Is he definitely going to die? If you don't mind me asking that (because you have posted in bereavment). I somehow found the strength to get through the funeral without a tear, but sobbed all the way home (two hour journey). My stalwart coper of an older brother went completely to pieces, even drove right through a red light on the way to the funeral, and somehow that made me pull it together and stay detatched enough to be strong for him and my (frail, elderly) Mum. Organising the funeral was tough, but in unexpected ways. I was fine choosing the coffin, but heartbroken by one little comment from my little dd. Honestly it is just very unpredictable just how and when grief will hit. My only advice is to be as kind to yourself as you can right now, and take any support offered. Look after your own health (I came down with very nasty kidney infection a month after my Dad died, which is apparently not uncommon). Try and rest up when you can, book things to look forward to in the future, like a weekend away or a little treat, eat well and spend time with friends who make you feel cared for and don't drag you down. Losing a parent is a huge shock and rocks you in very fundamental ways, so treat yourself very gently. I wish you strength and support.