Late partners Mother.......

[jmg1]

My Partner and Mother of our three children is dead. I do not get on with her Mother at all and she says many things that really irritate me but more importantly some things that I think are not good for the children.
For example she lives about 30 miles away but she told the children that she can hear what they say at all times even when she is at home!
Today my son said that she told him that Mummy is the boss. I agree with talking about their Mother to them but I think to say she is the boss (when she is dead) is a stupid thing to say. I don't want the children to become confused about what is factual and what is crap. These are just two examples of the things she says that I think are foolish and not neccesary.
These are other examples of some of her comments:
'You can?t spoil children'
'Children are there for you to mould into what you want them to be'
(after I mentioned I was looking for an au pair to help) 'be careful she might murder your children'
'If you die I will have three dogs and three children to look after'
'I wanted her to be perfect, she almost was'
'All stepmothers are evil, are you looking for a wife'
I mentioned that some people have said that I have done well looking after the children, running business and dealing with grief etc. she said ?you get single Mothers with four kids, who go to work every day and they do alright?
I said ?I haven?t come across anyone in that situation do you know anyone who is?
she said ?No, but you see it on TV?

Am I being too serious about these things?

[willow2]

No, she sounds like an absolute witch.

[Janh]

She sounds like a very dangerous woman, actually, jmg - seriously - and I think it would be good for your children to distance yourself from her as much as you can.

I know grandparents can be a huge boon in ordinary circumstances, could be even more so in yours, but this one really isn't.

[KatieB]

You poor thing. She sounds like she's grieving, but it's not fair of her to take it out on you. Could you tell her that you don't like many of the things she says?

If this isn't an option (and I can imagine it might not be because of what it might trigger in her - maybe you too?), I agree with Janh - distance yourself - at least for a while.

[kiwisbird]

I know you are trying to balance the fact that she has lost her daughter alongside your grief too...
Time for some distance, imagined or real, she is negative and undermining the truly amazing job you have done with your gorgeous kids.
My mum is as potty as an over subscribed ceramics night class, my son knows this and has always taken every nutty thing she has ever said with a huge grain of salt... She is still batty patty and revels in this role now...
Your kids will know you tell the truth and Granny is potty...