Mum is moving to a hospice

[Oly5]

You may remember me from this thread. You all helped me so much

• Tips for dealing with the last months of mum's life
  

Mum is moving to a hospice this week. It is so sad and so final. We have said our goodbyes and our prayers and are just waiting for the inevitable. She is waiting too. It's very hard.

[YellowDinosaur]

I'm so very sorry to hear this. It must be an awful kind of limbo, with part of you wanting the end to come soon to minimise her suffering, yet a part of you desperate for as much time with her as possible. Sending you hugs and support x

[lazysummer]

I am so sorry. My mum was in the same boat a couple of months ago, but ended up staying in the hospital instead. Hospices can be lovely environments, and hopefully you will be able to spend some more of her precious time with her. It is very hard, but I hope it is a peaceful time for your mum and the family.

[BackforGood]

Whereas it is sad to know the end may be near, when my Mum moved into the hospice, it was so much better than she had been for the previous weeks. She was so well cared for, and felt so loved, and we were able to spend time just 'being' with her. I hope all hospices are as lovely as my Mum's was - they are peaceful places rather than sad.

[Oly5]

Thank you, all your comments help so much

[Sioned11]

How are things, Oly5 ?

I, too, have been where you are. This is such a hard time for you, your mum, your family. I'm sure that while these days are so difficult - I well remember the almost physical pain, as well as emotional, that I went through in my mum's last months, including a period spent in a hostel.

But I also remember the healing, nurturing principles and practices of the hospice and for all of us, mum included of course, this was really powerful and important.

As you care for your mum, care also for yourself! to you all x

[Oly5]

Thank you, we are still waiting for a hospice bed. I'm hoping we will get there as I hear they are wonderful places. It's such a sad time, I'm heartbroken but trying to drink up every last minute with her. She is not in pain and we are very grateful for that. Thank you for asking

[Sioned11]

All the best - hope your mum gets her place soon/at the right time for her. And that you find the hospice care gentle, purposeful, kind - that's certainly my experience and that of very, very many people.

It's great that your mum isn't in pain.

Take care.

[drivingmisspotty]

Hi Oly. This thread popped up in my active convos and I just wanted to send you a virtual hug as we are going through this at the moment too. My Mum is still at home but will probably go into the hospice soon, if they have space. Thoughts and prayers (if you go in for prayers) with you and your family too

[whatisforteamum]

Hi Oly 5 this is so difficult for you and i fear we will be where you are with my lovely Dad sooner than later.It is so hard to watch the deterioration of our parents isnt it ?Thinking of you on this journey no one wants to be on

[Oly5]

ThAnk you for your lovely messages. We moved to the hospice yesterday. It is lovely but I did bawl my eyes out after we entered. There's no coming back from this is there? It's very final once you step through the doors.
I can't believe my lovely mum is going to die. She's only mid-60s. I know i should be grateful that I've had her this long but it's very hard to say goodbye to somebody you love so much.
My heart goes out to you all in a similar situation x

[ilovevenice]

I really feel for you. We were where you are a year or so ago and although it was the worst few weeks, the hospice was amazing and meant that Mum was as comfortable as possible. All of us, grandchildren included, could spend really valuable time with her in a peaceful environment, and we were all confident she was in good hands (after a stressful few weeks of her and Dad not coping well at home). So glad your mother is not in pain and I am sure they will look after her (and you) brilliantly though it is a hard road. to you.

[FujimotosElixir]

Im so very sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you all

[Oly5]

Thank you all. We are near the end and I feel sort of panicky about her being gone forever. Did any of you feel like this? Almost like you're wondering what can be done to prolong their life/change things. I know nothing can be done but I'm just not ready to say goodbye. I guess you never are..

[tametempo]

Hello Oly
I recently lost my mum very rapidly. She only got to the hospice for a few hours and then passed away. All I wish was that I told her I loved her so much more.
Hugs to you. x

[Procrastinatingpeacock]

Hi Oly. I posted on your earlier thread. So sorry things have reached this stage. In answer to your question I actually found that in the lead up to her death I wasn't too focused on her being gone forever. It's only since she has been dead for a few months that I am starting to feel that much more keenly.

In fact, awful as it sounds, I spent most of her last 48 hours wishing for her to die as she was just a shell of my mother and I wanted her suffering (and, selfishly, mine too) to be over.

This is obviously very different from what you are feeling! But there is no right or wrong and everyone processes their loss in their own way.

I wish you and your family strength at such a sad time.

[Oly5]

Thanks procrastinating. We're not in the very final hours yet and I can actually imagine feeling the way you did. Suffering - for everyone - is horrible. I am pretty sure most people just want those final hours to be over. Losing a parent is awful. Thank you so much for all your support guys xxxx

[Procrastinatingpeacock]

Just reread my message and wanted to reassure you - although I said "her suffering" I don't actually think she was in pain or discomfort. It was just clear that her life had run its course, although she was still young. Her meds were very well managed by her doctor, as I'm sure your mum's will be too at the hospice. X

[Oly5]

They are, she is comfortable. Thank you