Birthday blues - missing my late mum

[mamhaf]

This is just to get things off my chest. It's my birthday, I'm in work and feel just dreadful. My mother died of cancer last autumn at the age of 58 after suffering cancer for the preceding two years. I was with her (and my dad) at the end, and while it was a comfort in some ways that we fulfilled her wish to die at home, it was also an absolute nightmare to see her like that - a shadow of the vibrant, creative person she was who we all expected to be around for much longer. I keep having repeated nightmares about her - dreams in which she's there, but ill or dying and I know that in fact she's really dead, but she's telling me she's not or that she's going to live (which is the way she was, she fought until the end and was audibly praying to be able to live). Although it's only been a few months, anniversaries like today - ie a day that she used to make a real fuss of me, or mother's day when I would make a fuss of her, are so hard to cope with. I'm having counselling, and that's been a help - and my dds and dh are a constant joy and comfort. My mil and dil also died within the last 2 years - they were in their 80s - its just been a really tough time which I guess there's no easy solution to. Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now that I've written some of it down, and I'm looking forward to going for a massage later today - just wish I could stop feeling so tearful.

[popsycal]

mamhaf
my grandfather died in november and it would have been his 85th birthday today
i know how you feel
hugs

[wilbur]

mamhaf - hugs to you. It's so tough to have lost your mother and I really feel for you today. My mother died 7 years ago but there are still days when it feels like yesterday. I know what you mean about distressing dreams - I had a lot about my mother and since my father died last summer, I ma doing it all over again. Some days I am appalled by the things my subconscious has come up with. Hang on in there, have a good cry when you can and keep going with the counselling, I'm sure it will help. Take care. xxx

[jmg1]

mamhaf, My thoughts are with you my Mother died of cancer in March last year, also age 58. My sister died in January last year and my beloved partner in December 2002. I have three gorgeous children - thats how I cope!

[mamhaf]

Jmg1, you've had a really tough time - thanks for answering, and thanks to everyone else. I feel back on balance today - the aromatherapy massage was a big help and we had a lovely evening out.