3months I miss you mum

(16 Posts)
MrsmummyWright Thu 10-Sep-15 19:09:24

How can 3 1/2 months feel like forever yet feel like yesterday?

My mum died suddenly in her sleep
She wasn't ill nothing just gone

Before she went to bed she and my sister were having a lovely heart to heart conversation.
She had plans the next day to take my two boys out for the day and then that was it she was gone

I haven't seen her since FOUR days befor she died and that not ok I can't deal with that 193 days since I last saw my mother 193 days since I last spoke to her told her I loved her and that I would see her on Wednesday only that never happened and I can't cope with that.

How can a 43 yr old woman go to bed and not get up? How does that happen?

I feel like I can't breath like I'm drowning in misery. I feel like crying 24/7 I have a constant ache in my chest that just won't leave. I try to be strong for my boys but it so hard.
I rarely leave the house because I can't bare to see the world going on normally and that's not fair on my kids I know that I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry this is so long but I just really need to get this all out

ConfusedInBath Thu 10-Sep-15 21:28:40

Oh you poor thing. I'm so sorry. A sudden unexpected death is so hard to accept.

Could you talk to your GP and ask about counselling?

MrsmummyWright Thu 10-Sep-15 21:38:12

I probably should I just don't feel I could if you know what I mean I know it'll get easier it's just so hard she was our everything even if we didn't always get on we are a close family for the most part

ninniepie Thu 10-Sep-15 21:39:03

flowers I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

My mum died unexpectedly 2 years ago. It was awful. The months after her death were so hard.

There's no time to grieve beforehand when someone dies suddenly. Not having a chance to say goodbye is devastating.

You will never stop missing your mum and your grief will never get any smaller. But your life around that grief will get bigger and things will get easier.

Take your time and be kind to yourself.

Hassled Thu 10-Sep-15 21:49:50

I think unexpected deaths are just so hard to process - please see someone about bereavement counselling - google Cruse. It would help enormously.

Do your boys look like your mum at all? I hope you'll find that there will be a look or a smile or a comment from them and you'll realise your mum isn't ever that far away - that's helped me enormously. Now I'm past the age my mum was when she died, I see her again sometimes when I pass a mirror - it's nice. It will get easier to manage the grief, I promise - it doesn't ever really go away, but you just learn to cope with it and it won't stop you being happy again. But it's going to take time and you'll need some help - have a look at Cruse.

MrsmummyWright Thu 10-Sep-15 23:00:30

@hassled I will have a look at cruse thank you they don't look anything like my side of the family ( if wasn't for the scar I have is be pretty there weren't mine ha ha) but I do which is strange for me right now

Thank you @ninniepie that little bit at the d about life getting bigger is a little comforting thank you x

Chocqueen99 Thu 24-Sep-15 01:41:31

I totally understand where you're coming from when something awful happens time goes all strange. My mum committed suicide at age 44 2 years ago. The shock of that suddenness is horrific and so hard to deal with , I cried everyday for months. But it does get a lot easier. You should try cruse if u can I've been going ever since & it has helped me a lot.

deeedeee Sat 03-Oct-15 08:55:22

I lost my mum six months ago. Much love and empathy to you.

One thing that has helped me is this analogy.

Losing your mum is like walking into a new ocean. At first you are continually hit by the breaking waves crashing into you, it's hard to keep on your feet, you're constantly fighting to stay above water. But slowly you learn the Rythym of the waves. And as you get used to them, and you learn to hold your breath or jump or swim through them. That doesn't mind that when the wind suddenly changes or the current goes another way that you won't get knocked off your feet again, and taking back to shore. It will be hard, but eventually you'll get through the breakers, because you have to keep going.
Then past the breakers the waves become more predictable with bigger spaces. You have more warning, you can see the big ones coming. And sometimes they'll still go over your head and you'll suddenly be drowning again, but you'll learn if you let the wave pass without fighting it too much, you'll eventually float back to the surface.

And of course out in the open water there will be storms. Sometimes they'll rise up out of nowhere and you'll be fighting to keep afloat. But for the most part you'll learn to float. Not quite plain sailing, as you'll always have the knowledge that you're never going to be able to leave this ocean, your life has irrevocably changed. But despite yearning for dry land, you make a new aquatic life and when the light hits the water and sparkles sometimes you can appreciate how beautiful the sea can be.

tilliebob Sat 03-Oct-15 13:16:16

You poor love - such a sudden loss is a huge thing to get your head around. I have no wise words but I needed to post and say I'm thinking of you thanks

hollieberrie Tue 06-Oct-15 21:51:18

So sorry for your loss. My mum had a sudden brain haemorrhage and passed away last year. She'd been out that day with a friend and had been chatting like normal, then suddenly she was gone.

Its so hard and my heart goes out to you. A year on and i am coping a bit better, so it will slowly get easier i promise. Counselling has helped me a bit - even if its just an hour to weep and wail. Definitely give it a try if you can.

deedee, i love that analogy. Im going to text it to my friend who recently lost her mum too.

Mrsmummywright Thu 22-Oct-15 12:07:05

@deedee that a lovely way to look at it thank you.

I'm still struggling to deal with her loss but it's getting a little easier I still can't through a day with feeling like I want cry but it not constant feeling good anymore although I still have the ache in my chest but I don't think that will ever leave just typing my original post helped a little. Christmas is going to be hard and I'm really not looking forward to it as it will be the first Christmas in my 27 years of life where I haven't spent it with my mother.

I know I'll get through this

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 31-Oct-15 00:26:15

MummyWright. I am so sorry. I lost mum on Thursday, and although a heart wrenching shock. It was expected. It would be been a complete miracle had she survived but in the realms of grief you believe in those miracles don't you. You have to something to believe in.
But at least I had the chance to say goodbye to my mum and like I said it was expected but my heart aches for you. No warning and no chance to say goodbye. Life can be so so cruel, not to mention very very short.
X

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 31-Oct-15 00:30:06

Also 3.5 months is no time at all.

Hjb2410 Fri 01-Jan-16 21:24:57

I noticed your post and couldn't not leave a message.
My mum passed away very suddenly 23/12/14, she went for an afternoon nap and sadly didn't wake up. She was 54 years old.
I didn't get the chance to have a final conversation with her that day as I had been at work, I could t say goodbye because it was too late. I'm a year on and I still struggle. I still imagine that day like it happened yesterday, be kind to yourself, surround yourself with those you trust and can count on. Message me if you like (I might not be much help but it does help if someone has been through something similar) xx

Mabel80 Mon 18-Jan-16 20:04:41

My mother died suddenly six months ago. I have found that an unexpected and sudden death complicates the grieving process so much because there was no preparation and you are left with so many what if's. Also he shock of I all sops you actually grieving for a good while. Is utterly shit. x

Sophia2703 Mon 26-Sep-16 03:40:49

My mum died the same way,she was sleeping when my dad heard a little voice,at first he thought it was our dog but soon he realized my mum was making that voice.He cried out her name.i sat there crying out her name also,we sisters ran off to our neighbours to get some help,the only thing I saw was she first cried a little then she was still,my dad tried to do pcr on her.Soon she was taken to the hospital,where they declared that she Is dead.it was unexpected because she wasn't Ill,not even a single disease.She told me she'll go to the hospital with me as I was having a very high fever.It has been 18 days and I still wish that I am living in a very bad nightmare.

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