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Bereavement

My baby son 'Bertie' died on the 8.11 - heartbroken

202 replies

rahrah1 · 16/11/2006 11:06

Hi all, I have used mumsnet through my pregnany, and gave birth to my baby son when he was only 24 weeks. I had a very troublesome pregnany and my membranes broke at 23 weeks. At 24 weeks they induced as I was having big bleeds from the placenta, had a strep b and there was no fluid around the baby. Therefore the consultant felt it was the safe option to give everyone the best chance to deliver. I had bleeding throughout my pregnancy and was in and out of hospital. But at no point could they do anything. The whole experience has been truely traumatic and we really had hoped that our little son would make it. When he was born he was taken to neo-natal and showed lots of good signs. But it soon became obvious that he was going to suffer long term damage if we kept him ventilated, due to the immaturity of his lungs. We had made a decision with the doctors that if he was to become disabled through treatment then we would end his suffering. We took him off the ventilator after 6hrs. I feel every inch of my body aching for him, as he was so perfect... but my body just let him down. He was a good weight of 710grams and was perfect in every way. He tried to cry, gripped on to his ventilator...held our hands, we tickled his feet and he reacted... he brought me more pleasure than anything else in this world. He is also our first born and I'm not sure how I am going to move on. When all my friends and relatives are here Im ok, but as soon as they leave I breakdown and cry until it really hurts. The funeral is soon and everyone will be getting back to their normal lifes...when I am stuck in a spiral of what ifs and what should of been. God I miss him so much.....

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ImaVeryMerryChristmasFairy · 16/11/2006 11:08

Oh love, my heart goes out to you.

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beckybrastraps · 16/11/2006 11:09

Other people will offer more effective and knowledgable support, but all I can say is that I'm so sorry for you and your family.

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dinosaur · 16/11/2006 11:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

NomDePlume · 16/11/2006 11:11

Oh rahrah, how very sad

Have you been in touch with SANDS ?

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FireFaerie · 16/11/2006 11:11

Oh hun, My thoughts are with you.

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Tutter · 16/11/2006 11:12

i am so so sorry

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MascaraOHaraIncredibleSheHulk · 16/11/2006 11:13

I have no words.. I am so sorry for your loss and suffering.

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sandcastles · 16/11/2006 11:13

I am so sorry for your loss

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AnguaVonUberwald · 16/11/2006 11:13

Just had to post and say my thoughts are with you. . He sound beautiful.

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northerner · 16/11/2006 11:14

Oh rahrah, God only knows what you are going through. To deliver a beautiful baby, touch him and feel him only to have him taken far far too early. My heart goes out to you and your family.

There are mums on here who have also sufferred the tragic loss of a baby, I'm sure they'll be along soon.

Take care.
xx

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WigWamBam · 16/11/2006 11:16

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you both have plenty of support to get through the next few weeks and months.

Would second NDP's advice to speak to SANDS - their website is here .

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fireflyfairy2 · 16/11/2006 11:16

My goodness, My heart just broke for you No words can bring him back.. If you would like to get in touch with a friend of mine who lost her baby daughter soon after birth, I can forward your details.. she will know your grief and it may help to talk to someone who has been through the same? The offer is there.

Take each day at a time rahrah and remember you were blessed to have carried him and to have know him, he will have touched your life in a very special way.

My SIL lost her baby Nathan shortly after birth, it is the hardest thing I have ever seen them go through My thoughts are with you and your dh, be there for each other.

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bossykate · 16/11/2006 11:18

so very, very, very sorry

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rahrah1 · 16/11/2006 11:19

I have contacted Tommy's as they do research into pregnancy complications as I really want to know what happened and why there was no medical help for us... except for keep your legs crossed on most occasions. We are having all donations instead of flowers for the funeral go to Tommys and i'm arranging a charity event with some friends... so I can send money in to Tommys in his memory.

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morningpaper · 16/11/2006 11:19

so very sorry rahrah

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flamesparrow · 16/11/2006 11:20

Oh sweetheart

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prettymum · 16/11/2006 11:21

im so sorry {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

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aDadOnMumsnet · 16/11/2006 11:22

How awful. I'm really sorry to hear that.

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rahrah1 · 16/11/2006 11:27

Thanks for the offer Fireflyfairy2, It has actually amazed me how common the lose of a baby is. I have a beavement midwife and my normal midwife that I have been speaking to and have an appointment with my consultant to discuss what happened and if I can progress onto another pregnancy. I think I am just angry at the moment that he was taken from me. It may help emailing your friend... it would be nice if you could forward their details, as long as they do not mind. Thanks X

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GreenLumpyTonsilsAgain · 16/11/2006 11:28

I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you must be going through. I am lighting a candle for you.

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rahrah1 · 16/11/2006 11:29

I'm logging off now, as we have to go and find a venue for after the funeral, but will be back on later for those details... thanks all for your support and it is a comfort to speak about him and for others to think about him too. Thank you XX

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Bugsy2 · 16/11/2006 11:32

I am so very sorry rahrah. Give yourself time to grieve. Thinking of you.

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Paddlechick666 · 16/11/2006 11:33

so so sad to hear of your loss.

my thoughts and love are with you and your family at this difficult time.

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emmatom · 16/11/2006 11:37

I can only begin to imagine your pain and loss.

I hope time and good support from those around you will help in some way. x

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Marina · 16/11/2006 11:44

rahrah, I'm so, so sorry that Bertie died. My second son Tom was stillborn prematurely at 22 weeks some years ago, my heart goes out to you.
I found SANDS so helpful, WWB has posted their link.
But I am so pleased to see you have a bereavement midwife - not all hospitals fund posts like this. I hope she will be a huge source of support and kindness to you at this dreadful time, mine was.
I hope you will also experience the sensitive, caring approach we had from our undertakers.
Organising our son's funeral was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do, but I am so glad I did do it. It is your chance to say goodbye to Bertie and show the world how much you loved your son.
Although we don't often look at them now, the photos and mementoes of Tom such as his hospital notes, his scan photos and order of service, plus all the lovely cards and letters we received, are kept in a special box and knowing they are there is a comfort.
We also have a tree for him in our back garden, and there is a piccolo organ pipe dedicated in his name at one of England's loveliest cathedrals.
Doing something special in Bertie's name (we are Tommy's supporters too) could help you a lot, which is why I have shared some of the things we did.
Sending you lots of love XXX

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