Bereaving my family?

(6 Posts)
mamapoppins23 Fri 01-Jan-16 23:58:50

Hi all MNs, I wasn't sure where to put this. I thought about mental health but that didn't feel quite right and although they haven't died. It feels like they have. This might sound strange and long.

My parents neglected me as a child throughout to being eighteen. My Dad was very physically abusive towards me, and whilst I have no memories of my Father hurting my Mother. Sadly it wouldn't surprise me. When I was eighteen I left home, I ran away and experienced homelessness. I hadn't developed properly due to neglect and am only really catching up on some stuff now. Social services were involved as they finally realised about my Dad. However my Father was not charged because of a lack of evidence and I was too old to be considered a child by the law. Through this, my Father made himself out to be a saint. I lost all of my family. All of my family disowned me at eighteen. At one point I tried to reconcile but it ended up in tears.
Fast forward to now. I am now 23 and feel very proud of how far I have come. I am 12 weeks pregnant and have thankfully a new family on the way. 😊 I have a lovely man who loves and cares for me very much. I am no longer homeless and am volunteering and in college. However despite all of the nasty stuff that happened and that my family has done. I still miss them very very much. My mother completely left me to starve and I still miss her. Emotionally I feel torn as there were good memories with my Mum but what she did To me hurts much more. Being pregnant, I'm feeling more and more maternal and becoming motherly as the weeks progress which is making these old feelings bubble up. I feel angry because she wasn't there and how can you do that to a child? And the other feelings make me angry with myself. I get very jealous of people my age or a bit younger who still have their Mum to look up to. I don't mean to.It is something that tears me apart everyday. I have moved forward loads but it still hurts everyday. I'm scared these feelings will never resolve. It feels a bit like a
Lump or a hole in my heart that never goes away. Bereavement feels like the closest resemblance and I really want to stop crying over this so I can focus on being a new mother. Thank you.

toriap2 Sat 02-Jan-16 06:24:38

I am so sorry to hear your mum was so rubbish and your feelings are natural now you are expecting. Congratulations in the new baby. Could you talk to your midwife or HV to arrange counselling? That might help you to look forward and resolve the past. you have come so far and should be really proud of yourself and all you have achieved.

mamapoppins23 Sat 02-Jan-16 15:26:48

Yes I'm in counselling and again I've moved forward lots. Thank you for being understanding. It's frustrating because I keep talking about it every now and again.

toriap2 Sun 03-Jan-16 08:10:00

Talk as much as you need. It is better to talk about it than hold it in and worry. Glad you are in counselling and your DP sounds lovely.

Dontbesilly Sun 03-Jan-16 22:49:32

Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the way you were treated, it's so heartbreaking to hear you describe your past.

I think that you should be absolutely proud of yourself for making a new life with your partner and all you have achieved and I wish you all the happiness in the world with your new baby.

I think everything you describe is a normal reaction to your past. Your going to be a mum and your hormones and natural instincts will kick in. I just feel for you when you grieve the relationship with your mum and see others your age with their mums. On the other hand you have a wonderful time ahead of you to create the most memorable and wonderful memories with your own child and new family.

Good luck with the future and every day be proud of yourself!!! flowers

mamapoppins23 Mon 04-Jan-16 21:09:45

Thank you toriapa and don'tbesilly, I just wish I could forget about it. I hate it when I get jealous of others Parents. It was worse when I was teenager but I'm learning better how to deal with it now I'm a bit older. My counsellor told me it's because traditionally when a daughter becomes a new mother, her Mother is usually there to be her biggest support. I even get jealous of older friends family (women who are old enough to be my Mum) which can be heartbreaking. My counsellor told me that although I can never get my Mum back or be treated the way I deserve to be treated that I can still have maternal figures in my life. I've had a lot of support from various charities, social services, teachers and organisations to get on my feet and I doubt I would be here without them. Oh my DP is a star, he cares and gives me all the love in the world, has really encouraged and supported me to be more confident and outgoing. I still have a lot of frightening nightmares about running away and bad stuff and can wake up crying, if I'm with DP, he always comforts me. I just don't want this to be something I'm still thinking about twenty years later xx

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