolly]

How very awful for them and for you. The pain must be terrible - and difficult for you to enjoy your own baby knowing of their heartbreaking loss.I think it's immensely brave of you going to the funeral.

I can't think of anything to say that would be at all helpful. I hope today is not too difficult and brings some comfort to the parents and family.

I am so sorry.

[cathpip]

My dd died of septic shock, it's very hard to pick up by drs and with children kills so quickly. Sepsis as it is known is the uks 2nd biggest killer, not that this will be any comfort I know. I am so very sorry for your friends loss and hope that today is not to horrific. Xx

[sphinxster]

Thank you for responding.

We live overseas and the procedures that they've gone through are horrid. My husband sorted all the admin to get his body released, ridiculous bureaucracy with little humility. They weren't allowed near his body after he passed away and then at the graveside they just opened his coffin.

Cathpip: I'm so sorry for the loss of your dd. I know everyone grieves differently but do you have any advice on what you'd have appreciated from friends during the early stages of your grief.

[cathpip]

My dh completely shut down and I went into auto pilot, we had two other boys aged 5 and 10 days old. I would find myself fine one minute and then inconsolable the next and this could be anywhere. Talking is good esp to other bereaved parents, it helps knowing your not alone, also talking to each other about everything no matter how painful, they have just had the worst thing in the world happen to them, nothing else is going to be any worse. Also for you remembering with them, I had a lovely lady in the village give me a bottle of my favourite wine a few months later just with the words you and Pippa are never forgotten, it helped on what was a bad day. I lived in a fog for months but every so often the clouds would lift and I would have a good day and then feel guilty because I smiled and how dare I do that. Please guide her to this website, there is a thread for bereaved parents we are very friendly and understand and believe me it's a great place to vent, I think one of my posts read "apart from you lovely ladies, everyone else today can fuck off" . Counselling is also very good if you find the right person, I was told that child deaths can take around 10 weeks till the enormity of what happens sinks in, they were right the first bit is utter shock. Xx